Freewrite the Cobaltica

Thursday, November 13, 2025

Phoque you, Amazon. Phoque you, Capitalism.

*The sound of a co-opted Jingle Idiocratic Bells AMZN commercial blades through my eBayed camera phone as I try to blog whilst struggling against the T9 autocorrect grammarlyified writer's place I still call my own*

How's THAT for some context, fellow blogspotters (and Reddit blogwriters, let's not kid ourselves).

Now for a strictly (lol not at all) cons list of what, for example, Amazon Web & non-web services permits and encourages, explicitly:

• tracking your purchase orders, music/video playlists, and your wishlist of stuff that you end up "having" to buy for yourself anyway, this ruining Christmakwanzaa or w/e

• paying teenagers/grown-ass men/women like $2.50 per hour to have bums watch you for $2.50 per hour to gleam strategies to git gud @ video games

• enforcing viewership SNP/Attention Span Potential (ASP) by getting people to click on little boxes to generate in-IRL currency that one can spend to get visicreen users (i.e such you and I) to react, thus spending calories

• false advertising. man, even the delivery drivers are bums who have to use Amazon phones to take pictures of our houses to prove to their bosses that, yes, Canada Post's employees fucked up once or twice so instead we'll just sell our province (and especially our capital) out to one another by delivering 3D printed carp to each other. The ads I was watching were showing happy white-ass crackaz in blue UPS/FedEx hats delivering nice boxes inside a fleet of smiling mini trucks. instead, we have ugly-ass rental vans that, yes, clog up the streets but if you need toilet paper before you inevitably buy a cheap bidet, then yes; also the minivans will deliver THAT to you the day-of.

But FFS what kind of culture needs instadelivery of everything? Oh yeah ours, cuz the price of gas has been between 90¢ and 170¢ for about as long as I remember.

• redheaded girls. need I say more? WTF happened to knives? 

• the internet goes down, Alexa gets to make more money than I could ever dream of controlling. how is that fair to the individual that actually sometimes uses the money judiciously (prolly not the self-avowed bulk ARPG economy enjoyer, mind you)

• delicious food at non-exorbitant prices. the Whole Foods takeover; a whole other beast. at least it's probably not Galen Weston's fault, entirely, for once