Nostalgic death star

So I have a few blog drafts that have been lying around for a while, some as old as two years ago. The most recent one is a blog post I wrote about a week ago that's actually quite lengthy. It was another one of those "you know what grinds my gears" kinda posts.
Well, I was gonna finish that post and put it up, but I decided not to, after a good night's sleep. I have to tone down the anger in it.

I can't believe it's already September 2011... 2011! That's insane! I'm 21, and that's so hard to believe. It seems like just yesterday I was entering high school, and meeting new people. I'm actually in a really nostalgic state of mind right now...
I really miss high school, and those younger years. I wish I could go back in time and redo them with more passion, more vigor, instead of the passive let-opportunities-slide kind of mentality I used for most of my time at Vaughan Road Academy.

Also, just very recently, I decided to download the World of Warcraft Cataclysm Expansion 10 day trial, JUST to check it out... see the graphics... explore new content. But just to check it out, I don't plan on subscribing, it's already so much time of my life that's been spent in that game. In some ways it's taken away a lot of time I could have had doing WAY more productive things like writings, learning an instrument, exploring a new hobby, getting good at sports etc.

And I feel REALLY nostalgic. I find myself actually missing this virtual world that I spent weeks if not months of my life playing. It's so easy to get lost in World of Warcraft - the pleasing visuals, the list of never-ending quests to complete, and new loot to acquire and new monsters to defeat. It was such an addictive game, the game that rewards all the time you spend in it by giving you things to collect... I could easily spend my time living life in Azeroth instead of on Earth, just as easily as I could live in my dreams instead of reality, something I've sometimes wished for when the reality of reality hits you like a truck.

I wanna thank you, K, for motivating to write more on here. Your continuing support really helps A LOT when in my head I think "I should write a blog post... naaaaaaah". And for some reason this morning, the sentences are just flowing out of me like they haven't in a while.
Actually, it's been a very long time since I've felt like I wasn't brute forcing myself to write something.
Yeah, it seems like for a while now, I've been forcing myself to write, and taking a very long time to decide on how to word something, or what to include. Sometimes I erase whole paragraphs of stuff I've written just because I don't like the way it's presented...
But right now, right here, I have no problems with writing what I feel or think.
It's like my mind-body connection has been lagging, and suddenly the server stopped lagging and everything's alright again.

So you may detect that this particular blog post lacks in my usual angst somewhat. Worry not, that angst is still there, as fresh and present as ever.
In fact, I'm going to release some of that angst right now...
I have SUCH a hard time finding things to do in life right now that actually interest me. It's really difficult. It seems I've fallen back into my routine of being on the computer for most of my spare time...
And I mean, hours and hours in front of the computer.
I have yoga classes, and drumming lessons, and not much else going on right now. New part time job sometime hopefully, but I have to get on that...
So yeah, I'm finding it really difficult to find and sustain enjoyment out of something in life... a cool hobby, or really cool adventures somewhere. Or meeting someone new and exploring whole new worlds! But there's nothing like that happening. I mean, I still go for plenty of walks, but I very rarely ever meet anyone on my solitary midnight walks, it really depresses me. I wish it was so much easier to make friends.

I mean that. And again, I sink back to my somewhat instinctive reaction to say "I miss Katimavik!" but GOD DAMNIT I do miss it. I really friggen miss it, it pretty much solved ALL of the above problems.
I would do anything to do something just like it again...
I think that seems like something I should really do.

Katimavik = happiness.
I'm not very happy right now.
Do something like Katimavik to feel happy again.

Or do SOMETHING away from the computer. There are so many days where I wish all this effing technology wasn't always everywhere all the time always present. I wish there were people, damnit, people my age I could live with and do cool shit... all the time instead of being sucked up in a vacuum of solo late night hell and depression in the centre of the universe, wasting all my young life time away.

Because I'm afraid of being old.

I'm 21, and the number won't ever go down.

I really, really gotta find life energy.

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