Paraphase over

I think my Paramore phase is finally over. Actually, it's probably been over for a while now, as I haven't been listening to them much. Not at all during the winter (or not much other music for that matter).

The official realization came today while cooking myself breakfast. I had decided to plop in their self-titled CD in the music player and I found myself skipping to the next track halfway through a song. And during some favourites like "Ain't it Fun" and "Part 2" - songs that I was sure I would love forever -, I realized that although the guitar riffs and drum solos were pretty great, the lyrics were making me feel isolated, sad, and even angry at times.

I don't like feeling depressed. Nor do I like feeling angry. And I've written enough about loneliness to know that anything that contributes to that loneliness is not something that I want in my life. So it's time to move on to music that makes me feel happy, and there's plenty of that out there.

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Oh, looks like I'll be going to a Blink-182 concert this summer! Maybe not the happiest music in the world, but I'll be going with good people so that's pretty great.

Kaleidoughscope #1

Bluegreen

I've started to journal again. I find it quite therapeutic. The physical feedback of the pen scratching the paper and the semi-permanent ink on the page is nice. I can't go back and erase complete sentences like I do so often here. I mean, I could, but then I'd start feeling like I'm wasting ink. And I don't like wasting.

I tend to journal in french. I find it difficult to type in french, but writing with a pen on paper is different. I know exactly where to put the accents, and I don't have to fiddle around with keyboard settings to find them.

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The mac I'm using is making weird sounds. It's because it's importing a CD - a drumming CD. At first, it sounded like a bulldozer trying to climb over a giant ant hill; now, it's a more regular sort of scanning sound. Regular and persistent. More like a colony of ants exploring the surface of a bulldozer.

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I had an idea for my blog yesterday.

So I've stuck with this whole kaleidoughscope theme for years now, and up until yesterday I had never really tried to draw one. But then I found my old set of colour pencils from art class and decided to fill in a circle with different colours. And I thought "okay, great, I can finish this kaleidoughscope and then scan it and upload it to my blog".

But then I got fed up that I was drawing my kaleidoughscope in my writing journal and stopped.

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I've been pretty good about treating this nature deficit disorder for the past few days. Stopping and noticing greenery in the city whenever possible. Spending time in the sun, or doing breathwork after the rain, when negative ions are aplenty.

Natural deficit

Nature Deficit Disorder. Now that's a label I can get behind. I'm inspired by it. It's a label unlike any other that does not seek to put a fault on the human being or one's brain chemistry.

It's been a rough few months. I think I underestimated the winter season. I was looking forward to snow and the calmness that it usually brings and instead got swept up by fire and chaos.

I hope to revisit this theme of lack of nature or, more positively, the efforts that I make to include more nature in my life.