It's as if I have no choice, but at the same time, I have all the possibilities available to me.
I made decisions in my head, but it seems like nothing ever comes out of my decisions. They just lie there like empty broken promises waiting to be fulfilled.
It seems like no one gives a damn, because I never get to see the fruits&vegetables of my mental labor. They all just float away to be "taken" by others. I feel like they're shared, but if they're not shared with me, then they're not truly shared.
I have a few theories I have, but even if I share them on here, there's always the fear of the greed of other entities stealing them, so I guess it's better for now if I just list them so that the people who might understand them can take their own interpretations out of them and hopefully do something more effective than I can, because I can't seem to do anything proper by myself.
Spectrum theory.
Others-fulfilling prophecy (to put it simply, the opposite of the self-fulfilling prophecy, in that things are affected to my "sense" of self by others, and not just by me).
Chocolate milk dispenser dispenses happiness and hope, except when people don't believe in the possibility of it existing. I know at least one person who believes in it, though, so I guess that's enough for now. It's the fountain of youth everyone talks about.
Otherwise, I could just tune into the autoinfomercials and by something that was proven clinically to reduce the appearance of battle scars.
Either way, I'm broke, and likely indebted. But in one paradigm, it's just a few dollars.
A few dollars can mean so much, sometimes.
04/02/11
01/02/11
Uh oh.
I'm filled with doubts in my head.
I must begin anew, from the pillars that strengthened me in the past.
Where did I all start this madness?
In Etobicoke first, then Mississauga.
I wonder, will UofT accept me there?
I hope so. I don't like being a reject.
Everyone knows the rejects go to the east side.
WEST. DIVISION. CHAMPIONS.
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
I must begin anew, from the pillars that strengthened me in the past.
Where did I all start this madness?
In Etobicoke first, then Mississauga.
I wonder, will UofT accept me there?
I hope so. I don't like being a reject.
Everyone knows the rejects go to the east side.
WEST. DIVISION. CHAMPIONS.
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
31/01/11
Politics.
Anyone remember Red vs Blue? It was a Machinima (it might still be going, not too sure) in the Halo universe. I had a few friends who were into it, I didn't find it particularly interesting. I was more into my own sort of machinima, making and filming my own videos in WoW (boy were they ever amateur...), and also idolizing other great videos. Maydie's videos were a great inspiration, as was World of Roguecraft. Drakedog was effing awesome.
I almost rolled a rogue when my warlock was level 60, back when warlocks really were at a disadvantage, and itemizing was... just plain horrible. I didn't care too much though, I was mostly in the game not as an escape, but because it was recommended to me. Maybe I played into it a little too much (a few of my friends thought it was "ruining my life"), but I feel like the raiding, grouping, questing and grinding and interface tweaking all gave me skills that put me where I am today.
Sure, I'm unemployed right now, not in school either, but I feel like I'm doing myself some good by doing various creative things here and there, playing sports (I'm a good badminton player). I have a lot of meaning in my life these days, I think, I just don't have much of the practical, applied side of it.
Back to the topic of the post:
Red vs Blue
Bell vs Rogers
Conservatives vs Liberals
Seriously, what the eff. All this country ever does in parliament (and I'm sure the politicians' twitter feeds would agree with this) is argue, argue, and debate. Oh yeah, people want change. Sorry to plug the U.S. here, but is Obama changing anything? Statistics might agree, but where's the love? I don't see it.
There's other political parties in Canada, but really, it's all black and gold to me.
Who really runs this country? Bell is doing great financially last I checked, Rogers insulted me (and lots of my friends) when they renamed the beautiful Skydome (where as a child, I was brought to see Nelson Mandela speak, though I don't remember what he said; I'm sure it was legitimately inspiring) to the ugly, ugly Rogers Centre. At least they kept the spelling of centre Canadian.
From what I remember though, whoever owned the Skydome was financially troubled and had to sell out. Oh well.
I really think I could do good things here in Canada, but I'd rather pull an Ignatieff and go elsewhere to get the hell out of here. Like I've mentioned before, I've never been out of Canada. I've wanted to, and when I was younger, I've asked my parents to, but now, at 20 years old, it's time I distance myself from them. They don't get me. Duh.
Whoa-oh-oh-oh, I want to be your gamer guyyyyy.
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
Lathargic Yamen Plutomium Soliloquy Yoda Catalyst Heathen Erstwhile Déjà vu Elipse Idealic Catastrophic
P.S. Kyle's pretty good at liek filming and stuff. It was great seeing Jeremy and... I forget her name, but she was there too, and getting your autographs at the Fan Expo. Where was Doug though?
I still have your autographs in the CD case that I lent out to a few different people. I think it's back at my place though, but I really can't be bothered to find it
ALRIGHT I'M GONNA GO GET 0WNED BY EXPERTS AT MW2 NOW, PEACE.
I almost rolled a rogue when my warlock was level 60, back when warlocks really were at a disadvantage, and itemizing was... just plain horrible. I didn't care too much though, I was mostly in the game not as an escape, but because it was recommended to me. Maybe I played into it a little too much (a few of my friends thought it was "ruining my life"), but I feel like the raiding, grouping, questing and grinding and interface tweaking all gave me skills that put me where I am today.
Sure, I'm unemployed right now, not in school either, but I feel like I'm doing myself some good by doing various creative things here and there, playing sports (I'm a good badminton player). I have a lot of meaning in my life these days, I think, I just don't have much of the practical, applied side of it.
Back to the topic of the post:
Red vs Blue
Bell vs Rogers
Conservatives vs Liberals
Seriously, what the eff. All this country ever does in parliament (and I'm sure the politicians' twitter feeds would agree with this) is argue, argue, and debate. Oh yeah, people want change. Sorry to plug the U.S. here, but is Obama changing anything? Statistics might agree, but where's the love? I don't see it.
There's other political parties in Canada, but really, it's all black and gold to me.
Who really runs this country? Bell is doing great financially last I checked, Rogers insulted me (and lots of my friends) when they renamed the beautiful Skydome (where as a child, I was brought to see Nelson Mandela speak, though I don't remember what he said; I'm sure it was legitimately inspiring) to the ugly, ugly Rogers Centre. At least they kept the spelling of centre Canadian.
From what I remember though, whoever owned the Skydome was financially troubled and had to sell out. Oh well.
I really think I could do good things here in Canada, but I'd rather pull an Ignatieff and go elsewhere to get the hell out of here. Like I've mentioned before, I've never been out of Canada. I've wanted to, and when I was younger, I've asked my parents to, but now, at 20 years old, it's time I distance myself from them. They don't get me. Duh.
Whoa-oh-oh-oh, I want to be your gamer guyyyyy.
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
Lathargic Yamen Plutomium Soliloquy Yoda Catalyst Heathen Erstwhile Déjà vu Elipse Idealic Catastrophic
P.S. Kyle's pretty good at liek filming and stuff. It was great seeing Jeremy and... I forget her name, but she was there too, and getting your autographs at the Fan Expo. Where was Doug though?
I still have your autographs in the CD case that I lent out to a few different people. I think it's back at my place though, but I really can't be bothered to find it
ALRIGHT I'M GONNA GO GET 0WNED BY EXPERTS AT MW2 NOW, PEACE.
Sick and tired.
I have different "resonations" in my head, I don't know if I can call them memories of people in the past that I've loved, or that I might have liked, or that maybe cared about me. I sometimes feel like I can communicate with these people.
They're not voices, I don't hear voices in my head.
They're also ideas that I have about how to behave in the world that usually help me out. I think the word I'm looking for is "consciousness". I feel like I have a hyper-sensitive consciousness, as in I'm able to feel things that maybe others might not. C'est comme si je suis capable de ressentir des choses à un niveau dont lequel d'autre gens ne sont pas capable. Des fois ça me rend fou, mais je suis capable de me ramener à une normalité qui fait que je ne me fais pas dominer par toutes ces idées. Le yoga, la philosophie, la danse, les jeux vidéos, les sorties avec les amis, les chansons que je chante, les voyages que je fait, all these things help me deal with this strangeness that's in my head.
Psychiatrists, psychologists, experts etc. have all tried to categorize me into certain domains to try and "treat" me, but really it doesn't amount to much in the end.
Seems like no one can really truly understand me, everyone's too effing busy with their lives to be able to care about mine, unless they're instructed to do so, or they have a reason to, which usually, they can't find on their own.
Call me a selfish, attention-seeking-influenced-influencing whore.
I need a lover I have to love with comfort.
Eff.
Edit 2011/12/10
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
They're not voices, I don't hear voices in my head.
They're also ideas that I have about how to behave in the world that usually help me out. I think the word I'm looking for is "consciousness". I feel like I have a hyper-sensitive consciousness, as in I'm able to feel things that maybe others might not. C'est comme si je suis capable de ressentir des choses à un niveau dont lequel d'autre gens ne sont pas capable. Des fois ça me rend fou, mais je suis capable de me ramener à une normalité qui fait que je ne me fais pas dominer par toutes ces idées. Le yoga, la philosophie, la danse, les jeux vidéos, les sorties avec les amis, les chansons que je chante, les voyages que je fait, all these things help me deal with this strangeness that's in my head.
Psychiatrists, psychologists, experts etc. have all tried to categorize me into certain domains to try and "treat" me, but really it doesn't amount to much in the end.
Seems like no one can really truly understand me, everyone's too effing busy with their lives to be able to care about mine, unless they're instructed to do so, or they have a reason to, which usually, they can't find on their own.
Call me a selfish, attention-seeking-influenced-influencing whore.
I need a lover I have to love with comfort.
Eff.
Edit 2011/12/10
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
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