Back to gaming

I've taken a break from my Nintendo Switch... to play Path of Exile on PC. Technically, that's accurate because although I'm inputting my commands on an ancient iMac (we're talking early 2010s here), the game itself is being run on a high-end PC somewhere in a data centre owned by Nvidia. And then I'm streaming the game to a nice screen, basically. So yeah, cloud gaming.

At the risk of losing my readers by going into details on the hours I spend playing Path of Exile... there's a new league out. See, every three months or so, the developers of PoE release a new mini-expansion to the game, with new content and new challenges to complete. And they've been doing this for years now, and some of the new temporary content gets added permanently, so after all this time there's actually quite a lot to do in the game. But this also makes the game more and more complex. I hadn't played for years (because you need a decent PC to have any hope of playing it) until I rediscovered it with cloud gaming, and I was barely able to make my way through because of all the new content that had been added since I had last played.

Path of Exile is an ARPG, which stands for Action Role Playing Game. It's isometric, so you're controlling your dude or dudette from above. If you're familiar with the Diablo series, it's a spiritual successor to Diablo 2 (but way better!). There are a bunch of classes, and each class has 3 sub classes, but the key to customization is the massive "passive tree" where you allocate one point per level. So you run around killing monsters and collecting loot to upgrade your character to tackle harder content. And you can trade with other players using the game's currency system which, unlike many other RPG games, avoids gold altogether by utilizing a massive variety of "currency" that you can spend to craft items, modify the content you're running, or use to buy items from other players.

So I'm playing a Poison Seismic Trap Saboteur (Seismic Trap is the main skill I use, and I'm using it to inflict poison damage from the physical damage it causes; Saboteur is the "Ascendancy" (or sub-class) of the Shadow class). And this particular combination is really powerful, and really popular for the current patch (played by 13% of players at the time, which is massive considering there are literally hundreds of possible main skill/class combinations). So I'm part of the "meta".

Often, the more advanced players will start with a "league starter", and then make a whole new character once they've accumulated enough wealth on their 1st character, and all this within the 3-month league window. They'll make multiple characters, even, to tackle different content. Me, it's too much of a time investment to do that (and it takes me too much time to level the characters up through the boring part of the game for veterans; the campaign/levelling section), so I'm still on my 1st character and I don't plan to make another one until we move on to the next league and this current character doesn't matter anymore.

Okay, so that was a rough overview of Path of Exile, and I will end it here with a screenshot so you get some semblance, visually, of the game I'm talking about:

 

The dude with the fiery wings is the guy I control; you can see some zombie things blinded by one of my skills to the left of my character.

Puzzled by large moving objects

I walk down the street and I observe all sorts of big SUVs and similar vehicles everywhere. And I start to wonder what kind of life these people have to be able to afford these things. What kind of jobs they have, the stress they have to deal with, the responsibilities they take care of. And while I have no desire to own an SUV (I might feel different if I had my driver's license), still, I compare myself to these ghosts of people that are inside these roaming vehicles.

Are they not stressed out by the debt they undertake? Isn't it annoying to have to pay so much every month when there's public transit and biking in the city?

The other day, I saw what I call the "parade of terrible investments". It's a lineup of dozens of SUVs, idling, waiting to pick up their kids single file at a local school. They have a whole system that "snakes" the vehicles around and back out through the public streets. I am always impressed when I pass by this. What a strange thing it is to behold, if you think about it. But, it passes off as totally normal.

I can't afford these large moving objects, and so I wonder about them.

Mid-December snowy weather

There's snow outside. I like it for the most part. Only thing I don't like is that it makes it harder to get around town, as I usually bike. If there's only a little snow it's not bad, but it limits the space you get on the road so there can't be much if I want to bike comfortably.

Work is good. A little repetitive, but I enjoy the customer interaction more than I thought I would. People are pretty kind actually. And they understand if I don't know things if I tell them I'm new.

I'm feeling sad. Just some regular sadness, nothing big. It's kind of lonely in my world, but it could be worse. The cats, I enjoy their company. They're always around, and they enjoy the attention I give them. They don't seem very concerned about worldly things. And I doubt they care about loneliness.

I've fallen back on some old patterns. I try not to view them as negative. I do eat more, though. But my weight gain isn't there. So I should be happy about that. And I still work out. I just don't do as many activities as I used to, giving myself the excuse that I'm busier with work and I'm not used to it. And it's wintertime, which usually leads to fewer outdoor activities.

So I guess I'm feeling sad and a little bit anxious because I'm not taking care of myself as much as I used to. And I feel like I let someone down because I was disinterested in what they were talking about. And I don't like that feeling, but I genuinely wasn't interested. I still enjoy cooking. And the anxiety is more of a physical feeling, and I'm looking forward to yoga later today, even if I can't get there by bike.

A singsong

At my old job, we had 3 speakers strategically placed throughout the small business for listening to pretty much anything we wanted. Not everyone had the same tastes, so when I got to pick the playlists I tried to play "neutral" music, stuff that you could hear on the radio, especially when I knew coworkers would be coming in and out of the room. The Beatles were often a pretty safe choice.

One of my coworkers didn't like the heavy stuff (i.e. metal), but he did like to sing. The singing wasn't half-bad, honestly, and it never really bothered me. Adds a bit of levity to the work grind.

Out of all the songs he could sing in the Beatles repertoire, this one sticks out because I haven't heard it often but boy did he like to belt this one out:

 

 

New work, new play

I didn't want my last post of November to be an overdone reference to a Guns n' Roses song, so here I am.

I started a new job yesterday. I'm not sure if I'll like it more or about the same as my last one. I should probably know this by now... but I don't think I'll be getting paid as much overall because the lunches are unpaid. But the advantage is that I can walk or bike to work: my commute, whatever I choose, is under a half hour. And I felt like time went pretty fast yesterday, though that might be because it was my first day.

I work at a grocery store. Not a chain, more like a mom & pop. It's not glamorous work, but I long ago decided that it doesn't matter what I do for work as long as I get paid. Okay, it's a little more complicated than that; obviously a bigger paycheck probably leads to a more comfortable or at least convenient life. And I cannot live in Toronto independently on a part-time income. But, it's a step in the right direction now that I've been out of school for a while and my last job was a couple months ago.

So that's a life update in there. Today's shift starts soon, so I can't blabber on forever here. I will say that, on a whim, I was inspired by a graphic novel/journal I borrowed from the library called Emitown. It's beautifully drawn, quirky, and it's like a slice-of-life snapshot of an up-and-coming comic artist living in Portland, OR circa 2009-2010 or so. Every single day during some months, Emi Lenox wrote about her life (and drew it, too) and it was really fascinating seeing life through that lens.

I don't think I could do anything remotely close to what she does. I mean, I don't draw, for starters, and also my life isn't nearly as exciting. I could write/blog every day, and I do with my gratitude journal, but I lead a relatively uneventful life. I play some amount of video games, and I like to cook.

Right, other news is that I got Monster Hunter: Rise for my Switch and that has been a lot of fun. The gameplay loop is addicting: you hunt monsters for parts to build better equipment to fight stronger monsters, and depending on your weapon (I picked longsword but there's over a dozen wildly different ones) there are combos to learn too. And in this version of Monster Hunter, there are tower defence-style scenarios, and I've always been partial to tower defence games.

Okay, I have to wrap things up. I'll try, once again, to post some photos (it would mostly be nature and food photos). It's just I'm not really satisfied with the photo quality on my 5-year old phone. So we'll see.

It's hard to hold a candle

 ... in the cold November Rain.

Yup, still around, I've been busy. Here's the song of the day!

A cute sickness

I think I ate too many cruciferous vegetables; that's my theory. Also, I might have done a little too much twisting at my yoga class. Those, I think, are the 2 likeliest causes of why I was breathless in pain a couple nights ago. At first I thought it might be appendicitis, but with some dutiful checking online, I realized the pain would have been coming from the opposite side of where I was feeling it: all mostly on the left side of my abdomen.

So while the Raptors were busy crushing the Bulls, I was doubled up in pain with some hot packs in bed. The heat helped a lot, but it took a good night's sleep and an Ibuprofen to get over it. I haven't felt that much physical pain in a long, long time. I feel lucky writing about it now, because although it was acute in nature, I can't imagine what it must be like for people who have to deal with pain all the time. It's a good reason to take care of your body, pain avoidance. I am taking a break from my workout regimen for a little bit longer, because again I'm not too sure what caused this flareup - was it something I ate, or because I moved wrongly?

If it's something I ate... well, I ate more than half a giant cauliflower (Buffalo Cauliflower "Wings", if you're wondering why), and then the next day I made a Brussel Sprouts Salad (w/ Kimchi Dressing), so it's possible I just ate too many cruciferous vegetable in too short a time, which isn't surprising given my appetite when I've consumed Cannabis. Maybe a better variety of vegetables next time, and at least I didn't gorge on junk food like I am wont to do!

If it's because of the yoga, well, it was in a class I've taken before, with movements I've done before, but it's possible I over-twisted myself and pushed too hard to get into a pose. So I would have bruised an internal organ, well, probably not bruised, but shifted something to somewhere it shouldn't be. Or, it might have something to do with a new workout move I did for the first time, the hip swing (with a dumbbell). But that was the day before. Hmm.

Either way, I feel okay now and it's good to be back on my feet.

Love is our resistance

Couldn't help it. Heard this song yesterday on the radio. Hadn't heard it in years. It flooded me with emotion.

This morning, I woke up and had to try and nail down the piano intro on my electronic piano. Not sure if I succeeded, but it's about as simple a piano melody as it gets, and I think I came pretty close.

If we live a life in fear
I'll wait a thousand years
Just to see you smile again
Kill your prayers for love and peace
You'll wake the thought police
We can't hide the truth inside

 

-Muse

Short entry for today's Song of the Day.

La mer ne m'englouttira pas

C'est pas l'homme qui prend la mer, c'est la mer qui prend l'homme

It's not man who takes to the sea, it's the sea who takes man

Dès que le vent soufflera, je repartira Dès que les vents tourneront, nous nous en allerons

As soon as the wind blows, I'll return home; As soon as the winds turn, we shall take our leave

-Renaud

---

Une chanson différente pour la chanson de la journée aujourd'hui. Je me suis réveillé avec ce tube des années 80s pogné dans ma tête, et je n'hésite pas de la partager avec vous. J'ai découvert Renaud à mon dernier emploi, où j'avais la chance d'écouter des playlists Spotify à la journée longue. Il en avait une de ces playlists qui était nommée quelque chose comme "French singer-songwriters", ce qui laisse la place à beaucoup de chanteurs.

A different song for the Song of the Day today. I woke up with this 80s hit stuck in my head, and I do not hesitate to share it with you. I discovered Renaud at my last job, where I was able to listen to Spotify playlists all day long. One of these playlists was named something like "French singer-songwriters", which encompasses quite a few singers.

J'ai essayé de traduire mes deux lignes favorites de la chanson en haut.

I tried to translate my two favourite lines up above.

Et voici la chanson en question:

Here is the song in question:

Constant improvement with the Y

I signed up for a YMCA membership last week. One of the best financial and physical decisions I've made this decade! It's money I'm investing into myself, my body, my mind. I get to play badminton, do yoga, and use the weight machines - and these are only the things I've done so far in the last two weeks. I get access to all the YCMA centres in Canada (I know because when I was in Halifax 11 years ago, I was still able to use the family membership!), and that feels like a safety net somehow.

Importantly, I get access to swimming pools, which although they're filled with chlorine (I'd much prefer salt because it's way healthier for the skin), allows me to ease back into spending time submerged underwater. I used to swim a lot as a kid, and I barely swam at all into adulthood. I really miss it.

I like to wander a lot in Toronto, and so the Y gives me a place to get my bearings if I don't feel like being at home. Now, building community post-Covid is important, and it's not going to be easy, but I might be able to make new friends with all these new activities that the Y offers me.

I ain't gay (I identify as genderqueer and I'm pretty straight), but I think you can guess what today's song of the day is gonna be. Here it is in all its glory:

Illuminating lights shine brightly in the dark

I was a knife

in the gunfight

and I fought so madly

you were a wolf in the daylight

and you almost had me

Can a slave preach freedom?

Can a captive take hold of what they believe in?

-LIGHTS

---

Another one of those days where I wake up with a song in my head. I'm not surprised it's a LIGHTS song again. Last month, she came came out with a new album, PEP, and as is customary, I'm lagging behind because this song is from her previous album, Skin & Earth. I've only listened to one song from PEP, and I couldn't tell you what it was - only that I left a comment on the fresh YouTube video to remind myself that, well, I was there. I'll listen to all of it eventually.

I have some thoughts on this Song of the Day, though. Can you imagine being a knife in a gunfight? The only times where I've had the chance to feel like that is in my Counter-Strike games. So I guess I'm taking it pretty literally, this song, which by the way is called Almost Had Me.

Another interpretation that I take as my own (because, honestly, I don't know THAT much about LIGHTS, even though I've seen her twice in concert) is that the odds are stacked against you in society. Uh, more specifically, let's say you're fighting demons like pharmaceutical drugs (thankfully not my case anymore), well, you're a knife, because drugs are guns to your homeostasis. And the wolves that run the show use this leverage to keep power, control, and money.

What I love about LIGHTS is that her lyrics are always powerful. Doesn't matter what album, there are nuggets of wisdom hidden everywhere and always backed up by catchy electronica, or, if you're into acoustic, gentle guitar melodies that (usually) calm the soul.

Okay I'm getting kinda creative with just a short burst of the lyrics that I cited above, here's the Song of the Day:

Freewrite the Sanity

Given up I have on keeping the titles homogeneous, yes, yes it does not matter if the freewrites are all disorganized, chaotic, because they're free in many senses of the word.

Watch watch I did, Drunk on Too Much Life, and alas I have broken one important rule about my freewrites: going back and editing something major but it's okay, it's just a link to the Toronto Public Library's answer to Netflix. You need to be a library member to watch it though.

Okay okay, it's okay, it was a good movie and the craziest part is that I recognize so many of the intimate places where they film. How they managed to film inside a mental health ward I have no idea but I recognize the very same halls I once wandered, and the outside walls on Shaw St, and I recognize the Humber River and I recognize the bridges and I recognize the subway stops and I recognize the convenience stores it just doesn't end. I recognize the people.

I recognize the people, the people who populate my past and the present and are hopefully in my future again because these people, from the famous authors to the infamous speakers to the stoic unknowners in the public transit shots I must have seen at least one of them before.

Is it forced, is it me, is it a part me that writes these words that come out without fear, it's a part of me which is me et j'essaie, j'essaie d'accommoder mon coté français, je le force aussi, peut-être, parfois, pourquoi mes voix sont si timides?

Pourquoi sont-elles timides? Je ne comprends pas; le language peut être tellement beau et mon art, présentement, est de l'écrire; peut-être c'est parce-que j'écris si rarement en français ici que mes voix - les voix - mes voix - les voix - restent en anglais parce-que franchement, je penses plus souvent en anglais ces temps-ci.

I was about to start writing in Spanish but then I remembered that I don't actually know much Spanish. I can't believe I'm actually trying to learn Japanese when Spanish would be so much easier, but, my choice is made. I just need to get more serious about it. Learning a new language is great for the brain, and that's what I'm writing about here; back to the movie: it's about mental health, and obviously not just mental health because we're not Descartes, the mental and the physical and the emotional and the social health are all intertwined now so it's a new era or whatever.

Speaking of new eras, I just 'fixed' my parental's internet. It seems the Wi-Fi adapter on their tablet is broken. So I told them to plug in an ethernet cable and they have internet again; they barely use their tablet in mobile form so it doesn't really matter much. They'll just have a speedier connection now.

Back to me, no, back to the internet: I miss communicating with people online. There's a pseudo-community here, the internet lingo evolves, little gadgets or applets are everywhere, it's a great time waster.

Back to back hopeful the music never stops; I will go play my djembe now because I need to get better and because I feel good when I play but I feel guilty for not playing enough but also because I shouldn't be lonely when I play but sometimes I feel really lonely and the sound is better than total silence.

Positively charged up

My eyes and the mouse pointer zeroed in on the blank title space.

I thought, no, let me write first.

Let the CBD flow through me and heal me.

But it's not just CBD... it's not an isolate.

I didn't buy this to purely get the studied effects, the things we as as a species studied about a plant and then packaged into a study.

It's about a relationship with the plant. The rastas have it right, and for so long I've drifted away from that.

Funny names we give. Entourage effect. Yeah, I've got an entourage, and I'm glad plants are part of it instead of, say... oh, the easy answer, a car.

 ---

I played a lot of badminton today. And I'm quick on the road bike; it feels great to ride around in the fall weather.

Here's a perfect reggae Song of the Day for this relaxing Sunday:

Divine metal

I'll get right to the point: today's Song of the Day is by Iron Maiden.

It doesn't get more metal than Iron Maiden.

Every so often, if you find yourself near Lake Ontario during the summer, you might witness legions of metalheads wearing Iron Maiden t-shirts make a pilgrimage to Ontario Place for what (literally) sounds like a hell of a good time.

The masters of metal are still touring - in fact they were in town 4 days ago, at the biggest venue downtown (Scotiabank Arena).

I'm ashamed to say I've never actually been to a Maiden concert, but these days, ticket prices are just not at all in my budget. Still, I relish the metal concerts I have been to, as they are all amazing memories.

Without further ado, here's For The Greater Good Of God:

There are SO many good Iron Maiden songs, but I picked this one because I recently discovered it (even though it came out in 2006). It's one of their more recent songs, but I like it because it starts off nice and slow, with what I would call philosophical lyrical inquisition:

Are you a man of peace
Or a man of holy war?
Too many sides to you
Don't know which anymore
So many full of life
But also filled with pain
Don't know just how many
Will live to breathe again

 

The song quickly picks up classic heavy metal guitar riffs and fast percussion.

 

I couldn't actually tell you what the song's about - maybe something to do with the Crusades? - but I feel like it's a decent representation of the Iron Maiden sound.

Le champagne

I sometimes wake up with a song in my head. Sometimes, it's even multiple, and one of them "wins" out.

Today's Song of the Day is the one that "won". It's a song you can hear on classic rock radio stations, and be careful, because the chorus can stay stuck with you for a while.

Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky

If you're not familiar, Oasis is also the band behind "Wonderwall" - a house party staple, at least back in the day.

Jeez I feel old writing about music like this.

Slowed down crank it down

My energy levels have slowed, and they are hard to track.

I like to get up early in the morning.

I want to be still healthier.

I constantly improve; sometimes I forget to remind myself that I constantly improve.

One of my pressing goals is harm reduction; self-care-remediation; mindful consumption.

I need to ameliorate my financial security. This is also a pressing goal, but not as pressing.

I didn't spend enough time in nature today. Sunlight at the source is kinda far.

I am eating blueberries with balsamic vinegar.

I haven't seen a dentist in a while; my eyes are fine, because I got them checked today.

The TTC actually has a rather peaceful effect on me.

I want to play video games with people who like to play video games with me.

I miss my time with T. We had some fun playing Portal & Magicka together, and it was fun to discover games we both liked.

I met new people this week, and it was nice and easy-going and impromptu and fulfilling.

Related to the last point, Humber River was absolutely beautiful on Thanksgiving Day.

Related to my last two points, here is a picture of my main Thanksgiving meal (no turkey this year; they were all way too big):

My first official Korean BBQ experience; right in Koreatown. Delicious, somewhat pricey for my budget, and I was able to (mostly) stay inside my dietary limitations. Best part was the socializing, of course. Oh and kimchi is awesome.

Imperial Freewrite

 scream becomes a yawn

ill shut up and carry on

scream becomes a yawn

ill shut up and carry on

screams become yawns

shut and carry on

scream becomes a yawn

i'll shut up and carry on

scream becomes aaywan

Lonelone lone lone

don't have much to add

i thought i had more; baby whateve er you do

I must not fall. I must sleep. The bastion of sanity is on the precipice.

What is a sleepy song?

Sigur Ros.

Sigur Ros. I can't even find the accents.

Takk.

Something about takk.

Here it is, my Song of the Day in the midst of a chaotic freewrite:

Sleep is not for the weak.

If your fire slips

Song of the Day:

I am beyond thrilled to share (an admittedly old) Lights song, from her 3rd album, Little Machines. It's called From All Sides.

There I was, walking back from the expensive-but-worth-it grocery store about 20 minutes away from home, and this song started playing. I should have expected it; I had decided to do a linear playthrough of the whole album, which is always an experience unto itself. It instantly put me in what I can only describe as a majestic, lonesome mood. The cool western introduction; if I closed my eyes, I could picture the cacti strewn about, the tumbleweed rolling across the landscape, and the sand & rocks stoically grounded below my feet.

I wasn't able to bring a turkey home - they were just too damn big - but I was able to bring home a precious feeling of lost love.

Constantly killing me
With you invading in my mind
You got it covered I can't get a thought in edgewise
Oh with your fast lips, and not a catalyst
Seems like the memories are coming at me from all sides
You're all I see, surrounding me
From all I sides, you're all I see, surrounding me

Memories assailing me; all I see is Dust.

A lens of a day

I got my eyes checked today. It's pretty dumb that I have to pay almost 100 bucks; I can't function very well without glasses/contact lenses, and I pay for OHIP ("free healthcare") through my taxes, so why are eyes (and teeth; but I won't get into that) not important enough to be covered? The hell.

Now, I have to deal with the racket that is the eyeglass industry. Artificially raised prices controlled by a couple major players (Luxottica, Essilor are the big ones last I checked), poor quality lenses that degrade quickly, and a requirement that a prescription be valid (because of course they expire) to even buy my frames. For MY eyes.

Annoying? Yes. A first-world problem? Not exactly; I reckon there's lots of exploitation in poorer countries if there's money to be made off eyesight.

Amused to life

Song of the day:

This song has stuck with me for a long time. I was a teenager when I discovered my uncle's awesome rock CD collection, and this entire album mystified me.

I was into Pink Floyd (still am), so naturally I wanted to see what other tunes David Gilmour had put out, so I imported the "giant-eye-on-a-TV" (the album cover art) into iTunes and tried to make sense of the lyrics.

I think he has a pretty damn solid "argument" with this particular song.

the little ones sit by the TV screen

We're pretty much all little ones in front of Netflix etc. now, aren't we?

Too late, next time

 On a whim, I decided to check the Paramore website. I thought this decade I'd move on, and listen to other bands more, but nope, so far, still a lot of Paramore.

They're coming to Toronto on Monday November 7th!

... and the tickets are all sold out.

I mean, they're playing at a venue I've never heard of before, and the last time I saw them, they were at Scotiabank Arena which is probably the biggest venue downtown other than the SkyDome. So maybe there just weren't that many tickets anyway. Kinda sucks; oh well.

The cool thing is there are a bunch of great bands playing at HISTORY (the venue I've never heard of) soon, like Bright Eyes, Silverstein, and Muse.

The prices though... ugh... 50 dollars minimum and then the fees. And then there's the fact that these kind of things start really late. I'm in my 30s man, I can't go to shows that start at 8 and then the actual band that I want to see doesn't come out till 11:00pm; I'm usually trying to fall asleep at that time.

I think my best option is just to wait for one of those nifty music festivals; that way, I can at least listen to music during the day and then, again, try and fall asleep while listening to whatever electronica or heavy metal headliners are playing that night whilst I commiserate in my camping tent.

Song of the day (it's a long one, but it's a classic):

Keeper of the Seven keys by Helloween

Freewrite the Pool

 If the cut first cut wasn't deep enough

The rush wasn't enough from any lover's

When I'm used to something new

Scared cared of the copywrite

The free write continues

Don't leave me hangin'

I'm overland, can't stop giving you up

If I survive I'll crash back in

No one hurts my head like you

The illusions the golden promise the blue dream

Crash right back into you; the rush is gone

More healing to add

 I'm thinking I've decided to add Metric to my list of bands that help me out when I'm having a rough time.

Up until like 5 seconds ago, I thought Feist was the lead singer of Metric, but apparently not. Well, Feist and Emily Haines both played in Broken Social Scene, which also happens to be a pretty cool band, though I tend to confuse them with Death Cab for Cutie.

Anyway, I went to the local library a few years ago and picked out a Metric album, Synthetica, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Played a few songs on repeat. Skipped the annoying kitten song a couple times. But damn, some really evocative synthwaves from that album.

Which brings me to today's Song of the Day, Dreams So Real (because I really miss remembering them).

Freewrite the onyx

 I walked today, a lot, the most I've walked at one point to another and back in one go in a long time yes it was at least a few months because although biking gets me places faster I don't do as much walking when I bike so if I walk then I will be lifting the earth down because the concrete is there.

One of the mini-projects

 I finally finished one of my my mini-projects today.

It involved a highlighter, a book by Jamie Oliver, and my sheer cold will.

The second time I got Covid-19 vaxxed

 I'm going to attempt to quickly improve my narrative skills.

Freewrite the crimson

 People say that you'll die these are lyrics from Arcade Fire faster than without water all in all it's just a lie to scare your suns and scare your dotters luckily the downloaded version is not the one I'm listening to that one has a dot in th middle that stops people from pirating songs SMILE SMILE every time you close your eye every time you close your eyes FROWN FROWN

FROWN FROWN

FROWN FROWN

I am SO sick of hearing about PB

 No, not lead. Pickleball. So sick of it. SO sick of it.

It's a terrible sport for a couple different reasons

• The micro-plastic. I literally just realized this now. These old farts (SORRY for the ageism but HONESTLY, in Toronto, it's 65+ everywhere) are playing this game with these stupid plastic balls on outdoor tennis courts. This leaves micro-plastic EVERYWHERE, right? I mean, think about it. You hit this stupid plastic thing over and over on the concrete, and eventually, the ball collapses from lack of structural integrity. This leaves micro-plastic on the tennis/badminton courts that tennis balls and badminton shuttlecocks do NOT leave in as much quantity. This is all reasoned out in my head.
• "Oh, are you a 3.5 player? Oh no, you're you 4.0 player? No no no, 2.0 players here, 3.0 players there".... this is LITERALLY Nosedive from Black Mirror. Okay, okay, not literally, it's within the context of a sport, but I still hate that my folks are obsessing over this stupid shit and whining about not being able to complete tournaments because they're not just right enough for you, like, holy shit dude, if you don't want to play the fucking game, find a different one
• I'm fucking angry because I can't find my badminton racquets and my mom swears she hasn't seen either of my bags (yeah, I hate losing my stuff, especially when one of the racquets participated in multiple tournaments) And yes, my racquet participated even though it's an inanimate object

Anyway, I'm going to link some random YouTube video below because I'm still addicted to that. BUT, and this is critical for anyone who follows this blog and yeah, this is health advice, and I don't give a shit because DISCLAIMER: I'M NOT A QUALIFIED HEALTH PROFESSIONAL (which is to say, not board certified by any means), I got rid of ALL portable/desktop electronics in the bedroom. My sleep is still awful, but I'm not taking an Ativan for it. As long as I get at least 4 hours of sleep, I can clearly write, though I must not go yelling outside for a bit because it's friday and fridays is teacher's night and you do not want to wreck your voice on fridays especially, car c'est le weekend! La fin de semaine! Yayyyyyy, I don't have a 5 day workweek.

Usually my favourite Arcade Fire song, poor spelling notwithstanding.

Freewrite the red

 Painfully, the voice repeats over and over again. Great horror story, terrible execution.

There is a lot of pain because the painful people keep writing shit without subtracting but I do not care because according to some legend somewhere I am both annoying and a special snowflake. I really should be in bed but I blame Athena from Overwatch for bringing this stupidfucked up OVERTIME bullshit. What the hell kind of algo is that. That shit can last way too long you even forget how to breathe.

Also, while I'm on the topic of unbanned Blizzard (oh my god I am SO SICK of hearing about your stupid fucking useless sexual assault trials like holy shit YOU FUCKERS ELECTED THE IDIOT, NOW DEAL WITH ROE V. WADE THERE ARE FUCKING KIDS DYING OF OPIATE ADDICTIONS LITEREALLY....) anyway, I should be in bed right now because it is WAY past my bedtime but no I am here COMPLAINING again because stupid motherfucking GOOGLE can't fucking get its code together.

LOOK. I started this blog when I was a teenager. It is NOT my job to fix the stupid encryption problem, I'm pretty sure you have my fucking address motherfucker and this is how FREE SPEECH WORKS because OBVIOUSLY I'VE NEVER KILLED anyone in my life so WHY do I feel like the authorities want me to die?

ANSWER: THEY'RE ALL EATING GARBAGE TOO!

Oh, and the voice that keeps telling me "there's something wrong with your head?" YEAH, NO SHIT, I KNOW THAT. IT'S NOT HELPING. YOU'RE LIKE TINNITUS, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF HEARING WHINING FAN MOTORS, I HEAR LOVELY LITTLE FEMEALE FLOWERS WHEN, YES, I AM TRANSGENDER, BUT NO, I DON'T FUCK WITH BIOLOGY.

HE

SHE

THEY

THEM

JE

TU

IL

NOUS

VOUS

VOUS ÊTES DES CONNARDS

Maintennant, j'ai toujours le choix de publier, et je vais le faire, et le fait que j'écris en français m'indique que ça n'est pas la fin du monde et le soleil se levera demain. Je le garantie à 100%.

More proof that AI still sucks

 I type this into Google: "How do you remove the video thumbnails that pop up after you finish watching a YouTube video?" and the results that pop up are still a mess for me to comprehend at first glass.

What I think it should at this point in time is directly give you a walkthrough (visual, audio, w/e) of how to turn off the flucking 16 videos that

[musical interlude, take a gander at what song at is]

but nowwwwwww these days are gone

ad now I find

opened up the door

HELP ME IF YOUC AN I FEELING DOWN

AND I DON'T APPRECIATE YOU BEING ROUND

HELP ME GET MY FEET BACK ON THE GROUND

won't you pleaaaaase, please help me

now, my life has changed

my independence

vanish in the haze

but, now and then, I know that I,

never done before

help me if you can im feeling down

and i do appreciate you being round

help me get my feet back on the ground

wont you please, please help me

now, these days are gone im not so self assured and now i find changed my min openeed the dors

ehlep

[musical interlude over, 12 videos pop up]

okay it's only 12 videos and how the hell did I end up watching this video again?

Conclusion: Browser tabs were a terrible idea.

Dry herb shopping

 I am going dry herb shopping, organic only. No, not spices.

I  have been torturing myself for the past couple days, if not weeks, after a fortunate somewhat cold turkey drop into Cannabis-free zone.

I tried to sign up for employment insurance or welfare or whatever and I'm just above a cutoff so I'm back to frugal living and boy is it sweet when you roughly know your budget.

Anyway this blog might soon turn into weed reviews so if you're not into that feel free to go elsewhere, or leave a message saying what turns you off 'cause really all I'm trying to do is attract something non-creepy into my life and you know what, this might just turn into a Free speech segment number (above 10).

... but like 50 bucks a half-quarter/eighth, are you kidding me. To be fair I was overjoyed when I was able to pay 50 bucks for a quarter out east, time is hopefully still moving slower over there 'cause here time is stuck in a blues hellhole.

Anyway I've decided: OBC and _!

In the hopes that I come visit here in the future like you usually do, it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay.

I'm writing a lot. It's okay.

 I just had an olive. One olive. I used to dislike olives, or at the very least, not care for them...

but OH my COD I just had one olive and it's honestly one of the best tasting foods I've had in a very long time...

.. but I am hiding something from you. I did not only have one olive. I had at least 2 singular olives. One a couple days ago, and one just now (in fact, I can still taste the salty telescopic flesh of Kalamata).

The first one I had was better because its sogginess was limited by its freshness. In other words, fresher from the farm.

Why does no one reply to e-mail anymore?

 The blog title is the topic. This post ends off-topic.

This makes no sense. No, I am very serious. 

I have proof.

It's been over 72 hours since I sent an e-mail to some working professionals. It's the end of the day on Monday. I guess they must be busy because September is a stressful month - new routines and all that.

I also wrote an e-mail to a friend - multiple, in fact. And in my e-mails, I tend to be truthful, open, perhaps too much sometimes.

And somehow it scares me to ask people "have you read/did you get?" my e-mail. I think it's linked to the ridiculously stupid "seen/received/whatever" notification on iPhones and the like. The apps that tell you if the other person has received a message are totally bonkers.

Why should a phone tell us what the other person is doing? What the hell? Does NO one care?

I yell a lot about this kind of stuff outside (things like light pollution, cars go in potential No Cars Go neighbourhoods, sunny outbursts of radiant sunshine hippy stuff (e.g. tree hugging); this gets me in trouble because people don't like to hear disturbing things in non-threatening ways. They expect violence, and all we get are passive zombie entertainment machines that potentially cause mass avoidance of H2O (speaking of which, time for another sip of ice-2 water).

My point is machines interfere with human communication; perhaps more harm than good at this point. So that's why I still don't have an iPhone, still don't have my own Netflix account, and still refuse to not drink water every day somehow.

On the plus side the cherries were awesome this year. Best in a decade, easily. I'd post pictures but my crappy Nokia is broken again.

Therapy in Transit

 Written a decade+ ago by me, when I was in Vancouver.

Therapy in Transit

As a volunteer working in Burnaby and living in southern Vancouver, I face two, hour-
long commutes every day to get to work. Luckily, I avoid the big traffic on the Skytrain
because I travel West-to-East in the mornings and East-to-West in the afternoons. And
when I catch the Main bus to reach the Skytrain, I’m usually one of the first people on, so
I can sit down, relax, and reflect on the day ahead. Thus, I enjoy a relatively stress-free
ride to work everyday.
I’ll be honest: In the mornings, I am not a happy camper. I am usually a zombie; get on
bus, doze, get on Skytrain, doze, get to work, sit down. I think that without my commute
every day, I would be totally brainless at work. In some ways, taking transit is
therapeutic.
I often find myself riding the Skytrain, headed for no particular destination, getting off at
a station, taking a bus somewhere or another, and eventually making my way back on the
Skytrain grid to make it home again. I meet other wanderers, or if I don’t, I explore things
I’ve never seen before, and get a feel for a city that has so much to offer. I feel no
pressure, I have no expectations, and I go wherever the bus driver decides to drive the
bus.
The best part? Knowing that I’m lowering my carbon footprint by using sustainable
transportation instead of driving around producing unnecessary greenhouse gas
emissions.
I encourage everyone who really wants to experience Vancouver to get out of their car,
their bubble, and to use alternative, sustainable transportation to get around instead.

By the way, I'm not talking to you

 I eat gluten-free, not non-vegan.

Gluten-free =/ sugar

Why are gluten-free sections of all sorts of products FILLED with sugar?

What the hell?

Way to stab us in the back, grains.

Very little sleep,

Gabe

Song of the day for 2022/09/09

I guess it reminds me that we're not machines, we're not synthetic, we've got light and stuff.

Metal YMCA

 

My first impression was "hell yeah!"

Broke my phone!

 I am really saddened by what happened: I was taking a walk in the ravine and was cheering too loudly for the tennis players in their cages of steel white pickleball effortium.

Dealing with micro-stress

I read an article published a year or so ago today. When it was published doesn't really matter, but its content does, which is why I'm writing about it here.

The article talks about the impact of micro-stresses on your health. What I take micro-stresses to mean are things like: being late for an appointment, or having an awkward social interaction, or having to pretend to pay attention to someone you don't know in traffic, or losing your glasses, or having to pretend to pay attention. Maybe even stubbing your toe. Well, these micro-stresses can accumulate and negatively impact your health, as the author affirms throughout the article by citing an American psychiatrist.

Psychiatrists are probably good authorities to refer to when it comes to talking about stress, so the article didn't turn me off, which, again, is why I'm writing about it here.

I can relate to the micro-stress thing. The major stress, things like work and relationships, I'm used to. But when the minor things start accumulating, they can turn into something pretty major, and your health can suffer. Bad habits creep in. In my case, junk food is definitely at the top of the list, and because they're habits, you can stay stuck with them, which in my case, means I'm way overweight.

As mentioned in the article, because you are more likely to get support from others when you have major stressors (think like a broken leg or something), when the minor stressors take over, you often get no support. The four tips Dr Samantha Boardman (the psych) gives to counter that are:

• Imagine what the situation you're currently dealing with will look like a year from now. I like this one. I had a therapist mention this one years ago and I do find myself using it in the present moment when I think of it.
  
• Laugh. I really need to do this more. Full stop.
• Go outside. Touch grass, basically. Literally too. Yeah, I like this one because I do my best to go out in nature.
• Don't take it personally. Kinda related to the first tip in my opinion. I think I could work on this more. I can get caught up in my own head bubble pretty easily. But the psych seems to be saying that having a positive mindset is what's important.
  

Perhaps these can be useful to you as well.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodine Darwin Overcast

Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectre Citron Ophilia Philharmonic Eyeless

If I don't publish this now, I might start rewriting this entence again.

Apologies for the ridiculous paragraphs. Still just me bloggin' away over here...

Little blue buds

I took a picture of this a few years ago and I cannot remember what they are

Electric pedals

This summer, I've been exploring different parts of the city on my first e-bike. I'm not the most athletic guy, and I never would have just picked up and pedalled to random spots in the city on a regular bike, but with an e-bike I feel driven to go to new places because I can - really easily.

I take pictures here and there. Here are my latest ones.

Behind that row of trees is a canal that feeds into the Humber River.

At Evergreen Brickworks. There wasn't much going on the day I went so the most enjoyable part was the bike descent through Moore Park ravine.

Parked on the side of the main road inside High Park.

I thought this plant looked especially vivid in a tiny little natural alcove called Peace Garden near Evergreen.

Nature pics

I use Bluetooth like once a year, if that. I prefer cables. I was pretty happy when I managed to get Bluetooth to work to upload these.

I thought this tiny shrubbery thing was vibrant.

Really puts life into perspective doesn't it?

This is a falcon I saw in high park last autumn.

A neat intersect between human & wild.

My little photo exhibit wouldn't be complete without a train track picture.

Another midsummer

 I don't intend for this to be long.

I haven't gotten around to transferring my photos over and uploading them yet. But I have been thinking about it, which is something, considering how infrequently I have been updating my blog the last couple years. And now I am here, writing again. I guess it's because I feel a little lonely.

I remember when I first started my blog, I was definitely not lonely. Not one bit. I was in high school, so I was around people all day. When I came home, one of the first things I would do was log onto MSN messenger. And I'd be there for hours and hours. So it was very social, even though it wasn't strictly organic. Wow. That's all completely behind me and in the past - MSN is gone. The closest thing nowadays is something like Discord, but I barely use it.

Nostalgia is hitting pretty hard it seems. Well, although I am lonely, it's not all bad. I'm steadily employed. I'm not in a dream job or anything, but it's something. A thing.

I hang out on Twitch a lot these days. It's a weird place sometimes.

Those nature photos are comin'.

Perhaps a window into something

 I think I might start posting some pictures I've taken. I'm not posting them right now because I'm too lazy to deal with transferring them off my obsolete Windows phone. But when they do show up on here, I reckon the quality won't be too bad because they were taken on what was once a state-of-the-art camera phone.

I like taking pictures of nature because I don't have to worry about symmetry very much. Things are as they are and I like the feeling of capturing something either living or something having once lived. If I'm in nature, I'm usually in wooded areas, because Toronto is full of ravines. But the other day, I went way down to the lake, near High Park, so I captured something different for once. I guess that's what I'll post next time.

I don't use Facebook anymore, and the pandemic completely wiped out any semblance of a social life I thought I had. I haven't seen any friends in years. Feels kinda sad. I hang out with the cats a lot. I've got one snoozing next to me right now.

Summer's here.

DragonForce returns

 Similar to that Kanye/Drake concert I posted a while back, I stumbled onto another online event. This time, though, it's something way more up my alley: DragonForce, one of the earliest metal bands I ever listened to. I even went to a concert back in high school.

Yeah, Herman Li, their longtime guitarist, is also a streamer on Twitch (I spend a lot of time on there lately...) and he's streaming their concert series with opening acts Firewind, Visions of Atlantis and Seven Spires.

 I caught Firewind and VoA, and it was awesome! The stream quality is on point and you can hear the shredding really well.

 They have these 2 giant videogame arcades set up beside the stage, and now DragonForce just played a song themed after Skyrim. Pretty cool!

Anyway, I'm gonna go catch the rest of the set.

Dutiful sports viewership

 I've been watching the Raptors a lot lately. Like, every game. Pretty much since the pandemic/lockdown started, we're talking years now. I watched them in a bubble in Tampa Bay last year. I never would have expected that I would become a sports fan, and here I am genuinely enjoying watching NBA basketball. I suppose I kinda hopped on the bandwagon after the 2019 NBA championship win. Kinda bummed Kyle Lowry isn't with the team anymore.

Lately, they've been pretty good. Fred VanVleet is playing like an all-star, starting great plays for his teammates and shooting dagger 3s all day long. I admit that I am a part of the "Fred VanVleet Fan Fleet". And Siakam has been really great. And the rookie, Scottie Barnes! So fun to watch.

That's my basketball viewership in a nutshell.