Life is bliss.

And life is beautiful. Never let anyone convince you otherwise.

Signed,
The Audience.

Having a blast.

I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life.
This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.

If you must know, I'm having a blast in Halifax. At first I stayed at my friend E's place, but now I'm living in a closet not unlike Harry Potter's indefinetly. I'm also looking for a job, for reals, because I literally have about 4 dollars of spending money on me. I'm broke. But it's not bad at all, D and his roommates are really awesome people.

It feels like i'm in Katimavik all over again, it's a sweet life.

I don't know when I'll come back to Toronto.

Edit 2011/03/18: Edited for simple privacy. :]

Gone.

Bus ticket's booked (30 dollars), train ticket's booked (free!), godmother is alerted that I'll be in Montreal, Myriam knows I'll be in Quebec, and Evan knows I'll be in Halifax.

Here's a little link of the train ride I'll be taking, check it out. It'll take just under 24 hours. http://bit.ly/cjiSrY

I have some supplies (mainly protein, food, vitamins and water) for when I want to get back home from Halifax. I also have some Melatonin for the jet lag and if I have trouble falling asleep, which I usually do when I'm travelling.

I bought a cheap disposable camera, but if I can find my camera charger, I'll have a digital camera as well.

I intend to make the cheap camera last a while.

I'm hitchhiking back from Halifax, that's going to be fun, I really don't know what I'm getting into though.

I don't have much money, but I've always lived very cheaply anyway.

Bon voyage!

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Snap.

I can't take it anymore. I'm so fucking pissed because of my parents, I'm leaving.

I'm not sure if I should bring a tent, I'd probably need a sleeping bag if I want to camp, and that's a lot of shit to carry on.

I'm buying a ticket for Montreal (under 20 bucks!), maybe I'll see Bibi, then I'm heading to Quebec to see Myriam, then I'm heading to Halifax to see a bunch of people. Then I'm heading back west, going to London, ON to see Deadmau5 at a Western concert (that might be later, I'm not sure yet) and staying with my billet family in Strathroy.

So long, I probably won't update for a while.

Miracle

I like this song.

Hopelandic.

Hello.

This song makes me cry.

Everytime.

Without fail.

It's the very last song I heard before I went insane.

I love it so much.

If I ever become suicidal, this song is what will save me.

Tin foil hat.

Alright alright, I'll take off my tinfoil hat for a while, sheesh.

Someone asked for life updates... well...
Currently I am dressed like a ninja in full atire, I have a plush Noctowl and a big pokemon poster beside me.

Is it illegal to walk around outside without showing any skin? Like you could conceal weapons and shiz, I don't know.

On second thought, I don't think it is. I was taking one of my cats to the vet today and on the way there, there was this dude in a full black spandex-like... thing that covered his whole body, even his face, and he was wearing nothing else. I was incredibly confused.

But I guess if people saw me going down the street at this time with the way I'm dressed, they'd be asking question too.

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Too far, too far...

Didn't believe me when I wrote that Facebook was going too far?

Take it in.

Also, look at the video if you're interested, but for the love of God, don't "Like" it on Facebook or I will murder you.



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Fuck you, capitalism. Fuck you, Facebook.

I'm really angry right now. Really really really angry at the world and what it's become. It's as if for 19 years I was oblivious to so many disturbing things. Or maybe I noticed them but just didn't care.

Get ready, this is going to be a long one, there's a lot of little details.

Okay. There are so many fucking sheep people in the world, I don't understand. I DON'T understand how people can be so dumb, so ignorant. Is it better to live in ignorance? IS IT? NO. YOU ARE WEAK. YOU ARE WEAK IF YOU LIVE IN IGNORANCE.
I'm not claiming to be superior in any way, I just want to point out so many things that make me sick to my stomach.

Number one.

Facebook.
Facebook itself isn't bad. It's a good concept, and you'd expect something like it to pop out considering today's level of technology.
What's bad is what it's become.
There are so many horrible, borderline unethical things that occur on Facebook everyday, it makes me almost want to throw up, as I am repulsed by how much power corporations have in today's world.
It's easy to pinpoint one of the worst aspects of Facebook: The "Like" button.

At first glance, you think "Oh, okay, so if I "Like" something, it's like I get to be some sort of online groupie for whatever I like!". Harmless, right? Wrong.

Just like real classic groupies who eventually get fucked over with cocaine and heroin, your typical online Facebook "Liker" groupie slowly sinks into a deep, deep marketing trap.

Let's take a concrete example here, something that really pissed me off today. Hang on, this might take a little while to explain, you'll see the connection with Facebook in the end.

I was bored, there's this guy on youtube who's pretty amusing, so I figured I'd watch one of his videos. (Don't even get me started on vloggers with shitty cameras and terrible camera personality on youtube who spam people to subsc- okay I'll stop there). Edit 2011/02/27: I have nothing against these people, I'm pretty much one of them, as I've just bought my own shitty camera and I will probably start making shitty vlogs with it soon. But it's for friendships!

So I click on the video. Loading... loading... great it's done loading! Wait, what? What the hell? I can't move the slider, it's grey! WHAT? Who's that voice?! That's not Ray William Johnson's voice!

COME TO SWISS CHALET TODAY AND TRY OUT OUR FRESH ROTISSERIE CHICKEN!

That's what the voice started to say. Apparently, the volume control was messed up too because I couldn't turn it down. WTF. So I just buffered, get this, not the video I wanted to watch, but a stupid ad for a piece of shit "restaurant" that serves chickens that have led an incredibly inhumane life, pumped with antibiotics and locked inside cubicles that can barely hold them. Whoa whoa, Gabe, don't get into that either, let PETA take care of it. Wise advice my subconscious tells me, I should listen to it, because I will go insane if I start examining everything that makes this world stink.

See, what annoys me with this video thing is that I just wasted some of my precious internet bandwidth to watch an ad. Essentially, I'm paying to see something that will encourage me to pay a corporation some money for food that isn't even healthy, despite all the bullshit they try to feed you (pun intended) about how "fresh" it is. Okay, admittedly, a 15 sec ad on youtube isn't going to make me go over my bandwidth limit, but it's obviously all about the principle here.

Alright, it gets worse. At the end of the ad, it doesn't say "Call us to order delivery today!". Now I don't know about you, but back in the day, that's what you did, you called a place and they delivered food to you. Usually pizza. But this time, they don't want you to call. Well, I lied, of course they want you to call and order, but they're not emphasizing the calling part.  Believe me, their number was there during the whole ad, but at the end, what you get is this giant blue F that pops up, all flashy and shit, and that fucking generic male commercial voice saying something like:

Become a fan of Swiss Chalet on Facebook! Tell us why you enjoy Swiss Chalet for a chance to win free Swiss Chalet delivered to your door for you and up to 10 friends!

They don't even bother mentioning their website anymore, they just want you to go to their beautiful little corporate Facebook page and "Like" Swiss Chalet. Once you "Like" it, you gain access to the contest, where you can write your bullshit story about why you'd want to eat their crap for free.

See, but they don't give a fuck about your lame story about how you just graduated from high school and you would just love to have a party with 10 of your friends to celebrate, by eating slow poison that's delivered right to your door!

No, what they're after is something called SNP. The more SNP, the better. What is SNP, you might ask? Well, if you were taking any current Marketing courses at college or university, you would know. But I'll safely assume you don't have a marketing degree, because then you wouldn't be my friend and thus wouldn't be reading this. SNP stands for Social Network Potential. Basically, there's this system, pretty complicated, full of algorithms, that can calculate each person's SNP, and then organizes it in a nice list. Those with higher SNP are at the top.

Having high SNP means that you have a lot of influence in your social circles on the intarwebz, or that you are pretty popular. For example, pretend person X writes various Facebook statuses, and every time X posts a status, there's a bunch of people who always "Like" it. Or they comment on it. That right there is having influence. Person Y never has anyone around them, they write statuses, but no one ever notices. Well, person Y will have less SNP than person X. Capiche? Here's the definition on Wikipedia if you still don't understand:

Social Networking Potential (SNP) is a numeric coefficient, derived through algorithms to represent both the size of an individual's social network and their ability to influence that network.

Okay. Back on track. Swiss Chalet is after your SNP. You know what happens when you click that "Like" button? It's like that red button, you know the one that you're never supposed to push, 'cause nuclear weapons are going to fall and destroy earth. Except it's a lot more subtle. There's no explosion. Nope, all that happens is that suddenly, every single fucking person on your Facebook is now aware that you "Like" Swiss Chalet, because that pops up on everyones News Feed. And that's just perfect. Bingo. They've got you.

Now, you're basically an employee for Swiss Chalet's Marketing Team. You're advertising Swiss Chalet to everyone on your Facebook, and it's the best kind of advertising, because it's more personal, it's person-to-person, almost like word of mouth (which any Marketer will know has always been the gold standard in achieving good advertising results). It's not corporation-to-person, which is a lot less efficient, because you're on your guard already, you know you're watching an ad, and part of your brain realizes that and shuts off. Of course that doesn't matter, because advertising is about repetition.

I know, some people don't care what information they share on Facebook, they just want to win the frigging dinner because, well, it's free food. I don't blame them. But it's tainted food, tainted with the horrible stench of corporate malevolence. So many people who go online are ignorant. I don't mean to be ageist, but think of all those seniors who joined Facebook so they could add their grandchildren and keep in touch with them (which is just adorable, right?) that are now being exploited by corporations who see money in infiltrating peoples social circles.

One last thing about SNP. People who are high on these SNP lists are being watched by marketing departments everywhere. They're being monitored because they're incredibly valuable to whatever company is interested in this viral marketing. It's very cost effective to suggest to a person on an SNP to promote a product. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that people with high SNP are actually getting paid to stealth promote a product.

What the hell happened during 2000-2010? The world evolved at an incredibly fast pace, except it wasn't so much in the physical realm as it was online. The net boom. Everything we do now is all linked to the internet. There is so much information being created and shared online, so much communication, I would not be surprised to learn that the average north american spends more time communicating on various forms of media online, or on a cellphone, than they do in person. If you want to take a look at how much life I've created online, it's actually quite interesting, just google "Kaleidoughscope" and you'll see the massive trail of information I've left behind for marketing hound dogs to pilfer through.

We're around machines more than people. I haven't quite painted a dystopia for you yet of what I think will happen in the future, but expect to see a future blog post describing it, based on some of the information I've provided for you here.

Okay, there's a lot more to this, I've only grazed the surface. But I think I've made one of my most important points clear.

So I ask you: Are you ignorant like the rest of them? Or will you choose to stay Above The Ignorance and live a more genuine life. I know what I pick. BEP said it best: If you never know truth, then you never know love.

2010
© Gabriel Gervais-Houle

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Escape.

I could come out and say some really generic statement/question like "Why do humans feel the need to escape their lives all the time, with alcohol and drugs?" but it would contain a false premise, that is, that -all- humans feel the need to escape their lives with various substances and various rituals. There are some people who feel no need at all to escape anything. I'm not talking about stuck-up government-propaganda-fed straight edgers who think they're being all righteous by supporting a bill that might lock up that small time weed dealer for 10 years because he dared to grow a plant that grows in the wild anyway for his own gain.

No, I'm talking about those people that have an aura. You can't see it, but you can feel it. I think I've seen auras before, but I can't be sure, it's more a fleeting vision. Anyway, these people with these auras (a special kind), they don't need to escape anything, because they're perfectly comfortable being who they are. I was talking to a friend about this today, and another way of looking at these people is to consider the three-part model of your typical human being. Body, mind, and spirit. Well, those people have a near perfect balance of all three. A lot of people in the world are lacking in one, two, or all three of those areas. As a sort of aside, I believe that it's the differences in levels of these three pillars of human existence that make individuals, individuals. If everyone had the exact same blend of body, mind and spirit, we'd all be identical entities.

At first glance, you think "Oh people are drinking, they want to have a good time!". But does it necessarily follow that to have a good time, you need to have alcohol? "No stupid, it just makes things better, why not?".

Drug addicts often have feelings of grandiosity, to hide the feelings of low-self esteem associated with addiction. (Warning: Generic statement inc.) But don't we all search for that feeling of grandiosity? Human beings crave recognition. They crave being acknowledged. It's easy to see, anywhere you go, but the easiest place to observe such behaviour is at a club. That hot chick's checking you out. Your body is conditioned to react to that. You might start to sweat a little, heart beats faster, mind races. All from a look.

I think that some drugs mimic this mechanism of action in your body. Instead of looking into that pretty chick's eyes, you're looking into Mary Jane's. And instead of being recognized by another entity, you're recognizing yourself more. A lot of drugs allow you to discover what's locked away deep inside your brain, it unlocks secrets and ideas that you never knew you had.

Me? I have a strange escape. Well, it's not that strange, it's a same escape for a lot of people too.
I didn't realize I did it until recently, when I understood what changes in my psychological state this escape was giving me.
Video games.
Yup. Video games.
I feel stressed out, I feel like the world is spinning, I feel like shit, I feel like the world is going to die anyway so who gives a shit, I turn on my computer and load up a game in my collection.

The effect is instantaneous.

It calms all the racing thoughts way the fuck down. You start to forget. You start to get involved in your own little controllable world, and slowly, the feelings, the aching brain, the tormented heart, they all melt away, and the soothing glow of the computer screen dulls your brain into a lower state of consciousness, or at least a different state.

It's not good in times of crisis though.

If you ever get depersonalized, dip your hands in icy water.

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I keep dreaming I have it all.

Did you know your brain produces massive amounts of Dimethyltryptamine (DMT) when you're dreaming, and just before you die? It explains that "I saw my life flash before my eyes" effect that some people experience.

DMT is the most powerful hallucinogen known to man, and your body produces it. It's also pretty damn illegal, but you can harvest it from grass if you want. It's in most living things.

Every night when (if) you go to sleep, you're basically having a psychoactive trip. Of course, no one understands why you have these trips, but we know that if you don't get them you go completely insane.

Some researchers think it might hold a clue to human existence, since it's so intrinsically linked with our own existence, and they've nicknamed it the "spirit" molecule.

I think that no matter how many barrage of tests and scientific inquiries they make on Dimethyltryptamine, they won't figure out its true mechanism of action. By observing this spirit molecule, you're influencing it. The observer changes the observed, there's no way around it, and that's one of the pillars of quantum mechanics. That's going to skew the results. I don't know, I'm not a scientific, far from it. But I hate how in today's modern world everything is science-based, there's no room for mysticism, or anything but the cold hard physical realm. And that's a shame, because the metaphysical realm is damned interesting.

---

There's this girl I like, but we have a strange relationship, almost movie-worthy. I like her, but she knows how to push my buttons, way too well. It's torture. I can't tell if it's a game to her or if she's serious. I would accept defeat if it is a game, but I'm not sure.

I think it qualifies as a love/hate relationship. I don't have many of those. Usually you like someone or you don't, it doesn't oscillate between two poles like that. But in this case it does.

You know what's cool? Look up "oscillating solutions" on youtube, it's pretty trippy.

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Give me a second go.

She's like a female Owl City.
She has a really pretty voice.


Give me a second go,
Dont let me go alone
You saw me at the worst,
You caught me falling first
All I wanted to know,
Give me a second go

Regression

Close your eyes and begin to relax. Take a deep breath and let it out, slowly. Concentrate on your breathing. With each breath you become more relaxed. Imagine a brilliant white light above you, focusing on this light as it flows through your body.

Allow yourself to drift off as you fall deeper and deeper into a more relaxed state of mind. Now as I count backward from ten to one, you will feel more peaceful and calm. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. You will enter a safe place where nothing can harm you. Five. Four. Three. Two.

If at any time you need to come back, all you must do is open your eyes. One.

Safe in the light that surrounds me

Free of the fear and the pain

My subconscious mind

Starts spinning through time

To rejoin the past once again

Nothing seems real

I'm starting to feel

Lost in the haze of a dream

And as I draw near

The scene becomes clear

Like watching my life on a screen

Hello M....m so glad to see you

My friend


Edit 2011/03/04: This is essentially Regression by Dream Theater, on Scenes from a Memory, one of my favourite concept albums.

Edit: 2017/05/24 Privacy checkup. Made by a human. Just being clear, lol.

The Night Starts Here

Cool weekend huh?

Four cases of 24 for five people, not bad.

It was cool, we got to the site at around 10:00, but we still had to load canoes and paddle to the cottage. We got inside the chalet and it was so wicked. Tons of room, super comfy couches and a great sound system.

Memorable moments include loading our stuff and watching it float away on a canoe, motorboating, climbing, getting wasted in the chalet, chicken wings, space brownies and B, after a ridiculous maneuver involving an axe, smashing his bong.

Can't wait to go again.

Until then, I have a couple things occupying my mind. I'm planning a bike trip to Ottawa, with tents and shiz, with some friends. Sweeeeeet.

I have a lot of gum...

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What you so despise.

I bought dis thing, it's called an iPod Touch and it does a bunch of stuff rite.

I'mma need all yall numbers so I can totally liek text and stuff. 'cause you know, there's an app for that, I don't even need to pay for a plan as long as I'm in a wifi zone.

I like telling this one to people:
I'm walking on Bloor street (I'm there often) and there's this Fish & Chips place called Chippy's. And they have one of those stand-up signs outside their little crib. And every day there are different fish puns written on it. A couple weeks ago, someone had drawn a fish dressed as Lady Gaga and the caption said "Cod in a Bad Romance". I lol'ed, went in, and ordered cod and told them that I only came in because of their sign. They're pretty proud of their sign, and apparently they have this in-house competition to come up with the best puns.

NO, I DON'T WANNA BE FRIIIIEEEEEENDSSSSSS
COD IN A BAD ROMANCE

Last edited 15-04-2019: Improved grammar; added clarity.

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Work.

We are looking for dedicated League of Legends fans living in the United States who are fluent in Spanish, French, or German, as well as English, to help us provide customer support for players around the world. This full-time paid position would require relocating to the Los Angeles/Culver City area to work at the Riot Games office.

This person will be working directly with me, Skribbles, Loote, and Pendragon, as well as the rest of the Riot team, to help cover a wide range of responsibilities in our customer service department. The position is a fantastic opportunity for a flexible yet driven problem solver to show their potential. Accordingly, every candidate must have a contagious passion for all aspects of League of Legends and an unwavering positive attitude.
Responsibilities

• Respond to customer inquiries in English, and at least one other language (Spanish, French, or German), in a timely and professional manner through a ticket-based support system
• Coordinate with payment gateways to gather information about charge-backs, fraud, and other detrimental purchasing behavior
• Thoroughly troubleshoot technical support issues with players
• Update the Customer Service Knowledge Database
• Investigate and resolve account-level issues
• Investigate TOS/EULA violations (yes, you will control the almighty ban hammer)

Requirements

• Must have excellent written and verbal communication skills
• Must have the ability to follow a single issue through to resolution, with a high level of accountability
• Must have excellent organization skills
• Must be detail-oriented, and possess strong time-management skills
• Must have a working knowledge of the Microsoft Office Suite
• Must be able to pass background and credit checks

Preferred Skills

• Basic knowledge of SQL and HTML will be helpful, but is not required

To apply, please send résumé and cover letter with 'Customer Service Specialist | your name' in the subject line to: careers@riotgames.com.

I am seriously considering temporarily moving to L.A. to get this job, it would be so much fucking fun. All alone in L.A.? HOLY SHIT I'M LIVING LIFE. I'm looking at green card applications as we speak.

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Is my love your drug?

What is with this human desire to escape that which makes us who we are?

Why do we turn to the external? Alcohol; drugs?

What are we trying to escape? Is our existence so dull that we need to run away from it with narcotics?

Yes it is.

While many can be content with living with what they have, others would much rather explore the world further, even if that means going into the darkest depths of their minds to see what's in there, in that locked room.

You can escape, but you can also retreat into that room that no one but you can claim ownership to. No one can really ever see what's in that room, only you. And only you have the key to open it.

Will you turn the handle?

Stolen

It's not fair.
See, I have this friend that I've known since.... grade four. We're not amazing friends, but she's pretty cool. Last summer I introduced her to this other friend of mine, from Katimavik. And now this other friend of mine is totally best friends with her, and she's friends with all his friends and blah blah... And I feel left out.
Am I QQ'ing a little much? Maybe. But I feel jealous. They always talk to each other now, plan things together and I'm just a bystander.

I haven't made a new friend in a long while. So when old ones drift away, I feel it, man. Guys totally have feelings, man.

What should I do? Okay, maybe, I'll make an effort to hang out with said person. More. And then whatever, it'll all be cool I guess.

But here is Saturday night, and I'm just drinking it away. Oh joy.

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