Timothy Leary and stuff

"Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think déjà vu is for?”. Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others…”

-Timothy Leary

Picture unrelated.

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October Red

Days spent idle as the time goes by.
It seems like time accelerates as you get older.
Where did the past go?

School is keeping me mostly busy. It's not as overwhelming as I thought it would be.
I had a writing assignment to do last weekend about some classic sociologists. I was surprised that I managed to finish it all on the weekend, considering it's worth a decent chunk of my mark. It felt good to finish my first written assignment of the school year so quickly.

I lost my phone... again. This makes me very sad. I haven't had it for a little while now, and I miss it. Luckily, I have insurance that covers it, but it's a lot of hassle all because of a rascal on the TTC who never returned it.

I should go on adventures more often. Then I could blog some more about it. I have nothing really eventful to talk about, except maybe that I played some ultimate frisbee and soccer this weekend. And I'm also part of a little badminton club at UofT. That's about all, though.

Bye.

P.S. Paramore concert in a month!

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Un petit compte allégorique

Un sourire, cachant une multitude de pensées.
Un regard, illustrant des milliers de reflexions.
Et une image camouflé dans un visage.

Je ne comprendrais jamais pourquoi tu te cache.
Et si je comprenais, je saurais comment te trouver et peut être nous pourrions vivre simplement, tous les deux.
Mais les nuits allongent et le temps accélère; et malgré mes souhaits bienveillants, je retombe dans ma noirceur.

Un de ces jours, je saurais comment allonger le temps et je te retrouverais.
Et quand cela arrivera, je sourirais à nouveau.

The edge of Sorrow's Blade

Lights sings about being at the edge of Sorrow's Blade. I don't quite know what it means, but for some reason I always find myself contemplating this metaphor inside my head.

I can't say I've been sad (or sorrowful, for that matter) for most of my life, least of all my childhood. I've never been diagnosed with depression, but I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2; supposedly, this "disease" comes with periods of depression. It's just a label. It's just a label.
Maybe I've been wielding the sword for so long now that I'm just used to it, and I just don't see it as depression.

I'm often bursting with creativity - even in my periods of sadness or despair. It's rare that I actually act on the convoluted mass of creativity that swirls around in my head, but I like to think that this blog is an outlet that releases this creativity in a purposeful way. At the very least, I work on my writing skills.

In some of my more creative episodes, I end up endlessly theorizing the world. I come up with wild and often far-fetched theories that explain existence and phenomena; basically, what a scientist would call "pseudo-science". I don't care what you label it as, the truth is I come up with these ideas on a whim and sometimes even feel them. It's really difficult to explain. But I know that most of these ideas are often crazy and make no sense in the contemporary world. So I don't readily share them - even on this blog.

In fact, I feel like a lot of my words on here are merely substitutes for what I really think and feel. I don't know, have you ever met someone who could express themselves with absolute clarity? I haven't. So maybe it's not so crazy after all that I pour myself onto the page, month after month, year after year.

To end this post, I've decided to transcribe a few bullet points I found stashed away in an old journal of mine.

There are many reasons why one could find themselves at the edge of Sorrow's Blade. Here's a list from my own personal experience:

• Heartbreak
• Loneliness
• Broken friendship
• Cruelty in the world
• Environmental destruction
• Disconnection from the natural realm
• Lack of connection with spiritualists
• Blatant abuse of power for personal gain
• Harsh words
• Inability to communicate with others

It's not a very long list, and some are kinda silly (harsh words? dunno what I was thinking when I wrote that), but you get the point.