So I have a few blog drafts that have been lying around for a while, some as old as two years ago. The most recent one is a blog post I wrote about a week ago that's actually quite lengthy. It was another one of those "you know what grinds my gears" kinda posts.
Well, I was gonna finish that post and put it up, but I decided not to, after a good night's sleep. I have to tone down the anger in it.
I can't believe it's already September 2011... 2011! That's insane! I'm 21, and that's so hard to believe. It seems like just yesterday I was entering high school, and meeting new people. I'm actually in a really nostalgic state of mind right now...
I really miss high school, and those younger years. I wish I could go back in time and redo them with more passion, more vigor, instead of the passive let-opportunities-slide kind of mentality I used for most of my time at Vaughan Road Academy.
Also, just very recently, I decided to download the World of Warcraft Cataclysm Expansion 10 day trial, JUST to check it out... see the graphics... explore new content. But just to check it out, I don't plan on subscribing, it's already so much time of my life that's been spent in that game. In some ways it's taken away a lot of time I could have had doing WAY more productive things like writings, learning an instrument, exploring a new hobby, getting good at sports etc.
And I feel REALLY nostalgic. I find myself actually missing this virtual world that I spent weeks if not months of my life playing. It's so easy to get lost in World of Warcraft - the pleasing visuals, the list of never-ending quests to complete, and new loot to acquire and new monsters to defeat. It was such an addictive game, the game that rewards all the time you spend in it by giving you things to collect... I could easily spend my time living life in Azeroth instead of on Earth, just as easily as I could live in my dreams instead of reality, something I've sometimes wished for when the reality of reality hits you like a truck.
I wanna thank you, K, for motivating to write more on here. Your continuing support really helps A LOT when in my head I think "I should write a blog post... naaaaaaah". And for some reason this morning, the sentences are just flowing out of me like they haven't in a while.
Actually, it's been a very long time since I've felt like I wasn't brute forcing myself to write something.
Yeah, it seems like for a while now, I've been forcing myself to write, and taking a very long time to decide on how to word something, or what to include. Sometimes I erase whole paragraphs of stuff I've written just because I don't like the way it's presented...
But right now, right here, I have no problems with writing what I feel or think.
It's like my mind-body connection has been lagging, and suddenly the server stopped lagging and everything's alright again.
So you may detect that this particular blog post lacks in my usual angst somewhat. Worry not, that angst is still there, as fresh and present as ever.
In fact, I'm going to release some of that angst right now...
I have SUCH a hard time finding things to do in life right now that actually interest me. It's really difficult. It seems I've fallen back into my routine of being on the computer for most of my spare time...
And I mean, hours and hours in front of the computer.
I have yoga classes, and drumming lessons, and not much else going on right now. New part time job sometime hopefully, but I have to get on that...
So yeah, I'm finding it really difficult to find and sustain enjoyment out of something in life... a cool hobby, or really cool adventures somewhere. Or meeting someone new and exploring whole new worlds! But there's nothing like that happening. I mean, I still go for plenty of walks, but I very rarely ever meet anyone on my solitary midnight walks, it really depresses me. I wish it was so much easier to make friends.
I mean that. And again, I sink back to my somewhat instinctive reaction to say "I miss Katimavik!" but GOD DAMNIT I do miss it. I really friggen miss it, it pretty much solved ALL of the above problems.
I would do anything to do something just like it again...
I think that seems like something I should really do.
Katimavik = happiness.
I'm not very happy right now.
Do something like Katimavik to feel happy again.
Or do SOMETHING away from the computer. There are so many days where I wish all this effing technology wasn't always everywhere all the time always present. I wish there were people, damnit, people my age I could live with and do cool shit... all the time instead of being sucked up in a vacuum of solo late night hell and depression in the centre of the universe, wasting all my young life time away.
Because I'm afraid of being old.
I'm 21, and the number won't ever go down.
I really, really gotta find life energy.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
21/09/11
07/09/11
Twisted fate
Am I getting up?
Or am I going to bed?
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
Or am I going to bed?
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
24/08/11
Monday
It's 2 am and I can't seem to get to sleep tonight.
I mean, I haven't tried, but it might help if some lights were off and I was in my bed.
Over the weekend I went yet again to a friend's cottage and had a good time. I feel lucky to have so many friends with cottages, it's real nice to get away from the city once in a while. There was some windsurfing done, and playing fetch with a really big dog. There was also some scrabble playing, which I seem to be getting much better at lately. I usually don't do so well.
Or maybe my friends just suck.
I'm hoping in the coming weeks to have some interesting, introspective writings to share with you on here, more of my philosophy, if you will. Maybe fluff it up a bit, make it sound interesting. My mind has some considerable creative potential, I believe. I just need to NOT be lazy and just tap into it. After all, my mind has been with me all my life, I might as well use it to a fuller extent instead of wasting time reading the shitty newspapers.
Sometime, I'll write some of the ambitions I have on here. I can't seem to find them right now. And you might be wondering what I'm doing with my life these days. To be honest, I'm wondering what you're doing with yours. What are YOUR ambitions? Maybe I could steal some and use them as pseudo-ambitions till mine magically fall into my hands.
I miss reading letters from people. Not that I ever did get very many letters, but if I were a famous writer or something, I think one of my favourite things would be reading the mail that I get. Not so much e-mails, more like real letters, even though I guess e-mails are probably more earth-friendly. It's just that handwritten letters have so much more character to them.
That's it for now, good night and have a good Monday.
Also this was written on Monday, but my internet cut out so I just saved it locally then posted it later.
15/08/11
Stuck in my head
There's this song that plays in my head, and it's been around for a while now, maybe a few months. I don't mind that it doesn't want to leave.
It's called Calendar Girl by Stars.
It's a very emotionally loaded song, in my opinion. The lyrics talk about this girl who's going through life and finding the days difficult. The days and months come and go, and she's eventually glad to just be alive.
It's a really beautiful song.
I remember the first time I heard it, about nine months ago in Halifax. I was up one morning after a lot of drinking and I hadn't slept very well at all. The sun was shining brightly through the window that I had covered with a sheet, and so I decided to take my iPod and headphones and walk to this place called Citadel Hill.
It's a neat place to explore, as it's an old fort with cannons and munitions storage places and little tunnels and things. Also, on top of this hill, you can see much of Halifax and the ocean.
I'd recommend you listen to it sometime, reader.
---
I've decided for now that my favourite band is Dream Theater and I'm debating whether to see them in October at Massey Hall. I'm sure their live shows are really, really good. But to be honest, I'd rather hear them play old songs that I like, instead of hearing the new stuff they're promoting. They have so many amazing albums, like Scenes from a Memory and Seven Degrees of Inner Turbulence that I would love to experience live.
---
I'm 21 today. I wish that during my teenage years, I had had more posters of cool bands and been more of a quintessential teenager, lying in my bed in my room with my arms behind my head listening to some metal songs. Or maybe doing some creative things like writing (my blog counts a little, I guess), having long talks on the phone with a friend, or learning how to throw playing cards at people.
Somehow, I think spending SO much time on the computer has dulled me somehow. Dulled some of my personal potential, and my potential for enjoyment of many activities. It's definitely affected me physically, and very much so mentally. My perception of the world (i.e. my worldview), it seems, is largely based on information I've accumulated from years of being connected online. And it kind of scares me, that my brain has years of brainwashing from a screen.
I kind of want to elaborate on this concept, and my blog is a good place to explore this, but... I've decided I want to talk about it with a friend over the phone sometime. Maybe you, K, or perhaps M. Or someone else sometime, depending on how I feel.
I'm not exactly depressed, but I'm not really motivated about (with?) life.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
It's called Calendar Girl by Stars.
It's a very emotionally loaded song, in my opinion. The lyrics talk about this girl who's going through life and finding the days difficult. The days and months come and go, and she's eventually glad to just be alive.
It's a really beautiful song.
I remember the first time I heard it, about nine months ago in Halifax. I was up one morning after a lot of drinking and I hadn't slept very well at all. The sun was shining brightly through the window that I had covered with a sheet, and so I decided to take my iPod and headphones and walk to this place called Citadel Hill.
It's a neat place to explore, as it's an old fort with cannons and munitions storage places and little tunnels and things. Also, on top of this hill, you can see much of Halifax and the ocean.
I'd recommend you listen to it sometime, reader.
---
I've decided for now that my favourite band is Dream Theater and I'm debating whether to see them in October at Massey Hall. I'm sure their live shows are really, really good. But to be honest, I'd rather hear them play old songs that I like, instead of hearing the new stuff they're promoting. They have so many amazing albums, like Scenes from a Memory and Seven Degrees of Inner Turbulence that I would love to experience live.
---
I'm 21 today. I wish that during my teenage years, I had had more posters of cool bands and been more of a quintessential teenager, lying in my bed in my room with my arms behind my head listening to some metal songs. Or maybe doing some creative things like writing (my blog counts a little, I guess), having long talks on the phone with a friend, or learning how to throw playing cards at people.
Somehow, I think spending SO much time on the computer has dulled me somehow. Dulled some of my personal potential, and my potential for enjoyment of many activities. It's definitely affected me physically, and very much so mentally. My perception of the world (i.e. my worldview), it seems, is largely based on information I've accumulated from years of being connected online. And it kind of scares me, that my brain has years of brainwashing from a screen.
I kind of want to elaborate on this concept, and my blog is a good place to explore this, but... I've decided I want to talk about it with a friend over the phone sometime. Maybe you, K, or perhaps M. Or someone else sometime, depending on how I feel.
I'm not exactly depressed, but I'm not really motivated about (with?) life.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
13/08/11
Glub glub and the mouse
Summer glides along so effortlessly and so quickly, it saddens me how when my birthday comes around, it is the beginning of the end for people who return to their learning domains to get stuff done for another academic year.
I wish I could fill up my HP bar as easily as seeing a healer and getting topped off before heading out to adventure Earth.
I drank some tea a little while ago, it was apple cinnamon flavoured.
I'll blog with some interesting writings in the days to come, I feel a little re-inspired these days. Just a little.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
I wish I could fill up my HP bar as easily as seeing a healer and getting topped off before heading out to adventure Earth.
I drank some tea a little while ago, it was apple cinnamon flavoured.
I'll blog with some interesting writings in the days to come, I feel a little re-inspired these days. Just a little.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
15/05/11
Let's liven a planet, 1
This place is ugly.
We made it so ugly.
And we're making it uglier every day, warping natural resources into "stylish" buildings and streets.
Destroying ecosystems for money.
I wish there was a planet far, far away that would be willing to give a second chance to humans. But not all humans. Only nice humans.
Corrupt, evil humans can't go anywhere near it.
And there wouldn't be too many of us, but enough to have variety and differences.
Living in harmony with nature, with some useful technological advances, like convenient access to water, and renewable energy. But nothing anywhere close to the industrial exploitation that civilizations here have created.
And on this planet, everyone would have a useful role that is fair for each person.
There would be healers and lovers, laughers and singers.
There would be work, dignified work to keep you busy, and there would be no need for job interviews because you'd be recognized for what you are, not for what you can pretend to be.
Work itself wouldn't be boring - you'd learn skills that would benefit you and others for the rest of your life.
Earth, I'm truly sorry.
... To be continued.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
We made it so ugly.
And we're making it uglier every day, warping natural resources into "stylish" buildings and streets.
Destroying ecosystems for money.
I wish there was a planet far, far away that would be willing to give a second chance to humans. But not all humans. Only nice humans.
Corrupt, evil humans can't go anywhere near it.
And there wouldn't be too many of us, but enough to have variety and differences.
Living in harmony with nature, with some useful technological advances, like convenient access to water, and renewable energy. But nothing anywhere close to the industrial exploitation that civilizations here have created.
And on this planet, everyone would have a useful role that is fair for each person.
There would be healers and lovers, laughers and singers.
There would be work, dignified work to keep you busy, and there would be no need for job interviews because you'd be recognized for what you are, not for what you can pretend to be.
Work itself wouldn't be boring - you'd learn skills that would benefit you and others for the rest of your life.
Earth, I'm truly sorry.
... To be continued.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
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