Fixating on my life; circle of nothing

I spend way too much time thinking about my existence.

Existence with conscious lack of efforts equals a waste of time.

Time goes by and memories that provided good feelings slowly slip away.

Away to another planet, lifetime, universe with "déjà-vu" is a concept that I believe to be real.

Real events and relationships among humans often make me feel alone and depressed, especially when viewed through media.

Media today has wrecked havoc on my perception of how people are.

Are we destined as a species to live and destroy for comfort and to exploit everything we can?

Can I find a way to help combat the destruction of civilization while staying happy?

Happy life, come back, I know you haven't left me.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore

Volunteer me away

I think being cooped up inside during the winter makes me blog more. Don't you think?

It's not that I don't have the time to blog, it's that...well... I get lazy around this time.

Still on the Katimavik theme, I REALLY wish I could redo the program.

I could be a PL (project leader), but somehow, I'd rather be a volunteer and be a group member... again. And feel useful, and feel like I'm doing a difference for PEOPLE. Not for companies and businesses and corporations. PEOPLE.

I feel I'm kinda young to be a PL anyway. And driving a bunch of hooligans around scares me shitless. Even though an above-average amount of people I meet because of Katimavik are above-average mature.

There's a voice inside my head that tells me "to be useful, you don't need to be in Katimavik". Yeah, I know. Sure makes it a lot easier to feel useful when you're surrounded by people with similar goals and life purposes, though. 

Superhero night. I've never been one to dress up, but I guess I put a little bit of effort into being long-haired-Fonzie with "luscious red lips", as K put it. Once in a while, I get really red lips. I think in this case, it was something to do with the cold + warm mixing my smackers up. I think I could fulfill the french Fonz. When you look at it, the Fonz' quintessential "É" is best written in french.

We're like the power rangers, really. Katimavikers such as us are, like, super strong, when we're united. Climbing mountains and shiz like that.

I sure do like living in the past, because I'm quite fearful of the future. It doesn't make sense to have so many people live in so close proximity to you and not be able to share life experience. It's so unnatural. And I don't really want to go next door and talk to neighbours. Most of us live in bubbles. Made of bricks and stone.

Where am I going with my life?

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore

Mountain inspired

A quick video of my Katimagroup on top of a mountain, sharing a little Katimawisdom with the world.
I didn't think it was a cool idea at the time, I wandered away at the end.

Ha ha, Katimawandering was sweet, it's definitely a recurring topic on my blog, this wandering thing.

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I saw an amazing movie at Cinéfranco (French-Canadian version of TIFF) today named 2 Frogs in the West. It tells the tale of a 20 year old from Quebec who just packs up and leaves home to go out to BC -with a backpack and barely any funds- just to get away from it all, get away from society's hold on us to make money and build a life with it. With so many anglophones floating around and a far-from-perfect mastery of english, she manages to connect with people with the help of a francophone living in Whistler.
Love and the raw beauty of the west coast made this movie thrilling to watch. And the difficulties of being around people who are in a totally different world were very realistically portrayed.

There's a very good reason I love this movie - minus the language barrier, it's very similar to my experience travelling all the way out east to Nova Scotia. There's even a scene where we see the little closet-crawlspace she sleeps in while staying in Whistler - one very similar to my "harry potter" closet that was my room in Halifax.

It's an independent Quebec movie, and it beats the crap out of any of the big american movies I've seen, it's so canadien. The music in the movie for a whole bunch of scenes was really, really good, I want the DVD and soundtrack, I'd love to support a low-budget film that's so well done. I can't remember the last time there was a DVD I actually wanted.

Et je n'oublie certainment pas que le film avait une très belle comédienne québécoise comme lead, je pense qu'on dit encore un pétard, mais je n'ai jamais vraiment pas l'occasion d'utiliser ces beau mots en Ontario. Waou, ce film m'a donné une sensation de manque pour le Québec. J'en ai marre de parler le français de mes parents à la maison.
Il y a tellement de la culture jeune-francophone qui est englouti par l'anglais et tous les autres langues qui se retrouve, dispersés et amalgamés partout autour de moi.

Au centre de l'univers.

http://www.2frogs.ca/ J'adore ce style d'aventure humaine.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore

Mossy hissy

It has often been part of my "photographic philosophy" to tell people that I don't really like taking pictures of them. I prefer landscapes and natural things. People rarely seem to be themselves when viewed in pictures. I have something against the Facebookian mentality of living, and I think this condition is doing a lot of damage in modern society. Indeed, one need only surf through images on someone's profile to gain a superficial understanding of someone's life, even if they never really spend time with them. I say this from my own eyes, and from my own realization that I barely really know anyone I have on my friends list. 

I've only owned one digital camera in my life (the one that I still use), and there's something about people and pictures that makes me uncomfortable.

I certainly don't mind being in pictures, though. It's a good way of dealing with the swirl of memories that accumulates as we grow older, but it can be so overwhelming at times. I like to see pictures to stir up memories, and then hope that I get inspired to do something more with them, whether it be in Fotoshop or an adventure outside. Unfortunately, I rarely have the courage to just go out and do things with people.

So I return to nature, or some form of it.

The two pictures above were taken in BC, during the last two months of my Katimavik life. A majestic two months, without a doubt.

There was lots of moss behind J's house, and I felt so happy there. When people were busy being together, I was busy being apart, but not too far, in the wonderful woods behind the house. A treasure trove of nature, nothing less.

The beat down shed, on the other hand, was far elsewhere, atop a mountain. And I was so happy to see how earth had conquered the ski lift. I had to take a picture of it.

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You'll notice I've drastically slowed down my blogging. It's stupid and hypocritical of me; I just haven't been feeling too happy lately. And barely a few posts ago I was saying how blogging helps deal with problems. I've been horribly reclusive, to the point of despair a couple times in the past few days.

I think the (big) snowfall expected for tomorrow will cheer me up; terrible, I know, but somehow, I smile on the inside when I can just picture so many people complaining about how they thought spring had arrived, only to be proved wrong by a heap of white stuff.

Smile smile. :)

Candid pictures, I regret not. I was 18.

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Strewn fatalities.

There's something about being with a group of people that gives a great sense of power. Alone, the human does not thrive. When you're with people, and you're in something together, realms of possibilities open up.

Below, we have a carefully prepared biking accident.

Rigor mortis really bloated me up.

We did this picture for a very interesting Vancouverish project, which was to create a zine to promote sustainable transportation. A zine, from what I remember, is a sort of underground publication, and it's not a very "professional" thing. A bunch of pages photocopied and given out to whoever takes them.

The picture was taken behind our house, in an alleyway with frequent scooters. We then placed the picture in our zine, and distributed it at an event called Critical Mass, where a whole bunch of bikers show up and ride, ride, RIDE!

The great thing about my Katimagroup is that when inspiration went around, there was enough push from a few people in the group to actually go and do things. I thought this photo shoot was a pretty good idea.

Groups are stronger than most individuals; most individuals like to feel included in groups.

In retrospect, Katimavik taught me that inclusion is a very, very powerful thing. Feel the inclusion that you have in your life, and if you can't do that, look into your memories and find it, and grow from there to express it to others in whatever way seems appropriate.

La solitude ne peut pas t'engloutir.

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From the beginning.

Circle of life. Me, I try and think outside of that circle. Sure, life is what we are, and in a healthy ecosystem, things go in a circle.

But what about beyond that? Our minds have the capacity to transcend the physicality of life.

... Anyway, I'm thinking in the clouds now, time to dazzle things up:

Shoulders ruin everything. It's almost a perfect circle, but a perfect circle wouldn't leave room for any escapes.

This picture was taken within the first or second week that I started the Katimavik program, in Strathroy, Ont. Somewhat reluctantly, I joined in on this quintessential Katimavik group photo. It was a tough mental thing for me to do, lying down and trusting that my head would be fine surrounded by all these other heads, ha ha.

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This was taken in a park, at the very beginning of autumn, but with enough sun to keep things bright.

Strange, how I seem to relish in the sunlight. The moonlight is held much dearer to my heart.

But nights aren't very good for crystal clear pictures such as this.

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To me, this picture simply symbolizes trust among friends.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull