Relaxed Free Writing

Writing is supposed to be personal sometimes. I wonder if free writing is something that should be kept personal. After all, the first few times I did free writing, I was doing it in a Grade 10 english class in a room full of silent students scribbling away random thoughts from their heads onto the page. And the only person who would ever get to read these scribbles were the teacher and myself. I don't really remember the things I wrote, but it was (and still is) a very enjoyable activity for me.

Dead mice. Okay. Well, just a few minutes ago, I was getting some fresh air when I found a dead mouse lying beside the house. It was really cute, so I picked it up and it had very fluffy fur. I tried to find a wound or something that would indicate how it died, but nothing was apparent. In fact, its eyes were kinda half-closed and if I didn't know any better, I would say it was just sleeping. Really, it's a bit sad. There are three cats who live here, and they're all excellent hunters. I wouldn't mind so much if they actually ate the mice, but they never do. They just play around with them and paw them repeatedly until they stop moving and then they get bored. Well, I guess I should be grateful. The mice get especially annoying when I'm trying to sleep and I hear soft but audible scratches inside the walls of my room.

Relationships. Okay. I have a number of friends who are in a relationship right now, and it seems so... strange. Two of my friends have been living together for a while now, and they're basically inseparable because they're always together. It makes me wonder. What do they talk about? Every day, they're spending time together, making decisions together; essentially, living life... together.
Maybe it's nice. You can confide in someone. Someone can take care of you if you're hurt. You can probably get cheaper rent. Really, a whole lot of practicality. I don't really know what I mean when I say it seems strange. It just seems so coincidental that two people like each other and now they do things together.

Muscles. Well, I have a solid workout bench in my room that I never use. I took it out of the cold room a month or so ago, and I used it once. I was all like: "Okay! Every day, I'm going to workout. Simple, right?". So I did some sit-ups, and my back started hurting because there's a dip in the bench and my SI joint gets jammed there and I used that as an excuse not to do anything with it anymore. It's pretty stupid. And now the bench and the free weights sit there, taunting me, holding promises of glory and muscle toning while I lie down in my bed and enjoy the comfort zone. Really, I do want to get in shape. Like, actually get in shape. Lose-40-pounds-and-get-some-definition kinda thing. The reasons for wanting this are obvious, but in my mind's eye I see a time not so long ago where I was doing yoga every day and I was in the best shape of my life. And I had confidence. And it feels really silly to talk about, but I think because I was exuding all this good energy and confidence, it's what led to me having my first kiss and sharing a short-lived intimate bond with someone. Oooooooooh.

Here's an idea among many others. Maybe I could use my blog as a sort of workout journal. Oh, I wouldn't make it too fancy, and I wouldn't want to go into too much detail because no one would care, but maybe keeping a little log here and there would help me keep on track with workout goals. Maybe a count of how many sit-ups I could do today, or how many pounds I'm doing with bicep curls. Maybe a description of different routines I'm trying out. Sounds kinda exciting, actually. I think it would help because my main problem is lack of discipline. It's always been a recurring problem of mine. And I've found that I've always liked writing, and this blog helped me keep on writing for so many years. Maybe it could do the same for my getting-in-shape goal.

I'm going to follow through this time. I can do it. Little by little, I will be a better person.

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Timothy Leary and stuff

"Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think déjà vu is for?”. Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others…”

-Timothy Leary

Picture unrelated.

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October Red

Days spent idle as the time goes by.
It seems like time accelerates as you get older.
Where did the past go?

School is keeping me mostly busy. It's not as overwhelming as I thought it would be.
I had a writing assignment to do last weekend about some classic sociologists. I was surprised that I managed to finish it all on the weekend, considering it's worth a decent chunk of my mark. It felt good to finish my first written assignment of the school year so quickly.

I lost my phone... again. This makes me very sad. I haven't had it for a little while now, and I miss it. Luckily, I have insurance that covers it, but it's a lot of hassle all because of a rascal on the TTC who never returned it.

I should go on adventures more often. Then I could blog some more about it. I have nothing really eventful to talk about, except maybe that I played some ultimate frisbee and soccer this weekend. And I'm also part of a little badminton club at UofT. That's about all, though.

Bye.

P.S. Paramore concert in a month!

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