17/11/11

Moving forward

So apparently, my blog audience has grown substantially since my last few posts. I'm really happy about this!
And thank you to all those who sent me heartfelt compliments on my writing, I really, really appreciate your support.

However, it seems a few people seem to think they know what's "best" for me. Some of them close friends, others mere acquaintances. To those people, please don't try to tell me what's best for me and my body. You're definitely not helping. I appreciate your concern, and I know you're trying to help, but please read on.

It's true, I don't really trust psychiatrists. I'm not saying they're all evil, but after going what I've been through, I feel I'm in a good position to relate my story from a patient's point of view.

Drugs aren't inherently good for the human body. Especially not pharmaceutical drugs. That's why there are side effects. The body doesn't recognize the foreign substance, and tries to repel it. The human body is smart.

I'm not saying drugs are bad. Some drugs have saved plenty of lives, and that's fine.

HOWEVER.

Trying to treat things like "psychosis" with pills and denying all other forms of therapy as potentially equal or better, in my opinion, is a terrible, terrible mistake.
Psychiatrists everywhere try to control the mentally sick with their fucked up "medicine" that they themselves have no idea of their origin. When I asked my assigned doctor in the hospital what they were injecting in me, the only answer they could really provide was "don't worry, it'll help you".

To that I say, and pardon the crudeness, FUCK YOU. You have NO idea what's good for my body. You have an idea of what's good for the general population, but NOT my body. Especially if I refuse your blood tests. You gave me a fucking panic attack, you didn't help me at all.

MY BODY; MY RULES.

And then, when you really need help, and they try to show you that mental illness is "just like" a physical illness like diabetes or a broken leg, they're using RHETORIC to convince you to take their bloody expensive pills.
In logic terms, we call this a FAULTY analogy.

Here's an example of a discussion about pill-taking I had with a psychiatrist once:


P: Don't you see? There's nothing to be ashamed of by taking a pill to help cure you. It's just like diabetes. If you had diabetes, you wouldn't deny the taking of insulin, would you?


G: I see what you did there. First of all, by definition, diabetes is a physical illness, not a mental one. Someone who is diabetic is deficient in insulin. I am NOT deficient in your drug. My body doesn't need your drug to function. Never has, probably never will. My body is probably deficient in nutrients, somewhere, but your drug doesn't help that. You might say it does, but really, it just cuts off the symptoms, and even then, it doesn't even do it that well. What my body needs is proper nutrition, proper vitamins and minerals, and if need be, I can boost it with supplements. But the human body always strives to be in homeostasis, otherwise we'd all be sick, all the time.


See, but trying to get psychiatrists to see this is like talking to a brick wall. They don't give a fuck about the truth, they just want to keep their jobs and the money associated with it.

Money should not control health. EVER.

I take herbal remedies, and they work. And no, they're not all "homeopathic" (they sure do love to pick on this word, though). I don't need your fucked up animal studies to show me that your pills are better, because they're not. What you're doing to me, the animals, and the plants you've immorally harvested to "cure" me is EVIL.

That is all for today, friends.

Oh, if you're into trance, I've kinda loved this song for a long, long time now.

Try to listen to all of it, if you can.



Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore


16/11/11

Grounding food

So having just been released from the most inhumane place I've ever visited, I was very hungry.
They did feed me quite well, respecting my gluten-free diet, but the food was still... hospital food, what can I say.

However, I came home famished, and decided to make a quick snack:
I don't have a name for it yet, but it's really, really tasty. Lots of spices and Omega-3s, and just enough carbs to keep the brain happy. The protein is ham and Mennonite salami.


The Mental Hospital

Tuesday November 15th, 2011
It has been one day since I've been imprisoned against my will inside this dysfunctional hospital. I was forced to take an Ativan injection - tied down and needled and all - for some unknown reason. But there is hope, very much hope at the end of this sickly tunnel.
How do I know this?
Well, when I was first brought here, I met an incredibly beautiful girl. Just my type: amazingly coloured hair, bright eyes and a lot of fiery enthusiasm. She's really sparkly, and radiates emotional passion.
Anyway, she and her friend J (who was not a patient at the hospital) were the only two people who seemed sane. We chatted for great lengths on how messed up the "system" is (duh), and how badly we wanted to take it down.

But back to this gorgeous girl... she gave me her FB account info before we parted ways to different wards, and I want to take her dancing. She even said, when she was in the bed lying next to me, "Ughhh, let's just go DANCE!". But as we couldn't because there were too many bastard doctors around. We both wanted to sing. She might still be in the hospital, but in a different ward.

It is now much later during the day, and my sister and mother came to visit me. They didn't really talk about all that much. My mother has worrying issues. My sister was more understanding, really. Just before their visit, I met a psychiatrist, Dr. Parker, who seemed pretty nice. She did ask why I didn't want any pills, but she didn't seem to care what my reasons for refusing them were. Instead, she used a faulty analogy to "convince" me that taking "Olanzapine/Risperidone" would be good for me.

Wednesday, Nov 16th, 2011
The lights are on! No, not the metaphorical lights, the actual lights. I feel I have a clearer understanding of what's going on in this place, and how to make it better (at least for myself...). It is a scary place, however. People seem to cling to other people who seem to have some sort of level-headedness. Already, 2-3 people have been clinging to me, telling me all about their life without really caring about my voice. Soon, however:

MUSIC SHALL SET US FREE.
It already has for me.

April 2013 edit: Looking back on this now, it still amazes me that the time I spent there was less than a week. I wrote this while I had nothing to do in my room, and later transcribed it to my blog. Nothing has been changed. However, I do regret a few things that I said, such as saying that my mother has worrying "issues". Honestly, if I had a kid in an asylum, I'd be pretty freaked out and worried too.

I did end up seeing this girl later on when she got out and we had chatted on Skype. We played a game of hide and seek in High Park, and later on we hung out at her folks' place for a bit and played some card games. Nothing romantic happened, but we were clearly just starting to form a friendship.

This story has a sad ending. Another day, we met up at my place, and we had a bit of a verbal spar/disagreement over me borrowing her Scott Pilgrim books and having misplaced them. I found them the next day and dropped it off at her folks' place, and never heard from her again.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

06/11/11

Kitty City

So as you know, reader, I don't usually link to other content; I much prefer to create it myself, or at least, remix it somehow.

However, I'm kinda tired today after spending the afternoon checking out Occupy Toronto. What an incredible place! I'm going back tomorrow with my djembe to join the drum circle there, and I'll probably do some other stuff too. If you're in Toronto and you're reading this, I'd be happy to see you there tomorrow at 2:00-ish.

Anyway.

Enjoy this hilarity: