Writing is supposed to be personal sometimes. I wonder if free writing is something that should be kept personal. After all, the first few times I did free writing, I was doing it in a Grade 10 english class in a room full of silent students scribbling away random thoughts from their heads onto the page. And the only person who would ever get to read these scribbles were the teacher and myself. I don't really remember the things I wrote, but it was (and still is) a very enjoyable activity for me.
Dead mice. Okay. Well, just a few minutes ago, I was getting some fresh air when I found a dead mouse lying beside the house. It was really cute, so I picked it up and it had very fluffy fur. I tried to find a wound or something that would indicate how it died, but nothing was apparent. In fact, its eyes were kinda half-closed and if I didn't know any better, I would say it was just sleeping. Really, it's a bit sad. There are three cats who live here, and they're all excellent hunters. I wouldn't mind so much if they actually ate the mice, but they never do. They just play around with them and paw them repeatedly until they stop moving and then they get bored. Well, I guess I should be grateful. The mice get especially annoying when I'm trying to sleep and I hear soft but audible scratches inside the walls of my room.
Relationships. Okay. I have a number of friends who are in a relationship right now, and it seems so... strange. Two of my friends have been living together for a while now, and they're basically inseparable because they're always together. It makes me wonder. What do they talk about? Every day, they're spending time together, making decisions together; essentially, living life... together.
Maybe it's nice. You can confide in someone. Someone can take care of you if you're hurt. You can probably get cheaper rent. Really, a whole lot of practicality. I don't really know what I mean when I say it seems strange. It just seems so coincidental that two people like each other and now they do things together.
Muscles. Well, I have a solid workout bench in my room that I never use. I took it out of the cold room a month or so ago, and I used it once. I was all like: "Okay! Every day, I'm going to workout. Simple, right?". So I did some sit-ups, and my back started hurting because there's a dip in the bench and my SI joint gets jammed there and I used that as an excuse not to do anything with it anymore. It's pretty stupid. And now the bench and the free weights sit there, taunting me, holding promises of glory and muscle toning while I lie down in my bed and enjoy the comfort zone. Really, I do want to get in shape. Like, actually get in shape. Lose-40-pounds-and-get-some-definition kinda thing. The reasons for wanting this are obvious, but in my mind's eye I see a time not so long ago where I was doing yoga every day and I was in the best shape of my life. And I had confidence. And it feels really silly to talk about, but I think because I was exuding all this good energy and confidence, it's what led to me having my first kiss and sharing a short-lived intimate bond with someone. Oooooooooh.
Here's an idea among many others. Maybe I could use my blog as a sort of workout journal. Oh, I wouldn't make it too fancy, and I wouldn't want to go into too much detail because no one would care, but maybe keeping a little log here and there would help me keep on track with workout goals. Maybe a count of how many sit-ups I could do today, or how many pounds I'm doing with bicep curls. Maybe a description of different routines I'm trying out. Sounds kinda exciting, actually. I think it would help because my main problem is lack of discipline. It's always been a recurring problem of mine. And I've found that I've always liked writing, and this blog helped me keep on writing for so many years. Maybe it could do the same for my getting-in-shape goal.
I'm going to follow through this time. I can do it. Little by little, I will be a better person.
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