It's too late. It's way too late. Why am I up.
I should not be up.
I need to be solar; not lunar right now. I can be lunar during the winter. But I need to be solar during the summer.
The blue lights draw me in like a firefly.
I don't know why; I simply can't seem to do it on my own.
And no matter how I try, I keep falling back into the same cycle again.
Okay, maybe not the exact same cycle. It's always different. This time, I'm busy writing to people; and they write back! I get attention!
The red lights put me out like a match.
It's funny how much easier it is to open up when you're staring at a screen. I really do think robots would make good shrinks. They don't even need to be sentient; they just need to be human reflections.
Let's just see what's going through my head right now.
Well, I'm already kind of disappointed in myself for not being able to have a cogent flow of ideas in this post. Everything feels disjuncted. Here I am, talking about a personal issue and then I start talking robotics.
It's almost 4 am. I wonder if that has something to do with it. Maybe it's hard to be coherent when your body and mind are completely backwards; that is, completely opposite to what mother nature intends.
If I really wanted to be making the most of my summer, I'd be getting up at sunrise and going for a walk in the ravine every day.
But I know that's not going to happen. I have no reason to get up and go to the ravine. Careful, Gabriel, don't get too ageist now. Well, what I was going to say before I stopped myself is that only old people who are retired get up that early and go for walks in the ravine. And I've spent too much time around old people in random hospitals all around the country; there's never anyone just my age in the early morning. They always get up late and drink their coffee and rush to work because that's what young-er people are expected to do.
All I ever wanted was another crazy girl who's been through the same shit I've been through to hang out with me once in a while; and then maybe once in a short while.
But you can't ever find these people because, just like me, they stay hidden inside and only reveal themselves in the most rare of occasions.
Someday.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
18/07/13
You Know What Grinds My Gears? (YKWGMG)
Oh yes. It's time to rant. But this time, it won't be a single rant... No, no, this time it will be a LIST of rants. Rants about things; small things, big things, random things, things I dislike, thinks that annoy me; even things that don't even seem like I could rant about. This list is related to my earlier list of things that irritate me that I first published in 2009. Here goes.
- Okay. Screw people who decide it's okay to walk down a busy sidewalk and light up a cigarette. It's bad enough that the smoke smells toxic. It's even worse that you're putting other peoples lives at risk. I see no difference between this and drunk driving except for the fact that one is legal and the other isn't. And even still, most of these smokers are breaking the law - you need two meters between a building entrance and a lit cigarette if you really wanna be picky about it. I don't care if you smoke; but do it away from my lungs.
- I have a hard time getting along with people who hate on medicine that one would not find in a hospital. Just because you haven't heard of another kind of medicine (read: naturopathic) or seen hundreds of studies about it doesn't mean it doesn't work.
- Car commercials. Enough said.
- People who think their music genres are better than everyone else's.
- Everyone on Plenty of Fish (yes, I have an account).
- People who still troll people online past the age of 22.
- Sardines in rancid oil.
- Big agro/Big pharma/Big telecom (in order of dislike).
- People who complain to an excess about politicians and don't vote.
- People who constantly brag about the amount of drugs they've done/the amount of sexual encounters they've had.
People who have nothing to say when you ask them: "what's up?".- People who say "I hate hipsters" for no reason other than to have something to say.
- People who say "I am not a hipster".
- Stores that don't include tax on their price list. This is the majority of stores in Canada and it really irritates me that we have yet to switch to a more European system. Same goes with tips.
- Immigrants who, for reasons under their control, choose not to learn the native (i.e. official) language of the country they emigrate to.
- I get annoyed when people call me a "frenchie". If you're from Turkey, would you enjoy being called a turkie? Or if you're from Chile, would you enjoy being called a chili?
- Hypocrites who refuse to admit they're hypocrites despite overwhelming evidence.
- Ads and marketing that targets young children to get them to buy junk (food).
- Consumerism. This one is a big rant in and of itself.
- The Tumblr blogging platform. This one is a big rant in and of itself.
- Societal norms that dictate how you should dress. Yes, they are important, but I really don't see why wearing two socks that don't match would ever cause any serious problems in our society.
- People who are addicted to coffee and yet judge (in a negative way) people who use recreational drugs.
- People who don't realise that it's easy to ignore trouble when you're living in your bubble. Let 'em spill their guts 'cause one day they're gonna slip on 'em. (Credit goes to Paramore, of course).
People who don't listen to my drunk stories- When I can't find duct tape. I have bought endless meters of duct tape over the years and I still have trouble finding any lying around. I don't use all of it, so I have no idea where it goes.
- Science for the sake of "SCIENCE!". Progress for the sake of progress.
- People who love bacon and have to tell everyone how much they love it. We get it. It's tasty. So are countless other meats.
- Americans who come to Toronto and don't mimic the politeness they encounter here and take it for granted. (This one's debatable: it's hard to tell sometimes who's a native Torontonian and who's just visiting. Also, not every Canadian/Torontonian is polite.)
- People who appear to spend most of their waking life on their smartphones, especially on the streets. While not being nearly as damaging (unless they're driving) as the people who smoke cigarettes on the sidewalk, I still get annoyed when people lose track of personal space because they're so focused on their iPhones and they just become oblivious to their surroundings.
- Raccoons who think they own the place. Right now, they're probably in the grapevine in the backyard knocking down grapes that yours truly will have to pick up later.
- Atheists who need to tell the world about how there's no god or gods.
- Religious nuts who need to tell the world... well, you get the picture.
- People who simply refuse to acknowledge the destruction that GMOs/The Green Revolution has caused in areas other than the First world.
Okay, that's it for now! Gotta get some rest before my first astronomy midterm tomorrow evening! I might add more to this list later.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
03/07/13
Just write
No, this time it's not a FW post.
I'm finally myself... again. Well, for the second time.
The Lyra post a few posts back was completely true. The tears -were- streaming down my face. And yes, I'm aware that it is almost 3 am, so clearly I'm not fully living my potential.
That is, unless I actually wake up early tomorrow, bright and early, and with a purpose. But the full purpose takes a long time to achieve, I think.
I should write down my random musings a lot more on here. I fell prey to something many writers may fall prey to sometime in their writing career: writing not from the heart, but writing for an audience.
There's a very important difference between the two. The latter gets you the marks; the former gets you [your] soul.
The writer's soul? What is that? I don't know. And I have a hard time calling myself a writer because it is, after all, mostly a hobby. At times it has been a passion, but most of the time, I do it out of boredom.
That doesn't mean that I don't feel passionate about what I write; I absolutely do. It's just that people tend to twist words into their understanding and so I prefer to call it a hobby.
Okay. Next topic. Love.
Today, I met far too many people who say they don't believe in love. I'm not out to challenge that belief; it is theirs, after all, and far too many people challenge other peoples' beliefs just to make themselves feel good. That's not moral.
Did I just bust out morality? I guess I did.
You know, I always had the biggest trouble distinguishing between morality and ethics. I still can't do it off the top of my head; it almost seems like they're the same word sometimes. But I know there's a technical difference, so I'll leave that to the true academics to deal with.
As promised, I'm going to end this post with some multimedia. Here's a picture of something I had to eat a few days ago. I forget what it is. I guess I'll know when I upload the photo.
Peace out, my lovely, if unfaithful, readers.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
I'm finally myself... again. Well, for the second time.
The Lyra post a few posts back was completely true. The tears -were- streaming down my face. And yes, I'm aware that it is almost 3 am, so clearly I'm not fully living my potential.
That is, unless I actually wake up early tomorrow, bright and early, and with a purpose. But the full purpose takes a long time to achieve, I think.
I should write down my random musings a lot more on here. I fell prey to something many writers may fall prey to sometime in their writing career: writing not from the heart, but writing for an audience.
There's a very important difference between the two. The latter gets you the marks; the former gets you [your] soul.
The writer's soul? What is that? I don't know. And I have a hard time calling myself a writer because it is, after all, mostly a hobby. At times it has been a passion, but most of the time, I do it out of boredom.
That doesn't mean that I don't feel passionate about what I write; I absolutely do. It's just that people tend to twist words into their understanding and so I prefer to call it a hobby.
Okay. Next topic. Love.
Today, I met far too many people who say they don't believe in love. I'm not out to challenge that belief; it is theirs, after all, and far too many people challenge other peoples' beliefs just to make themselves feel good. That's not moral.
Did I just bust out morality? I guess I did.
You know, I always had the biggest trouble distinguishing between morality and ethics. I still can't do it off the top of my head; it almost seems like they're the same word sometimes. But I know there's a technical difference, so I'll leave that to the true academics to deal with.
As promised, I'm going to end this post with some multimedia. Here's a picture of something I had to eat a few days ago. I forget what it is. I guess I'll know when I upload the photo.
 |
| Oh right, it's a curry. |
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
28/06/13
Locked until it counts: FW
Unipolar. Bipolar. Tripolar. Take your pick.
Sad. Happy. Sad. Happy. Sad. Happy.
Oh no, I just keep on falling.
Here comes hope; misery's gone crawling.
No mistakes. All mistakes. Have you learned from your mistakes?
Lock me up; keep me away.
Rile me up; keep me safe.
Try to find her. She tries to find you.
Will you ever meet?
We've already met.
We're all around you.
I'm everywhere but near you it feels like.
Reborn. Dead. Reborn. Dead. Thoughts are here; thoughts are there! Oh, your thoughts are racing! Here, take this.
Go to school. Get a good job. What's wrong with that? You don't have to go to school. And you don't have to leave your other job.
Here comes the fickle part: Go on dating websites. Find a sweet girl.
No luck? Keep trying.
Is there no end to these words?
They spin around and dazzle in my head; they skip around and fragment all around me now instead.
I love talking to just about anyone now. Talking talking talking. Am I finally, really, human? Because I'm social? I want to talk.
But there's no one to talk to except to my empty wooden walls and this white page.
Well, I could talk to myself and the angels, but they understand me enough already. I don't want to explain everything; I want to communicate everything. Well, almost everything.
Uh oh, switched to first person. Eating fuzzy peaches, safe in my crypta.
I miss all of you; hurt by the cold. That's RHCP, basically.
Time to return to the haunting echoes. Sorry for the difficult read.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
20/06/13
The Leonine Horse
With such a sunny disposition, this personality rarely has shadows of doubt about anything. Idealistic and ambitious, passionate and true, the Leo Horse surges forward in an optimistic but sporadic fashion. He will be impulsive and given to grand gestures. He needs many emotional outlets to release his pent-up energies. A generous and sportive individual, the proud Leonine Horse is expressive and loves physical exercise. A happy-go-lucky innovative leader, he will have droves of friends and fans.
Source: Theodora Lau
Source: Theodora Lau
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| Source |
19/06/13
Coconut flour & banana pancakes
This is what I ate this morning. Easily scalable.
2 eggs
1 ripe banana
1 tbsp coconut flour
1 tbsp table cream
Pinch of cinnamon
Pinch of cardamom (optional)
1. Mix all ingredients together in a bowl.
2. Heat frying pan on high.
3. Mash bananas and beat the eggs with cream.
4. Spread mix on pan; cook for 3-4 minutes each side, or until golden brown.
5. Serve with maple syrup.
2 eggs
1 ripe banana
1 tbsp coconut flour
1 tbsp table cream
Pinch of cinnamon
Pinch of cardamom (optional)
1. Mix all ingredients together in a bowl.
2. Heat frying pan on high.
3. Mash bananas and beat the eggs with cream.
4. Spread mix on pan; cook for 3-4 minutes each side, or until golden brown.
5. Serve with maple syrup.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
16/06/13
Paramore
 |
| The early part of the show. |
 |
| It ended with confetti. |
11/06/13
A caterpillar's tale
I was sitting in Kensington park this afternoon, watching (but not quite staring) at the cute counter-culture girls with tattoos and hippie clothes. Little packs of people with musical instruments and various trinkets were strewn here and there, and the smell of weed wafted in and out through my nostrils.
While not getting high, I was getting more and more in tune with the atmosphere of the people there; clearly these people were regulars to the park and as conversations about their life flowed on and on endlessly around me, I felt connected.
I desperately wanted to join in on some of the fun, but having been rejected far too many times before, I decided I would not risk it and kept to myself, propped up against a tree while eating brazil nuts. But I was not alone.
All around me, the grass shimmered with late spring vitality and if I looked at the greenery just right, I could see individual lifeforms busying themselves with their animal tasks.
The ants were scurrying around, patrolling their territory. The birds were chirping, singing songs of life and liveliness. Dogs barked; cats roamed and I lay down and felt myself melt into the earth.
And then, a most beautiful creature appeared on my arm. A fuzzy little caterpillar was quietly undulating, rising and falling up and down my arm hair. He seemed happy when I looked at him straight in the eyes, as he raised his torso up to greet me.
And I talked to him.
I told him of the loneliness that I felt, even while on campus. I told him how hard I've worked to be the person I've always wanted to be. I told him that I felt happy that girls were finally looking at me when I walked down the street. Smiling, now, seemed so easy. And I got smiles back. And yet, as I recounted to the caterpillar, I rarely found the occasion to have long, deep conversations with people.
He understood. He listened, but offered no advice. After all, he had his own problems to deal with.
Soon, he would become a butterfly. His metamorphosis was imminent; and once he would be a butterfly, then he could finally fly around and see the world from a different perspective.
And so I asked myself; maybe if I were to undergo some sort of metamorphosis; some sort of change, then maybe I could change the world around me so that I could fit in better.
And as I sit in front of a computer at the biggest library in Toronto, I wonder if my walk home will bring me the reflection I so desperately need to keep on metamorphosing.
And maybe, just maybe, the girl of my dreams will run into me at a corner, and my loneliness will be cured.
Until then, I write.
While not getting high, I was getting more and more in tune with the atmosphere of the people there; clearly these people were regulars to the park and as conversations about their life flowed on and on endlessly around me, I felt connected.
I desperately wanted to join in on some of the fun, but having been rejected far too many times before, I decided I would not risk it and kept to myself, propped up against a tree while eating brazil nuts. But I was not alone.
All around me, the grass shimmered with late spring vitality and if I looked at the greenery just right, I could see individual lifeforms busying themselves with their animal tasks.
The ants were scurrying around, patrolling their territory. The birds were chirping, singing songs of life and liveliness. Dogs barked; cats roamed and I lay down and felt myself melt into the earth.
And then, a most beautiful creature appeared on my arm. A fuzzy little caterpillar was quietly undulating, rising and falling up and down my arm hair. He seemed happy when I looked at him straight in the eyes, as he raised his torso up to greet me.
And I talked to him.
I told him of the loneliness that I felt, even while on campus. I told him how hard I've worked to be the person I've always wanted to be. I told him that I felt happy that girls were finally looking at me when I walked down the street. Smiling, now, seemed so easy. And I got smiles back. And yet, as I recounted to the caterpillar, I rarely found the occasion to have long, deep conversations with people.
He understood. He listened, but offered no advice. After all, he had his own problems to deal with.
Soon, he would become a butterfly. His metamorphosis was imminent; and once he would be a butterfly, then he could finally fly around and see the world from a different perspective.
And so I asked myself; maybe if I were to undergo some sort of metamorphosis; some sort of change, then maybe I could change the world around me so that I could fit in better.
And as I sit in front of a computer at the biggest library in Toronto, I wonder if my walk home will bring me the reflection I so desperately need to keep on metamorphosing.
And maybe, just maybe, the girl of my dreams will run into me at a corner, and my loneliness will be cured.
Until then, I write.
10/06/13
Pub time
Apparently, fitting in is important.
So anyone wanna go the pub tonight?
I pick the pub though.
And it's gonna have some gluten-free fare.
It better.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
So anyone wanna go the pub tonight?
I pick the pub though.
And it's gonna have some gluten-free fare.
It better.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
29/05/13
In my world: a musical note
Whew. A lot of my previous posts have been somewhat dark. The good news is that I'm not really a dark person. Not anymore, anyway.
So to lighten things up a bit, I figure I'd share some of my rules. Rule isn't really a good word. Hmm, something like... code? Maybe. A code, yeah.
Anyway, here's one of my music codes. It's a personal code, of course, so don't think that I'm trying to say that everyone should adhere to it; that would be lunacy. Definitely not sunny today.
#1
Only in very rare exceptions should lyrics in pop music ever reference self-grooming.
Want some examples? I've got a couple.
Firstly. Avril Lavigne. Oh yeah, she's pretty great. I'm talking pre-Girlfriend era, of course. Anything after Under My Skin is pretty trash in my books.
So My World is probably my favourite song sung by her. It never fails to make me feel happy: most of the lyrics are quite smart and the actual guitar chords (a lot of majors, I believe) never fail to up my mood.
Ah, but there's a caveat. Check out this bad boy of a lyric:
Alright. I'm feeling pretty tired. I should be in bed.
If you don't know the song, try and guess.
Spoiler to the right: Hey, Soul Sister - Train
Trimmed or untrimmed, I honestly don't care/
But it seems like you just didn't know what to wear/
Honestly, I think that's pretty gross/
And your boring lyrics have a funny way of making me feel morose
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
So to lighten things up a bit, I figure I'd share some of my rules. Rule isn't really a good word. Hmm, something like... code? Maybe. A code, yeah.
Anyway, here's one of my music codes. It's a personal code, of course, so don't think that I'm trying to say that everyone should adhere to it; that would be lunacy. Definitely not sunny today.
#1
Only in very rare exceptions should lyrics in pop music ever reference self-grooming.
Want some examples? I've got a couple.
Firstly. Avril Lavigne. Oh yeah, she's pretty great. I'm talking pre-Girlfriend era, of course. Anything after Under My Skin is pretty trash in my books.
So My World is probably my favourite song sung by her. It never fails to make me feel happy: most of the lyrics are quite smart and the actual guitar chords (a lot of majors, I believe) never fail to up my mood.
Ah, but there's a caveat. Check out this bad boy of a lyric:
I never spend less than an hour,Washin' my hair in the shower,It always takes 5 hours to make it straight,So I'll braid it in a zillion braids,Though it may take all friggen day,There's nothin' else better to do anyway.Oh come on. Luckily, the lyrics return back to the real daydream she sings about... whatever that means.
The rest of the song is fantastic. The whole song is fantastic. And this part doesn't really bother me; I mean, I still sing along to it. It just irks me to have such a mundane section of a song take up six whole lines.
But I need to get just one more lyric off my chest. I'm being punny; you'll see.
I'm so obsessed, my heart is bound to beat right out of my untrimmed chest.Here's some mad poetry I wrote that explains how I feel about your lyrical genius, Espionage (production team).
If you don't know the song, try and guess.
Spoiler to the right: Hey, Soul Sister - Train
Trimmed or untrimmed, I honestly don't care/
But it seems like you just didn't know what to wear/
Honestly, I think that's pretty gross/
And your boring lyrics have a funny way of making me feel morose
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
26/05/13
The allegory of the ship
If you would prefer to listen to this short story as read by me, click here.
Hollowed out and filled up with hate/all we want is you to give us a break!
You were cruising on a mighty fine ship, headed straight for the open sea. You were master and captain and had all you needed to succeed. The first storm breezed by like nothing; after all, you were prepared. You had retouched the sails, polished the deck, whittled the bow to perfection. You had even met a mighty fine wench to guide you through the trip. And for the first time in a very long time, you felt free. For weeks at a time, you breathed the free air like a new man, excited for all the mystery and adventure that lay ahead.
But it was too good to be true. At the second sign of trouble, you were tempted. And you were hoping this wench would back you up, but she was gone somewhere else. You scared her away, and in your own moment of fear you reached out in the wrong direction.
Master and captain of your ship, but not master of your own afflictions, she took over again. Slowly, at first, to deceive you into thinking everything would be all right. So carefully, she crept into your life again, filled with promises of hope and glory.
At first, it seemed like all was well. You had, in your mind, conquered her already, this affliction a thing of the past. And there lay the real danger.
Blissfully, you ignored your own warning signs and plunged right in. Thinking someone else would fish you out if there really was trouble, you left your careful nature behind and played with the tiger's tail for a little too long. For days, you shut yourself up in your cabin, ignoring trouble in your bubble and living with the pleasures of instant gratification.
The question, then, is how you will get out of it now that you've realized your mistake? Oh, you have plenty of fantastical ideas to help you keep a steady course, but they're nothing if they're not in the real world.
Your ship is not sinking; no, it's merely drifting, waiting for its captain to take command once again and to sail on to less dangerous waters. You just wished you weren't so terribly alone on your journey. The wenches come and go, but what you really need is a mate. And in your head, you can only get one if you complete your journey.
But how are you to complete it if you're blind to all the magic that surrounds you?
Hollowed out and filled up with hate/all we want is you to give us a break!
You were cruising on a mighty fine ship, headed straight for the open sea. You were master and captain and had all you needed to succeed. The first storm breezed by like nothing; after all, you were prepared. You had retouched the sails, polished the deck, whittled the bow to perfection. You had even met a mighty fine wench to guide you through the trip. And for the first time in a very long time, you felt free. For weeks at a time, you breathed the free air like a new man, excited for all the mystery and adventure that lay ahead.
But it was too good to be true. At the second sign of trouble, you were tempted. And you were hoping this wench would back you up, but she was gone somewhere else. You scared her away, and in your own moment of fear you reached out in the wrong direction.
Master and captain of your ship, but not master of your own afflictions, she took over again. Slowly, at first, to deceive you into thinking everything would be all right. So carefully, she crept into your life again, filled with promises of hope and glory.
At first, it seemed like all was well. You had, in your mind, conquered her already, this affliction a thing of the past. And there lay the real danger.
Blissfully, you ignored your own warning signs and plunged right in. Thinking someone else would fish you out if there really was trouble, you left your careful nature behind and played with the tiger's tail for a little too long. For days, you shut yourself up in your cabin, ignoring trouble in your bubble and living with the pleasures of instant gratification.
The question, then, is how you will get out of it now that you've realized your mistake? Oh, you have plenty of fantastical ideas to help you keep a steady course, but they're nothing if they're not in the real world.
Your ship is not sinking; no, it's merely drifting, waiting for its captain to take command once again and to sail on to less dangerous waters. You just wished you weren't so terribly alone on your journey. The wenches come and go, but what you really need is a mate. And in your head, you can only get one if you complete your journey.
But how are you to complete it if you're blind to all the magic that surrounds you?
12/05/13
Pressure
They sat side by side on the bed, discussing the everyday happenings of the world. She was pretty with her long auburn hair and glistening brown eyes and he could feel the connection intensifying. He was trying to remember her name. He remembered loving her name the first time he had heard it, but it had since completely slipped his mind.
As they talked, he felt liberated. He hadn't opened up to anyone about his real past in a long time, and there was something about trusting a complete stranger with his own darkest secrets that appealed to his thirst for discovery. But soon enough, she had started talking about her boyfriend and his heart sank. She didn't overdo it, but it was clear where the line lay. He was disappointed, but not frustrated or angry. In fact, he was almost expecting it and it was a bit of a relief to know instead of having to guess.
Still, his teal eyes had lost some of their sheen and he retreated into his shell once more. Perhaps this was a cue to the outside world, for as he was about to launch into the more private details of his life with her, a man with a mohawk approached. He was considerably older than the man sitting on the bed with the girl. He wandered over and sat to the left of the young man, who was now sandwiched between the girl and the mohawk man.
And the mohawk man wasted no time at all. As swift as an eel darting through a pond, he worked his words on her and started recounting to her his travel tales of South America. It worked like a charm. She was immediately drawn into his fantastical world of adventure and ancient Mayan mysteries. And while the young man was interested in the tales, having had dreams of traveling down south himself, he couldn't help but notice the jealousy growing within him.
He managed to suppress every ounce of envy that smouldered at his heart and he expertly put on a silent front as he pretended to be absorbed in the mohawk man's tales. Soon enough, mohawk man started showing the girl his vast collection of travel pictures, and as he explained in perfect detail where the pictures were taken, the younger man further retreated into his own world.
Seeing this pattern in himself, he decided he would do something about it and he slowly edged his index finger to the touch phone screen, which the auburn-haired girl was already touching. And as their fingers brushed against each other, he felt the heat of their touch electrifying his entire body.
But that connection lasted only a second as the mohawk man took back his phone and started talking about his business and money-making schemes. Truthfully, the younger man was quite bored, but he didn't dare leave the bed for fear of losing the girl.
But eventually, he had had enough of this misery and as he slipped off the bed, it was as if no one noticed he was ever there. And as the girl and the mohawk man continued to exchange tales, he wandered into the kitchen to fix himself a much-needed drink.
As the whisky cascaded slowly down his throat, the burning sensation shaking him from his envious torment, a light went on in his head. Her name was Katarina, and he had lost her forever.
10/05/13
07/05/13
Stimulate your senses
The Big Medley begins; you hear the sound and it makes you feel alive.
Watch your fingers glide across the screen and feel that space cadet glow.
You're confused but you keep going; there's nothing to stop you except for your hyperactive mind.
Listen to the sound and let the waves penetrate you.
Smell the ecstasy; taste the reality.
Feel your way through your bubble.
And when it bursts, find yourself in a whole new world filled with nervous expectations.
You are no longer idle. You are free from the chains that have kept you hidden below for so long.
The world is no longer your oyster; it is your ocean. And as the waves crash all around you, realize your potential.
You are finally alive.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
Watch your fingers glide across the screen and feel that space cadet glow.
You're confused but you keep going; there's nothing to stop you except for your hyperactive mind.
Listen to the sound and let the waves penetrate you.
Smell the ecstasy; taste the reality.
Feel your way through your bubble.
And when it bursts, find yourself in a whole new world filled with nervous expectations.
You are no longer idle. You are free from the chains that have kept you hidden below for so long.
The world is no longer your oyster; it is your ocean. And as the waves crash all around you, realize your potential.
You are finally alive.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
05/05/13
Le mur glacial
Quand les gens se mettent à en empiler un peu trop sur mes épaules, il est venu temps d'ériger le mur glacial. N'importe quel mur ferait, mais le froid absorbe toute négativité et redirige cette energie vers la terre, pour enfin aboutir dans le néant. Malheureusement, l'énérgie positive se fait rediriger aussi et donc la possibilité de me faire réconforter diminue drastiquement.
Qu'importe. Le mur m'apporte une certaine serenité, ce qui m'aide à faire face à mes problèmes en toute tranquilité; sans l'énérvement continuel des autres, mon potentiel s'agrandit. Je me fous de ce que les autres pensent pendant que mon mur me protège. Il est là pour me garder sain et sauf, et rien ne peut le percer.
Sauf une arme. Mais pour l'instant, cette arme est dormante, cachée avec une amie qui ne sait pas encore l'utiliser convenablement.
Donc, mon monde m'appartient. Rien ne peut le déchirer. Il faudra du temps pour que l'écume des vagues finissent par m'attraper.
Qu'importe. Le mur m'apporte une certaine serenité, ce qui m'aide à faire face à mes problèmes en toute tranquilité; sans l'énérvement continuel des autres, mon potentiel s'agrandit. Je me fous de ce que les autres pensent pendant que mon mur me protège. Il est là pour me garder sain et sauf, et rien ne peut le percer.
Sauf une arme. Mais pour l'instant, cette arme est dormante, cachée avec une amie qui ne sait pas encore l'utiliser convenablement.
Donc, mon monde m'appartient. Rien ne peut le déchirer. Il faudra du temps pour que l'écume des vagues finissent par m'attraper.
02/05/13
Republic of Heaven
THE GOLDEN COMPASS/HIS DARK MATERIALS SPOILER ALERT.
I want to write it all. I want it to keep going forever - there can't be an ending. If there were, there would be no point to existence. I want them to see that what they've done so far is the very beginning and there really is no reason they can't meet again. Secretly, they know this.
The laws of the universe are unchanging they say, but bending them is not a sacrilege, especially if you're talking about love.
But where do I start? The task is monumental. I'm sure others have tried. Some with more experience, some with less. And the fact that the end of The Amber Spyglass leaves me in shambles and tears for a few minutes gives me reason to believe it's all real. No one has ever been able to define any reality, let alone mine. I can do it. I can't do it alone. But I can do it.
I'm not out for the money. I've never, ever been out for the money. Taking it isn't the same as wanting it though, and if it allows me to flourish by assuring my basic needs, then it will be welcome.
The spectres will return. If not the ghastly horrors depicted in The Subtle Knife, then a variant of them. For the darkness is always around, even if the light is stronger.
It will not be a children's book. It must be adapted, of course, but it wouldn't be right to expose the harshness to the youngins.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
I want to write it all. I want it to keep going forever - there can't be an ending. If there were, there would be no point to existence. I want them to see that what they've done so far is the very beginning and there really is no reason they can't meet again. Secretly, they know this.
The laws of the universe are unchanging they say, but bending them is not a sacrilege, especially if you're talking about love.
But where do I start? The task is monumental. I'm sure others have tried. Some with more experience, some with less. And the fact that the end of The Amber Spyglass leaves me in shambles and tears for a few minutes gives me reason to believe it's all real. No one has ever been able to define any reality, let alone mine. I can do it. I can't do it alone. But I can do it.
I'm not out for the money. I've never, ever been out for the money. Taking it isn't the same as wanting it though, and if it allows me to flourish by assuring my basic needs, then it will be welcome.
The spectres will return. If not the ghastly horrors depicted in The Subtle Knife, then a variant of them. For the darkness is always around, even if the light is stronger.
It will not be a children's book. It must be adapted, of course, but it wouldn't be right to expose the harshness to the youngins.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
28/04/13
An excerpt from my studies
So here I am, reading and studying through my Sociology textbook for my exam tomorrow.
I read pretty fast, and the language is usually not too complicated for me to understand.
But then I get to section III of my Reading Sociology book and I get stuck with this doozy: "Estimation of multilevel logistic regressions model parameters relied on iterative generalized least squares using a predictive quasi-likelihood method with second order Taylor expansion (PQL-2) (Snidjers and Bosker 1999)."
What. the. eff.
SKIP.
---
I'm done my first full year at UofT tomorrow. Yay! This summer will be amazing; finally, a radical change from all the other shitty summers I've had.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
I read pretty fast, and the language is usually not too complicated for me to understand.
But then I get to section III of my Reading Sociology book and I get stuck with this doozy: "Estimation of multilevel logistic regressions model parameters relied on iterative generalized least squares using a predictive quasi-likelihood method with second order Taylor expansion (PQL-2) (Snidjers and Bosker 1999)."
What. the. eff.
SKIP.
---
I'm done my first full year at UofT tomorrow. Yay! This summer will be amazing; finally, a radical change from all the other shitty summers I've had.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
27/04/13
A new kind of sadness
I know what you mean. You think you're safe - you act like no one can ever get you down. You feel like you deserve more than what you've got.
Your sense of entitlement pushes you to step out of your boundaries - something you need to do.
And yet no matter how you try, you can't seem to get at what you want. You can be who you want to be, but if you're not really that person, then who are you really?
And so I remind myself that there's only only so much you can do before it all comes crashing down in front of you. The truth is glaring at you, and you can't see it because you're blinded by your own selfish desires.
So, try again. Keep telling yourself that you're right. It's okay. We're all right in our own way.
Here. I wrote this for you. Do you remember?
Safe in the light and dark that surrounds me
Free from misery, torture, and pain
The learnings and things that haunt me
Are links to the past and the future
Are links to the past and the future
Hope for the future is sometimes lost in the present
But never too far away is love.
What -is- love?
When you love someone or something from your heart and soul instead of just as an electrical brain impulse, you create something that is unbound from the chains of physicality; the grasps that force you to act or behave a certain way.
A flower does not flourish without proper nourishment. When the flower flowers, its radiance shines through and heals the worst of pains - an aura of love.
23/04/13
Logic; or the art of trolling
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=febcuzbEO0Q
:)
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:)
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
18/04/13
At the edge of reason
Sometimes I can hear you. Sometimes I can feel you. Sometimes I can understand you.
You confuse my dreams. You keep the nightmares away. You make me feel alive.
Why can't I see you?
Hush, whispered Lyra. They're coming on to you. But they'll never be able to break us apart ever again, I promise you.
Wha... what do you mean?
I'm so sorry, Gabriel. I'm so, so, so, sorry. I didn't mean to leave you. But you understand, I had no choice.
You confuse my dreams and now my reality, Lyra. You always have. But I still don't understand.
Well, had I stayed by your side all through your torture and misery, you would have emerged just as helpless as when you began your descent into the abyss.
Do you seek revenge, Gabriel?
No. I don't want revenge. Not even to the shrinks who thought they knew better than I did.
Quickly! They're coming! Go hide in the trees; I'll distract them while you make it to your safehaven.
Oh, there's no need for that! I have an ace up my sleeve.
What... you mean like, a weapon?
Yeah babe. Paramore.
♥
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
You confuse my dreams. You keep the nightmares away. You make me feel alive.
Why can't I see you?
Hush, whispered Lyra. They're coming on to you. But they'll never be able to break us apart ever again, I promise you.
Wha... what do you mean?
I'm so sorry, Gabriel. I'm so, so, so, sorry. I didn't mean to leave you. But you understand, I had no choice.
You confuse my dreams and now my reality, Lyra. You always have. But I still don't understand.
Well, had I stayed by your side all through your torture and misery, you would have emerged just as helpless as when you began your descent into the abyss.
Do you seek revenge, Gabriel?
No. I don't want revenge. Not even to the shrinks who thought they knew better than I did.
Quickly! They're coming! Go hide in the trees; I'll distract them while you make it to your safehaven.
Oh, there's no need for that! I have an ace up my sleeve.
What... you mean like, a weapon?
Yeah babe. Paramore.
♥
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
16/04/13
Hungover
What? Gabe is stuck with a hangover? Surely there must be a mistake.
I mean, after all, I rarely drink, and when I do drink, I make sure to consume twice as much water as alcohol. With this simple method, I've avoided 99% of any potential hangovers.
But this morning (morning! not afternoon) I woke up with a headache.
It's quite mild, really and I'm sure it would hardly qualify as a hangover for those of you who are habitual drinkers.
Next time, I'll remember not to have a glass of wine after a late-night yoga class, and to just drink water instead. I mean, that's what I usually do anyway, but for some reason I was craving a bit of red wine, so I had a glass with barely any water.
And so here we are!
-
Man, I'm glad water is a superdrink. Did you know? It has ZERO calories! And it's jam-packed with H20 as well, which is scientifically proven to be good for you! Amaaaazing, am I right?
Did you know what else? Big pharma is actively trying to come up with a pill to replace water. That's how amazing it is! (Okay, I'm pretty sure this isn't true.).
-
And as slowly as it crept on, the hangover is gone.
'Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive (deserved to be alive)
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserved to be alive (alive)
Emergency - Paramore, from All you know is falling
Ain’t it fun?
Living in the real world
Ain’t it good?
Being all alone
Where you're from
You might be the one who’s running things
Well you could ring anybody's bell and get want you want
You see it’s easy to ignore trouble
When you’re living in a bubble
Ain't it fun - Paramore, from Paramore
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
I mean, after all, I rarely drink, and when I do drink, I make sure to consume twice as much water as alcohol. With this simple method, I've avoided 99% of any potential hangovers.
But this morning (morning! not afternoon) I woke up with a headache.
It's quite mild, really and I'm sure it would hardly qualify as a hangover for those of you who are habitual drinkers.
Next time, I'll remember not to have a glass of wine after a late-night yoga class, and to just drink water instead. I mean, that's what I usually do anyway, but for some reason I was craving a bit of red wine, so I had a glass with barely any water.
And so here we are!
-
Man, I'm glad water is a superdrink. Did you know? It has ZERO calories! And it's jam-packed with H20 as well, which is scientifically proven to be good for you! Amaaaazing, am I right?
Did you know what else? Big pharma is actively trying to come up with a pill to replace water. That's how amazing it is! (Okay, I'm pretty sure this isn't true.).
-
And as slowly as it crept on, the hangover is gone.
Emergency - Paramore, from All you know is falling
Ain’t it fun?
Living in the real world
Ain’t it good?
Being all alone
Where you're from
You might be the one who’s running things
Well you could ring anybody's bell and get want you want
You see it’s easy to ignore trouble
When you’re living in a bubble
Ain't it fun - Paramore, from Paramore
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
13/04/13
Musical taste
I thought it would be ever so illuminating if I showed you my top 25 most played on my iTunes. I regret nothing!
Yeah, I really do like Paramore.
Feel free to comment/link to yours, I'd be happy to compare.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
 |
| Disclaimer: This selection is not representative of my actual music tastes. I sure do like those songs though. |
Yeah, I really do like Paramore.
Feel free to comment/link to yours, I'd be happy to compare.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
12/04/13
Fierceness
Sometimes you just have to stop thinking of the perfect title and settle with a word that randomly pops into your head.
Alternatively, you also might have to just stop thinking about what to write in the post and simply continue on from your title.
What is fierceness? Well, according to my quick Google dictionary search, fierceness is: "ferocity; the property of being wild or turbulent".
Hmm, at first I was thinking of writing about why I am fierce, but I don't quite think I match the definition.
However, a secondary definition for the word fierce brings up this: "(of a feeling, emotion, or action) Showing a heartfelt and powerful intensity".
Ah, now this I can write about. I cannot write about love, nor can I write about heartbreak. But I can certainly write about being fierce!
Now, where in my life would I have been fierce? Perhaps in my younger days, as a karate student? Not really. I mean, I acted fierce because I had to, but really, the bigger and older kids kind of intimidated me when I had to practice with them.
No, instead I would say that I am fierce when it comes to the most life changing event of my life, which is undoubtedly my Katimavik experience.
Let's put this into context.
I am fiercely opposed to the Harper government's decision to shut down the program, because I've seen first hand what amazing things the program does for people like me and the communities in which we've worked. Politicians don't really see any of that; they only see the money and popularity contest it might bring.
I also fiercely defend the friendships I formed during my travels in the program. Of course, it's impossible to maintain friendships with the dozens and dozens of people I met during Katimavik, but the very closest people I knew, the ones I lived with for nine months, hold a special place in my heart. And I even miss the two guys who broke away at the end, after the program was done. A & A, man, we had some good times, despite the drama.
And in my experience, I think friendships are worth being very fierce over.
Love will have to wait to be written about; maybe on here. Someday.
-
And so my little challenge of making a positive blog post is complete. I honestly wanted to write another negative one, another one in which I lament my predicament as a young adult. Because I feel pretty down. But I think this helped.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
Alternatively, you also might have to just stop thinking about what to write in the post and simply continue on from your title.
What is fierceness? Well, according to my quick Google dictionary search, fierceness is: "ferocity; the property of being wild or turbulent".
Hmm, at first I was thinking of writing about why I am fierce, but I don't quite think I match the definition.
However, a secondary definition for the word fierce brings up this: "(of a feeling, emotion, or action) Showing a heartfelt and powerful intensity".
Ah, now this I can write about. I cannot write about love, nor can I write about heartbreak. But I can certainly write about being fierce!
Now, where in my life would I have been fierce? Perhaps in my younger days, as a karate student? Not really. I mean, I acted fierce because I had to, but really, the bigger and older kids kind of intimidated me when I had to practice with them.
No, instead I would say that I am fierce when it comes to the most life changing event of my life, which is undoubtedly my Katimavik experience.
Let's put this into context.
I am fiercely opposed to the Harper government's decision to shut down the program, because I've seen first hand what amazing things the program does for people like me and the communities in which we've worked. Politicians don't really see any of that; they only see the money and popularity contest it might bring.
I also fiercely defend the friendships I formed during my travels in the program. Of course, it's impossible to maintain friendships with the dozens and dozens of people I met during Katimavik, but the very closest people I knew, the ones I lived with for nine months, hold a special place in my heart. And I even miss the two guys who broke away at the end, after the program was done. A & A, man, we had some good times, despite the drama.
And in my experience, I think friendships are worth being very fierce over.
Love will have to wait to be written about; maybe on here. Someday.
-
And so my little challenge of making a positive blog post is complete. I honestly wanted to write another negative one, another one in which I lament my predicament as a young adult. Because I feel pretty down. But I think this helped.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
26/03/13
10,000 pageviews
Woop woop! I've reached 10,000 lifetime pageviews on my blog just now. Cool! Granted, the vast majority of those pageviews are quite likely to just be spam bots. But it's still a milestone, right?
I didn't start my blog almost six years ago to amass a huge audience; that was not my goal. And it still isn't. And it hasn't happened. But it feels neat to have people read what I write and maybe it gets them thinking, or maybe it gets them to do some of their own blogging too. That'd be nice.
Well, I'm going to cut this short; I'm not really in the mood to write about such trivial matters right now.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
I didn't start my blog almost six years ago to amass a huge audience; that was not my goal. And it still isn't. And it hasn't happened. But it feels neat to have people read what I write and maybe it gets them thinking, or maybe it gets them to do some of their own blogging too. That'd be nice.
Well, I'm going to cut this short; I'm not really in the mood to write about such trivial matters right now.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
25/03/13
Vice & Carrot Juice
Is there anyone free of vice in this world? Is it possible to live free of all vice? Or do we eventually succumb to our own addictions, however large or small they may be, and hope we don't get carried away too far. Is there such a thing as a perfect person? Was the Buddha perfect?
Was Mother Teresa free of vice? Or was she just buying herself a ticket to heaven? Is there such a thing as true altruism?
Questions questions spin around, with answers nowhere to be found. It's easy for me to justify my vice(s) when the world around me is sick; far from perfect.
Why do I do it? What lures me to it? Is this a self-fulfilling prophecy in action, a consequence of reading all those Ellen Hopkins books?
Loneliness drives me to it, that's for sure. Loneliness is rarely bliss, occasionally needed, and almost alwaysdesired undesirable. At least by me.
---
One time, she came over with some other great friends, and she sang to me:
And so as I sip at my desk, sipping carrot juice, I wonder where I will be tomorrow, but more importantly, I ask myself who will I be. And how can I change my life, escape for this circle of vice to be simply happy and free?
You were no cure for loneliness; reckless abandon of sanity.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
Was Mother Teresa free of vice? Or was she just buying herself a ticket to heaven? Is there such a thing as true altruism?
Questions questions spin around, with answers nowhere to be found. It's easy for me to justify my vice(s) when the world around me is sick; far from perfect.
Why do I do it? What lures me to it? Is this a self-fulfilling prophecy in action, a consequence of reading all those Ellen Hopkins books?
Loneliness drives me to it, that's for sure. Loneliness is rarely bliss, occasionally needed, and almost always
---
One time, she came over with some other great friends, and she sang to me:
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With lonelinessAnd though I was too far gone in my own world to really know what was going on at the time, her singing it still brings back memories to me now. And I appreciate her for doing it. And it makes me wonder when I'll see her again, because she's a great friend and a really trustworthy gal.
And so as I sip at my desk, sipping carrot juice, I wonder where I will be tomorrow, but more importantly, I ask myself who will I be. And how can I change my life, escape for this circle of vice to be simply happy and free?
You were no cure for loneliness; reckless abandon of sanity.
Kazoo Anticipation Lipsync Enigma Dormant Overture United Graphite Hare Synchronicity Crank Opal Partridge Everlast
19/02/13
Train No. 56
I'm on a train to Montreal right now. It's quite a smooth trip. It was raining when I left Toronto, but now the rain has turned to snow. Some Phil Collins is playing through my iPod, and the train is bellowing out the standard long-long-short-long horn as it approaches road crossings. There's two college-age girls sitting across from me who are also, it seems, taking a vacation during reading week.
I welcome this break from the monotonous routine back at home. Wake up. Vitamins, water. Eat. Computer. School. Badminton. Eat. Vitamins. Sleep. Repeat. Truth is, I haven't been out of Toronto for almost a year. And living in Toronto for that long a time can make anyone weary. And it's great that I just heard a train attendant announce over the speakerphone that we'll be arriving in Cornwall in 5 minutes. I now feel sufficiently far away from Toronto and the school stresses that I could just take a great deep sigh.
Last bit of news: I had to drop my Anthropology course that I found really interesting because of a big essay that was just too much work to finish. I was doing somewhat well up to this point, but that essay would have taken too big a hit on my mark, and I want to keep a sufficiently high GPA.
That's all, take care.
I welcome this break from the monotonous routine back at home. Wake up. Vitamins, water. Eat. Computer. School. Badminton. Eat. Vitamins. Sleep. Repeat. Truth is, I haven't been out of Toronto for almost a year. And living in Toronto for that long a time can make anyone weary. And it's great that I just heard a train attendant announce over the speakerphone that we'll be arriving in Cornwall in 5 minutes. I now feel sufficiently far away from Toronto and the school stresses that I could just take a great deep sigh.
Last bit of news: I had to drop my Anthropology course that I found really interesting because of a big essay that was just too much work to finish. I was doing somewhat well up to this point, but that essay would have taken too big a hit on my mark, and I want to keep a sufficiently high GPA.
That's all, take care.
06/02/13
Planispheric Mind Meld
I bet you're thinking: "Whoa! What is Gabe gonna write about now? That's a wacky blog title!".
And I'm going to be writing about a wacky subject.
But first, a prelude.
I get a lot of ideas of what to write about when I'm walking around - either wandering around town, or going to school or something. And I often think to myself "Gee, this or that would make for a pretty interesting blog post". Usually though, I either forget about my blog idea when I get home or I'm just not in the mood to write while I still remember it.
Well for once, this time's different.
As I was coming back from school, I was listening to a song called "Planisphère (Part One)" by Justice. I'll embed it below for your listening pleasure, if you're so inclined. It's an electro-house kind of track.
Anyway, as I was particularly enjoying the mid-end section of the song, I thought to myself "man, I wish everyone right now was listening to this. This is awesome!". So that got me deeper into thinking and I started to wonder what it would be like if I had the power to make everyone on the planet listen to music of my choosing. As if I was a sort of global telepathic DJ, if you will. If you're into Dragonball (or have been), you might remember King Kai's power of being able to telepathically "talk" to every human on the planet using his strange antennae. So something like that.
That'd be a hell of a super power. And in the wrong hands, it could quite literally turn the earth into a living hell for all humans. Imagine a Paramore fanatic wanting to share B.'s "music" with the world. You'd be going about your business, gardening or whatever, and suddenly you'd hear some auto tuned trash coming out of nowhere. It'd drive you mad in a short matter of time, I'd imagine.
Come to think of it, it would be a pretty terrifying super power if you played any kind of music. Not everyone likes to listen to music, all the time. Sometimes you're just not in the mood for it. And thus I'd imagine that this super power could easily turn into a form of mind control, or at the very least, mind influence.
So there you have it. I finally remembered something to write about.
A final reflection: Aren't we all plugged into iPods anyway? What if Apple's plan all along was to institute a Planispheric Mind Meld?
2019-07-04 revision: Removed J.B., added Paramore instead (because I know them far more)
And I'm going to be writing about a wacky subject.
But first, a prelude.
I get a lot of ideas of what to write about when I'm walking around - either wandering around town, or going to school or something. And I often think to myself "Gee, this or that would make for a pretty interesting blog post". Usually though, I either forget about my blog idea when I get home or I'm just not in the mood to write while I still remember it.
Well for once, this time's different.
As I was coming back from school, I was listening to a song called "Planisphère (Part One)" by Justice. I'll embed it below for your listening pleasure, if you're so inclined. It's an electro-house kind of track.
Anyway, as I was particularly enjoying the mid-end section of the song, I thought to myself "man, I wish everyone right now was listening to this. This is awesome!". So that got me deeper into thinking and I started to wonder what it would be like if I had the power to make everyone on the planet listen to music of my choosing. As if I was a sort of global telepathic DJ, if you will. If you're into Dragonball (or have been), you might remember King Kai's power of being able to telepathically "talk" to every human on the planet using his strange antennae. So something like that.
That'd be a hell of a super power. And in the wrong hands, it could quite literally turn the earth into a living hell for all humans. Imagine a Paramore fanatic wanting to share B.'s "music" with the world. You'd be going about your business, gardening or whatever, and suddenly you'd hear some auto tuned trash coming out of nowhere. It'd drive you mad in a short matter of time, I'd imagine.
Come to think of it, it would be a pretty terrifying super power if you played any kind of music. Not everyone likes to listen to music, all the time. Sometimes you're just not in the mood for it. And thus I'd imagine that this super power could easily turn into a form of mind control, or at the very least, mind influence.
So there you have it. I finally remembered something to write about.
A final reflection: Aren't we all plugged into iPods anyway? What if Apple's plan all along was to institute a Planispheric Mind Meld?
2019-07-04 revision: Removed J.B., added Paramore instead (because I know them far more)
31/01/13
Knowledge
So with my incredibly expensive university tuition, I get access to a tonne of scholarly journals, publications, books, articles etc. I should probably take advantage of the fact that I can pretty much research anything I want, whenever I want.
And if I can't find something online, well, I can still visit the massive Robarts Library and sift through old dusty tomes neatly sorted in fourteen floors' worth of books.
It turns out I have a small research essay due in a couple weeks about the collapse of Easter Island. This is for my Anthropology 101 class, and I really should get ahead on that. I have a tendency to leave things like this to the last minute - but don't all university students? Well, anyway, I have to find some good scholarly information about the collapse of this society and argue against environmental factors as the primary reason for collapse.
If you don't know, Easter Island is that place where they have giant stone heads (called Moai), supposedly created by the old inhabitants a few centuries ago.
Anyway, that was a bit of a tangent.
I wish to speak more about knowledge, or more specifically, my seemingly unlimited access to it as a UofT student.
It's a little bit exciting! Knowledge is power, right?
The problem I have is that I'm short-sighted. I should clarify: I mean to say that I tend to strive for short-term goals, not long-term ones. It's a flaw of mine.
Arguably, one of the only long-term goals I've managed to keep is writing this very blog.
Anyway, I don't want to make this too long (as I should be keeping a good sleep schedule and going to bed very, very soon), but I just wanted to give an example of how I've used my unlimited access to scholarly works for personal gain.
It turns out that the city of Windsor has decided to end the fluoridation of drinking water.
And I found out about this by stumbling upon a reddit debate on r/canada.
I'm no expert on the pros and cons of fluoridation of water (personally, I'm against it), but what's striking to me is the sheer amount of people there who are outraged that the city decided to stop fluoridation.
If you don't know, fluoridation is mainly advocated as a way to stop dental cavities from developing.
And so many users there have said "there are literally hundreds of scientific studies that prove that fluoridation is safe" - without ever really providing proof that they exist.
Well, I have the ability to look up said studies, and there are indeed quite a few (about 5000 total with "water fluoridation" as a topic, according to my search).
And while many of them supposedly prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that fluoridation is beneficial (i.e. not harmful), there are others that mention such things as increased lead accumulation in children, as well as infertility in populations with high fluoridation levels in drinking water.
I have a lot to say about the subject of drinking water fluoridation (including some ethical concerns), but for the purposes of this post, I just wanted to give you an example of what I, as a humble undergrad, have the ability to do when it comes to researching any given topic.
And on that note, goodnight.
And if I can't find something online, well, I can still visit the massive Robarts Library and sift through old dusty tomes neatly sorted in fourteen floors' worth of books.
It turns out I have a small research essay due in a couple weeks about the collapse of Easter Island. This is for my Anthropology 101 class, and I really should get ahead on that. I have a tendency to leave things like this to the last minute - but don't all university students? Well, anyway, I have to find some good scholarly information about the collapse of this society and argue against environmental factors as the primary reason for collapse.
If you don't know, Easter Island is that place where they have giant stone heads (called Moai), supposedly created by the old inhabitants a few centuries ago.
Anyway, that was a bit of a tangent.
I wish to speak more about knowledge, or more specifically, my seemingly unlimited access to it as a UofT student.
It's a little bit exciting! Knowledge is power, right?
The problem I have is that I'm short-sighted. I should clarify: I mean to say that I tend to strive for short-term goals, not long-term ones. It's a flaw of mine.
Arguably, one of the only long-term goals I've managed to keep is writing this very blog.
Anyway, I don't want to make this too long (as I should be keeping a good sleep schedule and going to bed very, very soon), but I just wanted to give an example of how I've used my unlimited access to scholarly works for personal gain.
It turns out that the city of Windsor has decided to end the fluoridation of drinking water.
And I found out about this by stumbling upon a reddit debate on r/canada.
I'm no expert on the pros and cons of fluoridation of water (personally, I'm against it), but what's striking to me is the sheer amount of people there who are outraged that the city decided to stop fluoridation.
If you don't know, fluoridation is mainly advocated as a way to stop dental cavities from developing.
And so many users there have said "there are literally hundreds of scientific studies that prove that fluoridation is safe" - without ever really providing proof that they exist.
Well, I have the ability to look up said studies, and there are indeed quite a few (about 5000 total with "water fluoridation" as a topic, according to my search).
And while many of them supposedly prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that fluoridation is beneficial (i.e. not harmful), there are others that mention such things as increased lead accumulation in children, as well as infertility in populations with high fluoridation levels in drinking water.
I have a lot to say about the subject of drinking water fluoridation (including some ethical concerns), but for the purposes of this post, I just wanted to give you an example of what I, as a humble undergrad, have the ability to do when it comes to researching any given topic.
And on that note, goodnight.
23/01/13
Le cachot infernal
Ça fait combien d'années que je me réfugie dans le sous-sol? Je ne vais pas répondre à cette question. Mais je veux quand même dire que si je trouve un confort, ou même une certaine sécurité dans mon domaine ligneux, je sais très bien que je ne peux vivre ici pour le reste des temps.
Je fais des efforts de temps à autre pour me distancer de cet endroit. J'ai déjà passé des semaines à éviter mon cachot, souvent à cause d'une étincelle qui me fait réaliser que le temps que je passe enfermé en bas ne me fait que du mal.
J'aimerais bien vivre chaque instant vivant avec plus de punch, plus de vie. La plénitude de l'instant de m'échappe. Et c'est entièrement ma faute.
Bien sûr, vivre dans une ville peut m'offrir une multitude d'aventures. Et j'en ai déjà vécues, bien évidemment, et j'en vivrait d'autres.
Mais ce cachot infernal est infernal justement pour une raison: j'ai l'illusion d'avoir un certain contrôle sur mon environnement, mais à vrai dire, c'est mon environnement qui me contrôle. Je suis isolé du soleil, du vent, bref, de la terre elle même. Ce n'est pas naturel du tout de vivre comme ça, et c'est vraiment la nature qui faut que je prenne pour guide, comme dirait Ciceron.
Réellement, un des seul avantages de mon cachot est le fait que c'est très tranquille, et que quand je suis motivé, je peut jouer mon djembe en toute tranquillité.
J'ai quand même essayé de m'installer un espèce d'autel non-religieux, pour apporter un peu de spiritualité dans ma vie. C'est dommage que je ne l'utilise pas très souvent, mais quand je pratique mon djembe, c'est mon lieu de concentration, mon focus. Loin de l'écran, bien sûr. C'est un peu une continuation de mon "twilight sanctuary" que j'avais érigé quand je vivais à Vancouver. Peut-être vais-je trouver un nom presque autant cool pour mon autel.
Voici une photo:
On a jamais utilisé la cheminée, alors j'essaye d'en profiter pour utiliser l'endroit.
C'est tout pour aujourd'hui! Mes excuses si vous ne comprenez pas le français :).
Je fais des efforts de temps à autre pour me distancer de cet endroit. J'ai déjà passé des semaines à éviter mon cachot, souvent à cause d'une étincelle qui me fait réaliser que le temps que je passe enfermé en bas ne me fait que du mal.
J'aimerais bien vivre chaque instant vivant avec plus de punch, plus de vie. La plénitude de l'instant de m'échappe. Et c'est entièrement ma faute.
Bien sûr, vivre dans une ville peut m'offrir une multitude d'aventures. Et j'en ai déjà vécues, bien évidemment, et j'en vivrait d'autres.
Mais ce cachot infernal est infernal justement pour une raison: j'ai l'illusion d'avoir un certain contrôle sur mon environnement, mais à vrai dire, c'est mon environnement qui me contrôle. Je suis isolé du soleil, du vent, bref, de la terre elle même. Ce n'est pas naturel du tout de vivre comme ça, et c'est vraiment la nature qui faut que je prenne pour guide, comme dirait Ciceron.
Réellement, un des seul avantages de mon cachot est le fait que c'est très tranquille, et que quand je suis motivé, je peut jouer mon djembe en toute tranquillité.
J'ai quand même essayé de m'installer un espèce d'autel non-religieux, pour apporter un peu de spiritualité dans ma vie. C'est dommage que je ne l'utilise pas très souvent, mais quand je pratique mon djembe, c'est mon lieu de concentration, mon focus. Loin de l'écran, bien sûr. C'est un peu une continuation de mon "twilight sanctuary" que j'avais érigé quand je vivais à Vancouver. Peut-être vais-je trouver un nom presque autant cool pour mon autel.
Voici une photo:
 |
| J'adore les chandelles à cire d'abeille. À gauche, mon djembe. À droite, un bâton de pluie qu'une chère amie m'a donné comme cadeau de noël. |
On a jamais utilisé la cheminée, alors j'essaye d'en profiter pour utiliser l'endroit.
C'est tout pour aujourd'hui! Mes excuses si vous ne comprenez pas le français :).
09/01/13
A momentary lapse of music
I've always liked A Momentary Lapse of Reason, an album by Pink Floyd. It sounds like something you'd hear if you were floating in the mesosphere, or maybe even the stratosphere. That is, if somehow there was music playing up there.
I like asking people what their favourite Pink Floyd albums are. I mean, it's rare that people know more than a few, but if they really like Pink Floyd, then it's nice being able to discuss the differences in taste within the Pink Floyd universe with someone else.
You know what I'd like to do some day? Listen to an entire album with someone cool, maybe someone I don't know very well, and seeing if you can bond that. No need for drugs or anything, just some good ol' fashion hangout with someone who happens to like Pink Floyd.
Maybe I feel that urge now, but would I ever remember to ask said person: "Hey! Let's go chill and listen to a Pink Floyd album!". Maybe, maybe not.
I wonder what it would have been like, back in the 70s, when that brand new vinyl was coming out, and everyone would be talking about it. You could ask someone if they'd listened to it, where they'd bought it, and so on. In that way, listening to music was a bit more of an experiential event, I think.
It seems like listening to music nowadays is just a matter of how fast you can download it online or just look it up on Youtube. It's fantastic being able to listen to music so quickly, but I feel like listening to music now is less of a monumental event than it would have been in the past.
---
I want to end this post with a picture. Words are a little dry and probably a little dull to read in the long run, so adding a little multimedia is the fix. Unfortunately, I'm too tired/lazy to find anything cool to take a picture of, so I'll just take a picture of my clever writing utensil container.
I like asking people what their favourite Pink Floyd albums are. I mean, it's rare that people know more than a few, but if they really like Pink Floyd, then it's nice being able to discuss the differences in taste within the Pink Floyd universe with someone else.
You know what I'd like to do some day? Listen to an entire album with someone cool, maybe someone I don't know very well, and seeing if you can bond that. No need for drugs or anything, just some good ol' fashion hangout with someone who happens to like Pink Floyd.
Maybe I feel that urge now, but would I ever remember to ask said person: "Hey! Let's go chill and listen to a Pink Floyd album!". Maybe, maybe not.
I wonder what it would have been like, back in the 70s, when that brand new vinyl was coming out, and everyone would be talking about it. You could ask someone if they'd listened to it, where they'd bought it, and so on. In that way, listening to music was a bit more of an experiential event, I think.
It seems like listening to music nowadays is just a matter of how fast you can download it online or just look it up on Youtube. It's fantastic being able to listen to music so quickly, but I feel like listening to music now is less of a monumental event than it would have been in the past.
---
I want to end this post with a picture. Words are a little dry and probably a little dull to read in the long run, so adding a little multimedia is the fix. Unfortunately, I'm too tired/lazy to find anything cool to take a picture of, so I'll just take a picture of my clever writing utensil container.
01/01/13
New Year's Explosion
An atomic clock, says he. "My watch is synced!" And yet, we still foiled the countdown by a whopping 15 seconds. It was like having different time zones in the pub. On one side, the people watching TV with their countdown, and on the other, a group of friends gathered together counting down early.
And so it was twice the countdown and free champagne, courtesy of our friend S.
Reminds me of the time I was in London, ON with my katimafriends, and Five Man Electrical Band was playing a gig for New Year's in a place called Victoria Park (or so I remember). There was a stage, and beside it was a big clock counting down till the new year. The clock had been counting down for days, if not weeks already, and by the time we got the last few minutes or so, we realized that the clock was quite wrong. The band had their own watches, and they couldn't see the big countdown clock, so they counted down from their time and enticed the audience to celebrate with them, but that didn't work out because a number of people were counting on the big clock to officially celebrate the new year. So it was a whole big epic fail.
Oh, I guess celebrations are fun. They don't need to be such a big deal, but they are, so might as well celebrate.
I almost kissed a girl tonight right as the clock struck 12, but I acted like a complete fool instead and jerked my hands in front of me and half-yelled "Noooo! I can't!". So instead she kissed the (very) beardy guy on the couch next to her. It's really a shame; I thought she was cute.
Jeez, this is starting to sound like a teenage girl's personal journal, except plenty of people can read it.
Oh well, it's new year's, I'll make an exception and publish this.
Happy New Years!
And so it was twice the countdown and free champagne, courtesy of our friend S.
Reminds me of the time I was in London, ON with my katimafriends, and Five Man Electrical Band was playing a gig for New Year's in a place called Victoria Park (or so I remember). There was a stage, and beside it was a big clock counting down till the new year. The clock had been counting down for days, if not weeks already, and by the time we got the last few minutes or so, we realized that the clock was quite wrong. The band had their own watches, and they couldn't see the big countdown clock, so they counted down from their time and enticed the audience to celebrate with them, but that didn't work out because a number of people were counting on the big clock to officially celebrate the new year. So it was a whole big epic fail.
Oh, I guess celebrations are fun. They don't need to be such a big deal, but they are, so might as well celebrate.
I almost kissed a girl tonight right as the clock struck 12, but I acted like a complete fool instead and jerked my hands in front of me and half-yelled "Noooo! I can't!". So instead she kissed the (very) beardy guy on the couch next to her. It's really a shame; I thought she was cute.
Jeez, this is starting to sound like a teenage girl's personal journal, except plenty of people can read it.
Oh well, it's new year's, I'll make an exception and publish this.
Happy New Years!
28/12/12
Snowy, wintry and... happy?
The snow has finally arrived. The real stuff! Not some powdery excuse for la neige that stays on the ground for like 10 seconds and then melts away. That stuff's a tease. No, real, fluffy and shoveable snow!
Of course, according to a couple of my relatives who live in Québec city, the snow I consider to be real here is something they merely scoff at. They've had massive snow banks for at least a couple weeks now, with feet upon feet of snow. Chance of more snow in the coming weeks.
What am I, a weather man?
No, I just think all this snow is rad. See, as I mentioned in an earlier blog post, being surrounded by man-made things everywhere has made this city a pretty ugly place to live. Well, the snow eases this pain somewhat by coating all the artificial stuff everywhere with a layer of crystal perfection.
So seeing snow everywhere reminds me that out there, up high in the sky and elsewhere, the power of Gaia still resides. The unchangeable laws of nature- however much we try to tamper with- still exist and affect even the most nature-proof city dwellers.
And yet I still find myself in front of my computer screen!
I was supposed to go sledding with some buddies, but plans fell through. I wasn't so much excited about the drinking as I was actually being outside with the snow, reminiscing about childhood tobogganing. Mixing exercise-related stuff with booze doesn't make too much sense to me, but I suppose it could have been fun. Oh well.
So I'm wearing a sweater that I got for christmas, and I'm trying to figure out if it would qualify as a candidate to wear to an ugly sweater party. I guess the fact that I'm asking myself that question might undermine the value of my sweater as a present... hmm. Well, it's blue and black and red and it does have some neat buttons and... oh, why don't I just show you so you can judge for yourself.
You know what, it doesn't even matter. I like the sweater, and it keeps me warm, so even though I might wear it to an ugly sweater party, I'd be trolling the party because my wool sweater is rad.
That's all I've got for today.
Of course, according to a couple of my relatives who live in Québec city, the snow I consider to be real here is something they merely scoff at. They've had massive snow banks for at least a couple weeks now, with feet upon feet of snow. Chance of more snow in the coming weeks.
What am I, a weather man?
No, I just think all this snow is rad. See, as I mentioned in an earlier blog post, being surrounded by man-made things everywhere has made this city a pretty ugly place to live. Well, the snow eases this pain somewhat by coating all the artificial stuff everywhere with a layer of crystal perfection.
So seeing snow everywhere reminds me that out there, up high in the sky and elsewhere, the power of Gaia still resides. The unchangeable laws of nature- however much we try to tamper with- still exist and affect even the most nature-proof city dwellers.
And yet I still find myself in front of my computer screen!
I was supposed to go sledding with some buddies, but plans fell through. I wasn't so much excited about the drinking as I was actually being outside with the snow, reminiscing about childhood tobogganing. Mixing exercise-related stuff with booze doesn't make too much sense to me, but I suppose it could have been fun. Oh well.
So I'm wearing a sweater that I got for christmas, and I'm trying to figure out if it would qualify as a candidate to wear to an ugly sweater party. I guess the fact that I'm asking myself that question might undermine the value of my sweater as a present... hmm. Well, it's blue and black and red and it does have some neat buttons and... oh, why don't I just show you so you can judge for yourself.
You know what, it doesn't even matter. I like the sweater, and it keeps me warm, so even though I might wear it to an ugly sweater party, I'd be trolling the party because my wool sweater is rad.
That's all I've got for today.
15/12/12
Shard vs sherd
My TA in Anthropology assures me that "sherd" is an archaeological term meaning a broken piece of pottery or artifact. For some reason, the word "sherd" annoys me to no end, since it's so close to the word "shard". Why not call it a pot shard instead of a pot sherd? Grrrrrrrrrr.
13/12/12
Tranquility
The worst has gone by/
But I may be in the eye of the storm
The winds blow in the distance and I feel alive/
Better not walk into them again
I find I yearn for tranquility. Tranquility, and some semblance of simplicity.
That doesn't mean that I need to avoid busyness and action; that would be a mistake. In fact, I should probably strive for more busyness and more participation in the world around me. Not because society says I need to be busy, but because it's rewarding to get things done.
Still, it would be nice to be around simple people. Maybe some monks or something. I would probably get bored, since I'm so used to having some external stimulation, but there's definitely something to learn and appreciate in simply being.
I've been told I should try my hand at meditation. I would gain so much from having a regular practice. And it would enhance my quality of life, and probably make me more mindful and more aware of the present. And even if it's only for a few minutes per day, I should still try. But my brain says "No no no! At least look busy! You have things to do! You need to move! You need to read! You need to fix this and that!".
Words words words.
I'll see what I can do about this whole meditation dealio. Exercise is a bit easier for me to do, so I'm walking a lot. Just simple walks, walks for the sake of walking. Mostly silent, and usually at a brisk pace; to get the heart going, you know.
School is a bit of a mess right now. I hope I can fix it. I have two new classes starting in January, and I'm gearing up to take them more seriously.
Bloggity bloggy happy holidays.
But I may be in the eye of the storm
The winds blow in the distance and I feel alive/
Better not walk into them again
I find I yearn for tranquility. Tranquility, and some semblance of simplicity.
That doesn't mean that I need to avoid busyness and action; that would be a mistake. In fact, I should probably strive for more busyness and more participation in the world around me. Not because society says I need to be busy, but because it's rewarding to get things done.
Still, it would be nice to be around simple people. Maybe some monks or something. I would probably get bored, since I'm so used to having some external stimulation, but there's definitely something to learn and appreciate in simply being.
I've been told I should try my hand at meditation. I would gain so much from having a regular practice. And it would enhance my quality of life, and probably make me more mindful and more aware of the present. And even if it's only for a few minutes per day, I should still try. But my brain says "No no no! At least look busy! You have things to do! You need to move! You need to read! You need to fix this and that!".
Words words words.
I'll see what I can do about this whole meditation dealio. Exercise is a bit easier for me to do, so I'm walking a lot. Just simple walks, walks for the sake of walking. Mostly silent, and usually at a brisk pace; to get the heart going, you know.
School is a bit of a mess right now. I hope I can fix it. I have two new classes starting in January, and I'm gearing up to take them more seriously.
Bloggity bloggy happy holidays.
05/12/12
December weather
It was a warm and rainy day today. I don't know how I feel about it being 10 degrees celsius in December. On one hand, it's nice to not have to deal with the biting cold and chapped lips and all the little inconveniences of real winter weather, but on the other hand, I feel sad knowing that this abnormal weather is a very real manifestation of climate change.
I'm kind of far away and isolated from all the hardcore devastation caused by human exploitation of the Earth (e.g. dead whales and melting ice). So while I might be aware that climate change and pollution caused by humans is wrecking the Earth, I'm not reminded of it on a daily basis. Indeed, all I see is the same old houses and buildings, and sometimes parks with some litter strewn here and there, but the artificial city I live in keeps my mind in a bubble of fake comfort.
Comfort definitely isn't here, though. A city, at least to me, doesn't provide comfort. It provides convenience and maybe a form of protection from the primal elements, but in the long run, it is tiring to have to see the same ugly not-quite-perfect shapes of man-made structures everywhere.
For a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic sometimes.
It's alright, I'll find my optimism again, somewhere in time.
01/12/12
Keeping up is tough
If you don't keep up with your schoolwork, it builds up. Fast.
I hate to admit it, but having a good work routine is pretty damn important.
Having structure in your life is important. The brain likes structure because then it doesn't have to over think every little thing.
I don't like structure. I try to rebel against it. Somehow, I convince myself that having structure will rob me of my freedom - the freedom to be spontaneous, to be serendipitous, to be genuine.
But maybe - just maybe - having more structure will allow me to accomplish things that will bring more joy into my life.
Here we go again. Setting a time limit of how much time I spend on the computer, regardless of whether I'm working or not, is critical. And there's nothing wrong with avoiding computer and electronics altogether on some days. A few months ago, one my profs even gave the class homework to avoid the computer and cellphone for a whole 24 hours, more if possible. Not too many people were able - or willing - to do it.
I've spent too much time writing this out already. School isn't going as well as I had hoped. I will work harder to not let myself get overwhelmed again.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
I hate to admit it, but having a good work routine is pretty damn important.
Having structure in your life is important. The brain likes structure because then it doesn't have to over think every little thing.
I don't like structure. I try to rebel against it. Somehow, I convince myself that having structure will rob me of my freedom - the freedom to be spontaneous, to be serendipitous, to be genuine.
But maybe - just maybe - having more structure will allow me to accomplish things that will bring more joy into my life.
Here we go again. Setting a time limit of how much time I spend on the computer, regardless of whether I'm working or not, is critical. And there's nothing wrong with avoiding computer and electronics altogether on some days. A few months ago, one my profs even gave the class homework to avoid the computer and cellphone for a whole 24 hours, more if possible. Not too many people were able - or willing - to do it.
I've spent too much time writing this out already. School isn't going as well as I had hoped. I will work harder to not let myself get overwhelmed again.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
16/11/12
Bright and early
Yes, why not write? 8:30 am, on my schedule, is very, very early for me to be up, and I only have 15 minutes or so to write before I have to leave for my Friday 10 am class, but that's cool. Usually, I wait for the last minute to be up and gone for my class, especially when biking because then I don't have the mishaps of the transit system slowing me down.
I have yet to be late to any class with my last-minute strategy, so it's not a problem. It's a time-saving way of getting around, right?
I thought I had more to write. Well, I do, I just don't find it particularly interesting.
I guess I should mention I'm at school full time now, unlike last year. I'm doing fairly well in most of my courses so far, but there haven't been that many evaluations. I kind of know now which classes will be easy to get a good mark in, and which ones I'll actually have to buckle down and read a ton to get a good mark. Either way, I probably (read: definitely) procrastinate way too much and generally avoid dealing with schoolwork until I absolutely have to.
Oh, yes, you might be interested in what I'm studying.
Well, first, there's History of modern Europe 1650-1950, which is okay. I'm usually good with history, but I really, really should spend more time studying for this year-long course.
Then there's Sociology (social problems and inequalities), which I find fairly boring, but I'm doing well so far so I guess it kinda makes me like the course a little more.
And then there's Anthropology 101, which generally has more interesting subject matter than Sociology, but it's a lot more scienc-y than my other courses. I should reread lecture questions once in a while.
Let's not forget about Intro to Environment, which is probably the course most unlike all my other courses. The prof is really cool and invites a ton of guest speakers (native elders, scientists among others) to the lectures, and he also randomly does bird calls in class. And the content is actually interesting!
Finally, for this semester, there's this course called Geography: Environment, Food, and People, which I picked because I thought it sounded interesting. This is my 10 am class that I have very, very soon and I should leave. Anyway, suffice to say that there's a LOT of content in this course, and it's a lot of work, most of it is really boring but at least it forces me to get up at least before noon.
Okay, I gotta run, I'll start to update my blog frequently again, so if you're reading this, you could check back sometime!
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
22/08/12
Oh time
Time time, why must you confuse me so?
It seems like only yesterday that I had my long flowing hippie hair with not a care in the world for what was to come later with growing older.
Of course, I never really truly was a hippie. Yeah, I had earth sandals, and yeah, I sometimes wore funky thai fisherman pants, but those were just clothes. And yeah, I guess I kinda liked the whole peace & love movement. Why do we need to be so bitter anyway?
I'm going through some dark times. Well, I have been for a while. I guess that's because I'm not really doing much. I give up hobbies too easily. I need to train my brain to enjoy things and to not mind doing things repetitively. Practice, practice, practice. And then I could be proud of something, like drumming.
I had a chat with a dear old friend of mine today. He told me how he remembers how social I used to be, how easily I would talk to others. I remember it too, somewhat. It seems like for some time now, I have chosen to hide away from others. This is not good! And it worries me. The only thing to do is to become more social again, clearly. Strengthen friendships and all. Otherwise, I'm just going to turn into an anti-social sludge.
I'm doing yoga regularly again (I've been to my studio for the past four days!), but I don't really talk to anyone there. I'm slightly in the wrong demographic, and I'm too shy to really talk to anyone. To be fair, a lot of people go to the studio to just do their own thing, take a break from their day or from work and from being around people and many just want some alone time to do stretches with their body and mind.
I, on the other hand, go to the studio to have a bit of a change from my usual hermit lifestyle. And to get some exercise, to help me sleep. I don't particularly love doing yoga, but I don't hate it or anything. I know it's incredibly beneficial for the mind and body, so I simply just do it.
University is starting soon. Yikes. I hope I can get my sleep schedule back under control. I also hope that I can deal with the anxiety. And finally, I hope I can finally do something productive with my time. Time management has never, ever been my strong point. I'll have to learn.
Signing off,
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
It seems like only yesterday that I had my long flowing hippie hair with not a care in the world for what was to come later with growing older.
Of course, I never really truly was a hippie. Yeah, I had earth sandals, and yeah, I sometimes wore funky thai fisherman pants, but those were just clothes. And yeah, I guess I kinda liked the whole peace & love movement. Why do we need to be so bitter anyway?
I'm going through some dark times. Well, I have been for a while. I guess that's because I'm not really doing much. I give up hobbies too easily. I need to train my brain to enjoy things and to not mind doing things repetitively. Practice, practice, practice. And then I could be proud of something, like drumming.
I had a chat with a dear old friend of mine today. He told me how he remembers how social I used to be, how easily I would talk to others. I remember it too, somewhat. It seems like for some time now, I have chosen to hide away from others. This is not good! And it worries me. The only thing to do is to become more social again, clearly. Strengthen friendships and all. Otherwise, I'm just going to turn into an anti-social sludge.
I'm doing yoga regularly again (I've been to my studio for the past four days!), but I don't really talk to anyone there. I'm slightly in the wrong demographic, and I'm too shy to really talk to anyone. To be fair, a lot of people go to the studio to just do their own thing, take a break from their day or from work and from being around people and many just want some alone time to do stretches with their body and mind.
I, on the other hand, go to the studio to have a bit of a change from my usual hermit lifestyle. And to get some exercise, to help me sleep. I don't particularly love doing yoga, but I don't hate it or anything. I know it's incredibly beneficial for the mind and body, so I simply just do it.
University is starting soon. Yikes. I hope I can get my sleep schedule back under control. I also hope that I can deal with the anxiety. And finally, I hope I can finally do something productive with my time. Time management has never, ever been my strong point. I'll have to learn.
Signing off,
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
08/08/12
Drive my soul
Listening to music isn't normally an activity that makes me feel instantly better. Yeah, listening to music is nice, but I don't think of it as something that keeps the blues away. There's a few rare exceptions, like right now, but usually I just kind of put the tunes on the computer and they fade to the background as all my attention goes to what's on the screen.
I also don't tend to listen to albums in their right order, if I listen to them at all, as I'm more prone to hitting the shuffle button. But sometimes listening to an album in the right order just makes so much more sense, especially with concept albums.
So I once again find myself listening to The Listening by Lights. I really, really like it. The lyrics and the melodies are just so well blended together and they actually do have an impact on how I feel.
Most of the metal or rock stuff I listen to fails to make me feel connected. It all sounds pretty great (otherwise I wouldn't listen to it), but I don't particularly feel attached to what's being played. With Lights, it's different. I feel like she actually sings about stuff I can relate to sometimes. And often times, the lyrics are positive, or have positive undertones to them.
For example: It's only one part of the story//Just let it go//Don't let it bring you down now
So why am I paying so much attention to this album tonight?
Well, I want to feel better.
I want to have an amazing first full year at university. I don't want to spend all this money for book-smarts. I want something more - I want a purpose, I want a real connection to society. And I want to have fun.
Because, see, for the past few months, I haven't been having that much fun. This summer thus far has been quite awful. I gotta get over the fact that I'm not really a teenager anymore, and yeah, it's not really a surprise that being an adult is pretty hard.
But even from a teenage perspective, this summer has still been awful. I've been hiding away from friends and avoiding people as much as possible. I don't want to go too much into the details, as this is a public blog after all, but I just feel anxious about being around people. And save for a few rare occasions, I just find that I don't enjoy the time spent socializing. So my logic is not to spend time around people... hah, smart idea, right?
-
I keep hoping something will happen that will make the shroud go away. I know there's something beautiful beyond the shroud, as I still have memories of times not too long ago where the clear picture was a happy one. But despite occasional gusts of wind, the shroud remains.
The shroud is probably my fault. I put it up there because, subconsciously or consciously, I didn't want to have to deal with the picture when it wasn't beautiful. And it's been there ever since. If I could only remember how I got around to shrouding myself, maybe I could find a way out.
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I've also been feeling really quite self-conscious lately, about my weight and general demeanor, so I'm going to do yoga regularly again. I was doing four days a week for a while, but I gave up because of laziness. And once again, I went into a junk food cycle... so that's going away too, and that alone will probably up my mood. Maybe not in the short-term, though...
Hope your summer has been better than mine, reader.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
26/07/12
Summer Blues
So it's been a while. I can't say I've been extremely busy; I just have haven't felt like blogging much.
So this is all old news, but I did very well in my Bridging Program course @ UofT, so it looks like I'm heading to UofT full-time in the fall.
It's kind of scary, really. Thousands of dollars and many years to get a liberal arts degree... Well, it gives me something to do, and I have thoroughly enjoyed my time at UofT so far. Made a bunch of friends who are all really cool. So I'm sure it's worth it in the end.
I have to pick my courses soon. I've decided on most of them (Into to Poli Sci, Intro to Philosophy, Intro to Environment Studies, random seminar course and probably Sociology). And I'm excited about being busy on campus.
So far, this summer has been pretty blah. I haven't been doing much. Haven't really been hanging out with people. Just thinking about my future, mostly, and doing yoga every other day. I should be doing more, and doing more would probably make me feel better, but I've sunken down into my old recluse ways. It's not healthy.
I should probably get a haircut.
I hate haircuts.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
So this is all old news, but I did very well in my Bridging Program course @ UofT, so it looks like I'm heading to UofT full-time in the fall.
It's kind of scary, really. Thousands of dollars and many years to get a liberal arts degree... Well, it gives me something to do, and I have thoroughly enjoyed my time at UofT so far. Made a bunch of friends who are all really cool. So I'm sure it's worth it in the end.
I have to pick my courses soon. I've decided on most of them (Into to Poli Sci, Intro to Philosophy, Intro to Environment Studies, random seminar course and probably Sociology). And I'm excited about being busy on campus.
So far, this summer has been pretty blah. I haven't been doing much. Haven't really been hanging out with people. Just thinking about my future, mostly, and doing yoga every other day. I should be doing more, and doing more would probably make me feel better, but I've sunken down into my old recluse ways. It's not healthy.
I should probably get a haircut.
I hate haircuts.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
16/06/12
A message from the Haida of BC
A sweet video showcasing how the Haida feel about the giant oil pipeline that would run through native land.
Raven rules.
Raven rules.
08/06/12
The sleep conundrum
As I write these words, I await the soothing comforting feeling that Passiflora incarnata and Lady's Slipper will provide me.
The sleep realm awaits and I wonder what I will find there. It is mind-boggling when you think about all the images that are created by your brain every single night when you dream. What is their purpose? Are you supposed to interpret the images to help you in your waking life? Or are they merely there to distract you from the dullness of unconsciousness? Maybe they allow us to connect into the collective consciousness, like quantum particles resonating with each other through the folds of space and time.
Sleep must never elude me, for when it does, I will no longer be.
The sleep realm awaits and I wonder what I will find there. It is mind-boggling when you think about all the images that are created by your brain every single night when you dream. What is their purpose? Are you supposed to interpret the images to help you in your waking life? Or are they merely there to distract you from the dullness of unconsciousness? Maybe they allow us to connect into the collective consciousness, like quantum particles resonating with each other through the folds of space and time.
Sleep must never elude me, for when it does, I will no longer be.
29/05/12
Equine love
I am the Kaleidoscope of the mind
I impart light, colour and perpetual motion
I think, I see, I am moved by electric fluidity
Constant only in my inconstancy, I am unshackled by mundane holds, unchecked by sturdy binding goals
I run unimpeded through virgin paths
My spirit unconquered; my soul forever free
I am the horse.
Source: The Handbook of Chinese Horoscopes by Theodora Lau, 7th ed.
I impart light, colour and perpetual motion
I think, I see, I am moved by electric fluidity
Constant only in my inconstancy, I am unshackled by mundane holds, unchecked by sturdy binding goals
I run unimpeded through virgin paths
My spirit unconquered; my soul forever free
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Source: The Handbook of Chinese Horoscopes by Theodora Lau, 7th ed.
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