St. Clair Mare

Walking on the concrete slabs that snap at my feet like a giant crab

I saunter past 1 shop 2 shops 3 shops no; I never stop it's always go, go, go

I keep my head still, keep my eyes glued to the sky that once spilled - red, blue - I fear for the day when the heavens will look like a purple and yellow and grey stew

The new condos pop up in the spring and lay dormant in the fall

Who knows how long I'll live here; always waiting for a call

that never comes, partially 'cause I keep my phone on airplane mode; afraid of radiation, afraid of pollution, afraid of interpersonal communication

It's just another weeknight, followed by just another workday

Then the stench of cheap cologne hits me and I realize it has to be a Friday

I know that if I stop to inhale the St. Clair stench I might be led astray

Which might look like walking into McDcs and saying "hey, can I get a 10 piece chicken McNug meal with a large fries? No drink please. And hey, no worries, I promise this won't be the start of my demise"

All the while trying not to think of the chickens, the bees, the human beings being turned into capitalistic commodities

The slaves to the torment of a bygone world; is it just me or is this dystopian fantasy masquerading as a just society?

I keep walking; I curl my lips up into a flaky half smile

The kind of smile where you try and project happiness and hopefulness

and all you get back are looks of strangeness and fearful eyes

But it's not all bad; in fact it's probably a blessing in disguise

I need to know - am I a fool or thou art a saviour?

I ask Lyra "hey, can you do me a favour?

Can you keep me safe from the monster and my reckless behaviour?"

It's not that I don't trust myself; it's just that trust is hard to come by

When all you care about is the next high and not the next goodbye

When I think of her, the voice I hear is subtle

And when I hear her voice, I don't feel like living a life that's tranquil

It was hard getting cut off from my angel; so thank you Seroquel

Thank you for not lobotomizing me

Thank you for not keeping me strapped down to the beds that smell overcleanly

Thank you for keeping me numb and angry; dull and dreamy; fat and teary

Thank you for supposedly giving me a shot at normality

Now is the time to find some distance from the trauma

Now is not the time to go home crying to my momma

Now is the time to reclaim what was lost in the all the drama

So now is probably not the time to walk on St. Clair in my pajamas

Dedicated to Chester Bennington.

©GGH 2017

Duck Haiku

The ducks prune slowly

In the dawn of dusk afloat

On a standstill lake

Beetle Brad

Possiby Osmoderma eremicola

Common Voice Project

If you've been reading my blog since the early days, you might know that one of my dreams is to become a voice actor - professional or otherwise. I've uploaded a few of my blog posts in vocal form before and thoroughly enjoyed doing it.

I've met people in my life who have told me that they're totally weirded out by hearing their recorded voices. I think the idea being that the voice which we hear resonate inside our heads is not the same as what is projected into the common world for others to hear.

I've gotten over my voice sounding weird in recordings. What I haven't gotten over is the feeling that I rarely, if ever, truly speak with my voice from the heart; meaning that I often think about my conversations with people (literally every day) and how often my voice sounds "fake".
I think it's like singing. If you practice speaking from your truth, instead of from your frontal lobe, then you eventually get better.

So anyway, I randomly stumbled upon this thing called the Common Voice Project when I opened up my browser today. It's a crowd-sourced database spearheaded by the amazing Mozilla community - the makers of Firefox no less -  and they aim to build a free repository of human voices for use in things like apps and engines.

What a great way for me to practice my voice acting! Sure, I don't get paid for it and sure, I get little to no recognition, BUT I get to instantaneously listen to my voice in real time. Plus, I also help out struggling developers and new English learners, if they happen to listen to one of the sentences I've enunciated.

I encourage you to check it out if you're bored and feel like giving a minor contribution to human technological advancement.

Social commentary, social ascension

I actually have interesting things to write about. Actually, I have WAY too many interesting things to talk about.

From philosophy to nature, from pictures of food I've prepared to reflections on the state of gender divisiveness in Toronto, is there no limit to what I can blog about? Aside from laws preventing hate speech and that kind of thing (stop! hating's bad), my limit is contained by how effectively I can translate my mind's eye onto this page.

-

I'm going to copy some thoughts I wrote on a friend's Facebook status just now and call it a day. The topic is social institutions (i.e. schools and workplaces), popularity, and leadership - to be unclear.

-

I disagree that social ascension is valued higher than kindness, [open-mindedness, intelligence] etc. [in our society].

I've been through various school systems and have seen positive role models (and yes, lots of bullying as well...). I would argue that because cruelty is such an intense quality, it tends to get noticed more than kindness; and both can lead to popularity.

A leader is someone who encourages others to achieve their potential through empowerment rather than through coercion. I don't think a true leader can ever be sociopathic in the strongest sense of the word.

Monstres méchants et gentils servans

C'est rare que j'écoute de la musique dubstep pendant que j'écris. Jadis, j'écoutait de la musique transe car elle ne comportait pas souvent de paroles (chose qui me dérangeait un peu), et parce que il y avait une continuation presque infinie de vagues sonore.

Maintenant, en 2017, je me retrouve à écouter Skrillex. Oké, peut-être pas grand chose - juste une chanson - mais il faut dire que la chanson (dont j'ai traduit le titre juste en haut) m'a stimulé à écrire.

Je ne suis plus de l'opinion que seule la musique transe et classique sont idéales pour être créatif en écriture. Non, je dirais plûtot que c'est l'heure de la journée qui à la plus grande influence sur mon écriture: le soir, c'est la folie qui ressort. Le matin, c'est l'obsession avec la grammaire et l'orthographe.

J'écoute encore Paramore. Ils ont un nouveau album. Je ne l'aime pas encore, mais je pense que je vais apprendre à l'aimer, comme toutes leur albums précédents.

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Quelle journée superbe! J'ai jasé avec une coolchick pendant des heures. Ça m'arrive tellement rarement dans mes vingtaines qu'il faut vraiment que j'apprécie ça. Oui, encore une fois... La gratitude. C'est tellement facile à faire! Et je le fais en répétition parce-que je suis sûr à 100% que ça améliore ma joie de vivre - les études l'on démontré. C'est de la psychologie positive, chose dans lequel je ne suis pas expert, mais dont je considère important.

Bon, avant de dégénerer dans du français incompréhensible... je vous laisse avec une photo choisie au hasard, directement de mon portable:

Greatful

It's such a good feeling to be grateful.
These days, I recognize that I am grateful for the food I eat, for the air I breathe, for the water I drink, for the music I listen to, for the flowers I see; the list goes on and on.

I'm not sure if I can really call it a feeling. It's more of a state of mind. But before I get lost in the semantics, know that none of this "grateful-ality" would be possible were it not for self-compassion.


Sure, we're taught that it's important to be nice to people, but are we ever taught to be nice to ourselves? Yes, we are sometimes, but too often this reminder occurs in yoga classes or from self-help books, places that we turn to to accomplish things.

Well, I'm sick of striving for accomplishments! Don't get me wrong: it's important to accomplish things, both for one's own sake and for society's. It's critical to accomplish things when it comes to personal health. One such goal which many can relate to (and which I've managed to do continuously for around 2 months now) is quitting sugary drinks. Namely, sodas and high-fructose juices. But now that that goal is done (I don't ever want to go back to chugging Coke), what's next?

What's next is feeling. Feeling my place in the world instead of thinking about it. Thinking about how I'm going to get in shape, thinking about how nerve-wracking it is asking that one chick out with the cool hair, thinking about how I wish I could be an anime voice-actor in Attack on Titan (which is ridiculously awesome in all senses of the word, btw); these are all good things to think about, but practically, how do I actualize?

I think gratitude can help. Instead of reaching for what I might want, I'm thankful for what I have. And from then on, no matter what happens, I know that past-me is looking out for future-me.

I'm grateful for being able to feel joy instead of pain. Although I'm kind of grateful that I can feel pain too, because it keeps me alive.

I'm grateful to Lyra for always being around even though I seldom stay in touch with her for very long. She's out there somewhere - I wonder which star by now? - and I feel all right in the knowledge that she exists, somewhere.

-

Afrofest 2017 and Maker's Expo 2017 were really cool this year. Both free. I highly recommend Afrofest if you're into fantastic rhythms, delicious food, and exotic knick-knacks. I recommend Maker's Expo if you're into gadgets, science, and Nuit Blanche-esque artwork.

Cheerful, gleeful, single

Ladies, gents, and the rest:

I have the pleasure of promoting a song with vocals performed by a friend of mine! If you like 80s-style electro-pop (or you have feminist ideals), then check this one out.

Punctured

It should be as easy as plugging in a few cables here and there; buying some new hardware, but I just sit and stare

I realized for the third time today that semi-colons were the confused stepchildren of commas and full stops

So now I'm worried I'll get disused, so I'll diffuse experimental memories from my scope to keep it dope

 

I'm sick, sick, sick of words that describe other words only for the sake of describing words like verbs; like verbing a noun on the prowl

I can't even imagine that what I'm doing is foul

Hey Lyra, I need you now

Like I was saying; I want it to be easy; I want it to be; I want

Freedom for punctuation

Freedom from punctuation

Which one sounds better?

It doesn't matter

Liberty freedom respect honour talent noun noun acting playing writing feeling owning destroying recreating an anthropomorphic catalyst; incoming

No pictures. No colour. Just black and white. Just shading. It's all so drab and I'm not gonna fly a flag because a flag is to be drab and being drab gets me mad.

All I'm saying is that this white box makes me sick sometimes

NO, NO I DON'T WANT TO RHYME

I'M ALIVE

I don't want to yell either 'cause my throat's sore

Obviously this paragraph is going to end with something more.

Hey Lyra, can you tell me what that is without plugging out?

Inspiration: Demetri Martin

Darwin's Lost Paradise

I just finished watching a documentary called "Darwin's Lost Paradise". Filmed on location, it recreates Darwin's journey across the world on the HMS Beagle, one of the most famous voyages in scientific history. In my head, it rivals C.S. Lewis' fantasy novel The Voyage of the Dawn Treader in its scope. Except... this really happened. Almost 200 years ago.

A breathtaking journey. Alongside Captain FitzRoy and a crew of mostly young men, they travelled from England to South America, to Tierra del Fuego, onwards to the Galapagos Islands, making a stop in Sydney, Australia to finally, after half a decade, make it back to England with unparalleled tales of natural wonder.

I was struck by Darwin's strength of character. Although he eventually published (arguably) the most famous scientific treatise of all time, his personal moral struggle against the church & monotheism took a toll on him. He lived to his 70s - mostly in ill-health - but nonetheless wrote and endlessly observed the natural realm. The painful death of his 10-year old daughter Annie marked him greatly, and he devoted himself to his work to cope with the suffering.

I believe there is refuge from suffering in the natural realm. Too often we end up closed up in boxes of grey matter; of concrete and brain cells. Darwin arduously tried to show the world that we are not above nature; that we are part of the "coral of life" and that we all have a common ancestor, somewhere in time.

What a beautiful story. Definitely one of my favourite documentaries now.

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Here's a picture I took in Enora, ON over the weekend. It's a cute, touristy town about an hour's drive west of Toronto. There's a zipline nearby, but I calculated that it costs almost 3 dollars a second soooooo I didn't think it was worth it.

Birdwatching

SO I was going to start this blog post saying something like: "Well I didn't actually do any birdwatching" but then I realized that I actually did do some birdwatching: I saw some crows yesterday and some sparrows, too. And I watched them. But the real reason why I titled this post "birdwatching is because I saw a movie called Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) at the reference library and it was a good time!

I don't do spoilers; suffice to say, it's because I think part of the movie experience is (obviously) discovering something new and usually unexpected. And this movie had some great mix of real and fantasy, though it's mostly grounded in a New York Broadway setting.

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I finally got some Lights on my new phone! No, not literal pixels; the artist! The more I listen to her, the more I realize how much I miss listening to her music.

Right now, Frame and Focus is on my mind (from her second studio album, Siberia).

I'm the scene and this blog is the director.

Compassioninnately

Once in a while time is on my side
Once in a time long ago, compassion came naturally
And now I find myself practically, radically; free

It's not that scary, it's not that scary being me
I'm not a wreck but I'm not walking on a beach either

And when I find myself in a dreamline
I know everything will be just fine

I take the time so as to not commit a crime
So sublime, so sublime it rhymes enough that I
unbind-

Is this the end of fear or the start of growth?

Obligatory phone update

I got my first Android phone!

I'm sad to let Windoze Phone go. I really thought it would succeed but it seems like the rest of the world didn't agree. So now I'm hyped about all I can do with Android apps & settings. I will no longer bare my teeth in anger at all the ads in the city asking you to download their stuff on either Apple or Android; I will no longer be bummed out at the lack of Windows logos.

So the phone I got is the BLU Advance 5.0 HD and I am seriously impressed with how much I got for $100 CAD shipped. The cameras suck, but the audio is stellar. Almost on par with my previous flagship Nokia phone.

I'm flabbergasted at how far mobile technology has come in the past few years. I've been stuck in 2013 for a few years now, and it's nice to be up to date with the latest software. My BLU is a little sluggish, but nothing to cry foul about.

-

Anyway, I have a busy day today and I know this pretty much has nothing to do with music but I'm still deciding what direction I want this blog to go in. After 10 years, I definitely think I need a major overhaul! But have no fear, this place is here to stay for the foreseeable future.

Last but not least, here's a picture of a concert I went to last Saturday. Constellation francofête 2017 à Harbourfront. It was a good show.

The writer whale

Who am I kidding.

I can't possibly keep linking YouTube videos and hope for the best. I've been a non-professional writer for years, and it aches to look back on the past few days - no, years - and see that I have NOT been writing every month; something I was doing in the late 2000s.

Do I want results? Of course I do. It's very hard to not want results when you've been in university for what seems like an eternity and you're not even halfway through your degree. Because a degree means I'm successful, right?

The good news, Lyra, is that I have the knowledge to skip past la brûme of the extremely competitive globalized society I find myself in and to move ahead to the reality of my world which is this: I don't have to be successful to be happy. I have to be happy to be successful.

Oh, happiness. Another topic. A topic for now. How many books are published every day with happiness as the topic? Religious books, self-help books, scientific books; they're all opinionated and of course most of them have research to back them up. But I ask, is that what humans are meant to do in this world? Research, innovate, research, innovate, kill whales slowly with burning plastic rage, research to save the whales, innovate to save the Earth.

Does it make me happy, buying a new phone? Of course it does, temporarily, because it allows for another gate to be opened into another eternal realm; another app, another universe.

Who came up with dopamine anyway? Was it Sir Serotonin, or Madam Norepinephrine?

-

HEY, GENDER BENDER FREAKS: I like having regular pronouns. I like regular expressions too. Here's my unresearched and unproven theory: some folks like to be referred as they because... because... they have multiple selves? Or maybe it's because their phones are part of them and everyone records everyone, everywhere, and so they become sucked into the Matrix, the Internet, the YouTube fanaticism and slowly turn into the Borg. And the Borgs are a they, aren't they?

Back on an important topic. S shared something just like this on Facebook. And it's basically a 4-minute horror movie (with no jump scares, unless plastic whale stomachs make you jump in disgust) of the horrifying effects we can have as human beings on the ocean and its inhabitants.

Promiscuous lipithicus

I promised myself I'd be honest with the music I listen to from now on..

So without shame, here's Promiscuous by the ever talented Nelly Furtado, a Portuguese-Canadian singer-songwriter who often played on the radio in the early 2000s. And today, I heard this song playing through one of the pop stations on my beater phone.

African times metal

Today's song of the day (I guess that's what my blog is turning into now?) is a song originally by Toto called Africa. It's a classic tune, and it translates beautifully into more metallic song-tones. Here is Africa as performed by Chaos Divine, a band from Australia that I stumbled upon randomly whilst in a haze and on YouTube.

Enjoy this one!

Finally; a new pop song I relate to

No more fairy tales. For now...

Dubstep TRIGGER Warning

Definitely one of the better remixes out there in my humble opinion.

Let me know what you think!

Am I normal?

The water fountain at Christie Pits doesn't work. The major one, next to the fully lit fake sports cabin, where no one ever goes after dark.

Can you imagine a session drummer; pouring their heart out on the drum kit, and after, when they become so salty because they need to hit that snare... Well, they walk out of Lee's Palace and head to Christie Pits for what should be free water.
They arrive at the fountain. They pray the water flows. It doesn't.

If you think that it's fucked up that on a sweltering night like tonight there is no water in one of the prettiest parks in Toronto, then you're normal like me

Dihydrogen monoxide is limitless.

Fix, please.

Approaching 500 published!

©

As © approaches 0, I derive using the power rule!

!1 * 1 = e mc^2

= 0


(July edit: I have no idea wtf any of this means but I'll leave it up here just for kicks)

I blast my own thoughts

There's a calming Swedish english-spoken song playing through my ears and somehow it has stimulated me to write. Write write about pain.

Pain is so many things. There's so many ways to think about pain. Pain pain pain, it becomes repainless and repetitively painless when there paino playing. Pain pain pain is bad. There aren't many instances of good pain.

For example, pain in french means: (AND OMG am I so happy that I do not have to cite anything here because it's all creative commons and I don't have to worry about someone suing me for stealing their ideas because ideas are free and although someone can steal ideas and profit from them, no one can profit from me because... because I am not a product.)

pain in french, a literal translation? It's bread. Literally. Pain is bread.

And bread is part of the source of most of the pain in this world. I don't care if you don't think this is true at all, I am going to convince you in this blog post that pain (read: BREAD) is the source of much pain in the world.

I'll never be able to convince you without sources, because if you're reading this you can probably read pretty well and you wouldn't accept random information on the internet as fact.

But I've read. I've read a lot. I've read history, I've read math, philosophy, science, anthropology, sociology, exercise science, nutrition, volume-increasing technicalities; you name it, I've read everything in my life that I've read so far.

And the conclusion is fairly simple:

Grains contains substances that act on pain receptors in human brains. Opiates - ever heard of the opiate epidemic? Big agra is the cause, in cahoots with big pharma.

Thank goodness for the nice plants (hey, I'm looking at you, Epipremnum aureum and Aloe vera).

Why do we eat brains? Oops, I mean, why do we eat grains?

Because the pyramid said so.

If you managed to get through this massive failure of paragraphs, here's the song that prompted me to pour some words out on the page this evening.

Safeguard #2 against solipsism

If I passed the class then don't worry about it. If I passed the class then don't worry about it. If I passed the class then don't worry about it.

Signed,

G

Safeguard #1 against solipsism

My courage will last forever.

I was introduced to this song by K, from New Zealand.

Are we aging faster than the speed of light?

I sure hope not.

I've noticed a trend on YouTube - I'm sure you have too - where many of the comments are people stating what year they're watching the video in. Followed by a veritable deluge of likes.

It's as if people need reassurance that time is still flowing and that yes, the sun will rise tomorrow.

I just wish that people would remember that eclipses occur once in a while.

A non-luminescent night

For the first time in a while I can write quite positively about pretty much the entire day. There's a good chance I'll become extremely tired while reading this, so maybe I should stick to the 3rd person. I've been pretty much talking like a 3rd person for a long while anyway. Well, I tried.

-Went to the ravine this morning and made fun of the tennis players
-Did some exploring in the woods and found some peace and quiet... once in a while
-Darn, I'm starting to get negative again...maybe because of the gluten I had
-I went to Stella's Place. I don't ever recall ever feeling depressed when walking out of there.
-I found some old origami papers, but unfortunately they're covered in gluten...
-Sleep, I forgive you.

Zzzzzzzz.

SMART System Operational

Specifically, we need to master this song, and I then need to move on to Renegade... eventually:

Measurably, I think verb tenses in English are going to be a problem for me. Also, definitely need some design work. I have a friend in mind - Miya, or someone she knows.

Attainably (not a word), I think that helping others is definitely something within the realm of possibility. That's probably the music/gaming aspect of this.

Relatively speaking, I think my time is best spent with Academiae Illustrae, the secret 5th house in the Harry Potter world.

In a timely fashion, I have updated this blog.

Team Kaleidoughscope

Okay. It's a pretty wild idea - but then again, hasn't this entire blog been a wild idea from the start?

Focus.

1. Music.
2. Gaming.


Can gaming and music go together? Because that's what I want to do, and if there's a product that can be sold, then Team Kaleidoughscope could be that product. Talent. Talent management. Team management. What games? What platforms? What musical instruments (so many!)? What is the market?

Gaming houses are rad.

So this is the start of a business plan.

What I think I need:

1. Social media manager.
2. Video editor/streaming setup


Input welcome!

Sugar is not food

Point final.

Classic heavy guitar

The lyrics don't speak to me right now. The lead guitar and drums do.

I am so sick of marketing

Marketing - to market?

To market - ??? --- Taking advantage of

Marketing - has it gone too far?

Rough Thursday

I figure writing a blog post about anything and publishing it is better than no publishing at all.
I can barely keep my eyelids open and it's just past noon. Maybe I should catch up on rest.

Rest, will you wait for me?

Hopefully, somewhere in time (going forward, of course).

It's gonna be pretty muddy in High Park. Good thing I have a solid pair of boots!

D.R.

Some new Paramore!

Alright alright, I know I've written about Paramore extensively before and I said that I wasn't into their music anymore because I found some of their lyrics to be "too angry", but they've got a new album coming out May 12th! I'm interested in this one, because the bassist who's been with the band for a long while has left, BUT they brought back the original drummer, Zac Farro. For fans of "oldschool" Paramore (e.g. Misery Business, The Only Exception), this is good news.

I'm a little sad that Jeremy (the bassist) is gone. I had an AWESOME experience at the ACC back in November 2013. There was lots of space on the main floor so I was only a few feet away from him while he was ROCKING. I was totally starstruck.

Anyway, I only found out about After Laughter today through a suggested video on youtube. I've been listening to so much electro-swing lately that it came as a surprise when this was the song that played:

Dunno how I feel about it yet!

First dance is always free

Unleashed words rhyme poorly without proper forethought. Keeping one's composure when attempting to write from the cerebellum isn't easy when you're trying to juggle hundreds of sensory inputs at the same time. Thankfully they move to the background and I don't actually have to deal with hundreds of sensory inputs, more like a couple. Mainly my cold feet and my fingers on the keyboard. Brainiac catscratch flu hitting me straight between the eyes, gotta fight to keep focused.

It's easy to get distracted when you're attempting to write under the influence of electro swing. "Oh great, another post raving about Gabe's latest musical obsession". Thankfully, my attention span is approaching null so if you've got some focusing problems as well we can take this journey together and leave the past behind.

Unfortunately, this journey is mostly about me because I know nothing about you and although I could create an imaginary character to represent you on this journey, I think it's better if I stick to one narrative, ya dig?

I find that as I grow older, my threshold for the things that I find lame increases. While you try and figure out what that means, I'm gonna tell you that tonight I was somewhat of a socialite and that made me feel kinda cool. Actually, what made me feel cool was chatting with two attractive people on two independant occasions. Does that make me vain? I don't want to go into details but I guess I want to make a note that this night happened.

So yeah, things that I used to find lame, like icebreakers and singing songs in groups (jeez, ever tried to get 40+ people to sing Lean on Me? it's pretty hilarious) are now things that I enjoy. Maybe because they're inherently social and that feeds my primal brain? Who knows.

Are we still on a journey? I was hoping for something more like the Odyssey, with grand adventures at sea and travel to mysterious islands. I'm sure you were too. I don't think I have it in me tonight, though. See, I came here all inspired because of a story I'd heard earlier tonight about dragons and water and fire that made me feel like I was listening to an audiobook of the Skyrim or Lord of the Rings.

I might make an attempt at a fantasy epic short story through this blog, or perhaps another I shall create. I'm not sure I want to fill A kaleidoughscope of writings with poorly written fantasy fiction.

Here, another electro favourite! Have a great night!

It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing

I've been listening to a lot of swing music lately. More specifically electro-swing music, which I believe is simply swing music with electronic elements added in like drum machines and the such.

I don't know much about swing music, actually. I know it's got a sort of sub-culture attached to it, and I know it was popular in the early 20th century but that's about it. I don't know intellectually what makes swing music what it is, but I know intuitively when I hear it whether it's swing or not. It always has that upbeat back-and-forth rhythm and is usually accompanied with some slick lyrics about dancing or being real cool.

Actually, I think it's one of the best types of dance music out there. I have a friend who is big into swing dancing and lindy hop and it seems like a rocking good time.

Maybe I'll go dancing some time! And here's a tune I caught on an electro-swing station. It might be your thing too.

Post its on the subway

I was riding the subway today on my return trip from running errands at the Eaton Centre when I noticed that someone had stuck a small post-it note on one of the train doors. It was small enough that you wouldn't really notice it unless you happened to be staring at the door while the train was moving. I had plenty of time to stare at the door as I had mistakenly gotten on the Southbound train from Dundas Station instead of the Northbound train. Ultimately, I end up in the same place but I skip a streetcar ride and ride a bus instead.

Anyway, the post-it note had a smiley face on it. That's it. Probably a stranger wanted to put a smile on someone's face so they stuck one on a post-it. I thought it was neat so I snapped a picture of it and I won't upload here because it's really blurry... yes, my cameraphone is still broken.

---

On a different note, I've been watching a friend play a video game from the comfort of my own home. It sounds pretty boring but I find it kind of exciting that I can log onto my Steam account and watch one of my friends play a game that I don't even own. He told me that me watching him play (i.e. him streaming to my computer) had no impact on his connection or performance, so that's pretty impressive. Only downside is I can't hear him on voice talk. I can hear his allies though? That's particularly thrilling when you figure they're just hurling insults at each other anyway. Oh and the game is Day of Defeat: Source.

---

I'm listening to Mother Mother's new album "No Culture". It's 'aight. Kinda catchy.

Ignition

Poppin' fresh out the kitchen etc. etc.

I've been listening to the remix to Ignition (is there even an original?) a lot, so my post title is actually relevant! That's good because I read in Blogging for Dummies that having relevant titles is important to drive traffic to your blog. Apparently people get turned off when titles don't match content? Well, I can work with that.

I wrote a letter to someone and dropped it off in the mailbox today. I should do that more often. Absolutely nothing beats getting a fresh letter in the mail. An e-mail is like 1% as satisfying. Real, crisp paper, perhaps fresh ink, maybe some finishing touches like a sticker to bind the envelope - now there's something tangible. An e-mail? Bahhhh, I'll let gmail sort it into some folder or another... I'll read it later...

Speaking of gmail, apparently the FBI is now allowed to ask Google for transcripts of e-mails from residents of other countries, even if the actual data isn't even located in the States. Not a great precedent. I've always been pretty okay with gmail (I made the switch from hotmail ages ago back when you needed an invite), but lately Google has grown into a more Big Brother-esque corporation than I would like so I'm not nearly as loyal to them as I once was. I obviously still use their blogger platform but maybe switching to a new e-mail service provider would be a good idea.

There's this new e-mail provider called protonmail. I've heard good things: servers located in Switzerland, top-notch encryption, open-source... impressive! I definitely would like to switch - eventually. It's a huge hassle switching e-mails. So many services are linked to e-mail that it's impossible to just ditch one and start a new one without making backups somewhere.

I would love to just ignite my gmail inbox (with over 600 unread e-mails added up over the years!) and start anew. It'll have to wait.

Poutine

A word, if I may, about poutine.
In case you didn't know, poutine is a traditional dish from Quebec made from fries, fresh cheese curds, and thick gravy.

I love poutine. It's so friggin' good. The best kind of poutine is found in Quebec. I'm not a snob mind you - there's lots of great poutine elsewhere too. But in my experience, the best poutines you can find are from the roadside casse-croûtes that dot the Quebec landscape. Each diner will have different potatoes, different gravy recipes, and especially different cheese curds from different farms.

My absolute favourite poutine of all time, without exception, comes from a little place known colloquially as l'orange, in a town that's about half an hour southeast of Montreal. You can see why it's called that if you look at the picture of the restaurant below:

So yeah, these guys make the best poutine I've ever had and I make sure that I go there every time I visit my grandma. It's ridiculously cheap and it comes in huge portions. There's so much sauce and the cheese is just the perfect consistency with the potatoes being a golden brown and - oh, you just have to see it to believe it:

Typical poutine from l'orange

Yeah. Take that in. They also make, unsurprisingly, really good orange soda.

So what if you're nowhere near Quebec and want to try poutine. What can you do? Luckily, poutine has grown in popularity over the past few years and many places offer their own take on the québécois dish.
In my opinion, there are some places that do it right and others that are junk.

Generally, places like Smoke's Poutinerie are okay. They're kind of gimmicky with all sorts of weird special takes on poutine like dill pickle and mustard or chili beef poutine. And generally, pretty terrible value considering it's mostly fries and little meat anyway. But on a late night, Smoke's will do just fine.

Avoid McDonald's. Oh my god. They came out with their "poutine" a couple years ago and it's absolutely horrendous. The gravy is this thin, gooey grey and tastes nothing like the rich creamy flavour you'd get from a real poutine. The fries are just the regular McDonald's fries which soak up the gravy and turn soggy real quick. They do not do well in a poutine base - look at how thick the fries are in the picture above in comparison. Surprisingly, the one thing McDicks gets right is the cheese curds. I don't know where or how they source them in the middle of Toronto but they were legit. Respect.

For fast food poutine, in my experience, the best place is Harvey's. They've been offering it for a long time, way before most other companies, and there's a reason it's still on the menu. It's pretty good and I especially like their gravy. Their burgers are tight too.

A&W is another decent place, plus you can get a gnarly root beer.

There used to be a brunch place near where I live that had these mega bowls of poutine. And they had a promotion on certain days where it was buy 1 get 1 free. So their large poutines were like 10 bucks, and they were MASSIVE. And absolutely delicious. They had breakfast poutines with eggs and bacon too, which were good. Unfortunately, they closed down soon after they changed their deal to buy 1 get 1 half price.

The food trucks on St. George at the UofT campus make great poutines at good prices. Perfect for starving students.

In Quebec, different regions will insist that their poutine is the best. Anyone from Quebec City will tell you that Ashton's makes the best poutine, while someone from Montreal might argue for La Banquise. Personally, I think the best poutine comes from a small place that has a lot of history. In my case, it's l'orange and I can't wait to go back.

Jess

Okay so in my last post I mentioned someone named Jess. I've decided to talk about Jess. But not just the Jess I talked about in the last post; other Jess' too. Like for instance, Jess Squirrel. She's a character in Brian Jacques' Redwall series. Remember those? About mice and stoats and foxes and rats and badgers fighting and eating delicious food? Hell yeah, I'm rereading the entire series. All the books are pretty similar (once you've read one, you've read 'em all), but I enjoy them enough to actually go through the chronological order of the series.

Back to Jess Squirrel. What the hell kind of name is that? And yes, of course - she's a squirrel. But that's her last name. Come on. "Jess Squirrel has her archers ready!". How foolish!

Any other Jess I know? Of course, there's Jess from my Katimavik days, I knew her pretty well 'cause I lived with her.

I have a cousin named Jessica.

And that's all I've got to say about that.
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© º2019

Mad Stories

I'm headed to a monthly event in just a few minutes. It's called Mad Stories. It's not very well known so usually only a handful of people show up. I go because I've gotten to know some of the people there and I enjoy both listening and sharing stories related to mad experiences.

What is a mad experience? I think a mad experience is any experience that cannot easily be explained by routine. It is an experience generally out of the ordinary, different from typical modern things like job interviews and picnics in the park. Mind you, mad experiences do occur in both these situations. They can occur anywhere, at any time.

Mad experiences are also sometimes intertwined with psychiatry. There's certainly a lot of madness in this field, with things like electroshock treatment and the (forced) tranquilizing of people with lived mental health experiences commonplace all over North America nowadays.

Mad stories is a place where people come together to talk about experiences that they find odd or particular. It's generally quite lighthearted and laughter abounds. Tea is always provided, so in a way, it's kind of like Alice's mad tea experience in Wonderland.

Cheerio!

The world in the rear-view mirror doesn't matter

Credit to Lights for today's blog title.

I don't even drive, but I thought it was interesting to have a car analogy in the title. Mostly, it's just a lyric that's been playing in my head for the past little while. I guess the idea is to be moving on and focused on what lies ahead instead of what's behind.

The longest day of the summer has already gone by. Now, gradually, the sun will retreat little by little, leaving me feeling as if I have a little less time to do things during the day.

I'm feeling empty-headed. I think I'm going to go for a bike ride to a new library.

7 long years

I've hit the 7 year mark. 7 years exactly since I completed the grandest adventure of my life: Katimavik. I remember it was today because my train was scheduled to leave on the 21st, 4 days after the program officially ended. Those 4 days were filled with mixed emotions: sadness at leaving a previous life and moving onto a new one; freedom of being able to choose what I wanted to do next.

After the initial tearfest at the airport, I hung out with K who also decided to cash in her plane ticket and who was waiting for a friend to arrive in Vancouver with the plan to hitchhike all the way back out east. In a way, it made it easier for me to transition out of the 9 month group living experience because there was still someone around. I lingered in the house for as long as I could, and then went out to Surrey for the last couple days to live with my wonderful billet family, since the lease on the house was over.

There wasn't much to do in a Surrey, so I ended up using what was left on my TransLink pass to head back into Vancouver and get one last look at the sprawling metropolis. I probably spent some time at café Deux Soleils, but as I was keen on wandering, I probably did that more. And then the train was ready, so I left.

I think I'm writing this down to remember. Not that I would ever forget, but it's easy to have all these memories fade to the distant past and lose some of their magic.

I met some alumni of the program last week. That definitely spurred some emotions, especially because two of them had lived in the very same Vancouver house barely a month after I had left. These quasi-strangers worked the same garden, slept in the same rooms, and cooked in the same kitchen as I did for 3 months. That's pretty remarkable, considering I met up with them at a College street café, thousands of kilometres away from Vancouver.

There are some people in the group that I haven't seen since the 17th of June, 2009. That kind of makes me sad. I think one day I'll see them again. I don't know when.

I took this picture on the 21st; I used a dolly cart to ferry my bags around Vancouver

Cold weather and warm spirits

I went to bed pretty late last night - around 12:30 am. I thought I was going to sleep poorly because I had just spent the past couple hours glued to my computer screen playing Civilization V. Oops! But it turns out I slept pretty well, and at 7 am I was wide awake and while not feeling completely refreshed, I definitely felt like I had had a good night's sleep.

So I went to the Y. There was a yoga class at 9 am usually taught by Josh, but today he was sick so a replacement teacher took his place. Getting to the Y was stimulating: the temperature dipped to single digits and it stayed pretty cold for the rest of the day. I was biking, so a good windbreaker kept me warm. Feeling the cold air on my face was kind of nice. Given how hot it's been (relatively speaking), a colder day was a welcome change and something one must get used to if they are to live in Toronto.

I came home and in the afternoon I had the inspiration to make a dairy-free cream of broccoli soup. In my opinion, the recipe didn't call for very many spices so when I was cooking the onions I added some turmeric and curry powder. Not too much, but enough to change the colour and be tasted in the final dish.

I then went to pick up a bike I had gotten fixed at a bike repair shop on Christie, and after biking up the big hill, I had barely enough time to get ready to head downtown for an arts group at Stella's Place.

Stella's Place is cool. Maybe I overuse that word, but it's a really great drop-in centre for youth 16-30 who identify with sensitivities. The interior design is new and fun, and it's got lots of places to lounge around and do things like dance. which is one of the things I did there today. Creative movement was the theme, and it was just such a nice atmosphere that my usual self-consciousness about doing wacky movements in public kind of fell away. And, the folks there are really friendly!

I will no doubt be writing more about my experiences at Stella's.

Today was a fun day.

Dairy and Strokes

I was riding the subway today and I saw an ad above one of the seats. I don't remember the exact details, but I remember it being about strokes and the risk factors that contribute to having one. I recall feeling annoyed at the fact that the ad was also about promoting the use of this app called the "Get Enough" app. From what I gather, you're supposed to install this app on your smartphone to ensure that you consume enough dairy in your diet, because apparently that's going to prevent strokes.

Now, I love cheese just as much as the next guy, but I think it's a little ridiculous to promote an app to help track your consumption of dairy. Sure, it also seems to track other food types and servings, but since the main sponsor is The Dairy Farmers of Canada (in association with the Heart & Stroke Foundation), I think the message they're trying to get through is that you need to drink your milk to be healthy.

Well, I don't buy it. Literally. I can't remember the last time I had milk. And I'm certainly not about to go buy some low-fat milk, as recommended on their website. Full-fat dairy is the way to go: tastier, and full of fat-soluble vitamins.

Pushing dairy - especially from cows stuck in crammed feedlots - on the average population is, in my opinion, a mistake. It reinforces the wrong message that everyone should consume dairy to avoid strokes, and encourages the continued consumption of foods that are often made from sick cows. And I don't think that's cool.

Digimon!

I just stumbled on Digimon on Netflix. I'm super excited! It's like reliving a part of my childhood. I just finished watching the first episode and I found myself smiling and grinning while it played. The nostalgia of watching this after school on YTV is hitting me big time. And it's actually really good!

Being teleported to another dimension and trying to find your way home while being accompanied by these loyal companions... how cool is that? I'm giddy!

But now it is time for bed, so this nerdy excitement will have to continue another time.

Dutiful cleaning of my computer and phone

I'm using my good ol' desktop computer right now. I haven't touched it in months, mostly because I haven't been playing computer games and because it's getting really sluggish. Sluggish yet still going strong. I've had this beast since mid-2009 and aside from the yearly cleaning and some software tinkering, I've never updated any of the components. When I have a bit of extra cash, I might soup it up a little bit, but there are more important priorities in my life right now.

Right now, I'm busy uninstalling a bunch of software (again, mostly games) to try and free up some space and hopefully speed it up a little bit. One thing I'm noticing while I'm doing this is that it feels good to have a program clear up space on a computer. It's almost akin to vacuuming a dusty room and although I'm not going to be able to breathe better, I feel as if I'm liberating some space, somewhere.

I'm also taking this time spent on the computer to clean up my phone's music folder. There's a bunch of music I don't anticipate listening to any time in the near future. Getting rid of some Eminem - that shit's angry. Getting rid of some pop-electro stuff, like Far East Movement. Too much autotune. And I think I'm going to remove some of the heavier metal stuff, too. It's just not light enough for the summer.

I think I'll add some Beatles. There's a lot of joy in their music. Some Sting & The Police, because he does yoga. And let's see what kind of good dance music I can find... well, there's this song from Skins, the British version. It's pretty catchy, and not too well known, so that kind of makes me feel cool. Wait, nevermind, over one million views on one of the videos! I am so off. Regardless, it's kind of dancey.

And now I've extended past the amount of time I wanted to spend on the computer so it's time to sign off.

Wasting time on Netflix?

The ease of opening a new blog post and writing words appeals to me. It's easy to open that new tab and start typing away. It's slightly less easy to go fetch my journal and a pen and then start writing.
I blur the line between what should go in a personal journal and what should go in a personal blog. I blur it, but I don't erase it.

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Netflix. It's everywhere. And it's dangerous. Well okay, no, not dangerous... More like tempting, charming, captivating, engrossing. You get the picture. It's very tempting to watch multiple episodes of a TV show in a row. Especially when you have to exert a greater effort to STOP watching than to continue, thanks to the 15-second countdown timer that automatically starts the next episode for you.

Case in point: two days ago, I was on season 1 of a British sitcom called The IT Crowd, which is a show that kind of reminds me of The Office minus the mockumentary style and with fewer characters. Today, I'm in the middle of season 4. I'm not setting any records or anything (especially since each season only has six episodes), but it's still a little scary to see how much time I've spent glued to the screen in such short a time-span.

It's entertainment, and it's pretty good. Enough to make me laugh out loud at least once per episode, and that's a good thing. If I'm just laughing on the inside, I'm probably not producing endorphins and I want those. Diverting attention from a somewhat monotonous life is also a goal. So it's not like I'm completely wasting my time.

Other recent TV Netflix binges: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (7/10), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (5/10), and a documentary called Web Junkie (7.5/10).

If you're interested in how Netflix can be both good and bad for you, this article sums it up pretty well.

That's it for today!

Kaleidoughscope #2

Some free writing on a hot spring day

Hey it's Friday! Hey I'm feeling ambivalent about this long weekend. I have something planned on Monday, and that something is a nature expedition. Into the wild. It's not actually that wild because it's in the middle of the city but my guidebook with a personalized note in it says that it will take me two hours and fifty minutes to complete the circuit. I'm going with a friend and I wanna invite this third person but I've never hung out with her aside from her official duties and it's a little scary to send an invitation to someone because they might say no and then you feel rejected.

Scary scary things. I'm not scared, I felt like this on my way home. I'm not scared, I felt like this on my way home. Inspired by music and music is playing while I write on my blog which I used to do all the time, like that one time I was listening to Guns n' Roses and I ended up quoting some lyrics at the end of my post in 2008.

I went back to try and find that post that mentions GnR but I can't seem to remember what song or what post I was talking about and it's too bad because I read online recently that it's a good thing to link back to previous posts on your blog when you mention them. It allows for better continuity or something like that.

I love November Rain. I was singing along to it while I was cooking breakfast for my sister and I this morning and at first I thought I was singing well but then my throat started to hurt the tiniest bit and I thought "if my throat hurts then I'm not using my diaphragm which means I'm not singing well".

I ran into Kate on St. Clair today. Well, not literally because she was sitting eating dinner on a patio and I was just slowly walking by on my way home after badminton and she was in a conversation with some older folk and I wasn't sure if I should interrupt or not. So I said "Hey" and she coolly said "hey", but not cool as in distant, more cool as in that cool way of being nonchalant. And she asked if I was still at UofT and I hesitated because I don't really know.

Whoa! It's pretty cool that when I started writing I was feeling kind of sad and lonely like that kind of loneliness you feel when you've missed your shot at going on a road trip with your best friends and now I don't feel nearly as bad because I've written a kaleidoughscope of writings. That's what a KoW is. A kaleidoughscope of writings, or little fragments here and there of what's going on in my head.

I'm feeling more unsure about how the kaleidoughscope fits since I don't eat dough at all anymore. Not even cookie dough ice cream. Because that stuff is not good for my brain. Like, did you know that for gluten sensitive people like me, gluten stops blood flow to the brain, specifically the prefrontal cortex? You can scroll to just below the picture with the frowning toast for that citation if you'd like.

It's getting late and I am tired. I'm listening to Lights again, but mostly her earlier songs because I find they're more positive and less sexual than the later stuff. Okay, maybe her later stuff isn't sexual at all and I'm just imagining things and yet... the cover art on Siberia has a bit more cleavage than I'd like but who am I to judge. Regardless, I'm listening to this one song called Face Up and it's the last song I'll listen to tonight. It starts 46 seconds or so if you want to skip her intro but she talks about her cat a bit before and I like cats so I start it at the beginning.

Goodnight.

Extra-special

Pen on paper; inverted