Grounding food

So having just been released from the most inhumane place I've ever visited, I was very hungry.
They did feed me quite well, respecting my gluten-free diet, but the food was still... hospital food, what can I say.

However, I came home famished, and decided to make a quick snack:
I don't have a name for it yet, but it's really, really tasty. Lots of spices and Omega-3s, and just enough carbs to keep the brain happy. The protein is ham and Mennonite salami.

The Mental Hospital

Tuesday November 15th, 2011

It has been one day since I've been imprisoned against my will inside this dysfunctional hospital. I was forced to take an Ativan injection - tied down and needled and all - for some unknown reason. But there is hope, very much hope at the end of this sickly tunnel.

How do I know this?

Well, when I was first brought here, I met an incredibly beautiful girl. Just my type: amazingly coloured hair, bright eyes and a lot of fiery enthusiasm. She's really sparkly, and radiates emotional passion.

Anyway, she and her friend J (who was not a patient at the hospital) were the only two people who seemed sane. We chatted for great lengths on how messed up the "system" is (duh), and how badly we wanted to take it down.

But back to this gorgeous girl... she gave me her FB account info before we parted ways to different wards, and I want to take her dancing. She even said, when she was in the bed lying next to me, "Ughhh, let's just go DANCE!". But as we couldn't because there were too many bastard doctors around. We both wanted to sing. She might still be in the hospital, but in a different ward.

It is now much later during the day, and my sister and mother came to visit me. They didn't really talk about all that much. My mother has worrying issues. My sister was more understanding, really. Just before their visit, I met a psychiatrist, Dr. Parker, who seemed pretty nice. She did ask why I didn't want any pills, but she didn't seem to care what my reasons for refusing them were. Instead, she used a faulty analogy to "convince" me that taking "Olanzapine/Risperidone" would be good for me.

Wednesday, Nov 16th, 2011

The lights are on! No, not the metaphorical lights, the actual lights. I feel I have a clearer understanding of what's going on in this place, and how to make it better (at least for myself...). It is a scary place, however. People seem to cling to other people who seem to have some sort of level-headedness. Already, 2-3 people have been clinging to me, telling me all about their life without really caring about my voice. Soon, however:

MUSIC SHALL SET US FREE.

It already has for me.

April 2013 edit: Looking back on this now, it still amazes me that the time I spent there was less than a week. I wrote this while I had nothing to do in my room, and later transcribed it to my blog. Nothing has been changed. However, I do regret a few things that I said, such as saying that my mother has worrying "issues". Honestly, if I had a kid in an asylum, I'd be pretty freaked out and worried too.

I did end up seeing this girl later on when she got out and we had chatted on Skype. We played a game of hide and seek in High Park, and later on we hung out at her folks' place for a bit and played some card games. Nothing romantic happened, but we were clearly just starting to form a friendship.

This story has a sad ending. Another day, we met up at my place, and we had a bit of a verbal spar/disagreement over me borrowing her Scott Pilgrim books and having misplaced them. I found them the next day and dropped it off at her folks' place, and never heard from her again.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Kitty City

So as you know, reader, I don't usually link to other content; I much prefer to create it myself, or at least, remix it somehow.

However, I'm kinda tired today after spending the afternoon checking out Occupy Toronto. What an incredible place! I'm going back tomorrow with my djembe to join the drum circle there, and I'll probably do some other stuff too. If you're in Toronto and you're reading this, I'd be happy to see you there tomorrow at 2:00-ish.

Anyway.

Enjoy this hilarity:

Indifferent sociality

I open the blue page.
If I see some red over the blue, I click on it, and hope that it's someone trying to contact me.
If it's not directly for me, I hope it's at least related to me, or The Charm.
If it's neither of those, I feel disappointed.

If it's someone new asking for a +1, I gladly check them out and accept or reject them.
If it's someone I already knew but who was somehow taken off my list, I have to decide whether it was a mistake or if it was deliberate. If it's a mistake, I'll probably add them again. If it's deliberate, I wonder what happened.

Once all the red is gone, I check the middle of the page. Everything all looks the same to me after a while. I don't go down the list and click "Like" on stuff I like, because the more I do it, the less it really means.

If I see some of J's newest pictures, I make an effort to look at them, and sometimes comment on them.
If I see pictures of a cute girl I like, or once fell in love with, I browse through them for a while until I feel sad about the fact that the potential for me to be with her is approaching zero. I then remind myself that they're just pictures.

If I see someone posting about something to someone else who I don't actually know, I wonder why I'm reading it at all.
If I see someone having a good time in Katimavik somewhere, I feel nostalgic, and then I feel happy about the fact that Katimavik is still going strong.

If I see one of my internet friends doing random adventures, I feel a longing to adventure with them; somewhere mysterious and not in my world. I then remind myself that I'm too far away to make anything awesome happen.

I then drag my eyes over to the right side of the page and see a list of people that I vaguely know but who I'm not actually friends with. I then click on the X repeatedly, skimming over all these people that I'm connected with by the 2nd degree, never bothering to actually add them.

Finally, I switch the main algorithm to Most Recent so that the machine doesn't fuck too much with the friends in my brain.

What's your FB ritual?

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Capital return

So I'm back from Ottawa, where I had a fun time exploring and living life with K.
We visited the Katimavik house in Ottawa after running out in front of a Katimavan on Rideau Street a few days prior, stopping traffic in the process.
I had gluteny Beaver Tails and they were quite sugary.
I unfortunately forgot my camera at home, so I don't really have any pictures to put up. There were a number of picturesque expeditions, including a photo shoot at Gatineau Park with K's family.

So I'm back in Toronto. Tonight, I'm going to a Night of Dread at Dufferin Grove Park, meeting up with an ancient friend from schooling long ago. Life is pretty sweet! I find I actually have stuff to do, and my to-do list grows every day. And I actually accomplish some of the stuff on this list, too, which is even better.

Other good news: I found my purple pen. I can finally start writing again. And K is coming for a visit soon.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Question mark

There is a guitar playing next room to mine, and the lyrics of the voice are incomprehensible.
The voice is soft.

There are burrs all over my alpaca Ecuadorian from times spent on the property.
The stars had not shown themselves in many eons in my head, but on the property, they were nice.