Snowy, wintry and... happy?

The snow has finally arrived. The real stuff! Not some powdery excuse for la neige that stays on the ground for like 10 seconds and then melts away. That stuff's a tease. No, real, fluffy and shoveable snow!
Of course, according to a couple of my relatives who live in Québec city, the snow I consider to be real here is something they merely scoff at. They've had massive snow banks for at least a couple weeks now, with feet upon feet of snow. Chance of more snow in the coming weeks.

What am I, a weather man?

No, I just think all this snow is rad. See, as I mentioned in an earlier blog post, being surrounded by man-made things everywhere has made this city a pretty ugly place to live. Well, the snow eases this pain somewhat by coating all the artificial stuff everywhere with a layer of crystal perfection.

So seeing snow everywhere reminds me that out there, up high in the sky and elsewhere, the power of Gaia still resides. The unchangeable laws of nature- however much we try to tamper with- still exist and affect even the most nature-proof city dwellers.

And yet I still find myself in front of my computer screen!
I was supposed to go sledding with some buddies, but plans fell through. I wasn't so much excited about the drinking as I was actually being outside with the snow, reminiscing about childhood tobogganing. Mixing exercise-related stuff with booze doesn't make too much sense to me, but I suppose it could have been fun. Oh well.

So I'm wearing a sweater that I got for christmas, and I'm trying to figure out if it would qualify as a candidate to wear to an ugly sweater party. I guess the fact that I'm asking myself that question might undermine the value of my sweater as a present... hmm. Well, it's blue and black and red and it does have some neat buttons and... oh, why don't I just show you so you can judge for yourself.

You know what, it doesn't even matter. I like the sweater, and it keeps me warm, so even though I might wear it to an ugly sweater party, I'd be trolling the party because my wool sweater is rad.

That's all I've got for today.

Shard vs sherd

I had the impulse to draw this when the word "sherd" was stuck in my head.
My TA in Anthropology assures me that "sherd" is an archaeological term meaning a broken piece of  pottery or artifact. For some reason, the word "sherd" annoys me to no end, since it's so close to the word "shard". Why not call it a pot shard instead of a pot sherd? Grrrrrrrrrr.

Tranquility

The worst has gone by/
But I may be in the eye of the storm
The winds blow in the distance and I feel alive/
Better not walk into them again

I find I yearn for tranquility. Tranquility, and some semblance of simplicity.
That doesn't mean that I need to avoid busyness and action; that would be a mistake. In fact, I should probably strive for more busyness and more participation in the world around me. Not because society says I need to be busy, but because it's rewarding to get things done.

Still, it would be nice to be around simple people. Maybe some monks or something. I would probably get bored, since I'm so used to having some external stimulation, but there's definitely something to learn and appreciate in simply being.

I've been told I should try my hand at meditation. I would gain so much from having a regular practice. And it would enhance my quality of life, and probably make me more mindful and more aware of the present. And even if it's only for a few minutes per day, I should still try. But my brain says "No no no! At least look busy! You have things to do! You need to move! You need to read! You need to fix this and that!".

Words words words.
I'll see what I can do about this whole meditation dealio. Exercise is a bit easier for me to do, so I'm walking a lot. Just simple walks, walks for the sake of walking. Mostly silent, and usually at a brisk pace; to get the heart going, you know.

School is a bit of a mess right now. I hope I can fix it. I have two new classes starting in January, and I'm gearing up to take them more seriously.

Bloggity bloggy happy holidays.

December weather

It was a warm and rainy day today. I don't know how I feel about it being 10 degrees celsius in December. On one hand, it's nice to not have to deal with the biting cold and chapped lips and all the little inconveniences of real winter weather, but on the other hand, I feel sad knowing that this abnormal weather is a very real manifestation of climate change.

I'm kind of far away and isolated from all the hardcore devastation caused by human exploitation of the Earth (e.g. dead whales and melting ice). So while I might be aware that climate change and pollution caused by humans is wrecking the Earth, I'm not reminded of it on a daily basis. Indeed, all I see is the same old houses and buildings, and sometimes parks with some litter strewn here and there, but the artificial city I live in keeps my mind in a bubble of fake comfort.

Comfort definitely isn't here, though. A city, at least to me, doesn't provide comfort. It provides convenience and maybe a form of protection from the primal elements, but in the long run, it is tiring to have to see the same ugly not-quite-perfect shapes of man-made structures everywhere.

For a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic sometimes.

It's alright, I'll find my optimism again, somewhere in time.

Keeping up is tough

If you don't keep up with your schoolwork, it builds up. Fast.
I hate to admit it, but having a good work routine is pretty damn important.
Having structure in your life is important. The brain likes structure because then it doesn't have to over think every little thing.
I don't like structure. I try to rebel against it. Somehow, I convince myself that having structure will rob me of my freedom - the freedom to be spontaneous, to be serendipitous, to be genuine.
But maybe - just maybe - having more structure will allow me to accomplish things that will bring more joy into my life.

Here we go again. Setting a time limit of how much time I spend on the computer, regardless of whether I'm working or not, is critical. And there's nothing wrong with avoiding computer and electronics altogether on some days. A few months ago, one my profs even gave the class homework to avoid the computer and cellphone for a whole 24 hours, more if possible. Not too many people were able - or willing - to do it.

I've spent too much time writing this out already. School isn't going as well as I had hoped. I will work harder to not let myself get overwhelmed again.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Bright and early

Yes, why not write? 8:30 am, on my schedule, is very, very early for me to be up, and I only have 15 minutes or so to write before I have to leave for my Friday 10 am class, but that's cool. Usually, I wait for the last minute to be up and gone for my class, especially when biking because then I don't have the mishaps of the transit system slowing me down.

I have yet to be late to any class with my last-minute strategy, so it's not a problem. It's a time-saving way of getting around, right?

I thought I had more to write. Well, I do, I just don't find it particularly interesting.

I guess I should mention I'm at school full time now, unlike last year. I'm doing fairly well in most of my courses so far, but there haven't been that many evaluations. I kind of know now which classes will be easy to get a good mark in, and which ones I'll actually have to buckle down and read a ton to get a good mark. Either way, I probably (read: definitely) procrastinate way too much and generally avoid dealing with schoolwork until I absolutely have to.

Oh, yes, you might be interested in what I'm studying. 

Well, first, there's History of modern Europe 1650-1950, which is okay. I'm usually good with history, but I really, really should spend more time studying for this year-long course.

Then there's Sociology (social problems and inequalities), which I find fairly boring, but I'm doing well so far so I guess it kinda makes me like the course a little more.

And then there's Anthropology 101, which generally has more interesting subject matter than Sociology, but it's a lot more scienc-y than my other courses. I should reread lecture questions once in a while.

Let's not forget about Intro to Environment, which is probably the course most unlike all my other courses. The prof is really cool and invites a ton of guest speakers (native elders, scientists among others) to the lectures, and he also randomly does bird calls in class. And the content is actually interesting!

Finally, for this semester, there's this course called Geography: Environment, Food, and People, which I picked because I thought it sounded interesting. This is my 10 am class that I have very, very soon and I should leave. Anyway, suffice to say that there's a LOT of content in this course, and it's a lot of work,  most of it is really boring but at least it forces me to get up at least before noon.

Okay, I gotta run, I'll start to update my blog frequently again, so if you're reading this, you could check back sometime!

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Oh time

Time time, why must you confuse me so?
It seems like only yesterday that I had my long flowing hippie hair with not a care in the world for what was to come later with growing older.
Of course, I never really truly was a hippie. Yeah, I had earth sandals, and yeah, I sometimes wore funky thai fisherman pants, but those were just clothes. And yeah, I guess I kinda liked the whole peace & love movement. Why do we need to be so bitter anyway?

I'm going through some dark times. Well, I have been for a while. I guess that's because I'm not really doing much. I give up hobbies too easily. I need to train my brain to enjoy things and to not mind doing things repetitively. Practice, practice, practice. And then I could be proud of something, like drumming.

I had a chat with a dear old friend of mine today. He told me how he remembers how social I used to be, how easily I would talk to others. I remember it too, somewhat. It seems like for some time now, I have chosen to hide away from others. This is not good! And it worries me. The only thing to do is to become more social again, clearly. Strengthen friendships and all. Otherwise, I'm just going to turn into an anti-social sludge.

I'm doing yoga regularly again (I've been to my studio for the past four days!), but I don't really talk to anyone there. I'm slightly in the wrong demographic, and I'm too shy to really talk to anyone. To be fair, a lot of people go to the studio to just do their own thing, take a break from their day or from work and from being around people and many just want some alone time to do stretches with their body and mind.
I, on the other hand, go to the studio to have a bit of a change from my usual hermit lifestyle. And to get some exercise, to help me sleep. I don't particularly love doing yoga, but I don't hate it or anything. I know it's incredibly beneficial for the mind and body, so I simply just do it.

University is starting soon. Yikes. I hope I can get my sleep schedule back under control. I also hope that I can deal with the anxiety. And finally, I hope I can finally do something productive with my time. Time management has never, ever been my strong point. I'll have to learn.

Signing off,
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Drive my soul

Listening to music isn't normally an activity that makes me feel instantly better. Yeah, listening to music is nice, but I don't think of it as something that keeps the blues away. There's a few rare exceptions, like right now, but usually I just kind of put the tunes on the computer and they fade to the background as all my attention goes to what's on the screen.

I also don't tend to listen to albums in their right order, if I listen to them at all, as I'm more prone to hitting the shuffle button. But sometimes listening to an album in the right order just makes so much more sense, especially with concept albums.

So I once again find myself listening to The Listening by Lights. I really, really like it. The lyrics and the melodies are just so well blended together and they actually do have an impact on how I feel.

Most of the metal or rock stuff I listen to fails to make me feel connected. It all sounds pretty great (otherwise I wouldn't listen to it), but I don't particularly feel attached to what's being played. With Lights, it's different. I feel like she actually sings about stuff I can relate to sometimes. And often times, the lyrics are positive, or have positive undertones to them.

For example: It's only one part of the story//Just let it go//Don't let it bring you down now

So why am I paying so much attention to this album tonight?

Well, I want to feel better.

I want to have an amazing first full year at university. I don't want to spend all this money for book-smarts. I want something more - I want a purpose, I want a real connection to society. And I want to have fun.

Because, see, for the past few months, I haven't been having that much fun. This summer thus far has been quite awful. I gotta get over the fact that I'm not really a teenager anymore, and yeah, it's not really a surprise that being an adult is pretty hard.

But even from a teenage perspective, this summer has still been awful. I've been hiding away from friends and avoiding people as much as possible. I don't want to go too much into the details, as this is a public blog after all, but I just feel anxious about being around people. And save for a few rare occasions, I just find that I don't enjoy the time spent socializing. So my logic is not to spend time around people... hah, smart idea, right?

-

I keep hoping something will happen that will make the shroud go away. I know there's something beautiful beyond the shroud, as I still have memories of times not too long ago where the clear picture was a happy one. But despite occasional gusts of wind, the shroud remains.

The shroud is probably my fault. I put it up there because, subconsciously or consciously, I didn't want to have to deal with the picture when it wasn't beautiful. And it's been there ever since. If I could only remember how I got around to shrouding myself, maybe I could find a way out.

-

I've also been feeling really quite self-conscious lately, about my weight and general demeanor, so I'm going to do yoga regularly again. I was doing four days a week for a while, but I gave up because of laziness. And once again, I went into a junk food cycle... so that's going away too, and that alone will probably up my mood. Maybe not in the short-term, though...

Hope your summer has been better than mine, reader.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore 

Summer Blues

So it's been a while. I can't say I've been extremely busy; I just have haven't felt like blogging much.
So this is all old news, but I did very well in my Bridging Program course @ UofT, so it looks like I'm heading to UofT full-time in the fall.

It's kind of scary, really. Thousands of dollars and many years to get a liberal arts degree... Well, it gives me something to do, and I have thoroughly enjoyed my time at UofT so far. Made a bunch of friends who are all really cool. So I'm sure it's worth it in the end.

I have to pick my courses soon. I've decided on most of them (Into to Poli Sci, Intro to Philosophy, Intro to Environment Studies, random seminar course and probably Sociology). And I'm excited about being busy on campus.

So far, this summer has been pretty blah. I haven't been doing much. Haven't really been hanging out with people. Just thinking about my future, mostly, and doing yoga every other day. I should be doing more, and doing more would probably make me feel better, but I've sunken down into my old recluse ways. It's not healthy.

I should probably get a haircut.
I hate haircuts.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

A message from the Haida of BC

A sweet video showcasing how the Haida feel about the giant oil pipeline that would run through native land.

Raven rules.

The sleep conundrum

As I write these words, I await the soothing comforting feeling that Passiflora incarnata and Lady's Slipper will provide me.

The sleep realm awaits and I wonder what I will find there. It is mind-boggling when you think about all the images that are created by your brain every single night when you dream. What is their purpose? Are you supposed to interpret the images to help you in your waking life? Or are they merely there to distract you from the dullness of unconsciousness? Maybe they allow us to connect into the collective consciousness, like quantum particles resonating with each other through the folds of space and time.

Sleep must never elude me, for when it does, I will no longer be.

Equine love

I am the Kaleidoscope of the mind
I impart light, colour and perpetual motion
I think, I see, I am moved by electric fluidity
Constant only in my inconstancy, I am unshackled by mundane holds, unchecked by sturdy binding goals
I run unimpeded through virgin paths
My spirit unconquered; my soul forever free

I am the horse.

Source: The Handbook of Chinese Horoscopes by Theodora Lau, 7th ed.

Plus rien ne m'étonne

C'est une chanson par Tiken Jah Fakoly, un musicien africain. En effet, plus rien ne m'étonne quand je regarde que le côté négatif de la situation humaine sur terre. Est-ce une bonne chose? Je ne sais pas.

Yes, sometimes I purposefully write in french on my public and mostly English blog just to annoy you. Yes, you, the one among many who thought that french class in high school was lame and who was jealous of the fact that I got all the attention from the girls with my flawless spoken french.

But seriously! This song (and the entire album) is awesome! If you're sick of hearing Marley but you like the vibes, I suggest you listen to some other songs off the album too. Yes, they're all in french.


---

Hi.
Hey. It's been a while.
I feel bad. I didn't really keep up with the "decrees" even though deep down I wanted to. I let myself get carried away with pixels again.

Don't feel bad about your past decisions in this matter! Energies come and go; you can't always be in the same state of being all the time. You know that.
Yeah, but see that's the problem I'm facing right now. I know things, but I don't really do many things.

You think you're not doing anything, but really you're just comparing yourself to some sort of standard of how much you should be doing. Sure, society wants you to work, study, or otherwise appear busy - and that's probably a good thing - but sulking about the system only gets you so far.
Yes, you're right.

Expressing myself on A Kaleidoughscope of Writings, among other things, is definitely beneficial, but I feel like I'm lacking some sort of attachment to universal energy...  qi, or life force, or something along those lines. It's supposed to be simple: keep your mind, body, and spirit in good shape and simply be.


Simplicity is key. Spiritual decree #6: Instead of solely thinking about your place in the world, feel it.
And I will do that by doing more physical things. I'm going to try playing my drum on a regular basis again. Tiken really inspired me today.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

The Split Cosmos

"And I've always lived like this; keeping a comfortable distance. And up until now I've sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness... because none of it was ever worth the risk."

I hide my little reality, but is it a reality at all? Sitting in my worn black chair every day, I hide from the true experience that the world around me has to offer. Instead, I sit there and lose myself in the box in front of me. Forgetting, burying everything I know about the harshness of the present, I search for escapes.

Why do I hide so much? What am I so afraid of? I know I'm afraid of failure, but I'm also afraid of being perceived as different.

Why are we so split apart, me and you? Why are we all so separated from each other? We all know we exist, and sometimes we interact, but we don't really live and thrive, do we?

That's what I want - I want to live, not just exist. But I suffocate on the inside when I get overwhelmed with tales of horrors happening in developing countries, and poverty in Canada, and all the people who get sick and end up in hospitals with terrible food... among other things.

I worry a lot... I worry about wasting time, but a lot of the time I find myself wasting time doing nothing at all because I feel like I wouldn't be productive anyway.

Blah blah blah... I just had to rant a little. I just wish happiness was easier to come by and you didn't have to work hard for it.

Or maybe you don't need to work that hard for it, you just need to let the happiness in instead of being so bitter all the time.

I think I lack sunshine, for one, but I also need to keep myself busy, so I'm not always thinking about these things.

I had this idea of a little hobby to do the other day... go to different spots in the city and write letters to people. I like writing, and I don't think it's too difficult to write personal letters. It'll help me improve my writing, I guess, because I want nice letters, not ugly grey ones.

Well, I think I wasted my post title this time. I wanted a big post talking about loneliness and the way our society is set up so that we're all split apart and only to come together in times of dire need... but I guess that'll be for another time.

I am not content at all with my loneliness.

Another late night

Ah, how easy it is to stay up late when you have an endless supply of electricity and a computer that's ready to guzzle it all up.

Seriously, I need to be going to bed earlier. It's not healthy... at all. I don't generally lack sleep because I can sleep in a lot, but I'm not physiologically adapted to staying up late during the night. Maybe generations from now, we'll be able to see in the dark and sleep during the day or during the night, whichever you choose.

---
Someday, I'm going to write more of my theorycrafting down. I mean, I dream of a different society, a tribal society. I've been thinking about it a lot lately - why are things the way they are right now? Why does money exist? Why are there buildings made of concrete everywhere? Why are roads and cars and vehicles everywhere? Why do I buy food at a grocery store instead of at a farm? Why are some people richer than others?

I mean, all those questions have answers at face value... but behind them lies an even greater question: Why do we live the way we do? You can examine history, and you can arrive at a historical answer, but that only explains how things happened, not necessarily why they had to happen.

I have lots of theories. I don't spend enough time developing them in my head because I consume myself with computers and books and trivial things like The Big Bang Theory on television. But I think I could really grow as a person if I took the time to think critically about some of my ideas. For example: I've had this idea in my head about other planets and alternate universes. I highly doubt that Earth is the only place in the entire universe inhabited by intelligent beings. It just seems so... pointless if we really are alone.

What if the earth is merely but a cell within a greater macro-organism? Wouldn't that be cool? Well, we'd kinda be a sick cell, but we'd be alive nonetheless. Maybe there are other cells around us that we cannot see that are always like "Hey! Humans on earth! Wake up! You're killing your cell and giving us cancer over here with your pollution and destruction!".

Maybe I need to find some people who can help me develop my crazy ideas. Wouldn't that be fun? Arriving at a consensus about our place in the universe with other people? But the more I think, the more I am filled with doubt about my ideas. But at least I get more ideas.

Here's another idea: Technology is dividing us, not uniting us. Well, for some people. I guess I don't really use my cellphone much. And Facebook doesn't really help me feel better about myself.

Oh, I don't know anymore. Sometimes I think I just ramble late at night because I have nothing better to do. At least school is keeping me somewhat busy.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Caught in the rain

Today I went to class in a t-shirt in bright sunny weather and came out of class greeted by a torrential downpour. I proceeded to travel under the cover of the trees to eventually end up in the subway system completely soaked. And I didn't mind one bit! I love the feeling of rain on my skin.
In places like Toronto, the rain is just a mild inconvenience, really. It kind of annoys me when people complain about the rain. The earth is a beautiful place and rain is one of the things that makes life possible.

There's a second reason I like the rain: I was supposed to do yard work today, but it was not possible to do so because of the rain, so I had a fantastic excuse to slack off.

Il faudrait vraiment que j'écrive en français plus souvent. J'écris très, très rarement dans ma langue maternelle et je regrette ne pas avoir pratiqué mon écriture plus souvent. Je trouve qu'il faut que je cherche mes mots, et mon vocabulaire, comparé à mon vocabulaire anglais, manque de flair.
Malheureusement, je n'ai pas beaucoup de lecteurs qui parlent français et c'est donc dur de trouver de la motivation pour écrire. Les seules fois que j'écris en français, c'est pour communiquer avec de la famille sur Facebook... Et même là, c'est pas beaucoup de mots.

J'aimerais tellement écrire comme René Descartes, ou même Rousseau, ça serait vraiment illuminant comme écriture. Leur métaphores et leur façon d'expliquer des concepts souvent embrumé dans le monde théorique est vraiment fascinant et ils sont une source d'inspiration créative pour moi.

C'est vraiment dommage que la langue française se pert dans un monde anglophone. Je suis convaincu que cette langue a plein de choses que la langue anglaise ne pourra jamais remplacer. Mais malheureusement, je n'ai pas de raison de conserver cette langue de mes propre moyens: je ne communique qu'avec la famille en français.

Peut être devrais-je aller visiter la France? J'aimerais bien être un philosophe français et avoir de la sagesse pour règler les problèmes sur terre.

Cette cage linguistique m'ennuie.

À la prochaine!

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore 

Something similar

Courtesy of XKCD:

Sometimes, I get lost in the regular universe too.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Conservatives kill Katimavik

And I'm not happy at all. Katimavik is such a strong foundation for me. The nine months I spent all around Canada were the best of my life. And it wasn't because we partied all the time - we worked our asses off 5 days a week, not counting all the events we did on weekends. Oh, and we got "paid" 3 dollars a day. Slashing the program for economic reasons is completely absurd.
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I have SO much content to write about! Maybe it's because of the spring time, but I'm pretty happy these days AND I have the time to write on my blog a lot.
Well actually, that's a lie. I have a big research essay due in a couple weeks, and I have to start it. I'm already behind on it. It's my first big university essay, and it's a pretty general topic - Native American culture and survival in the 20th century. But there's a lot of information to digest, so my blog might have to go to the side a little bit. I'll see how it goes.
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This article here is very interesting. I don't usually like economists (and by virtue of extension, capitalism), but it's a good source of information on the wide impact that Harper's budget has on the labour force.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/economy/economy-lab/the-economists/ottawa-killed-katimavik-and-missed-boat-on-youth-jobs-strategy/article2395726/

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore  

Words are Necessarily Important

Hey! Another one of my vlogs if you're sick of reading about my life.
It kinda relates to the post before the last one.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore  

The Art of Blogging

or, Why I Decided to Stay Up Late to Write About My Blog.

The good news is that I've just taken a cocktail of naturopathic medicines that will knock me out in a bit, so this post is timed in its length. If you see a bunch of nonsensical sentences near the end, you'll know why.

So here I am, after many years of having contributed on an almost monthly basis to my precious little project. Indeed, this place is one of the rare undertakings I have kept in my life for any length of time.  Most of my other "projects" - such as scouting, shamanism, origami, duct tape creations etc. - have been left in the dust because I have the attention span of, well, someone who doesn't like to spend time doing things over and over again.

I will admit that some of my blog posts can be quite a bore - especially the long winded rants about why I  sometimes hate life and the universe and other people, but I feel I can only get better the more I write. I hate to admit it, but practice, to an extent, does make perfect... whatever perfect means.

There are many patterns in why or how I write that I find almost fascinating. For example, I tend to blog more often when I'm feeling sad, depressed, melancholic, lonely, discouraged, forlorn - take your pick, they're all lovely words. It seems that if I'm having a really good time, like when I was in Halifax in 2010, I just don't feel the need to spread the joy through my words online.

There are exceptions to these trends. Just because I write often doesn't mean I'm particularly depressed or anything. If I'm feeling very, very angry about something I've witnessed or experienced (e.g. my anti-capitalism, anti-Facebook rant), my blog, instead of Facebook or the phone, is usually my go-to place. But I find I don't get livid easily, so I don't have that many angry posts.
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I don't really receive much criticism, as comments are few and far in between, but I feel I have a general sense on how to improve the readability of A kaleidoughscope of writings. It's simple, really. Have interesting things to talk about. Of course, what I find fascinating and what my semi-private audience finds fascinating are very, very different. (On a side note, I really wish more of you would comment, or even link to your own internet domains, blogs, whatever! I'm even willing to *shudder* visit your Tumblr as long as there aren't too many ADD-seizure-inducing gifs plastered all over the place).

But I do tend to lack content, a real subject matter to discuss and to explore in any sort of depth. But it's never been my goal to make this blog a politicized, controversial debacle full of people with hardcore opinions, like you find on so many of the popular domains nowadays. I'd describe this place as a mix of the easy-going and often humorous nature of Yahoo Answers with the somewhat more professional content-filled blogs like BoingBoing, with a dash of XKCD-inspired self-referencing wittiness.

I also made the choice not to monetize my blog. I don't think I ever will unless I'm really, really desperate for cash; or if I make a cool partnership with a business that won't alienate my precious audience with ads about bathtubs and useless gadgets.
I was actually offered a "partnership" with a big online retailer a while back who would send me free stuff if I reviewed some of their products on my blog. I admit, I was tempted at first, but I didn't need the stuff anyway, so I thought "Why bother writing about boring things that no one needs anyway when I spend half the time ranting about how consumerism is killing our planet...".
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So what influences my writing? Well, I guess all the books that I've read help me to write with more confidence, as it's easier to place words in a sentence when you've read hundreds of thousands of them. I have a few favourite authors (read: "favourite" means that I've read at least a few of their various works), such as Kenneth Oppel, C.S Lewis, Bryan Perro, and a few of the fancy philosophers like Descartes, Kierkegaard and Kant; they really know how to make me feel like a smart cookie. But personally, I think I've finally found my sweet spot, the perfect setting that gets me to sit down and write a blog entry:

• a late-hour (after midnight is usually best)
• having taken a long, winding walk through the darkened city streets (I find a lot of my blogging ideas just pop up when I'm wandering Toronto pondering life)
• a smidgeon of alcohol (tonight, it was a bit of tequila and a beer later on)
• a small desk lamp that illuminates my desk and the piles of fancy books that lie beside it for school
• smooth jazz playing through my speakers
• a few puppets and origami to keep me company

What a poet, am I right?

If the above conditions are met, I usually bust out some pretty epic posts.

I also like to write when I'm high on various totally legal (insert hacking cough here) substances, but I find that my writing tends to lack clarity. I sometimes have to erase entire posts because my brain hurts after reading a couple sentences when I wake up the next day...

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I really do feel like this blog has helped me out immensely. I used to think that blogging was not very therapeutic, because at the end of the day, they're just pixels on a screen. But being able to look back on what my life was back in, say, 2007, is pretty nifty; I'm kind of proud of having pushed myself to write when sometimes I didn't feel like it at all. It's also really awesome that a couple of my friends have started their own blogs, mayhaps because of my influence (I like to think that...).

In my opinion, blogs are much more conducive to "good" social relationships online. Facebook blends everything together and there's just way too much information to really care about any one person for very long because before you know it, a dramatic status update has captured your attention. Personal blogs, like mine and my friend Kate's that I linked just above are a much more interesting look into someone's life and you can really get a sense of what they're passionate about from reading a couple entries. Pictures on Facebook and years of status updates are just too... impersonal for me to really care about much.

Well, it looks like my lovely flower essences are kicking in and ZZZZZZZZZZZ-

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