Late early late late early late

It's too late. It's way too late. Why am I up.
I should not be up.
I need to be solar; not lunar right now. I can be lunar during the winter. But I need to be solar during the summer.

The blue lights draw me in like a firefly.

I don't know why; I simply can't seem to do it on my own.
And no matter how I try, I keep falling back into the same cycle again.

Okay, maybe not the exact same cycle. It's always different. This time, I'm busy writing to people; and they write back! I get attention!

The red lights put me out like a match.

It's funny how much easier it is to open up when you're staring at a screen. I really do think robots would make good shrinks. They don't even need to be sentient; they just need to be human reflections.

Let's just see what's going through my head right now.
Well, I'm already kind of disappointed in myself for not being able to have a cogent flow of ideas in this post. Everything feels disjuncted. Here I am, talking about a personal issue and then I start talking robotics.

It's almost 4 am. I wonder if that has something to do with it. Maybe it's hard to be coherent when your body and mind are completely backwards; that is, completely opposite to what mother nature intends.
If I really wanted to be making the most of my summer, I'd be getting up at sunrise and going for a walk in the ravine every day.

But I know that's not going to happen. I have no reason to get up and go to the ravine. Careful, Gabriel, don't get too ageist now. Well, what I was going to say before I stopped myself is that only old people who are retired get up that early and go for walks in the ravine. And I've spent too much time around old people in random hospitals all around the country; there's never anyone just my age in the early morning. They always get up late and drink their coffee and rush to work because that's what young-er people are expected to do.

All I ever wanted was another crazy girl who's been through the same shit I've been through to hang out with me once in a while; and then maybe once in a short while.

But you can't ever find these people because, just like me, they stay hidden inside and only reveal themselves in the most rare of occasions.

Someday.

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