10,000 pageviews

Woop woop! I've reached 10,000 lifetime pageviews on my blog just now. Cool! Granted, the vast majority of those pageviews are quite likely to just be spam bots. But it's still a milestone, right?

I didn't start my blog almost six years ago to amass a huge audience; that was not my goal. And it still isn't. And it hasn't happened. But it feels neat to have people read what I write and maybe it gets them thinking, or maybe it gets them to do some of their own blogging too. That'd be nice.

Well, I'm going to cut this short; I'm not really in the mood to write about such trivial matters right now.

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Vice & Carrot Juice

Is there anyone free of vice in this world? Is it possible to live free of all vice? Or do we eventually succumb to our own addictions, however large or small they may be, and hope we don't get carried away too far. Is there such a thing as a perfect person? Was the Buddha perfect?
Was Mother Teresa free of vice? Or was she just buying herself a ticket to heaven? Is there such a thing as true altruism?

Questions questions spin around, with answers nowhere to be found. It's easy for me to justify my vice(s) when the world around me is sick; far from perfect.
Why do I do it? What lures me to it? Is this a self-fulfilling prophecy in action, a consequence of reading all those Ellen Hopkins books?

Loneliness drives me to it, that's for sure. Loneliness is rarely bliss, occasionally needed, and almost always desired undesirable. At least by me.

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One time, she came over with some other great friends, and she sang to me:

And I've always lived like this 

Keeping a comfortable, distance

And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content

With loneliness

And though I was too far gone in my own world to really know what was going on at the time, her singing it still brings back memories to me now. And I appreciate her for doing it. And it makes me wonder when I'll see her again, because she's a great friend and a really trustworthy gal.

And so as I sip at my desk, sipping carrot juice, I wonder where I will be tomorrow, but more importantly, I ask myself who will I be. And how can I change my life, escape for this circle of vice to be simply happy and free?

You were no cure for loneliness; reckless abandon of sanity.

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