Escape.

I could come out and say some really generic statement/question like "Why do humans feel the need to escape their lives all the time, with alcohol and drugs?" but it would contain a false premise, that is, that -all- humans feel the need to escape their lives with various substances and various rituals. There are some people who feel no need at all to escape anything. I'm not talking about stuck-up government-propaganda-fed straight edgers who think they're being all righteous by supporting a bill that might lock up that small time weed dealer for 10 years because he dared to grow a plant that grows in the wild anyway for his own gain.

No, I'm talking about those people that have an aura. You can't see it, but you can feel it. I think I've seen auras before, but I can't be sure, it's more a fleeting vision. Anyway, these people with these auras (a special kind), they don't need to escape anything, because they're perfectly comfortable being who they are. I was talking to a friend about this today, and another way of looking at these people is to consider the three-part model of your typical human being. Body, mind, and spirit. Well, those people have a near perfect balance of all three. A lot of people in the world are lacking in one, two, or all three of those areas. As a sort of aside, I believe that it's the differences in levels of these three pillars of human existence that make individuals, individuals. If everyone had the exact same blend of body, mind and spirit, we'd all be identical entities.

At first glance, you think "Oh people are drinking, they want to have a good time!". But does it necessarily follow that to have a good time, you need to have alcohol? "No stupid, it just makes things better, why not?".

Drug addicts often have feelings of grandiosity, to hide the feelings of low-self esteem associated with addiction. (Warning: Generic statement inc.) But don't we all search for that feeling of grandiosity? Human beings crave recognition. They crave being acknowledged. It's easy to see, anywhere you go, but the easiest place to observe such behaviour is at a club. That hot chick's checking you out. Your body is conditioned to react to that. You might start to sweat a little, heart beats faster, mind races. All from a look.

I think that some drugs mimic this mechanism of action in your body. Instead of looking into that pretty chick's eyes, you're looking into Mary Jane's. And instead of being recognized by another entity, you're recognizing yourself more. A lot of drugs allow you to discover what's locked away deep inside your brain, it unlocks secrets and ideas that you never knew you had.

Me? I have a strange escape. Well, it's not that strange, it's a same escape for a lot of people too.
I didn't realize I did it until recently, when I understood what changes in my psychological state this escape was giving me.
Video games.
Yup. Video games.
I feel stressed out, I feel like the world is spinning, I feel like shit, I feel like the world is going to die anyway so who gives a shit, I turn on my computer and load up a game in my collection.

The effect is instantaneous.

It calms all the racing thoughts way the fuck down. You start to forget. You start to get involved in your own little controllable world, and slowly, the feelings, the aching brain, the tormented heart, they all melt away, and the soothing glow of the computer screen dulls your brain into a lower state of consciousness, or at least a different state.

It's not good in times of crisis though.

If you ever get depersonalized, dip your hands in icy water.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodine Darwin Overcast Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectre Citron Ophilia Philharmonic Eyeless

I keep dreaming I have it all.

Did you know your brain produces massive amounts of Dimethyltryptamine (DMT) when you're dreaming, and just before you die? It explains that "I saw my life flash before my eyes" effect that some people experience.

DMT is the most powerful hallucinogen known to man, and your body produces it. It's also pretty damn illegal, but you can harvest it from grass if you want. It's in most living things.

Every night when (if) you go to sleep, you're basically having a psychoactive trip. Of course, no one understands why you have these trips, but we know that if you don't get them you go completely insane.

Some researchers think it might hold a clue to human existence, since it's so intrinsically linked with our own existence, and they've nicknamed it the "spirit" molecule.

I think that no matter how many barrage of tests and scientific inquiries they make on Dimethyltryptamine, they won't figure out its true mechanism of action. By observing this spirit molecule, you're influencing it. The observer changes the observed, there's no way around it, and that's one of the pillars of quantum mechanics. That's going to skew the results. I don't know, I'm not a scientific, far from it. But I hate how in today's modern world everything is science-based, there's no room for mysticism, or anything but the cold hard physical realm. And that's a shame, because the metaphysical realm is damned interesting.

---

There's this girl I like, but we have a strange relationship, almost movie-worthy. I like her, but she knows how to push my buttons, way too well. It's torture. I can't tell if it's a game to her or if she's serious. I would accept defeat if it is a game, but I'm not sure.

I think it qualifies as a love/hate relationship. I don't have many of those. Usually you like someone or you don't, it doesn't oscillate between two poles like that. But in this case it does.

You know what's cool? Look up "oscillating solutions" on youtube, it's pretty trippy.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodine Darwin Overcast Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectre Citron Ophilia Philharmonic Eyeless

Give me a second go.

She's like a female Owl City.
She has a really pretty voice.


Give me a second go,
Dont let me go alone
You saw me at the worst,
You caught me falling first
All I wanted to know,
Give me a second go

Regression

Close your eyes and begin to relax. Take a deep breath and let it out, slowly. Concentrate on your breathing. With each breath you become more relaxed. Imagine a brilliant white light above you, focusing on this light as it flows through your body.

Allow yourself to drift off as you fall deeper and deeper into a more relaxed state of mind. Now as I count backward from ten to one, you will feel more peaceful and calm. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. You will enter a safe place where nothing can harm you. Five. Four. Three. Two.

If at any time you need to come back, all you must do is open your eyes. One.

Safe in the light that surrounds me

Free of the fear and the pain

My subconscious mind

Starts spinning through time

To rejoin the past once again

Nothing seems real

I'm starting to feel

Lost in the haze of a dream

And as I draw near

The scene becomes clear

Like watching my life on a screen

Hello M....m so glad to see you

My friend


Edit 2011/03/04: This is essentially Regression by Dream Theater, on Scenes from a Memory, one of my favourite concept albums.

Edit: 2017/05/24 Privacy checkup. Made by a human. Just being clear, lol.