On stream of consciousness

I was imagining things I could write about on my blog whilst I was out for a walk yesterday, and I realized that a great majority of my blog posts are really written as is, with little forethought. There's the truly moment-to-moment writing I do with my freewrites, but my regular blog posts are generally written on a whim as well. I guess I try and stick to a topic more when I'm not doing freewrites, but that's one of the only differences.

I have pictures to upload. Stuff I've cooked, graffiti, and natural world things like wild mushrooms and tree cover in the fall. But, most of these pictures are now being taken on my cheap replacement phone (that I just haven't bothered to upgrade because it works fine). That's one thing I miss from my old Windows Phone: good quality pictures (up to 41 megapixels!).

I should get around to uploading photos here and there eventually, because while the photos are sometimes blurry, there's still a story I can tell with them. Really, I'm just a bit lazy and I don't like dealing with Bluetooth transfers and image uploads. There's not much automation there because again my phone is kind of old at this point.

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Snow is arriving! It's falling as I write. It's been a few weeks with little to no snow, so although I've enjoyed being able to bike, it's also nice having snow for the quieting effect it has. And it looks pretty, and it's winter after all.

Last note: I'm not listening to much music this month, but I did have a nice walk with some Melodic Progressive electronic playing in my headphones yesterday, and that was nice.

Y-Yoga & appreciation

I went to a yoga class this week, to a different YMCA than I usually go to for yoga. It was kinda neat to be in a different atmosphere. I was up high, literally, because it's on the fourth floor and out of the windows all I could see were skyscrapers. The downside of going to this Y is that the classes are 45 min instead of an hour, and the centre is just a bit farther away than my usual Y. So I probably won't go as often, because it's not the most convenient spot to get to via public transit, and now there's snow again and I tend not to bike when there's snow.

Still, my class was a positive experience. Although I usually just do my own thing and don't talk to people, I had a short conversation with someone named A. and they made me feel welcome. It's generally a friendly place, whatever Y I go to, so I'm not surprised.

On a different note, but still on that same positivity vibe, I had someone at work the other day tell me "I appreciate you" - even though I couldn't help them find what they were looking for. It was nice to hear, but for a second it seemed out of place because I'm used to hearing those three words together at support groups and the such. Only for a second did it feel weird though, because this customer seemed quite genuine and the fact that I still remember this even though it was a few days ago shows that spreading positive energy works.

Hey you! I appreciate you for being here!

Zen Freewrite

Is this a freewrite? It is! What have I got to write about? All I did was open this page, and as soon as I saw the blank rectangle waiting to be filled with words, I decided "fk it, we'll do it live!".

Is blogging exciting, -oh, I was unrudely interrupted by a snack from my housemate! Hard-boiled eggs & olives with the parsnip hummus I made last night- well, it can be, but I prefer to use it as a place to wind down, to vent, and there is some excitement to be found in those activities, but it's not the quiet place that I sometimes want this spot to be.

I am writing right now because I am writing right now. I read zen books sometimes. Sometimes, the zen books have utterly pointless sentences like the first one in this paragraph. It's okay, I can be zen or not zen - it doesn't matter!

I found the title for my blog post. There, I just put it in now, it's a nice change from all the Freewrite the -insert colour- I was doing because I'm certain I've never used this kind of freewrite before whereas I'm somewhat worried that I've re-used the same colour twice for my titles. Yeah, that's something that bugs me a tiny bit: repeated titles.

Freewriting can seem pretty chaotic. Is my mind chaotic right now? I just write whatever comes to mind. It's not the most fun to read because I do very little editing, even less than I usually do, so the quality of the writing can't be all that great but the ideas, the ideas I can generate when I'm just stream-of-consciousness writing might have some value. I'm jumping all over the place, rarely backspacing. Nothing particularly extraordinary pops up.

I've been writing to a friend, and I said I would work on story writing. Here's a short freewritten story that I will write right now:

The lake was still at this hour of the night. A loon, diving in the moonlight, was the only disturbance. I was crouching behind some rocks, not wanting to sit down on the dark, splotchy ground, but also not wanting to stand. How I ended up beside that lake when I'm usually an urbanite is an easy question to answer: it was camping season. Why I didn't want to get noticed, on the other hand, is a bit more complicated. I should have been asleep in my tent, not too far from the spent campfire after an evening of roasting game, and yet I found myself in the middle of the forest, crouching, waiting. Waiting to hear the sound again. A long, slow moan, almost like a whale's, but a whale it could not be as the nearest ocean was hundreds of kilometres away. A sound that reverberated through my whole body, and that somehow -felt- metallic.

Did the whale sound wake me up? Did it drag me out of the tent, or did I do that? Why aren't any of my campmates here, crouching too? Well, as long as their heads are below that sound line, where the whale sound ebbs and flows, I guess they won't hear it either. It's only when I stood up in my tent that I first noticed it, after all.

It frightened me when the magnetic, metallic sound entered my mind, and it frightens me now even though I seem to have found a way to dull it.

To be continued...