...

I'm so sad sometimes, I miss ________.
I miss ________ so much.

I don't even think I have much of a right to miss ________, but I do. I'm sure there are some people out there who miss ________ way more than I do, but I still miss ________.

Also sometimes I just can't stop thinking about ________. It contributes to a partial insomnia. But why does it do that? Do I obsess over things which shouldn't be so obsessive? The answer is yes, I do, not over too many things, but a few. Enough for it to be noticeable.

What happened to ________? I wonder a lot about what happened to ________, I mean I dig in my memories, and I got some highs, not many, but a few. And there was a consistent high when I was able to be around ________, I felt so special.

But ________ has parted ways with me, a little more than a month ago. I've seen ________ since then, but I know it's not the same. And still I think, what's going to happen to ________? Will anything ever happen again?

Oh gawd I hope something happens again before 9 months of my life are spent truly away from home.

I miss ________.

:C.

Amused to Death

"Years later, I saw Bill Hubbard's name on the memorial to the missing at Aras. And I...when I saw his name I was absolutely transfixed; it was as though he...he was now a human being instead of some sort of nightmarish memory of how I had to leave him, all those years ago. And I felt relieved, and ever since then I've felt happier about it, because always before, whenever I thought of him, I said to myself, 'Was there something else that I could have done? And that always sort of worried me. And having seen him, and his name in the register - as you know in the memorials there's a little safe, there's a register in there with every name - and seeing his name and his name on the memorial; it sort of lightened m... heart, if you like."
"When was it that you saw his name on the memorial?"
"Ah, when I was eighty-seven, that would be the year, ninete...eighty-four, nineteen eighty-four."