Je m'excuse, mon cher public, de m'exprimer, pour la toute première fois, en français sur mon blogue. Il y a certains d'entre vous qui seront absolument incapables de comprendre ce que j'écris. Il y a en d'autres, et je pense que vous serez la majorité, qui comprendront un peu, juste assez pour ne pas être totalement perdu. Ensuite, il y aura une ou deux personnes qui seront capables de comprendre tout ce que j'écris. Mais malheureusement, il n'y aura personne qui sera capable de comprendre ce que je veux vraiment exprimer en mes mots. Telle est la façon dont le blogue fonctionne.
Si vous êtes du premier groupe, vous êtes foutu, et ça ne sert pas à grand-chose d'essayer de continuer. Babel Fish et Google Translate seront des outils superficiels.
Si vous êtes du deuxième groupe, vous pouvez essayer de comprendre, mais je pense que vous allez vous ennuyer.
Si vous êtes du troisième groupe, peut-être que vous serez content d'avoir un peu d'air frais dans votre face.
Pourquoi est-ce que j'écris en français?
Plusieurs raisons.
Cela doit faire plusieurs années que j'ai réellement écrit quelque chose en français qui a de la qualité, et qui n'est pas juste de la merde qu'on nous dit d'écrire dans les classes de français à l'école. À vrai dire, je pense que je n'ai jamais écrit quelque chose en français de mon plein gré. Alors, voici ma chance, non?
C'est bien connu que les langues latines sont des langues expressives. C'est pour cela qu'en anglais, on les appelle les "romance languages". Donc, il est parfois plus facile, et ça fait plus de sens, pour moi, de m'exprimer en français, mais je ne le fais jamais.
Pourquoi aujourd'hui?
Je ne me sens pas très bien. Ça passe, ça passe, mais quand même, je suis rempli d'angoisse.
Mes raisons ne sont pas très évidentes. Disons qu'autour de moi, je vois de l'angoisse partout. Surtout dans mes amis, certains de mes amis, qui eux, passent des mauvais quarts d'heure chaque jour, et parfois, chaque nuit. Je ne les comprends pas très bien, mes nouveaux amis, j'ai de la misère à montrer de la compréhension avec leurs problèmes.
Et pire encore, c'est la façon dont ils agissent qui m'angoisse. L'exemple le plus évident, c'est de la façon qu'ils s'expriment à travers leurs mots, dans leur blogue, avec les conversations que j'ai à travers MSN, etc. Quand je les vois en personne, ils ont un air carrément différent, plus souvent que pas, content. Mais j'essaye de percer leurs façades, car je sais qu'ils utilisent cette technique pour se dissimuler du monde.
Le problème, c'est que moi-même, j'ai de la grande misère à m'exprimer de la façon dont je veux m'exprimer en personne. Je ne serais jamais capable de dire tout ce que j'écris maintenant en personne, je me trouve incapable de dire ce que je veux dire devant les personnes avec qui je veux le dire le plus au monde. Car je regarde leurs visages, (enfin, certains d'entre eux) et je ne suis pas capable de m'exprimer. Je me renferme.
Et cela, c'est très, très angoissant.
Ah oui, c'est aussi angoissant que je me trouve le soir sans rien à faire, et que je passe des nuits blanches à angoisser, dans mon lit, et tout seul, marchant dans la nuit.
Au revoir, je ne signe pas, car ma signature est en anglais.
24/06/08
22/06/08
From day to day, summer (vocal rendition)
Yes, my first "vocal" blog. Unfortunately, it's just a reading of my previous blog post. It's a test of sorts, to see what I can do with it.
If everything works out right, expect my next blog to be entirely vocal, probably not scripted. A step under vlogging, but a step above writing (I love writing, however, so I'm not abandoning that, that's for sure.)
If everything works out right, expect my next blog to be entirely vocal, probably not scripted. A step under vlogging, but a step above writing (I love writing, however, so I'm not abandoning that, that's for sure.)
19/06/08
From day to day, summer
You know, sometimes you just want to do something, it's not exceedingly weird, but just weird enough that people question "Why?". Well, today was no exception. It would have been weird had my plans succeeded, and had not a number of factors come in to ruin my plan. For it was almost a plan, too, I had things calculated in my mind. And I had a stopwatch.
The plan was drafted late last night with my former associate, Juzeebull. Let me tell you a little bit about Juzeebull. No, I won't be mean. Let's just say... she's not the best person for the job. Sure, I've seen people arrive thirty minutes late before, but I mean, they had alright excuses. "My cat was on fire" is not a good excuse. Oh believe me, I love Juzee's cat, it's just, that, well, he wasn't exactly on fire, or running around the house throwing up, now was he, hmm?
Anyways.
I'll give you a brief overview of the plan.
The plan was to call into action the following:
1. Meet up with Agent Juzeebull at the designated Subway Station, at 2:00 pm.
2. Explain the rest of the plan to Agent Juzeebull during the alloted transportation time.
3. Provide Agent Juzeebull with the designated materials, which consisted of a pen and a stack of blank paper.
4. Rendez-vous at "a Starbucks on Queen Street", where subjects #1 and #2 should already be present, and totally unaware of our mission.
5. Find a suitable table not too far away from the table at which subjects 1 and 2 would be seated, pay attention, study, observe, and take notes on said subjects.
6. Due to lack of disguise, it would have been an open mission, and the instructions would have been to ignore the subjects should they attempt to engage in conversation, which they most certainly would have.
7. After our recon mission would be done, the mission would be over, and any normal social interaction could proceed.
Things that went wrong with the plan:
1. Agent Juzeebull was late, which almost made the entire operation have to be aborted.
2. There are quite a few Starbucks on Queen Street.
3. The subjects were not present at any Starbucks at the designated time of 12:00 pm. In fact, we were AHEAD of the subjects. It seems that subject 1 decided to sleep in. The fact that subject 1 lives 1:47 away from my house could have also jeopardized the entire operation.
4. I insisted that it was to be a COVERT operation, and Juzeebull did everything possible to spill the beans.
So, yeah. It was a total failure. In the end, me and Juzeebull just walked around the Eaton Centre for a little while, and on the pretext of an optometrist appointment at 5:30, we parted ways. (It was another one of her little tricks, she "forgot" that her appointment was actually tomorrow.)
Maybe it wasn't a total failure. I don't know. The subjects came and visited me later on in the day. They were both totally drenched from the rainstorms that occurred throughout the day. Subject 2 insisted with fervor "DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!", which makes me question why she would even bother knocking at my door if I wasn't supposed to look at her. Tell me, was I supposed to wear a cardboard box over my head and wait as you handed me the 2112 pin (which I do appreciate, actually), and then try and talk through the box, just so I couldn't see your oh-so-ruined locks of golden hair, Sonata?
Besides, I think it serves the subjects right to be soaked from the rainstorm. I think it's a sign from the heathens that you don't mess up my beautifully crafted plans.
Oh, and the pin has this picture on it:
The plan was drafted late last night with my former associate, Juzeebull. Let me tell you a little bit about Juzeebull. No, I won't be mean. Let's just say... she's not the best person for the job. Sure, I've seen people arrive thirty minutes late before, but I mean, they had alright excuses. "My cat was on fire" is not a good excuse. Oh believe me, I love Juzee's cat, it's just, that, well, he wasn't exactly on fire, or running around the house throwing up, now was he, hmm?
Anyways.
I'll give you a brief overview of the plan.
The plan was to call into action the following:
1. Meet up with Agent Juzeebull at the designated Subway Station, at 2:00 pm.
2. Explain the rest of the plan to Agent Juzeebull during the alloted transportation time.
3. Provide Agent Juzeebull with the designated materials, which consisted of a pen and a stack of blank paper.
4. Rendez-vous at "a Starbucks on Queen Street", where subjects #1 and #2 should already be present, and totally unaware of our mission.
5. Find a suitable table not too far away from the table at which subjects 1 and 2 would be seated, pay attention, study, observe, and take notes on said subjects.
6. Due to lack of disguise, it would have been an open mission, and the instructions would have been to ignore the subjects should they attempt to engage in conversation, which they most certainly would have.
7. After our recon mission would be done, the mission would be over, and any normal social interaction could proceed.
Things that went wrong with the plan:
1. Agent Juzeebull was late, which almost made the entire operation have to be aborted.
2. There are quite a few Starbucks on Queen Street.
3. The subjects were not present at any Starbucks at the designated time of 12:00 pm. In fact, we were AHEAD of the subjects. It seems that subject 1 decided to sleep in. The fact that subject 1 lives 1:47 away from my house could have also jeopardized the entire operation.
4. I insisted that it was to be a COVERT operation, and Juzeebull did everything possible to spill the beans.
So, yeah. It was a total failure. In the end, me and Juzeebull just walked around the Eaton Centre for a little while, and on the pretext of an optometrist appointment at 5:30, we parted ways. (It was another one of her little tricks, she "forgot" that her appointment was actually tomorrow.)
Maybe it wasn't a total failure. I don't know. The subjects came and visited me later on in the day. They were both totally drenched from the rainstorms that occurred throughout the day. Subject 2 insisted with fervor "DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!", which makes me question why she would even bother knocking at my door if I wasn't supposed to look at her. Tell me, was I supposed to wear a cardboard box over my head and wait as you handed me the 2112 pin (which I do appreciate, actually), and then try and talk through the box, just so I couldn't see your oh-so-ruined locks of golden hair, Sonata?
Besides, I think it serves the subjects right to be soaked from the rainstorm. I think it's a sign from the heathens that you don't mess up my beautifully crafted plans.
Oh, and the pin has this picture on it:
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodine Darwin Overcast
Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectre Citron Ophilia Philharmonic Eyeless.
15/06/08
A Blogger's (Mis)Adventure
Most revered audience,
I have prepared for you another late-night style blog, where revelations of the mind would not normally take place during the daylight. I suppose I should hurry, sun's gonna be up soon.
You see, this night, I was hopeful for... well, an adventure, no more, no less, with L. Unfortunately, I suppose plans can change in a snap, and this most hopeful event was called off a couple hours before rendez-vous.
At it's most basic level, this made me sad. I had been looking forward to it for a little while. It's been stressing me out, many things have, naturally.
So, at the predisposed time of the rendezvous, I decided to have myself an adventure. Except, well, it's not really an adventure.
There are times where I just want to walk forever, you know, the classic scene, leave everything behind, leave the past, and just walk ahead. One step at a time. So, well, that's what I did. I walked, walked, walked. Toward the lake, really, but I stopped at Bloor. Bloor and Christie. Sound familiar? Yes, so I walked around, and into the maw of Christie Pits. It's an eerie place at night, especially since they'd closed the gigantic lights. I sat on a few benches.
And then, I continued, along Bloor, listening to, quite aptly, A Momentary Lapse of Reason by Pink Floyd. On the left, some Mexican restaurant blasting loud music, on the right, a karaoke bar, on the left, some guy playing electric guitar on a corner, on the right, the massive Honest Ed's.
Now, I don't want to go into alllll the details, but I guess in two hours worth of walking, a lot of things happen. I chanced upon a mattress lying on the ground just a couple of houses down from L's house, and since I was tired from walking around for a while, I dozed a bit on it. Quite an experience, I must say.
And then I passed by L's house, which is in fact quite a shrouded house, surrounded by foliage and all.
But anyway, I suppose it was time for me to go home, so I walked back up Christie, aaaaall the way up to St. Clair. On the way there, I met a bunch of homies from middle school just lounging about, so that was a nice little reunion.
Now, for the most action packed part of my little adventure: As I cross St. Clair to the north side, a car that looks a bit smashed on the side almost collides with me as I cross the street. Whatever, doesn't bother me too much. So I keep walking along St Clair, and the car drives past me, honks once, and turns on the next street, and stops the car. I just walk by quickly. He turns around, drives on St Clair again, honks AGAIN, and turns on the next street, and stops the car! I walk faster now, and make it to Arlington, but he's back on St Clair! He honks at me once, but unfortunately, he can't turn on Arlington, since it's a one way, so he keeps going. So I go up Arlington, and make it safely back home. I was expecting to see him rumbling down Arlington, but it seems he'd given up on stalking me.
Well, the sun's come up now, and I know I'll have trouble sleeping... And I have to spend all of today studying for my World Issues exam, which will be a pain. And very boring. And I'm still a bit... depressed, for lack of a better word, about things that haven't happened tonight. It's a sort of longing. I don't know, I won't describe how I feel into too much detail on here, it is, after all, a public blog.
Farewell, my most revered audience.
I have prepared for you another late-night style blog, where revelations of the mind would not normally take place during the daylight. I suppose I should hurry, sun's gonna be up soon.
You see, this night, I was hopeful for... well, an adventure, no more, no less, with L. Unfortunately, I suppose plans can change in a snap, and this most hopeful event was called off a couple hours before rendez-vous.
At it's most basic level, this made me sad. I had been looking forward to it for a little while. It's been stressing me out, many things have, naturally.
So, at the predisposed time of the rendezvous, I decided to have myself an adventure. Except, well, it's not really an adventure.
There are times where I just want to walk forever, you know, the classic scene, leave everything behind, leave the past, and just walk ahead. One step at a time. So, well, that's what I did. I walked, walked, walked. Toward the lake, really, but I stopped at Bloor. Bloor and Christie. Sound familiar? Yes, so I walked around, and into the maw of Christie Pits. It's an eerie place at night, especially since they'd closed the gigantic lights. I sat on a few benches.
And then, I continued, along Bloor, listening to, quite aptly, A Momentary Lapse of Reason by Pink Floyd. On the left, some Mexican restaurant blasting loud music, on the right, a karaoke bar, on the left, some guy playing electric guitar on a corner, on the right, the massive Honest Ed's.
Now, I don't want to go into alllll the details, but I guess in two hours worth of walking, a lot of things happen. I chanced upon a mattress lying on the ground just a couple of houses down from L's house, and since I was tired from walking around for a while, I dozed a bit on it. Quite an experience, I must say.
And then I passed by L's house, which is in fact quite a shrouded house, surrounded by foliage and all.
But anyway, I suppose it was time for me to go home, so I walked back up Christie, aaaaall the way up to St. Clair. On the way there, I met a bunch of homies from middle school just lounging about, so that was a nice little reunion.
Now, for the most action packed part of my little adventure: As I cross St. Clair to the north side, a car that looks a bit smashed on the side almost collides with me as I cross the street. Whatever, doesn't bother me too much. So I keep walking along St Clair, and the car drives past me, honks once, and turns on the next street, and stops the car. I just walk by quickly. He turns around, drives on St Clair again, honks AGAIN, and turns on the next street, and stops the car! I walk faster now, and make it to Arlington, but he's back on St Clair! He honks at me once, but unfortunately, he can't turn on Arlington, since it's a one way, so he keeps going. So I go up Arlington, and make it safely back home. I was expecting to see him rumbling down Arlington, but it seems he'd given up on stalking me.
Well, the sun's come up now, and I know I'll have trouble sleeping... And I have to spend all of today studying for my World Issues exam, which will be a pain. And very boring. And I'm still a bit... depressed, for lack of a better word, about things that haven't happened tonight. It's a sort of longing. I don't know, I won't describe how I feel into too much detail on here, it is, after all, a public blog.
Farewell, my most revered audience.
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodine Darwin Overcast
Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectre Citron Ophilia Philharmonic Eyeless.
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