Cinquantième

Fiftieth blog post. I've come a long way. But guess what? This blog post won't be commemorative.

Si seulement la princesse au long cheveux comprenait que si le sauveur est lui même très troublé, il ne peut rien faire pour elle, car dès qu'il esseyerait d'escalader ses cheveux, il tomberait. Et si la princesse comprend cela, je ne peux rien faire d'autre que m'excuser pour le moment. Et si je me fous les pieds dans le plat en écrivant ceci, je m'en fout.

I won't check the grammar on that, but I don't think anyone will be able to call me out on it.

Happy 50th...

...

I'm so sad sometimes, I miss ________.
I miss ________ so much.

I don't even think I have much of a right to miss ________, but I do. I'm sure there are some people out there who miss ________ way more than I do, but I still miss ________.

Also sometimes I just can't stop thinking about ________. It contributes to a partial insomnia. But why does it do that? Do I obsess over things which shouldn't be so obsessive? The answer is yes, I do, not over too many things, but a few. Enough for it to be noticeable.

What happened to ________? I wonder a lot about what happened to ________, I mean I dig in my memories, and I got some highs, not many, but a few. And there was a consistent high when I was able to be around ________, I felt so special.

But ________ has parted ways with me, a little more than a month ago. I've seen ________ since then, but I know it's not the same. And still I think, what's going to happen to ________? Will anything ever happen again?

Oh gawd I hope something happens again before 9 months of my life are spent truly away from home.

I miss ________.

:C.

Amused to Death

"Years later, I saw Bill Hubbard's name on the memorial to the missing at Aras. And I...when I saw his name I was absolutely transfixed; it was as though he...he was now a human being instead of some sort of nightmarish memory of how I had to leave him, all those years ago. And I felt relieved, and ever since then I've felt happier about it, because always before, whenever I thought of him, I said to myself, 'Was there something else that I could have done? And that always sort of worried me. And having seen him, and his name in the register - as you know in the memorials there's a little safe, there's a register in there with every name - and seeing his name and his name on the memorial; it sort of lightened m... heart, if you like."
"When was it that you saw his name on the memorial?"
"Ah, when I was eighty-seven, that would be the year, ninete...eighty-four, nineteen eighty-four."

The Ballad of Bill Hubbard

"Two things that have haunted me most are the days when I
had to collect the paybooks; and when I left Bill Hubbard in
no-man's-land.

"I was picked up and taken into their trench. And I'd no
sooner taken two or three steps down the trench when I heard a
call, 'Hello Razz, I'm glad to see you. This is my second night
here,' and he said 'I'm feeling bad,' and it was Bill Hubbard,
one of the men we'd trained in England, one of the original
battalion. I had a look at his wound, rolled him over; I could
see it was probably a fatal wound. You could imagine what pain
he was in, he was dripping with sweat; and after I'd gone about
three shellholes, traversed that, had it been...had there been a
path or a road I could have done better. He pummeled me, 'Put
me down, put me down, I'd rather die, I'd rather die, put me
down.' I was hoping he would faint. He said 'I can't go any
further, let me die.' I said 'If I leave you here Bill you won't
be found, let's have another go.' He said 'All right then.' And
the same thing happened; he couldn't stand it any more, and I had
to leave him there, in no-man's-land."