I think that this will be the darkest blog I have ever written. Luckily very few people will read this, and as such it really doesn't matter. I'm glad, especially for this post, that I have such a tiny audience. I just really needed to write, and personal journals aren't my thing too much.
You know that feeling, kind of in your stomach, when you have this test and you look over the questions and you don't have a clue on how to answer the questions? Or just how you feel before a major test. I feel like that, perpetually. I can't give anyone the actual reason why, but I feel absolutely horrific.
I'd thought that with a little willpower, I could just make the feeling disappear. Obviously you can't get rid of physical wounds with pure willpower, but emotional, inside wounds? They're much less concrete than physical wounds, so I thought it was just a matter of wishing them away. But I CAN'T. It doesn't work. And these abstract "wounds", if you will, are starting to have real physical effects. But it's very very easy to hide such physical and emotional things sometimes. If people know you as a person who always talks and laughs, and is a very silly person in general, and you usually ARE such a person on the outside, you can't suddenly start acting completely differently, even though it's what you feel like doing, because that's what you feel on the INSIDE. And then, no one ever notices, and you're alone.
Another thing that can stop the symptoms from showing is the fear of something even worse happening is if the true feelings show through. Don't understand? For example: If how you feel does actually end up being shown to the world, depending on what is being shown, you may become an outcast. If you're acting horribly depressed, and do NOT want to talk, how can you expect yourself to function at a social party? At a teamwork-sports game? At school? At any institution where any showing of weaknesses are shown, perhaps the survival of the fittest rule applies. Because you are being weak, people don' t want you anymore. And slowly, but surely, you end up getting out of it.
But why bother with all these abstract thoughts? I don't know what I'm trying to get at too much, I just thought it would be a relief to write things down. It's helped a tiny bit, but I wish the solution would just come. I know the exact solution, the remedy. Unfortunately, I don't have much control on how to have it. And apparently, if I attempt to bring the remedy to me, it actually gets farther away. Bear with me, it's hard trying to code things so that you, the reader, do not know what I am specifically talking about, but so that you are not hopelessly confused. It would be embarrassing if the truth be known, really.
This will be the worst April I've ever had.
Be careful in life, things may not always appear to be what they seem.
-Kaleidoughscope.
27/03/08
Sgt. Kaleidoughscope's Lonely Hearts Club Blog
Okay, so I had the intention of referring to the title of this blog and explaining, but I've just realized how utterly brilliant that title is. I think I shall rename my blog to "Sgt. Kaleidoughscope's Lonely Hearts Club Blog".
The thing is, my club isn't so lonely anymore. Allow me to introduce my friend, and newly initiated blogger Dao, aka ddsweet_angel.
I must say, it feels nice to not be so alone in these blogs. My old collaborator, k473z 7h3 m4gnific3n7, seems to have forgotten completely about blogging, but I don't blame her, this is a lonely spot on the planet. Besides, I'm sure she's totally busy with IB and all.
Not too much to report on. I absolutely adore DeviantArt, the community is great and there are millions of amazing artists making so much stuff. It does make me jealous, I'll admit. I spend a lot of time there these days. I have to fill up my time slots now that I've "quit" World of Warcraft. People keep asking me how I'm taking it, how much more free time I have etc. But really, there's not much of a change... It was a fun game, I'll prolly start playing again in the summer or something.
I don't intend to turn this blog into a gamerz blog, since I DO have quite the female blogger audience (NOT that Females don't play video games and don't enjoy them or anything), and I don't want to alienate anyone, but I have to talk about an ill game that everyone should praise.
Spore.
It's coming out sometime in 2008, and it's such a great concept. You start out as a cell. You customize your cell to make it look cool or w/e. You eat little plants (or plant cells?). And you grow, and then you get teeth, or something, and you can eat other cells! New types of food are available as you grow, so you keep getting bigger. Life is in 2D.
BAM, before you know it, you're a creature! You run around like in an RPG, find a mate, make friends etc. And then... BAM, you're a tribe! Your creature has reproduced, and you now control a whole tribe! You have your own little village, you attack other tribes and stuff. You start conquering. 3D!
And yeah, you guessed it, BAM! You're an entire civilization! You conquer other civilizations, you eventually conquer the world!
Think it stops there? NEVER.
SPACE IS YOURS, MUAHAHAHA. Want a planet? Launch your minions at it, take it over, and colonize galaxies. Take over the universe?! Maybe, if you're patient!
There's a lot more to it, of course. If you're at all interested, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spore_%28video_game%29 of course.
It's too bad I'll probably be in Katimavik when it comes out, but hey, who knows what'll happen.
Oh, and I FINALLY submitted my application. Now, I await the (hopefully) good news. Because if I don't get in, I'm basically screwed.
Okay, that's enough for today.
Keep on Sporing,
The thing is, my club isn't so lonely anymore. Allow me to introduce my friend, and newly initiated blogger Dao, aka ddsweet_angel.
I must say, it feels nice to not be so alone in these blogs. My old collaborator, k473z 7h3 m4gnific3n7, seems to have forgotten completely about blogging, but I don't blame her, this is a lonely spot on the planet. Besides, I'm sure she's totally busy with IB and all.
Not too much to report on. I absolutely adore DeviantArt, the community is great and there are millions of amazing artists making so much stuff. It does make me jealous, I'll admit. I spend a lot of time there these days. I have to fill up my time slots now that I've "quit" World of Warcraft. People keep asking me how I'm taking it, how much more free time I have etc. But really, there's not much of a change... It was a fun game, I'll prolly start playing again in the summer or something.
I don't intend to turn this blog into a gamerz blog, since I DO have quite the female blogger audience (NOT that Females don't play video games and don't enjoy them or anything), and I don't want to alienate anyone, but I have to talk about an ill game that everyone should praise.
Spore.
It's coming out sometime in 2008, and it's such a great concept. You start out as a cell. You customize your cell to make it look cool or w/e. You eat little plants (or plant cells?). And you grow, and then you get teeth, or something, and you can eat other cells! New types of food are available as you grow, so you keep getting bigger. Life is in 2D.
BAM, before you know it, you're a creature! You run around like in an RPG, find a mate, make friends etc. And then... BAM, you're a tribe! Your creature has reproduced, and you now control a whole tribe! You have your own little village, you attack other tribes and stuff. You start conquering. 3D!
And yeah, you guessed it, BAM! You're an entire civilization! You conquer other civilizations, you eventually conquer the world!
Think it stops there? NEVER.
SPACE IS YOURS, MUAHAHAHA. Want a planet? Launch your minions at it, take it over, and colonize galaxies. Take over the universe?! Maybe, if you're patient!
There's a lot more to it, of course. If you're at all interested, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spore_%28video_game%29 of course.
It's too bad I'll probably be in Katimavik when it comes out, but hey, who knows what'll happen.
Oh, and I FINALLY submitted my application. Now, I await the (hopefully) good news. Because if I don't get in, I'm basically screwed.
Okay, that's enough for today.
Keep on Sporing,
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodine Darwin Overcast
Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectre Citron Ophilia Philharmonic Eyeless.
13/03/08
Hysteria
Naw, no hysteria or anything, just another blog post. And hypocrisy. Yeah, I hate people who write "omgz well this is my third blog post and like blah blah I love blogging and blah blah". And I don't like hypocrites too much. Does that make me a super hypocrite? Yes, yes it does.
And so the steps to complete my Katimavik application are almost done, I have this doctor's exam tomorrow. Early in the morning. Well, not that early, but early for someone who goes to sleep at 5 am these days.
Man this blog will be sweet if I get into Katimavik and have to keep a connection to the world. I actually know a few people who would be interested in what I'd have to report on my experience! And what an experience it shall be.
How about the present? Well, Brawl is effing sweet, just like everyone said it would. Character I'm maining? Meta Knight, he's pretty ill. Then Lucario, then R.O.B. possibly. Still undecided on the last two. But I've found that those three are pretty 1337.
I've played a looooot of Brawl since it came out... We've unlocked characters purely by playing and not doing the Subspace Emissary, which is pretty sweet. Over 200 gamez.
Oh, and to you n00bs who want help with Brawl or something:
Haha, xkcd is great. Randall Munroe must have one hell of a crack team of monkeys working on these comics, they're all too good.
Well, since I'm done raiding tonight, I'm gonna go work on some moar Katimavik paperwork (I get lazy, yeah) for tomorrow. Gotta send everything in A.S.A.P., ya know!
Long live MK,
And so the steps to complete my Katimavik application are almost done, I have this doctor's exam tomorrow. Early in the morning. Well, not that early, but early for someone who goes to sleep at 5 am these days.
Man this blog will be sweet if I get into Katimavik and have to keep a connection to the world. I actually know a few people who would be interested in what I'd have to report on my experience! And what an experience it shall be.
How about the present? Well, Brawl is effing sweet, just like everyone said it would. Character I'm maining? Meta Knight, he's pretty ill. Then Lucario, then R.O.B. possibly. Still undecided on the last two. But I've found that those three are pretty 1337.
I've played a looooot of Brawl since it came out... We've unlocked characters purely by playing and not doing the Subspace Emissary, which is pretty sweet. Over 200 gamez.
Oh, and to you n00bs who want help with Brawl or something:
Haha, xkcd is great. Randall Munroe must have one hell of a crack team of monkeys working on these comics, they're all too good.
Well, since I'm done raiding tonight, I'm gonna go work on some moar Katimavik paperwork (I get lazy, yeah) for tomorrow. Gotta send everything in A.S.A.P., ya know!
Long live MK,
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodine Darwin Overcast
Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectre Citron Ophilia Philharmonic Eyeless.
28/02/08
Between Us
So, most of the time I've been writing blogs, I've been writing it for an audience. But I've come to realize that people don't reallllyyyy care about what you have to say unless it's funny or brings new ideas and stuff. Sure, I like getting comments, but hey that's where it ends.
That's right, I've come to realize that this blog is written mostly for me. Where I write down things that might be useful somehow. Anyway.
I just found my ol' Gameboy SP. Interestingly enough, it was still fully charged from the last time I charged it a few months ago. And I made a new Pokemon BLUE profile. And I picked Squirtle because, well, Pokemon Blue is allll about Blastoise. I'm in Vermillion city now, just beat Lt. Surge! Lolz! Sweet. It was tuff and all because I mostly have bird pokemon and Squirtle. But I busted out Clefairy and slept them to death. It was sweet.
Badminton season has started! Oh man, this is MY year. OFSAA or bust.
Edit 2011/09/30: ^Edited to not come off nearly as arrogant.
I'll be seeing a live Trance set soon, because I'm in the mood for one. More info to come fer sherr.
Shiat I've got some Spanish quiz and English presentation tomorrow, so I should go sleep and all. Or finish leveling Farfetch'd ><. Oh, and to that one person, I haven't forgotten you eh! Yeah, you. You know who you are. No one else will get it. Except you. In fact, this sentence might as well not exist as it makes zero sense to anyone else. Which is cool, like a secret code. But I don't think you'll read this anyway. This is Kaleidoughscope, reminding you that Rock and Roll ain't noise pollution.
That's right, I've come to realize that this blog is written mostly for me. Where I write down things that might be useful somehow. Anyway.
I just found my ol' Gameboy SP. Interestingly enough, it was still fully charged from the last time I charged it a few months ago. And I made a new Pokemon BLUE profile. And I picked Squirtle because, well, Pokemon Blue is allll about Blastoise. I'm in Vermillion city now, just beat Lt. Surge! Lolz! Sweet. It was tuff and all because I mostly have bird pokemon and Squirtle. But I busted out Clefairy and slept them to death. It was sweet.
Badminton season has started! Oh man, this is MY year. OFSAA or bust.
Edit 2011/09/30: ^Edited to not come off nearly as arrogant.
I'll be seeing a live Trance set soon, because I'm in the mood for one. More info to come fer sherr.
Shiat I've got some Spanish quiz and English presentation tomorrow, so I should go sleep and all. Or finish leveling Farfetch'd ><. Oh, and to that one person, I haven't forgotten you eh! Yeah, you. You know who you are. No one else will get it. Except you. In fact, this sentence might as well not exist as it makes zero sense to anyone else. Which is cool, like a secret code. But I don't think you'll read this anyway. This is Kaleidoughscope, reminding you that Rock and Roll ain't noise pollution.
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodine Darwin Overcast
Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectre Citron Ophilia Philharmonic Eyeless.
S'abonner à :
Commentaires (Atom)