An excerpt from my studies

So here I am, reading and studying through my Sociology textbook for my exam tomorrow.
I read pretty fast, and the language is usually not too complicated for me to understand.

But then I get to section III of my Reading Sociology book and I get stuck with this doozy: "Estimation of multilevel logistic regressions model parameters relied on iterative generalized least squares using a predictive quasi-likelihood method with second order Taylor expansion (PQL-2) (Snidjers and Bosker 1999)."

What. the. eff.

SKIP.

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I'm done my first full year at UofT tomorrow. Yay! This summer will be amazing; finally, a radical change from all the other shitty summers I've had.

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A new kind of sadness

I know what you mean. You think you're safe - you act like no one can ever get you down. You feel like you deserve more than what you've got.

Your sense of entitlement pushes you to step out of your boundaries - something you need to do.

And yet no matter how you try, you can't seem to get at what you want. You can be who you want to be, but if you're not really that person, then who are you really?

And so I remind myself that there's only only so much you can do before it all comes crashing down in front of you. The truth is glaring at you, and you can't see it because you're blinded by your own selfish desires.

So, try again. Keep telling yourself that you're right. It's okay. We're all right in our own way.

Here. I wrote this for you. Do you remember?

Safe in the light and dark that surrounds me

Free from misery, torture, and pain

The learnings and things that haunt me
Are links to the past and the future

Hope for the future is sometimes lost in the present

But never too far away is love.

What -is- love?

When you love someone or something from your heart and soul instead of just as an electrical brain impulse, you create something that is unbound from the chains of physicality; the grasps that force you to act or behave a certain way.

A flower does not flourish without proper nourishment. When the flower flowers, its radiance shines through and heals the worst of pains - an aura of love.

Logic; or the art of trolling

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=febcuzbEO0Q

:)
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At the edge of reason

Sometimes I can hear you. Sometimes I can feel you. Sometimes I can understand you.
You confuse my dreams. You keep the nightmares away. You make me feel alive.

Why can't I see you?

Hush, whispered Lyra. They're coming on to you. But they'll never be able to break us apart ever again, I promise you.

Wha... what do you mean?

I'm so sorry, Gabriel. I'm so, so, so, sorry. I didn't mean to leave you. But you understand, I had no choice.

You confuse my dreams and now my reality, Lyra. You always have. But I still don't understand.

Well, had I stayed by your side all through your torture and misery, you would have emerged just as helpless as when you began your descent into the abyss.
Do you seek revenge, Gabriel?

No. I don't want revenge. Not even to the shrinks who thought they knew better than I did.

Quickly! They're coming! Go hide in the trees; I'll distract them while you make it to your safehaven.

Oh, there's no need for that! I have an ace up my sleeve.

What... you mean like, a weapon?

Yeah babe. Paramore.
♥
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Hungover

What? Gabe is stuck with a hangover? Surely there must be a mistake.
I mean, after all, I rarely drink, and when I do drink, I make sure to consume twice as much water as alcohol. With this simple method, I've avoided 99% of any potential hangovers.

But this morning (morning! not afternoon) I woke up with a headache.
It's quite mild, really and I'm sure it would hardly qualify as a hangover for those of you who are habitual drinkers.

Next time, I'll remember not to have a glass of wine after a late-night yoga class, and to just drink water instead. I mean, that's what I usually do anyway, but for some reason I was craving a bit of red wine, so I had a glass with barely any water.

And so here we are!
-
Man, I'm glad water is a superdrink. Did you know? It has ZERO calories! And it's jam-packed with H²0 as well, which is scientifically proven to be good for you! Amaaaazing, am I right?
Did you know what else? Big pharma is actively trying to come up with a pill to replace water. That's how amazing it is! (Okay, I'm pretty sure this isn't true.).
-

And as slowly as it crept on, the hangover is gone.


'Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive (deserved to be alive)
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserved to be alive (alive)

Emergency - Paramore, from All you know is falling


Ain’t it fun?
Living in the real world
Ain’t it good?
Being all alone

Where you're from
You might be the one who’s running things
Well you could ring anybody's bell and get want you want
You see it’s easy to ignore trouble
When you’re living in a bubble

Ain't it fun - Paramore, from Paramore


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Musical taste

I thought it would be ever so illuminating if I showed you my top 25 most played on my iTunes. I regret nothing!

Disclaimer: This selection is not representative of my actual music tastes. I sure do like those songs though.

Yeah, I really do like Paramore.

Feel free to comment/link to yours, I'd be happy to compare.

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Fierceness

Sometimes you just have to stop thinking of the perfect title and settle with a word that randomly pops into your head.
Alternatively, you also might have to just stop thinking about what to write in the post and simply continue on from your title.

What is fierceness? Well, according to my quick Google dictionary search, fierceness is: "ferocity; the property of being wild or turbulent".

Hmm, at first I was thinking of writing about why I am fierce, but I don't quite think I match the definition.
However, a secondary definition for the word fierce brings up this: "(of a feeling, emotion, or action) Showing a heartfelt and powerful intensity".

Ah, now this I can write about. I cannot write about love, nor can I write about heartbreak. But I can certainly write about being fierce!

Now, where in my life would I have been fierce? Perhaps in my younger days, as a karate student? Not really. I mean, I acted fierce because I had to, but really, the bigger and older kids kind of intimidated me when I had to practice with them.

No, instead I would say that I am fierce when it comes to the most life changing event of my life, which is undoubtedly my Katimavik experience.
Let's put this into context.

I am fiercely opposed to the Harper government's decision to shut down the program, because I've seen first hand what amazing things the program does for people like me and the communities in which we've worked. Politicians don't really see any of that; they only see the money and popularity contest it might bring.

I also fiercely defend the friendships I formed during my travels in the program. Of course, it's impossible to maintain friendships with the dozens and dozens of people I met during Katimavik, but the very closest people I knew, the ones I lived with for nine months, hold a special place in my heart. And I even miss the two guys who broke away at the end, after the program was done. A & A, man, we had some good times, despite the drama.

And in my experience, I think friendships are worth being very fierce over.

Love will have to wait to be written about; maybe on here. Someday.
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And so my little challenge of making a positive blog post is complete. I honestly wanted to write another negative one, another one in which I lament my predicament as a young adult. Because I feel pretty down. But I think this helped.

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