My first OW2 backcap

Ahhhh I'm so excited right now! Okay, bear with me: if you've never played Overwatch 2, it might be difficult for you to understand why I'm excited. But I'll break it down for you if you're curious, and I'm assuming you're not a gamer.

Okay. So Overwatch 2 is an online-only multiplayer First-Person Shooter (FPS). You play games of 5 players against 5 players (it used to be 6vs6...) on different "maps" that are fictional, but loosely based on futuristic versions of real-life locations like Toronto, Havana, and Chongqing, China.

Different maps have different objectives. For the Toronto map (New Queen Street), you're trying to push a giant robot in a sort of tug-of-war battle against the other team. In Chongqing (Lijiang Tower), you're fighting for control of a specific area in a king-of-the-hill style battle. In Havana, you're trying to push a payload into the enemy's base and they're trying to stop you (or vice-versa).

One of the best parts of Overwatch 2 is the cast of characters. During a standard game, you can play and switch to any character in the role that you queued for, and there are three roles: Tank, Damage, and Support. I tend to play either damage or support, because I don't like the added pressure that comes from being the only tank (it's always 1 tank, 2 damage, 2 support on any given team).

This is more advanced tactical discussion, but one way to look at the roles is that tanks create space for the team, damage maintains the space, and support, well, supports these 2 roles in doing that. Creating space means taking tactical and strategic positions on the map to make it easier to get eliminations, and eliminations are how you get rid of the enemy team before they inevitably respawn and try and stop you from completing objectives.

ANYWAY. With that gloss-over of the game over with, I just finished playing a Quick Play (the non-competitive mode that I prefer) game on King's Row (based on London, England) as Zenyatta, a support character that does high damage and good utility, but with very little mobility. As Zenyatta, you're really reliant on your team to not get ganked. So on King's Row, I was on the side trying to push the payload, and I had a really good team so we got through the first 2 checkpoints without anyone dying (which is pretty rare: dying happens a lot in this game). King's Row, however, is notoriously difficult on the last checkpoint because the defenders respawn pretty much right next to where you're trying to push the payload. If there's even 1 enemy player near the payload, it doesn't move; so it's difficult to eliminate the entire enemy team faster than they can eliminate you on checkpoint 3.

Overwatch 2 is a game of teamfights. These are battles that happen naturally as the game progresses, and it's not uncommon for a team to get a "team kill", which is when everyone is dead at the same time before anyone has a chance to respawn.

My team fought a hard teamfight and used their "ultimates" (a powerful but rare ability unique to each hero), trying to push the payload the last few few metres, but everyone on my team finally died - except me. Usually, you want to get eliminated with your team when this happens so that you respawn as a team. But in this case, I saw the opportunity to hide behind enemy lines. The enemy had a burst of confidence from having eliminated my team, so they pushed forward, leaving the payload (and me!) behind.  One thing you should know about Zenyatta is that because he floats, he actually doesn't make footstep sounds, which is one of the best tells that an enemy is nearby.

So the enemy team forgot about me, and can't hear me. I sneak up behind the payload and get it moving, while my team distracts the enemy team by trying to push forward through the front line... the payload slowly moves toward the goal line. I eventually see the enemy's tank realize I'm about to cap the point, and they rush back but it's too late: I cap the point and win the game for my team. My team is ecstatic and thank me profusely in the in-game chat, and I cannot believe that I managed to pull it off. It was a hell of a rush because these kinds of wins are really, really rare. Someone on the enemy team usually notices and then the entire team can easily pick you off the payload.

I tried to make a video clip of all this from the replay file, but it seems I can't through GeForce Now, so the best I can do is a screenshot of the setup.

Red circle is the payload and the direction I need to push it in, green are the outlines of my teammates, and I'm in the blue circle. Notice the enemy team focusing their attention toward the green.

Luck lite

In my previous post, I described some of my feelings toward depressive tendencies, and some of the things that indicate to me that I might not be so depressed. Of course, this is all personal & anecdotal, not rigorous scientific inquiry, so take things with a grain of salt, eh?

I want to explore similar matters and the topic that comes to mind now is luck.

Depression lite

I can't help but wonder if I suffer from a light depression, especially at this time of year when the sun is weak. I mean, the sun is strong in general, but you know what I mean. The rays of sun are just not strong enough to boost my vitamin D levels to normal levels.

I do take a vitamin D supplement. It probably helps. And I'm not going to go into details about depression, lest I offend someone who actually suffers from clinical depression. I can't help but say that depressed people are probably less likely to be offended than non-depressed people, given the lethargy and lack of caring about anything.

I'm not sure if I can say: "I've been there". I've read enough stories about people who suffer from depression who can't even get out of bed. I'm grateful that I don't think I've ever had to deal with that. There's always a candle burning in me, somewhere, some energy that keeps me going despite all the loneliness.

Well, that took a darker turn than I wanted. I might as well just write this post off as one of my freewrite rambles at this point. I'll do that. I'll tag it freewrite right now, so I don't have to worry about trying to make this blog post look more presentable.

Anyway, the reason that I think I might have "depression lite" is because I don't find myself laughing much. I'm creative, sure, creative in writing because I feel I have to write at this point. I think if I were to spend a few days in a row without writing anything there's a good chance my quality of life would decrease substantially. Writing helps keep me grounded. Back on topic: depression lite, also, because I don't feel like going out and spending money at places in the city. Ugh, I wrote something that's not true. I do actually want to try different things in the city. I want to, for example, go to the Science Centre. I haven't been there since I was in high school. It's like 20 bucks for a day pass. It's probably a really fun experience. And I don't think I would not enjoy it. However, if I were really depressed, I don't think I would want to go at all, and if I was forced to go, I probably wouldn't enjoy it either.

But I know currently I would probably enjoy my time at the Science Centre. So I should go. And it might help get rid of these blues that I'm feeling by opening me up to different sensorial experiences.

Okay, can I still call it suffering from depression lite? If it was full-blown depression, I wouldn't be able to function. I think that's part of the definition of depression in the DSM (fuck that book btw). But I do function. I've kept a job for over a year now, and although it doesn't pay much I pride myself on doing my work well. And I do smart things, like improving my sleep routine and improving my diet and willingly doing exercise (especially in the mornings; I just came back from pickleball and I did have fun) and calling friends.

So I'm doing all the right things to avoid the "darkness" - the bad dark, the dark that makes you do stupid shit because of ego or because you want to fit into society or, on the other hand, want to reject it. The darkness that makes you say to yourself: "fuck it, I'm gonna die anyway, why should I take care of myself?". The darkness that makes you think that it's hopeless to try and improve your circumstances because the rich have all the power anyway and society is fucked because of greed, corruption, and environmental degradation.

No. No darkness like that. Just pure, unadulterated sunlight, and a willingness to smile even if I don't feel like it and even if I think I look foolish doing it, there's a glimmer there. God, I'm just going to go listen to Last Hope by Paramore now and let the music speak for all these words I've crammed in here, after being triggered (in a good way) by the word glimmer.

It's just a spark, but it's enough... to keep me going

And when it's dark out, no one's around... it keeps glowing

 

I've definitely shared this video as a blog post before. This is in my top five favourite Paramore songs, which is saying something.

Daytime candle panacea

The yellow-orange glow of the candle next to me is calming. The candle is the herald of tranquility. The candle burns and keeps burning as I think procedurally.

Back to basics

In my previous post, I outlined a bunch of things I want for this blog in the future. For this post, I will just write whatever I want, which is usually what I do anyway.

I'll start by complaining.

I don't know why, but since I would say 2020, anytime I start to write in this glorious blank box, there's an extra space before the first letter of the first sentence. And usually after I write the first word, I go back and delete the space because I don't want it there. But sometimes I'm in such a rush to write something down that I forget and hit publish and so I end up with some posts that start with an extra space. I guess I'll add a permanent fix to my to-do list.

Now I will do some reflecting.

It seems that my diet has improved over the past month. I haven't had ice cream in weeks, which to me is a small but useful indicator that I'm taking care of myself. Furthermore, it's not like I can't just go into the freezer and eat ice cream: there's some sitting there. So I'm also practising self-control. A more obvious indicator that I'm taking care of myself is that I've lost 20 pounds. This is complicated by the fact that I gained 10 more after losing this 20, but hopefully some of that is water weight after significantly upping my carbs. And I wanted to strictly avoid gluten, like I do when I'm doing well, but unfortunately I just could not resist the onion rings in the freezer last night. I did, however, resist the hot dog buns, substituting crunchy romaine leaves and crispy bacon for a bun replacement. And that's a win for me.

Onto the weather.

Yep, all the snow I mentioned in The Perfect Snowfall is melting as I write these words. And there's a very real possibility that that snowfall was the last good one of the winter, which is a darned shame. The sun is hidden behind the clouds now, slowing the melting process somewhat, but if the cold weather doesn't DROP soon, it'll all be gone by the end of the week. Actually, everything might turn to ice because there is supposedly a low of -11 on Friday, which will freeze the melting snow into beautiful but dangerous ice sheets.

Ending with some gratitude.

I'm grateful that I'm free to write pretty much whatever I want. I could go into politics and complain about the state of affairs in Ontario. I could go into activism and promote a cause like the rehabilitation of wetlands for ducks. I could write about food and cultures and controversial spiritual theories here and not get into trouble. So I'm grateful that I'm alive and able to write here.

Roadmap ahead

I'm so glad I kept this blog up, and that I keep it updated. It took a while to eventually realize that this place is a sort of lifeline to me.

I've described the Kaleidoughscope of Writings to people IRL as a sanctuary, an oasis in the chaos that the internet is at times. The internet is not at all the same as it was when I first started writing here in 2007. It's a little scary, actually, when I consider the sheer volume of technological progress that has been made in the online world, with many positives and negatives being added to the equation of human life as lived online and offline.

In other words, I will keep writing. I will keep blogging. And I have ideas - many ideas - for the future of this place, and I know that some if not all will come to fruition. Here's a list of ten things I want to make happen here, in no particular order, and with currently no specific deadline for any of them:

• Standalone web domain; maybe still powered by Google/Blogger, but as someone who spends hours on the computer every single day, it's inexcusable that I don't have my own website.
• Tags for all my past and future posts; this is a lot of work, but not difficult to do. It's just the sheer quantity of entries - hundreds without tags - that is a bit overwhelming, but only I can really set the theme for some of the more cryptic posts. And I've been tagging for a couple years now, so I've already started this objective. 
• A place to make it easy to suggest topics, or, to contribute; probably the biggest weakness of my sanctuary is that it's not very social. That's mostly by design, but I do want to connect with my readers more. Ideally, I'd want more readers, but not because of some viral marketing gimmick or because I want to be popular. No, I want them to be here because it's a joyful or at the very least interesting place to be. Tried joining a random Discord server one too many times; not doing that again.
  
• Modernize the layout; but keep one of the most important things: the random button. So that at any time, I can click it and instantly be transported to a place in time in the past. Just the way I like it. Edit = You could try it, too. It's almost certainly not a jump scare, and if it is, well, too bad.
  
• A 30-31 day challenge; to publish a post every day for a month. And not just throwaway/freewriting posts - actual planned topics, or writing based around a theme for the month. To prove to myself that I can, and perhaps aim for more difficult challenges later.
  
• More multimedia - vlogs, podcasts, photos; I've done all three in the past (mostly photography) and gotten good feedback about continuing to do vlogs, for example, but as I've gotten older I've gotten shyer, I guess.
• Guest writers; to network a bit more, and introduce my audience to other content creators. Similar to point 3, really.
• A place to donate; tucked away somewhere, "Buy me a coffee"-style, contribute if you are so inclined. Maybe Bitcoin-only. To support and encourage what I do here, and help keep everything independent. May 2024: For now, still not accepting donations unless you know my personal e-mail.
  
• More self-made artwork; i.e. no AI influence for my visual pieces, and if I use ChatGPT, a very clear mention of the **prompts and the fact that I used it to assist with a blog post. As of today (Feb 16th 2024), I have yet to use ChatGPT for anything on my blog - not even layout suggestions.* This may change, as I've seen how useful that Generative Pre-trained Transformer can be when used properly.
  
• More humour; lawd oh lawd can this place be dreary, "ranty", and downright miserable at times. Sometimes my fury can lead to some pretty interesting rants, but I want this place to be more joyful moving forward and humour is an excellent way of doing that.
  

Bonus: A search button somewhere, so that I (and other readers) don't have to click through the different months and different years to find a specific blog post. Related to point #2, tags should help, but specific things I've said won't come up without a proper search tool. SUCCESS!!!

 *Actually come to think of it, ChatGPT helped me debug an issue I was having with YouTube embeds on my posts. This was only very recently, this month actually. The point still stands.

** Nah. But I will of course say when I've used it specifically for the post, but a good magician cannot reveal all his tricks - even if the tricks are robot-based.