Locked until it counts: FW

Unipolar. Bipolar. Tripolar. Take your pick.
Sad. Happy. Sad. Happy. Sad. Happy.
Oh no, I just keep on falling.
Here comes hope; misery's gone crawling.

No mistakes. All mistakes. Have you learned from your mistakes?
Lock me up; keep me away.
Rile me up; keep me safe.
Try to find her. She tries to find you.
Will you ever meet?
We've already met.
We're all around you.
I'm everywhere but near you it feels like.

Reborn. Dead. Reborn. Dead. Thoughts are here; thoughts are there! Oh, your thoughts are racing! Here, take this.
Go to school. Get a good job. What's wrong with that? You don't have to go to school. And you don't have to leave your other job.
Here comes the fickle part: Go on dating websites. Find a sweet girl.
No luck? Keep trying.

Is there no end to these words?
They spin around and dazzle in my head; they skip around and fragment all around me now instead.

I love talking to just about anyone now. Talking talking talking. Am I finally, really, human? Because I'm social? I want to talk.
But there's no one to talk to except to my empty wooden walls and this white page.
Well, I could talk to myself and the angels, but they understand me enough already. I don't want to explain everything; I want to communicate everything. Well, almost everything.

Uh oh, switched to first person. Eating fuzzy peaches, safe in my crypta.

I miss all of you; hurt by the cold. That's RHCP, basically.

Time to return to the haunting echoes. Sorry for the difficult read.

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The Leonine Horse

With such a sunny disposition, this personality rarely has shadows of doubt about anything. Idealistic and ambitious, passionate and true, the Leo Horse surges forward in an optimistic but sporadic fashion. He will be impulsive and given to grand gestures. He needs many emotional outlets to release his pent-up energies. A generous and sportive individual, the proud Leonine Horse is expressive and loves physical exercise. A happy-go-lucky innovative leader, he will have droves of friends and fans.


Source: Theodora Lau

Source

Coconut flour & banana pancakes

This is what I ate this morning. Easily scalable.


2 eggs
1 ripe banana
1 tbsp coconut flour
1 tbsp table cream
Pinch of cinnamon
Pinch of cardamom (optional)


1. Mix all ingredients together in a bowl.
2. Heat frying pan on high.
3. Mash bananas and beat the eggs with cream.
4. Spread mix on pan; cook for 3-4 minutes each side, or until golden brown.
5. Serve with maple syrup.

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Paramore

The early part of the show.

Ah, Paramore. Still my favourite band. Have you heard their latest album? It's self-titled and absolutely fantastic: the lyrics, the voice, the drumming, the guitar riffs. Going to their concert back in May was honestly the best concert experience of my life. And it motivated me to start my own band. I think you can guess the name.

It ended with confetti.

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A caterpillar's tale

I was sitting in Kensington park this afternoon, watching (but not quite staring) at the cute counter-culture girls with tattoos and hippie clothes. Little packs of people with musical instruments and various trinkets were strewn here and there, and the smell of weed wafted in and out through my nostrils.

While not getting high, I was getting more and more in tune with the atmosphere of the people there; clearly these people were regulars to the park and as conversations about their life flowed on and on endlessly around me, I felt connected.

I desperately wanted to join in on some of the fun, but having been rejected far too many times before, I decided I would not risk it and kept to myself, propped up against a tree while eating brazil nuts. But I was not alone.
All around me, the grass shimmered with late spring vitality and if I looked at the greenery just right, I could see individual lifeforms busying themselves with their animal tasks.

The ants were scurrying around, patrolling their territory. The birds were chirping, singing songs of life and liveliness. Dogs barked; cats roamed and I lay down and felt myself melt into the earth.

And then, a most beautiful creature appeared on my arm. A fuzzy little caterpillar was quietly undulating, rising and falling up and down my arm hair. He seemed happy when I looked at him straight in the eyes, as he raised his torso up to greet me.
And I talked to him.

I told him of the loneliness that I felt, even while on campus. I told him how hard I've worked to be the person I've always wanted to be. I told him that I felt happy that girls were finally looking at me when I walked down the street. Smiling, now, seemed so easy. And I got smiles back. And yet,  as I recounted to the caterpillar, I rarely found the occasion to have long, deep conversations with people.

He understood. He listened, but offered no advice. After all, he had his own problems to deal with.

Soon, he would become a butterfly. His metamorphosis was imminent; and once he would be a butterfly, then he could finally fly around and see the world from a different perspective.

And so I asked myself; maybe if I were to undergo some sort of metamorphosis; some sort of change, then maybe I could change the world around me so that I could fit in better.

And as I sit in front of a computer at the biggest library in Toronto, I wonder if my walk home will bring me the reflection I so desperately need to keep on metamorphosing.

And maybe, just maybe, the girl of my dreams will run into me at a corner, and my loneliness will be cured.

Until then, I write.

Pub time

Apparently, fitting in is important.
So anyone wanna go the pub tonight?

I pick the pub though.
And it's gonna have some gluten-free fare.
It better.

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