Halloween is just around the corner, but it seems like the fates want to scare the hell out of me early this year.
Having rediscovered my webcam and an old tee-shirt and instructions on how to make a ninja mask, I was of course up late dressed up as a ninja on the video section of Omegle. If you don't know, Omegle is a website I discovered a couple years ago where you're paired with a random Stranger on the internet and you get to chat with them about whatever, completely anonymously.
The problem with Omegle is that it's filled with idiots, as one would expect from people on the internet. The video section is even worse...
Still, I think my ninja outfit is making the world a better place.
So there I was, dressed as a ninja, creating fire out of my hands on Omegle, when the power goes out. It's around 2 am.
After the first second of panic sets in, I relax and happily find my lighter and look around for a candle.
I then head upstairs, and one of the most terrifying sounds I have ever heard at such a late hour blasts in through the window: a chainsaw.
A mothafuckin' CHAINSAW. My mind's racing and I reach for a knife as I anxiously hide behind the door, waiting for the worse. WTF am I going to do with a small steak knife anyway?
I can still hear the chainsaw slashing at something, I'm not sure what. It's not getting any closer though, which gives me time to think a little more about what I'm doing.
I look outside and I see some lights reflected upon the neighbour's house. I muster up my courage, put on a coat and take off my ninja mask and go outside in the pouring rain to see who could possibly be out with a chainsaw at this hour.
And in the timespan of one second, everything is explained: the heavy winds knocked a massive tree branch onto the power lines, cutting out power and giving the city no choice but to cut the branch into pieces to restore power by morning.
Whew.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
20/10/11
15/10/11
Free writing: Segment the Third
Listen listen to the loneliness that is expressed by the fake recommendation that you spied on the other day, Gabriel. I did not discover it, I hardly discover things they are brought to me by the overexposed internet machine. Should I wish to be anything I want, I can be a semblance of my possibility of being simply by writing words that no one needs to read.
Jealousy jealousy does not affect me nearly as it used to but it still hurts and the pain is diminishing as I write. The blow it hits, but my armor absorbs and releases it through mediums that not everyone cares to understand. She, she could be anybody, but why does it have to be _____? I love her, but love is not as charismatic as it could be. If I philosophize too much I start to quantify the love - what if the love "produced" by those two outweighs the possibility of love betwixt the two of us? The certainty starts to grow on me, the music starts to get louder, is that the bridge? I don't like the music terms, I'd much rather make my own, but no one would be able to jam with me.
Jam? Have I ever jammed? I have jammed, but I also dislike the word, it shouldn't be pretentious but to me it is. No, still I cling on to the jealousy. I want to feel the jealousy, I do not want to act on it. I've already forgotten about the music, still she drifts back in my mind. The possibility of a dreamworld where she could be everything I want her to be... no, that's wrong, I did not want to write that. I shall try again. The possibility of a dreamworld where she could be whatever she wishes to be and as a secondary effect she could make me happy haunts me.
The clenching has begun, is it anxiety? Anxiety is an ugly word, almost as ugly as Zyprexa, but I'll take the former billions of light years before the latter, as a choice. The sadness grows, but it is contained by my health.
NO, NO, ENOUGH BIOLOGY. I still love her, I will always love her, only she can define the love for me, and I will not have to think anymore.
I could write on and on and on about what I feel for her. But I am afraid. I am so afraid of losing her because of my overdeveloped indecision.
My sentences grow shorter, my nostalgia grows stronger.
I miss you, _____.
A---y
Jealousy jealousy does not affect me nearly as it used to but it still hurts and the pain is diminishing as I write. The blow it hits, but my armor absorbs and releases it through mediums that not everyone cares to understand. She, she could be anybody, but why does it have to be _____? I love her, but love is not as charismatic as it could be. If I philosophize too much I start to quantify the love - what if the love "produced" by those two outweighs the possibility of love betwixt the two of us? The certainty starts to grow on me, the music starts to get louder, is that the bridge? I don't like the music terms, I'd much rather make my own, but no one would be able to jam with me.
Jam? Have I ever jammed? I have jammed, but I also dislike the word, it shouldn't be pretentious but to me it is. No, still I cling on to the jealousy. I want to feel the jealousy, I do not want to act on it. I've already forgotten about the music, still she drifts back in my mind. The possibility of a dreamworld where she could be everything I want her to be... no, that's wrong, I did not want to write that. I shall try again. The possibility of a dreamworld where she could be whatever she wishes to be and as a secondary effect she could make me happy haunts me.
The clenching has begun, is it anxiety? Anxiety is an ugly word, almost as ugly as Zyprexa, but I'll take the former billions of light years before the latter, as a choice. The sadness grows, but it is contained by my health.
NO, NO, ENOUGH BIOLOGY. I still love her, I will always love her, only she can define the love for me, and I will not have to think anymore.
I could write on and on and on about what I feel for her. But I am afraid. I am so afraid of losing her because of my overdeveloped indecision.
My sentences grow shorter, my nostalgia grows stronger.
I miss you, _____.
A---y
12/10/11
Blackberry outage
I don't usually like to comment on current affairs, but am I the only one happy with the fact that the BBM network has been down for a little while?
Granted, I don't own a Blackberry, and I don't pay obscene amounts of money every month to use their service, but seeing the cries of people so desperately attached to their precious Blackberry Messenger make me... happy.
Don't misunderstand me, I'm not happy about the fact that people are stressed out. I'm happy because this is an event that might allow certain people to reflect on their reliance on always being connected. Why do you always need to be up to date the moment something happens to someone else? I can see the use in emergency situations, but I don't believe that always being connected through things like cellphones 24/7 is a good thing.
I think I come from a pretty good angle: I myself can easily admit to being almost addicted to the internet. Not in the present, but most definitely in the past.
---
To sprutz things up in this post today, here's a picture of my supper tonight.
Despite what you might instinctively think, everything on the plate is quite healthy, except for the ketchup.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
Granted, I don't own a Blackberry, and I don't pay obscene amounts of money every month to use their service, but seeing the cries of people so desperately attached to their precious Blackberry Messenger make me... happy.
Don't misunderstand me, I'm not happy about the fact that people are stressed out. I'm happy because this is an event that might allow certain people to reflect on their reliance on always being connected. Why do you always need to be up to date the moment something happens to someone else? I can see the use in emergency situations, but I don't believe that always being connected through things like cellphones 24/7 is a good thing.
I think I come from a pretty good angle: I myself can easily admit to being almost addicted to the internet. Not in the present, but most definitely in the past.
---
To sprutz things up in this post today, here's a picture of my supper tonight.
Despite what you might instinctively think, everything on the plate is quite healthy, except for the ketchup.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
Adventure travel
A quick post, for I must get to bed.
Midnight isn't usually a late time for me, but I've stopped going to bed at obscenely unhealthy hours of the night.
And you know what, my fear that this would hamper my writing creativity has not materialized.
Most of my blog posts have been made during the darkness of the night.
I rarely blog during the daytime. I think that's because I've always considered the moon to be a source of inspiration for me.
But that's pretty flawed logic on my part, I can't even see the moon from inside this basement lair.
Vitamin D definitely helps get my creative juices flowing.
Now to the topic of this post:
I'm going on a little travel expedition again! And this time, it will be better planned and more local. I'm staying in Ontario; going north, then southwest.
I leave on the 21st. I won't be away for months, probably no more than a couple weeks.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
08/10/11
Hashtag
What. The. F.
Has anyone else noticed that it's now commonplace for Twitter users in real conversations with real people (i.e. not Twitter "conversations") to randomly blurt out "hashtag __insert noun/verb etc. here__"?
I'll admit, I'm not a Twitter user. Yes, I know how it works. No, I don't plan on being a Twitterer (tweeter?) anytime soon.
I did fine for a while without Facebook, but I'll admit that Facebook is useful for giving some semblance of organization in one's social life.
Twitter has its uses, but I don't want to open up yet another social media portal to get myself lost in. Simple.
So while it is quite true that internet references often find their way into casual conversations when you're with friends (WHAT 9000?!), I'm not sure I'd like my conversations with people degenerating into broken Twitter banter.
To give an example, I was meeting with some friends at a pub last night. I don't remember exactly what we were talking about, but it had something to do with obnoxious people. And surely enough, N yells out "hashtag obnoxious!", which is somewhat ironic. It was somewhat funny.
And somewhat unnerving.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
03/10/11
Maketreks
So there's this friend-of-a-friend of mine who's into homeless activism - that is to say, he believes in equality for the homeless. Let's call him T.
T interviews various homeless people living on the streets of Toronto and uploads videos of these interviews to Youtube. The profit he generates from ad revenues on Youtube goes right back to the homeless people in the form of care packages that make their life on the streets a little easier.
---
During Nuit Blanche this year, T set up a projection with some ill music somewhere in downtown Toronto, and I had a good time dancing. No, you're not about to see another lame video of me punching the air. I just thought that the setting was most exquisite.
Do check out T's interviews, they're quite fascinating! http://www.youtube.com/user/maketreks
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
T interviews various homeless people living on the streets of Toronto and uploads videos of these interviews to Youtube. The profit he generates from ad revenues on Youtube goes right back to the homeless people in the form of care packages that make their life on the streets a little easier.
---
During Nuit Blanche this year, T set up a projection with some ill music somewhere in downtown Toronto, and I had a good time dancing. No, you're not about to see another lame video of me punching the air. I just thought that the setting was most exquisite.
Do check out T's interviews, they're quite fascinating! http://www.youtube.com/user/maketreks
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
29/09/11
Free writing: Segment the Second
It's going to be tough with all these full stops everywhere they leave tear drops anywhere. If sanity is overrated why do we insisst. That's true she says, she inssists that I insist on insisting to spell insist proprerly to spell it correctly. If discontinued thoughts keep us from truly knowing one another. You can do it Gabe!
Just write write write, don't even think about why anyone could judge you on what you write. You are free. You are proteced from the darkness by the limits you yourself have imposed upon yourself. Even though you might think that you're not what you seem to be, authenticity is never too far, nor is it ever too near.
Quick quick quick write write write, there is not much time left. Time is relative. The music of the spehers doth not stop thee from being yourself.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
Just write write write, don't even think about why anyone could judge you on what you write. You are free. You are proteced from the darkness by the limits you yourself have imposed upon yourself. Even though you might think that you're not what you seem to be, authenticity is never too far, nor is it ever too near.
Quick quick quick write write write, there is not much time left. Time is relative. The music of the spehers doth not stop thee from being yourself.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
22/09/11
The suspense is killing me
I personally think it's lame, sloppy, unprofessional etc. if the only reason I'm writing a post is to write a thought I just don't want to forget. To my eyes, it makes my blog entries not feel like a piece of art, even though they clearly should be. Oh well, I'll try not to let it happen too often.
Here's something I thought of today:
(Insert witty words to end the post here)
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
Here's something I thought of today:
I think that the most overused way of making others think you're witty is to say "the suspense is killing me" in a sarcastic tone (it better be...) when waiting for something.Well, that. Or......
(Insert witty words to end the post here)
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
21/09/11
Nostalgic death star
So I have a few blog drafts that have been lying around for a while, some as old as two years ago. The most recent one is a blog post I wrote about a week ago that's actually quite lengthy. It was another one of those "you know what grinds my gears" kinda posts.
Well, I was gonna finish that post and put it up, but I decided not to, after a good night's sleep. I have to tone down the anger in it.
I can't believe it's already September 2011... 2011! That's insane! I'm 21, and that's so hard to believe. It seems like just yesterday I was entering high school, and meeting new people. I'm actually in a really nostalgic state of mind right now...
I really miss high school, and those younger years. I wish I could go back in time and redo them with more passion, more vigor, instead of the passive let-opportunities-slide kind of mentality I used for most of my time at Vaughan Road Academy.
Also, just very recently, I decided to download the World of Warcraft Cataclysm Expansion 10 day trial, JUST to check it out... see the graphics... explore new content. But just to check it out, I don't plan on subscribing, it's already so much time of my life that's been spent in that game. In some ways it's taken away a lot of time I could have had doing WAY more productive things like writings, learning an instrument, exploring a new hobby, getting good at sports etc.
And I feel REALLY nostalgic. I find myself actually missing this virtual world that I spent weeks if not months of my life playing. It's so easy to get lost in World of Warcraft - the pleasing visuals, the list of never-ending quests to complete, and new loot to acquire and new monsters to defeat. It was such an addictive game, the game that rewards all the time you spend in it by giving you things to collect... I could easily spend my time living life in Azeroth instead of on Earth, just as easily as I could live in my dreams instead of reality, something I've sometimes wished for when the reality of reality hits you like a truck.
I wanna thank you, K, for motivating to write more on here. Your continuing support really helps A LOT when in my head I think "I should write a blog post... naaaaaaah". And for some reason this morning, the sentences are just flowing out of me like they haven't in a while.
Actually, it's been a very long time since I've felt like I wasn't brute forcing myself to write something.
Yeah, it seems like for a while now, I've been forcing myself to write, and taking a very long time to decide on how to word something, or what to include. Sometimes I erase whole paragraphs of stuff I've written just because I don't like the way it's presented...
But right now, right here, I have no problems with writing what I feel or think.
It's like my mind-body connection has been lagging, and suddenly the server stopped lagging and everything's alright again.
So you may detect that this particular blog post lacks in my usual angst somewhat. Worry not, that angst is still there, as fresh and present as ever.
In fact, I'm going to release some of that angst right now...
I have SUCH a hard time finding things to do in life right now that actually interest me. It's really difficult. It seems I've fallen back into my routine of being on the computer for most of my spare time...
And I mean, hours and hours in front of the computer.
I have yoga classes, and drumming lessons, and not much else going on right now. New part time job sometime hopefully, but I have to get on that...
So yeah, I'm finding it really difficult to find and sustain enjoyment out of something in life... a cool hobby, or really cool adventures somewhere. Or meeting someone new and exploring whole new worlds! But there's nothing like that happening. I mean, I still go for plenty of walks, but I very rarely ever meet anyone on my solitary midnight walks, it really depresses me. I wish it was so much easier to make friends.
I mean that. And again, I sink back to my somewhat instinctive reaction to say "I miss Katimavik!" but GOD DAMNIT I do miss it. I really friggen miss it, it pretty much solved ALL of the above problems.
I would do anything to do something just like it again...
I think that seems like something I should really do.
Katimavik = happiness.
I'm not very happy right now.
Do something like Katimavik to feel happy again.
Or do SOMETHING away from the computer. There are so many days where I wish all this effing technology wasn't always everywhere all the time always present. I wish there were people, damnit, people my age I could live with and do cool shit... all the time instead of being sucked up in a vacuum of solo late night hell and depression in the centre of the universe, wasting all my young life time away.
Because I'm afraid of being old.
I'm 21, and the number won't ever go down.
I really, really gotta find life energy.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
Well, I was gonna finish that post and put it up, but I decided not to, after a good night's sleep. I have to tone down the anger in it.
I can't believe it's already September 2011... 2011! That's insane! I'm 21, and that's so hard to believe. It seems like just yesterday I was entering high school, and meeting new people. I'm actually in a really nostalgic state of mind right now...
I really miss high school, and those younger years. I wish I could go back in time and redo them with more passion, more vigor, instead of the passive let-opportunities-slide kind of mentality I used for most of my time at Vaughan Road Academy.
Also, just very recently, I decided to download the World of Warcraft Cataclysm Expansion 10 day trial, JUST to check it out... see the graphics... explore new content. But just to check it out, I don't plan on subscribing, it's already so much time of my life that's been spent in that game. In some ways it's taken away a lot of time I could have had doing WAY more productive things like writings, learning an instrument, exploring a new hobby, getting good at sports etc.
And I feel REALLY nostalgic. I find myself actually missing this virtual world that I spent weeks if not months of my life playing. It's so easy to get lost in World of Warcraft - the pleasing visuals, the list of never-ending quests to complete, and new loot to acquire and new monsters to defeat. It was such an addictive game, the game that rewards all the time you spend in it by giving you things to collect... I could easily spend my time living life in Azeroth instead of on Earth, just as easily as I could live in my dreams instead of reality, something I've sometimes wished for when the reality of reality hits you like a truck.
I wanna thank you, K, for motivating to write more on here. Your continuing support really helps A LOT when in my head I think "I should write a blog post... naaaaaaah". And for some reason this morning, the sentences are just flowing out of me like they haven't in a while.
Actually, it's been a very long time since I've felt like I wasn't brute forcing myself to write something.
Yeah, it seems like for a while now, I've been forcing myself to write, and taking a very long time to decide on how to word something, or what to include. Sometimes I erase whole paragraphs of stuff I've written just because I don't like the way it's presented...
But right now, right here, I have no problems with writing what I feel or think.
It's like my mind-body connection has been lagging, and suddenly the server stopped lagging and everything's alright again.
So you may detect that this particular blog post lacks in my usual angst somewhat. Worry not, that angst is still there, as fresh and present as ever.
In fact, I'm going to release some of that angst right now...
I have SUCH a hard time finding things to do in life right now that actually interest me. It's really difficult. It seems I've fallen back into my routine of being on the computer for most of my spare time...
And I mean, hours and hours in front of the computer.
I have yoga classes, and drumming lessons, and not much else going on right now. New part time job sometime hopefully, but I have to get on that...
So yeah, I'm finding it really difficult to find and sustain enjoyment out of something in life... a cool hobby, or really cool adventures somewhere. Or meeting someone new and exploring whole new worlds! But there's nothing like that happening. I mean, I still go for plenty of walks, but I very rarely ever meet anyone on my solitary midnight walks, it really depresses me. I wish it was so much easier to make friends.
I mean that. And again, I sink back to my somewhat instinctive reaction to say "I miss Katimavik!" but GOD DAMNIT I do miss it. I really friggen miss it, it pretty much solved ALL of the above problems.
I would do anything to do something just like it again...
I think that seems like something I should really do.
Katimavik = happiness.
I'm not very happy right now.
Do something like Katimavik to feel happy again.
Or do SOMETHING away from the computer. There are so many days where I wish all this effing technology wasn't always everywhere all the time always present. I wish there were people, damnit, people my age I could live with and do cool shit... all the time instead of being sucked up in a vacuum of solo late night hell and depression in the centre of the universe, wasting all my young life time away.
Because I'm afraid of being old.
I'm 21, and the number won't ever go down.
I really, really gotta find life energy.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
07/09/11
Twisted fate
Am I getting up?
Or am I going to bed?
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
Or am I going to bed?
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore
24/08/11
Monday
It's 2 am and I can't seem to get to sleep tonight.
I mean, I haven't tried, but it might help if some lights were off and I was in my bed.
Over the weekend I went yet again to a friend's cottage and had a good time. I feel lucky to have so many friends with cottages, it's real nice to get away from the city once in a while. There was some windsurfing done, and playing fetch with a really big dog. There was also some scrabble playing, which I seem to be getting much better at lately. I usually don't do so well.
Or maybe my friends just suck.
I'm hoping in the coming weeks to have some interesting, introspective writings to share with you on here, more of my philosophy, if you will. Maybe fluff it up a bit, make it sound interesting. My mind has some considerable creative potential, I believe. I just need to NOT be lazy and just tap into it. After all, my mind has been with me all my life, I might as well use it to a fuller extent instead of wasting time reading the shitty newspapers.
Sometime, I'll write some of the ambitions I have on here. I can't seem to find them right now. And you might be wondering what I'm doing with my life these days. To be honest, I'm wondering what you're doing with yours. What are YOUR ambitions? Maybe I could steal some and use them as pseudo-ambitions till mine magically fall into my hands.
I miss reading letters from people. Not that I ever did get very many letters, but if I were a famous writer or something, I think one of my favourite things would be reading the mail that I get. Not so much e-mails, more like real letters, even though I guess e-mails are probably more earth-friendly. It's just that handwritten letters have so much more character to them.
That's it for now, good night and have a good Monday.
Also this was written on Monday, but my internet cut out so I just saved it locally then posted it later.
15/08/11
Stuck in my head
There's this song that plays in my head, and it's been around for a while now, maybe a few months. I don't mind that it doesn't want to leave.
It's called Calendar Girl by Stars.
It's a very emotionally loaded song, in my opinion. The lyrics talk about this girl who's going through life and finding the days difficult. The days and months come and go, and she's eventually glad to just be alive.
It's a really beautiful song.
I remember the first time I heard it, about nine months ago in Halifax. I was up one morning after a lot of drinking and I hadn't slept very well at all. The sun was shining brightly through the window that I had covered with a sheet, and so I decided to take my iPod and headphones and walk to this place called Citadel Hill.
It's a neat place to explore, as it's an old fort with cannons and munitions storage places and little tunnels and things. Also, on top of this hill, you can see much of Halifax and the ocean.
I'd recommend you listen to it sometime, reader.
---
I've decided for now that my favourite band is Dream Theater and I'm debating whether to see them in October at Massey Hall. I'm sure their live shows are really, really good. But to be honest, I'd rather hear them play old songs that I like, instead of hearing the new stuff they're promoting. They have so many amazing albums, like Scenes from a Memory and Seven Degrees of Inner Turbulence that I would love to experience live.
---
I'm 21 today. I wish that during my teenage years, I had had more posters of cool bands and been more of a quintessential teenager, lying in my bed in my room with my arms behind my head listening to some metal songs. Or maybe doing some creative things like writing (my blog counts a little, I guess), having long talks on the phone with a friend, or learning how to throw playing cards at people.
Somehow, I think spending SO much time on the computer has dulled me somehow. Dulled some of my personal potential, and my potential for enjoyment of many activities. It's definitely affected me physically, and very much so mentally. My perception of the world (i.e. my worldview), it seems, is largely based on information I've accumulated from years of being connected online. And it kind of scares me, that my brain has years of brainwashing from a screen.
I kind of want to elaborate on this concept, and my blog is a good place to explore this, but... I've decided I want to talk about it with a friend over the phone sometime. Maybe you, K, or perhaps M. Or someone else sometime, depending on how I feel.
I'm not exactly depressed, but I'm not really motivated about (with?) life.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
It's called Calendar Girl by Stars.
It's a very emotionally loaded song, in my opinion. The lyrics talk about this girl who's going through life and finding the days difficult. The days and months come and go, and she's eventually glad to just be alive.
It's a really beautiful song.
I remember the first time I heard it, about nine months ago in Halifax. I was up one morning after a lot of drinking and I hadn't slept very well at all. The sun was shining brightly through the window that I had covered with a sheet, and so I decided to take my iPod and headphones and walk to this place called Citadel Hill.
It's a neat place to explore, as it's an old fort with cannons and munitions storage places and little tunnels and things. Also, on top of this hill, you can see much of Halifax and the ocean.
I'd recommend you listen to it sometime, reader.
---
I've decided for now that my favourite band is Dream Theater and I'm debating whether to see them in October at Massey Hall. I'm sure their live shows are really, really good. But to be honest, I'd rather hear them play old songs that I like, instead of hearing the new stuff they're promoting. They have so many amazing albums, like Scenes from a Memory and Seven Degrees of Inner Turbulence that I would love to experience live.
---
I'm 21 today. I wish that during my teenage years, I had had more posters of cool bands and been more of a quintessential teenager, lying in my bed in my room with my arms behind my head listening to some metal songs. Or maybe doing some creative things like writing (my blog counts a little, I guess), having long talks on the phone with a friend, or learning how to throw playing cards at people.
Somehow, I think spending SO much time on the computer has dulled me somehow. Dulled some of my personal potential, and my potential for enjoyment of many activities. It's definitely affected me physically, and very much so mentally. My perception of the world (i.e. my worldview), it seems, is largely based on information I've accumulated from years of being connected online. And it kind of scares me, that my brain has years of brainwashing from a screen.
I kind of want to elaborate on this concept, and my blog is a good place to explore this, but... I've decided I want to talk about it with a friend over the phone sometime. Maybe you, K, or perhaps M. Or someone else sometime, depending on how I feel.
I'm not exactly depressed, but I'm not really motivated about (with?) life.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
13/08/11
Glub glub and the mouse
Summer glides along so effortlessly and so quickly, it saddens me how when my birthday comes around, it is the beginning of the end for people who return to their learning domains to get stuff done for another academic year.
I wish I could fill up my HP bar as easily as seeing a healer and getting topped off before heading out to adventure Earth.
I drank some tea a little while ago, it was apple cinnamon flavoured.
I'll blog with some interesting writings in the days to come, I feel a little re-inspired these days. Just a little.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
I wish I could fill up my HP bar as easily as seeing a healer and getting topped off before heading out to adventure Earth.
I drank some tea a little while ago, it was apple cinnamon flavoured.
I'll blog with some interesting writings in the days to come, I feel a little re-inspired these days. Just a little.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
15/05/11
Let's liven a planet, 1
This place is ugly.
We made it so ugly.
And we're making it uglier every day, warping natural resources into "stylish" buildings and streets.
Destroying ecosystems for money.
I wish there was a planet far, far away that would be willing to give a second chance to humans. But not all humans. Only nice humans.
Corrupt, evil humans can't go anywhere near it.
And there wouldn't be too many of us, but enough to have variety and differences.
Living in harmony with nature, with some useful technological advances, like convenient access to water, and renewable energy. But nothing anywhere close to the industrial exploitation that civilizations here have created.
And on this planet, everyone would have a useful role that is fair for each person.
There would be healers and lovers, laughers and singers.
There would be work, dignified work to keep you busy, and there would be no need for job interviews because you'd be recognized for what you are, not for what you can pretend to be.
Work itself wouldn't be boring - you'd learn skills that would benefit you and others for the rest of your life.
Earth, I'm truly sorry.
... To be continued.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
We made it so ugly.
And we're making it uglier every day, warping natural resources into "stylish" buildings and streets.
Destroying ecosystems for money.
I wish there was a planet far, far away that would be willing to give a second chance to humans. But not all humans. Only nice humans.
Corrupt, evil humans can't go anywhere near it.
And there wouldn't be too many of us, but enough to have variety and differences.
Living in harmony with nature, with some useful technological advances, like convenient access to water, and renewable energy. But nothing anywhere close to the industrial exploitation that civilizations here have created.
And on this planet, everyone would have a useful role that is fair for each person.
There would be healers and lovers, laughers and singers.
There would be work, dignified work to keep you busy, and there would be no need for job interviews because you'd be recognized for what you are, not for what you can pretend to be.
Work itself wouldn't be boring - you'd learn skills that would benefit you and others for the rest of your life.
Earth, I'm truly sorry.
... To be continued.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
28/04/11
Fixating on my life; circle of nothing
I spend way too much time thinking about my existence.
Existence with conscious lack of efforts equals a waste of time.
Time goes by and memories that provided good feelings slowly slip away.
Away to another planet, lifetime, universe with "déjà-vu" is a concept that I believe to be real.
Real events and relationships among humans often make me feel alone and depressed, especially when viewed through media.
Media today has wrecked havoc on my perception of how people are.
Are we destined as a species to live and destroy for comfort and to exploit everything we can?
Can I find a way to help combat the destruction of civilization while staying happy?
Happy life, come back, I know you haven't left me.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
04/04/11
Volunteer me away
I think being cooped up inside during the winter makes me blog more. Don't you think?
It's not that I don't have the time to blog, it's that...well... I get lazy around this time.
Still on the Katimavik theme, I REALLY wish I could redo the program.
I could be a PL (project leader), but somehow, I'd rather be a volunteer and be a group member... again. And feel useful, and feel like I'm doing a difference for PEOPLE. Not for companies and businesses and corporations. PEOPLE.
I feel I'm kinda young to be a PL anyway. And driving a bunch of hooligans around scares me shitless. Even though an above-average amount of people I meet because of Katimavik are above-average mature.
There's a voice inside my head that tells me "to be useful, you don't need to be in Katimavik". Yeah, I know. Sure makes it a lot easier to feel useful when you're surrounded by people with similar goals and life purposes, though.
Superhero night. I've never been one to dress up, but I guess I put a little bit of effort into being long-haired-Fonzie with "luscious red lips", as K put it. Once in a while, I get really red lips. I think in this case, it was something to do with the cold + warm mixing my smackers up. I think I could fulfill the french Fonz. When you look at it, the Fonz' quintessential "É" is best written in french.
We're like the power rangers, really. Katimavikers such as us are, like, super strong, when we're united. Climbing mountains and shiz like that.
I sure do like living in the past, because I'm quite fearful of the future. It doesn't make sense to have so many people live in so close proximity to you and not be able to share life experience. It's so unnatural. And I don't really want to go next door and talk to neighbours. Most of us live in bubbles. Made of bricks and stone.
Where am I going with my life?
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
27/03/11
Mountain inspired
A quick video of my Katimagroup on top of a mountain, sharing a little Katimawisdom with the world.
I didn't think it was a cool idea at the time, I wandered away at the end.
Ha ha, Katimawandering was sweet, it's definitely a recurring topic on my blog, this wandering thing.
---
I saw an amazing movie at Cinéfranco (French-Canadian version of TIFF) today named 2 Frogs in the West. It tells the tale of a 20 year old from Quebec who just packs up and leaves home to go out to BC -with a backpack and barely any funds- just to get away from it all, get away from society's hold on us to make money and build a life with it. With so many anglophones floating around and a far-from-perfect mastery of english, she manages to connect with people with the help of a francophone living in Whistler.
Love and the raw beauty of the west coast made this movie thrilling to watch. And the difficulties of being around people who are in a totally different world were very realistically portrayed.
There's a very good reason I love this movie - minus the language barrier, it's very similar to my experience travelling all the way out east to Nova Scotia. There's even a scene where we see the little closet-crawlspace she sleeps in while staying in Whistler - one very similar to my "harry potter" closet that was my room in Halifax.
It's an independent Quebec movie, and it beats the crap out of any of the big american movies I've seen, it's so canadien. The music in the movie for a whole bunch of scenes was really, really good, I want the DVD and soundtrack, I'd love to support a low-budget film that's so well done. I can't remember the last time there was a DVD I actually wanted.
Et je n'oublie certainment pas que le film avait une très belle comédienne québécoise comme lead, je pense qu'on dit encore un pétard, mais je n'ai jamais vraiment pas l'occasion d'utiliser ces beau mots en Ontario. Waou, ce film m'a donné une sensation de manque pour le Québec. J'en ai marre de parler le français de mes parents à la maison.
Il y a tellement de la culture jeune-francophone qui est englouti par l'anglais et tous les autres langues qui se retrouve, dispersés et amalgamés partout autour de moi.
Au centre de l'univers.
http://www.2frogs.ca/ J'adore ce style d'aventure humaine.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
I didn't think it was a cool idea at the time, I wandered away at the end.
Ha ha, Katimawandering was sweet, it's definitely a recurring topic on my blog, this wandering thing.
---
I saw an amazing movie at Cinéfranco (French-Canadian version of TIFF) today named 2 Frogs in the West. It tells the tale of a 20 year old from Quebec who just packs up and leaves home to go out to BC -with a backpack and barely any funds- just to get away from it all, get away from society's hold on us to make money and build a life with it. With so many anglophones floating around and a far-from-perfect mastery of english, she manages to connect with people with the help of a francophone living in Whistler.
Love and the raw beauty of the west coast made this movie thrilling to watch. And the difficulties of being around people who are in a totally different world were very realistically portrayed.
There's a very good reason I love this movie - minus the language barrier, it's very similar to my experience travelling all the way out east to Nova Scotia. There's even a scene where we see the little closet-crawlspace she sleeps in while staying in Whistler - one very similar to my "harry potter" closet that was my room in Halifax.
It's an independent Quebec movie, and it beats the crap out of any of the big american movies I've seen, it's so canadien. The music in the movie for a whole bunch of scenes was really, really good, I want the DVD and soundtrack, I'd love to support a low-budget film that's so well done. I can't remember the last time there was a DVD I actually wanted.
Et je n'oublie certainment pas que le film avait une très belle comédienne québécoise comme lead, je pense qu'on dit encore un pétard, mais je n'ai jamais vraiment pas l'occasion d'utiliser ces beau mots en Ontario. Waou, ce film m'a donné une sensation de manque pour le Québec. J'en ai marre de parler le français de mes parents à la maison.
Il y a tellement de la culture jeune-francophone qui est englouti par l'anglais et tous les autres langues qui se retrouve, dispersés et amalgamés partout autour de moi.
Au centre de l'univers.
http://www.2frogs.ca/ J'adore ce style d'aventure humaine.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore
22/03/11
Mossy hissy
It has often been part of my "photographic philosophy" to tell people that I don't really like taking pictures of them. I prefer landscapes and natural things. People rarely seem to be themselves when viewed in pictures. I have something against the Facebookian mentality of living, and I think this condition is doing a lot of damage in modern society. Indeed, one need only surf through images on someone's profile to gain a superficial understanding of someone's life, even if they never really spend time with them. I say this from my own eyes, and from my own realization that I barely really know anyone I have on my friends list.
I've only owned one digital camera in my life (the one that I still use), and there's something about people and pictures that makes me uncomfortable.
I certainly don't mind being in pictures, though. It's a good way of dealing with the swirl of memories that accumulates as we grow older, but it can be so overwhelming at times. I like to see pictures to stir up memories, and then hope that I get inspired to do something more with them, whether it be in Fotoshop or an adventure outside. Unfortunately, I rarely have the courage to just go out and do things with people.
So I return to nature, or some form of it.
There was lots of moss behind J's house, and I felt so happy there. When people were busy being together, I was busy being apart, but not too far, in the wonderful woods behind the house. A treasure trove of nature, nothing less.
The beat down shed, on the other hand, was far elsewhere, atop a mountain. And I was so happy to see how earth had conquered the ski lift. I had to take a picture of it.
---
You'll notice I've drastically slowed down my blogging. It's stupid and hypocritical of me; I just haven't been feeling too happy lately. And barely a few posts ago I was saying how blogging helps deal with problems. I've been horribly reclusive, to the point of despair a couple times in the past few days.
I think the (big) snowfall expected for tomorrow will cheer me up; terrible, I know, but somehow, I smile on the inside when I can just picture so many people complaining about how they thought spring had arrived, only to be proved wrong by a heap of white stuff.
Smile smile. :)
 |
| Candid pictures, I regret not. I was 18. |
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
13/03/11
Strewn fatalities.
There's something about being with a group of people that gives a great sense of power. Alone, the human does not thrive. When you're with people, and you're in something together, realms of possibilities open up.
Below, we have a carefully prepared biking accident.
 |
| Rigor mortis really bloated me up. |
We did this picture for a very interesting Vancouverish project, which was to create a zine to promote sustainable transportation. A zine, from what I remember, is a sort of underground publication, and it's not a very "professional" thing. A bunch of pages photocopied and given out to whoever takes them.
The picture was taken behind our house, in an alleyway with frequent scooters. We then placed the picture in our zine, and distributed it at an event called Critical Mass, where a whole bunch of bikers show up and ride, ride, RIDE!
The great thing about my Katimagroup is that when inspiration went around, there was enough push from a few people in the group to actually go and do things. I thought this photo shoot was a pretty good idea.
Groups are stronger than most individuals; most individuals like to feel included in groups.
In retrospect, Katimavik taught me that inclusion is a very, very powerful thing. Feel the inclusion that you have in your life, and if you can't do that, look into your memories and find it, and grow from there to express it to others in whatever way seems appropriate.
La solitude ne peut pas t'engloutir.
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
06/03/11
From the beginning.
Circle of life. Me, I try and think outside of that circle. Sure, life is what we are, and in a healthy ecosystem, things go in a circle.
But what about beyond that? Our minds have the capacity to transcend the physicality of life.
... Anyway, I'm thinking in the clouds now, time to dazzle things up:
Shoulders ruin everything. It's almost a perfect circle, but a perfect circle wouldn't leave room for any escapes.
This picture was taken within the first or second week that I started the Katimavik program, in Strathroy, Ont. Somewhat reluctantly, I joined in on this quintessential Katimavik group photo. It was a tough mental thing for me to do, lying down and trusting that my head would be fine surrounded by all these other heads, ha ha.
-
This was taken in a park, at the very beginning of autumn, but with enough sun to keep things bright.
Strange, how I seem to relish in the sunlight. The moonlight is held much dearer to my heart.
But nights aren't very good for crystal clear pictures such as this.
-
To me, this picture simply symbolizes trust among friends.
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
04/03/11
Positive, positively charging up.
So, while I'm definitely not the most social being at the moment (however much I wish I was), my yoga practice at a very heartwarming place on Bloor Street helps me keep up to date with what goes on in Toronto. Well, at least weather wise. =P It's also nice that I get to meet people when I play badminton at various places; and of course, my wandering through the streets of Toronto certainly helps keeps things real... yo.
It's definitely not a good thing to keep up to date with the world solely through social media, the internet, and other modern forms of communication. I know this from my own extensive experience, having been connected to the internet practically daily since I was seven or eight years old, with a few escapes here and there. ((I miss Neopets, that's for sure. I was a millionaire at one point, and I was getting richer every day!))
My biggest "escape" from the mad machine thus far has been my Katimavik experience, which lasted nine months, from September 2008 to June 2009. For most of this program, the internet ((and most of the "outside" world)) meant almost nothing to me. It was merely a tool. It still is a tool, but I feel like the tool has outmaneuvered the user.
So, for the next little while, I've decided to use my blog as a tool, but with an intended purpose: sharing the love and caring that the Katimavik program instilled in me. Spreading positive energy, if you will.
The idea is simple: I'll be putting up pictures that represent/demonstrate the many amazing memories and adventures that I've done in the Katimavik program, with the hopes that it will bring back that feeling of being alive, of being at a place where I really felt my worth in the world. And the goal is for you, whoever you are reading these words, to go out and also find ways to make your world a better, caring, and perhaps more fun place to live.
With many of my readers being students, and with the end of the schooling year coming to an end soon, I feel it's an appropriate time to start this little side project, something that'll be totally different from my consistent whining and critique. (Okay, maybe that's exaggerating a bit, but it's hard to lose the "young adult" anger that I feel when I notice harsh disparities all around me).
This blog has improved my quality of life, especially at times where I've felt nothing but despair and loneliness, and has served as a refuge away from the real world for many years. But it's also been a place that has allowed me to document my journey through existence, however intricate it may be sometimes.
Before I begin a new chapter in my repository of ideas, I'd like to share a source of inspiration (keep in mind I have many!) with you. My long time friend Kate recently started her own blogging project, and she was actually once a contributor on this very blog, back when I was just starting this project of writing into this box. A very nice box that has always accepted my thoughts, no matter how wild they may sometimes be. Her blog, aptly named Kate Inspired, is definitely a place worth checking out. I'm jealous of how captivating each of her entries are! I really like the way her pictures add so much life to everything she writes about.
And that's what I'm striving to do with this blog now: bring back some life into this soul of mine, even if to you, beloved reader, it may just be something on a computer screen.
But to me, it's part of my soul. Or if you're feeling more magical, it's my horcrux, which also happens to be my very own pensieve.
If I only managed to be more at ease around Hermione or Luna, mayhaps I wouldn't need such a sprawling pensieve...
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
It's definitely not a good thing to keep up to date with the world solely through social media, the internet, and other modern forms of communication. I know this from my own extensive experience, having been connected to the internet practically daily since I was seven or eight years old, with a few escapes here and there. ((I miss Neopets, that's for sure. I was a millionaire at one point, and I was getting richer every day!))
My biggest "escape" from the mad machine thus far has been my Katimavik experience, which lasted nine months, from September 2008 to June 2009. For most of this program, the internet ((and most of the "outside" world)) meant almost nothing to me. It was merely a tool. It still is a tool, but I feel like the tool has outmaneuvered the user.
So, for the next little while, I've decided to use my blog as a tool, but with an intended purpose: sharing the love and caring that the Katimavik program instilled in me. Spreading positive energy, if you will.
The idea is simple: I'll be putting up pictures that represent/demonstrate the many amazing memories and adventures that I've done in the Katimavik program, with the hopes that it will bring back that feeling of being alive, of being at a place where I really felt my worth in the world. And the goal is for you, whoever you are reading these words, to go out and also find ways to make your world a better, caring, and perhaps more fun place to live.
With many of my readers being students, and with the end of the schooling year coming to an end soon, I feel it's an appropriate time to start this little side project, something that'll be totally different from my consistent whining and critique. (Okay, maybe that's exaggerating a bit, but it's hard to lose the "young adult" anger that I feel when I notice harsh disparities all around me).
This blog has improved my quality of life, especially at times where I've felt nothing but despair and loneliness, and has served as a refuge away from the real world for many years. But it's also been a place that has allowed me to document my journey through existence, however intricate it may be sometimes.
Before I begin a new chapter in my repository of ideas, I'd like to share a source of inspiration (keep in mind I have many!) with you. My long time friend Kate recently started her own blogging project, and she was actually once a contributor on this very blog, back when I was just starting this project of writing into this box. A very nice box that has always accepted my thoughts, no matter how wild they may sometimes be. Her blog, aptly named Kate Inspired, is definitely a place worth checking out. I'm jealous of how captivating each of her entries are! I really like the way her pictures add so much life to everything she writes about.
And that's what I'm striving to do with this blog now: bring back some life into this soul of mine, even if to you, beloved reader, it may just be something on a computer screen.
But to me, it's part of my soul. Or if you're feeling more magical, it's my horcrux, which also happens to be my very own pensieve.
If I only managed to be more at ease around Hermione or Luna, mayhaps I wouldn't need such a sprawling pensieve...
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
02/03/11
Starstarer
My most amazing daydreams are made by one of my most treasured and favourite authors.
I anxiously await to have the proper reading light to finish this book, and I hope I can find the first two of the series somewhere in the house to rediscover the cloud cats, my "daymares".
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
28/02/11
Little sardines.
So I have a can of sardines in front of me. I've only eaten sardines once in my life, and I actually really loved the experience. I was sitting in front of my computer just like I am now, and I had a can of sardines. I was thinking "gosh, these sardines are super healthy!". And I felt great after eating these lovely little fishies.
I'm hungry right now, and I'm trying to finish this salad with good stuff in it that was going to go to waste if I didn't eat it like I am now. But I'm afraid that if I finish this big salad, I won't be hungry for sardines, and besides, I should be going to bed soon so I can wake up earlier tomorrow and accomplish a bunch of things that really need to get done. Even though waking up early to do things, in my world, never really increases the likelihood of my checklist getting nearer to completion. If anything, it really just gives me more room to procrastinate.
Anyway, I don't have time to worry about these things, I have to keep pondering over these sardines, or go on a tangent.
I have a really great friend from Katimavik. She often wanted people to play Sardines with her, which is a game that is supposed to be the reverse of hide-and-seek. One person hides and people go their own ways to find said person. When they find them, they hide together.
I think I was evil in that I always was consciously trying to avoid playing that game, because the closeness of being packed together like sardines scared me. Sorry, K!
So until then, I'm just going to get my mouth to make out with my canned sardines.
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
I'm hungry right now, and I'm trying to finish this salad with good stuff in it that was going to go to waste if I didn't eat it like I am now. But I'm afraid that if I finish this big salad, I won't be hungry for sardines, and besides, I should be going to bed soon so I can wake up earlier tomorrow and accomplish a bunch of things that really need to get done. Even though waking up early to do things, in my world, never really increases the likelihood of my checklist getting nearer to completion. If anything, it really just gives me more room to procrastinate.
Anyway, I don't have time to worry about these things, I have to keep pondering over these sardines, or go on a tangent.
I have a really great friend from Katimavik. She often wanted people to play Sardines with her, which is a game that is supposed to be the reverse of hide-and-seek. One person hides and people go their own ways to find said person. When they find them, they hide together.
I think I was evil in that I always was consciously trying to avoid playing that game, because the closeness of being packed together like sardines scared me. Sorry, K!
So until then, I'm just going to get my mouth to make out with my canned sardines.
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