A kaleidoughscope of writings

Free speeching: Segment the fourth

2012-01-31T20:15:00.001-05:00

Pick me, pick me she says! Do you believe everything you see, all the things that you've seen. All the twisted and convoluted things that spin around you, do you believe?

Yes sir yes sir three bags full.
OH GOD I HATE YOU, CAPITALISM.
Make me rich someday, oh shut up Phish, I'm sick of your fans, NEXT.
Nevermind, it's Johnny B. Goode. Alright, that's acceptable, probably the only acceptable Rock & Roll song. Well, that one and Rock & Roll by Lead Zeppelin.

Okay now it's getting to me, I'm going to switch the song because I'm sick of songs telling me what to do, or how to act, or how to feel. I ESPECIALLY despise it when people say "OMG OMG OMG OMG GABE LISTEN TO THIS SONG IT'S SO GOOD, LET US PLAY OR WE'LL SHUN YOU". I'm looking at you, and you know EXACTLY who you are.

Repent, repent. Okay, I'm getting way too religious now, jeez. Yesterday I was at one of those fantastical bookstores, you know, the cool, clean ones with crystals and books, and well, I looked through one of those decks, you know which ones, the cool ones with cards and pictures. And I picked up an "angelic" deck, you know, a deck with angels and them.

OH THAT'S GREAT AND ALL, ISN'T IT? Sure, I look through the table of contents, and surely enough, there's (Arch)Angel Michael, and the other one, yeah, (Arch)Angel Raphael. Oh, so Gabriel must be nex-NOPE.

YEAH, THAT'S REAL NICE. Let's just talk about Raphael all the time, he's sooooo hot. And Mike, he's so smart! But Gabr- omg MICHAELLL I LOVEEEE YOUUUUU.
And where's Raphael when you need him anyway, I don't meet many of them these days. They must be ital-OH GOD I ALMOST called out a country there, I have to be careful to be politically correct!

Right, so Gabriel, Mister Angel, or Missus Angel, or (insert gender neutral pronoun here), way to ditch. Seriously, what is THAT, Missus PH.D.

I HAVE A ______'S DEGREE in the PERCEPTIVE ARTS, YARRRRRRR.

And I perceive that everyone always forgets about me.

This is Karma Aspiration Langune Entity etc. SIGNING OUT.

-Gabe

Words I despise #1

2012-01-30T21:34:00.002-05:00

Hi everyone! It's time for Gabriel's moody list of things that really really bug him!

There are a LOT of words that annoy me. If you know me, which you probably do, you might hear me call them out from time to time. There are lots of unknown words in my mind that I repress, though! And here is their grand premiere.

Tarot. Tarot. I hate this word. I mean, I love what it does, but I hate the word. It's so ugly. Honestly, why put the word "rot" in there? It's a hideous verb, to rot. And in french it means to burp. For something so beautiful, tarot sure is gross.
Buried. Let me bury you. Oh my god, this word. I've hated it since elementary school. Buried, bury, they're both evil. Honestly, why does it have to be pronounced "berried"? "Berry?". REALLY? I SEE NO BERRIES, I SEE ONLY A -U-.
On that note, I kinda dislike the word "phonetics". It sounds phony to the max.
Science. It's overused. What happened to philosophy?
Development. Okay, this one has a history behind it. When I was a young lad, new to the english education system, I used to pronounce the word "développement" like you do in french. Deh-vlop-men. One day, I was sitting in a circle in grade six and I was explaining something super smart. Everyone was paying attention. And then I said the word development in english and pronounced it thus: "dev lop mint". And everyone laughed at me. Well, except maybe Carlyn and Lucy, but I had crushes on both of them so maybe I just pretended like they didn't mock me. Carlyn probably did.
Reddit. Oh god, why is it spelled wrong.
Twitter, tweet and any derivative word. Well, this one's pretty obvious. I have a profound dislike for twitter and it's ADD-inducing method of sharing information. But did you know? I have a twitter account that I use once in a blue moon. You cannot follow me @kaleidoughscope; I forbid you to.
Facebook. In french, it sounds like assbook. No kidding. Fessebook.
Kiss. Okay, maybe I just hate PDAs.
Dr. Horrible. I just really hate his blog. Or is it a vlog? Who cares!

That's it for today! But fret not, I have SO many other terrible words to share with you!

Till next time,

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Somebody that I used to know

2012-01-29T18:31:00.005-05:00

It's rare that I like a youtube video the first time I see it, especially when it's a music one. This group of special artists is from Toronto, a huge plus for me. K, I have a feeling you'll enjoy this one.

Enjoy.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

The vortex of sadness

2012-01-29T00:33:00.000-05:00

There's too much information; too much stimulus.
It's becoming harder and harder to deal with the huge information influx.

There's too much stuff going on.
I feel so imprisoned in Toronto. it's getting to my health.

I want a cabin in a tree somewhere tropical so I can be free.

Because all I feel tonight is sadness and despair in my little cave; misrepresented and misunderstood.

Laura, you are real to me, please don't leave me to face the world alone.

Emotional Empathy

2012-01-27T01:21:00.002-05:00

So after searching for years online for a way to define myself as a being on this planet, I'm getting closer to figuring out who I am.

One thing that's just clicked is that, according to a prominent psychiatrist, I'm an emotional empath.
It's so true. I filled out this checklist, and I match all the signs.

If you know me, especially if you were in my Katimagroup, you might have noticed that at times, I sort of shut myself down, shut myself away from other people. Laura mode, a being (or other side of me) whom I haven't talked about for years. Well, I started off by letting her take control of me, which wasn't so bad, but it worried a lot of people.

And then I completely shunned her, and I think that was much worse, because I tend to end up in very bad places when I ignore her.

And now I'm accepting her again, though I haven't felt her presence (or her energy) too much recently, because I've been pretty happy. She'll sometimes make an appearance when someone is completely abusive toward me (e.g. yelling, ridiculing me etc.). And I'm glad I have her, because otherwise I might just completely break down and cry.

That's me - Gabriel, an emotional empath.
An emotional empath is someone who is "overly" sensitive, who absorbs the emotions of others. Someone who can listen and listen and keep absorbing others' angers or fears or regrets like a sponge.
That sponge is me. I used to turn to negative coping mechanisms, like overeating and over-smoking to get rid of all those absorbed emotions, but that led me down a very dark path indeed.

But see, being an emotional empath is a good thing if you can handle the "curse". Though I might have been called out for being too sensitive (and at times, even too arrogant), I've also been thanked numerous times for being able to listen - for being able to handle the outburst of energy, violent or otherwise, from another being in distress.

And this is why I want to work at an abused woman's shelter - probably as a volunteer, because getting paid for that kind of job seems kind of corrupt, even though it's almost essential in today's violent world.
And I'd have to be a volunteer, because to work at those places, you need a degree.

I never understand why certain occupations that people are naturally good at require degrees for employment.
Do I really need a piece of paper to tell others that I'm able to listen and be empathetic?

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Bread

2012-01-24T22:57:00.001-05:00

I hate being forced to make bread.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

The Loveless "Marriage"

2012-01-22T19:09:00.001-05:00

The sheer "convenience" of this household binds me; restricts me.
Obey orders, and you shall be greatly rewarded, he tells me.

Freedom. Some people can't handle it, some people abuse it.
I've been taught that freedom from society's constraints is a good thing; that imprisonment, of any kind, is terrible for the soul and that it will ruin even the best of us as time rolls by.

So then tell me why I walk into your house and see caged birds singing?
Some songbirds will fly away if you let them go free. Others might choose to stay in the relative safety of their cages as it provides them much needed comfort - shelter from the passing storm. So then tell me, oh wise one, which bird is better off? The philosophical and winged bird that wants to fly away or the smart bird that wants to sing and share happiness in its little nest?

---

I've been imprisoned many a-time, and though doctors try to delude patients into thinking that all they want is their well being, the truth is that money pushes them in the wrong directions; the wrong decisions.
I see such a simple motive. I'm no sherlock, but it didn't take me long to realize it: the "sick" people that inadvertently end up in mental hospitals because of a broken system are merely guinea pigs "for the greater good". We're just rats to them, that is, the higher-ups, the rich "we've-been-through-med-school-so-we-know-everything" bastards.

Doesn't it strike you as odd that the very place that's supposed to heal you instead sickens you to the point of despair? My last hospital visit, I was imprisoned for 7 days. Half of my original record. And not once during those 7 days was I ever allowed to go outside to breathe fresh air, or get sunlight. I begged, and I pleaded "I swear I won't try to escape, I just want and need to feel the outside. It's torture in here".

But to no avail. The rules are the rules, they tell me, and to even get privileges, you need to take these fucked up meds and "just tell us exactly how you feel".

So where's my compensation? You, Mr and Mrs. Bastard Psychiatrist, just coerced me into taking unknown drugs, and you want me to tell you all about the side effects so you can send results back to the corporate greeders.

I want my million bucks. No, I want ten million. My soul, my health, is worth at least ten million. I've paid my taxes; I've contributed to society, and I will continue to do so in a meaningful and helpful manner. I need compensation.

With that 10 million, I'm building a real hospital, with no brainwashing TVs, no typical or atypical anti-psychotics, and especially no treacherous doctors. Only real ones.
Instead, there will be games, musical instruments, dances and most importantly: plants. I don't care which kind; even an invasive species is better off for me than your Invega or Risperdal or Ativan.

---

And though my parents are fearful that I'm going to end up at another hospital in god-knows-where and I won't be able to get out, the truth is they're the jailors, not me.
It's your generation's fault - not mine, not our generation. Stop killing us.

Give us Earth back, and she'll take care of us. And we'll know how to respect her.
Give us our daemons back, and we'll take care of each other.

Signed,

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Personal impromptu philosophy

2012-01-19T17:20:00.003-05:00

I'm a sociologist. I'm a psychologist. I'm an anthropologist.
I'm a philosopher.
I'm a gamer.
I'm a helpless lover.
Am I a poet
or am I a philosopher?

The following is an extract from my personal "Gaia" journal. There are three sections. And the sociologist in me wants to play a game with you.

If you feel like you're a very pessimistic person, focus on the section that is in blue.
If you feel like you're a very optimistic person, focus on the section that is in red.
If you feel like you're in between both these poles, focus on the section that is in green.

Safe in the light and dark that surround me Free from misery, torture, and pain The learnings and things that haunt me Are links to the past and the future Hope for the future is sometimes lost in the present But never too far away are my loves

What are loves? What -is- love? When you love someone or something from your heart and soul instead of just as an electrical brain impulse, you create something that is unbound from the chains of reality, the grasps that force you to act or behave in a certain way.

A flower does not flourish without proper nourishment. When the flower flowers, the exuberance it radiates heals and cleanses - an aura of love.

Card of the day: Spirit Ryu - Dragon Type

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Serious earth business

2012-01-17T21:40:00.001-05:00

Stop consuming so much shiz people! Don't get drunk, get funk'd!

Anyway, a new vlog for all of you. Let me know what you think! I know the lighting could be better, but the overhead lighting that I usually use is too bright for this time of the night.

Also, I'm in love with Lights, the musician. I just bought her first CD, The Listening, (I rarely buy CDs) and I totally loved the feel and style of it.

Have a happy Tuesday evening.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

To be part of the League

2012-01-15T16:57:00.001-05:00

Hi everyone! Sorry for the last depressing post, I'm feeling much better now. In fact, I'm feeling kawaii now ^_^.

Anyway, I'm a pretty protastic gamer. One of my favourite games, as many of you know already, has been World of Warcraft. I played it a lot in high school.

I found an easier game a couple years ago, aptly called League of Legends, and this game helped me out through many a dark times. Indeed, video games are an excellent place not only for inspiration, but also as a place to destress after dealing with the "real world" for too long. As a side note, I fully oppose SOPA, as it is a ploy for the rich older adults to control the younger generation who know how to deal with internal affairs such as the internet.

Anyway, I finally have a vlog for you readers who have been waiting to see one for years now. It's a pretty big fail though, as my dear mother stumbled into my room right in the middle of the video, so it'll be cut short for now. I also messed up a couple of the voices, but I hope I'm accurate enough.

Welcome to Gabe's University, aka Academia Perspicax.

If you want to play the game I'm discussing in this video with me, just click here and sign up! I'll teach you how to play, even if you think you're a "n00b". :) League of Legends Account Sign Up

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

The dread of the winter

2012-01-15T11:03:00.001-05:00

So yesterday there was a little feast at my parent's place - lots of food and all and some wine, the typical merry gathering.

As much as I enjoy eating chinese food, it's not good for me and I feel dreadful this morning, probably because of all the gluten in the food I ate. So I feel dreadful and lonely, and the whispers of the spirits around me are trying to help but I'm having a hard time believing in the goddesses and deities protecting me.

See, finding your own religion is a continuous quest to check reality against the non-reality of things that your eyes and other "basic" senses cannot see. I'm pretty sure that if I narrow down my spiritual ideas, it can be summed up in the Gaia theory, polytheism, and anything else that can be found in the His Dark Materials series. So why is it so difficult for me to find an easier proof instead of taking words from books and blindly believing in faith alone?

I know there are gateways to different worlds, I've felt them and I've almost certainly experienced life in a whole other universe (the many-worlds theory) and yet I cannot continuously keep trying to find Lyra on my own. My fears haunt me too much, and travelling alone is giving me a feeling of dread.

I just wish the tide would come and find me first.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

I don't know where you are

2012-01-15T01:56:00.002-05:00

But if you're there
The mild torture I feel can be banished.
Just give me a real phone call, L__A.

http://xkcd.com/40/

Once upon a time

2012-01-08T12:23:00.003-05:00

Little spies once taped over my mouth;
ye little spies
be
gone.

You know

2012-01-07T19:24:00.000-05:00

Maybe I just want to play video games...
Not with my group from Katimavik, they don't know how to play nice.

Maybe VRA's the answer, or maybe Weston's a jail.

Either way, I shouldn't have to rhyme or do anything of the sort if I don't want to.
Now leave me allon.

Let's liven a planet, 2

2012-01-06T18:33:00.000-05:00

Commas! Never forget them, for they know how to breathe, remember?
QUESTION MARK?
OH NO, NO NO NO, THIS IS UN-ACCEPTABLE.

Ellie, this one's for you!

Wasted

2012-01-04T00:30:00.003-05:00

Why do they have the stupidest terms for being drunk?
Why do drunkards play the STUPIDEST games?
I'm talking Beer pong, flip cup. They're SO boring, these games. It's like people's creativity shuts down when they drink.

Well, not me, I'm living proof. I'm really drunk right now with some tequila in me, and I don't feel any less creative. Of course, what you might be reading might be really boring to you, but to me, it'll probably bring a smile to my face when I reread my post later on in life.

I love re-reading old posts. It's one of the reasons I blog - to go back in time whenever I wish. I just really, really wish that more people would comment... it's frustrating knowing you have a lot of people watching you, but no one ever bothering to leave a comment. It's rare that I get a comment anyway.

Well, I'm not here to guilt you into writing a comment, reader, that would defeat the purpose. I just wish that more people would slow down in life and stop whining. Oh, the irony...

So yeah, here I am, drinking after a solid yoga session. I could have gone out dancing, but that would have entailed coat checks, shitty drinks and crowds, all of which I hate.

The upside would have been dancing, music, and maybe some form of love, but I never get lucky on the latter, so maybe it's foolish of me to think that I can go to a club and find love. I guess that's why I created my own little lonely club in my parent's house's basement.

Did you know? I want to move out. I want to live on residence. But to do that, I have to find a real good job, so I can afford good food and a good place, and that requires... would you know it... effort.

That's not to say I don't work hard - I'm working hard right now, aren't I? I could be passed out in my bed, but no, here I am, writing another blog entry so that you, reader, won't feel deprived and me, well, I'll be able to hope that someone out there actually cares enough about my life to send me a heartfelt e-mail, or a facebook message, or even - do I dare say it - a blog comment!

Anyway, it's nice to be a little drunk, I'm not nearly worried about things that I'm usually worried about. For example, I'm not worrying about perfect grammer and speling right now, which feels great. I have enough confidence in my spellchecking abilities not to make too many mistakes.

I just wish someone out there would realize how intelligent and bright I actually am and hire me on the spot, instead of writing these stupid resumés and cover letters. I have nothing to prove to you in those things.

My proof that I'm smarter than every human being in existence right now is right here in this blog.

Gabriel, signing out with arrogance,

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

A truly epic rush

2012-01-02T06:49:00.002-05:00

Re-released for the first time in 3D!

This is my second World of Warcraft video - and if you can't tell what's going on (which is quite likely), just know that I had a ton of fun both filming this video and producing it.

Essentially, me and a bunch of people decided to raid the Alliance's auction house and occupy it. Kinda like an in-game Occupy Movement. It was a ton of fun, but eventually we were annihilated by the sheer amount of guards that spawned (kinda like a parallel with the police/army in the Occupy movements!).

Soundtrack is When the lights are down - Kamelot and Paid in full - Sonata Arctica.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

A light-hearted fire

2011-12-30T23:23:00.002-05:00

So I'll get to the real heavy stuff later on in life, on this blog. Maybe this year, maybe next year, maybe some other place in some other world, but not right now. I need to stay happy, and stay in my own little heaven, however small it may be, and how ever lonely I may think it is.

I used to be pretty anti-astrology. I used to be hardcore into science, and facts, and facts, and more facts. Did you know that Sir Wilfrid Laurier is on the 5-dollar bill?

Nowadays though, I've been into astrology. Eastern and western philosophy, both, yuh-huh.
So I consult this thing called the I-Ching - it's a guiding light for me. I got the idea to consult it after reading the Golden Compass series. Because I don't have an alethiometer, I have to mimic Mary and use the I-Ching to get me a bit of truth in life.

I've also been looking at the traditional horoscopes that we have here in the west. I, being a Leo, am supposedly someone who needs to be in the limelight. My limelight has been growing, and growing steadily. I'm a musician, a poet, a creator of artistic things, and maybe even a gifted mystic.

Unfortunately, the current western world tends to prize normality and conformity above all else, so it's kinda hard for me to shine as a star.

Anyway, what triggered tonight's blog post was this quote that I found on astrology.com that just made me laugh out loud:

The element associated with Leo is Fire. Everything about the Lion's personality is hot, hot, hot.

Damn right I'm hot.
Now it's time I set about completing my little goal of finding a girlfriend:
Hi there. I may not have six-pack abs, but I sure am hot!

Here's a picture of me! Gosh, why am I just so hot? Move over Pauly D!
Send me a letter, potential girlfriend! I'll send one back! Maybe we can even go on a date!

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Soon to be written

2011-12-30T16:38:00.002-05:00

So I've spent the last week locked up inside a hospital against my will - also tortured and drugged against my will, but you probably will find that hard to believe, reader.

It's true, though.

You might think "Gosh, what a drama queen! There's no such thing as torture, we live in Canada for chrissake's!".

Well, you're wrong if you think that.

I'm in recovery mode right now, so I'll keep this blog post short. Just know that you shouldn't worry, I'm feeling okay now.

My blog, my rules.

2011-12-20T22:40:00.001-05:00

Rule #1: You do not tell lies.

Simple, isn't it?
I hate simplicity.
In fact, simplicity is not king.
There is no king.
There is no queen.
I hate the french.
You can't stop me.
Though the imp-reality.
Chobis, are you there?

What's a pirate's favourite form of "food"?

2011-12-19T01:00:00.004-05:00

CAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRBS.

this one's for you, Mark S

It's quest-in' time!

2011-12-18T01:53:00.000-05:00

You know who you are.

Zanzi Ka Mua

The sadness of words

2011-12-15T02:36:00.001-05:00

Why did humans invent words?

---

I have a special relationship with words. I've had one ever since I started using the internet.
It's like words have feelings. I guess that's why there are different fonts and formats, and different types of punctuation marks, and different ways to phrase words to express different things.

But really, words attempt to explain. And words are meaningless without an author; indeed, all words have authors, somewhere in time.

Words are merely shadows of the soul. Little black symbols that your eyes see, and that your brain then interprets.
I get affected by these shadows so easily. Sometimes the authors, though they don't intend to, cause me pain with their shadows.
And though I could reciprocate the shadows with even more shadows, like I so often did in the past, I just end up with too much darkness and I never feel better in the end.

One of my favourite characters from one of my favourite games, League of Legends, has this quote whenever you move him around. He's a little ninja (technically, a yordle), and he says in his ever-so-stealthy voice "The eyes never lie!".
And it's true. The problem with my world right now is that the screen in front of me hides my eyes, and hides yours as well, reader.

I could be lying to you when I write that I feel incredibly lonely at this hour of the night, and that my loneliness has been with me for many, many years, never being quite able to let me go when I'm in the real world.

But if you saw my eyes, you'd truly see that I'm incredibly lonely, and that I long for real ____.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Abused to death

2011-12-13T00:24:00.000-05:00

I am so angry.
I am SO sad.
I am so disappointed; but I didn't expect any better.
I am so fearful.

She is going to survive.
She doesn't like the abuse but she'll get the final word.
She'll take care of the smart and the ones in need.
She'll punish the greedy; the power-hungry; the abusers.

I am hopeful.
I am lonely.
I am not alone.
I am patient.

She is being sacrificed because of our collective stupidity.
She is usually loving and caring if you respect her.

He is the evil who has been "elected".
He is the symbol of the exploitation and corruption all around us.
His army commander has chosen to opt out of the Kyoto Protocol.

I am going to win my battle.
Him and his friends are going to pay for their convictions.

I love Her.

Who is She?
I know who I am.
Who are you?
We all know who he is; we're practically forced to give him respect because he is our "leader".

What's one step you've taken to help Her? It can be the smallest of things; every little bit helps increase yours and others' awareness.

---

First Canadian reader to answer the three questions above correctly wins an authentic present from me! You might not get it before Christmas, but I'll make sure to mail/give it to you A.S.A.P.

Leave your comment below, or e-mail me if you're shy.

I'll end this poetic post with a picture of one of my favourite homemade snacks: nachos with protein and a special dip that is my secret recipe.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

My real life's tragic

2011-12-10T17:06:00.001-05:00

If it's not real
You can't hold it in your hand
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it
But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Even in the dark

And that's where I'd love more of us to be, yeah

©Hayley Williams, Josh Farro

There's a reason

2011-12-09T13:00:00.001-05:00

Something in the airwaves; buried openly in this song
Somehow the airwaves heal me

Somewhere in time; I've heard this before
And then Blink blasts out and deafens my soul

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Inteligencia

2011-12-08T00:52:00.001-05:00

Seemingly out of the dark tunnel that I find myself in, where the tunnel itself is a vortex of "mindless" human beings working their asses off to live a better life, a light appears.

My dear friend N has written - with calculated magnificence - a blog piece that very smartly puts into a nutshell a lot of the anger that I feel towards the current corporations that "rule" the world, both offline and online.

While the vision in my head of how Google operates isn't as much of a dystopia as N paints it (most of their services have advanced mankind indeed!), her post certainly does bring up the important darker aspects that Power brings to those entrusted with it.

It is not often that I link to other blogs, so I ask that you pay special attention to her wisdom.

Her Magnificent Desolation

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Err'body calm the eff down

2011-12-07T19:24:00.001-05:00

Oooh heeeey readers! This one is going to be a classic angry Gabe rant, so you know what that means!
Put your wizard hats on. Robes are optional.

Okay, here goes!

---

It's midterm season. Yes, I get it, you have LOTS of shiz to catch up on, to study for, and so little free time to enjoy life, and ESPECIALLY no time at all to call dear old friends (HINT HINT).

Yes, I get it, you just LOVE coffee. Caffeine is what gets you through midterm season, right? Every other time of the year, you bitch and moan at Starbucks for being an american corporate anti-trust transnational whore, but when it comes down to it, you still need your grande, triple, skinny, double-caf, no whip, no foam, peppermint, nutmeg, vegan eggnog latte. With sprinkles. (credit for that doozy: Lamontagne, cartoonink.com)

What's that? You're sick? You mean you have the flu and a cold with pneumonia after a week of eating canned beans and forgetting to eat real food because "I was up all night studying for that exam!"?.

And there's nothing better for you to do but to go on Facebook and tell everyone else out there how miserable you are and that they totally don't understand how much stress you're under, but at least you still have that coffee date at Second Cup with that one guy/girl later on in the week and you just hope to hell it's not another creeper.

Well, wake the eff up.

You didn't have to get yourself into any of this. You didn't have to sign up for all those courses. You didn't have to dive head first into a program because someone told you you should. You didn't have to Double Major in Intricate Complexity Analytics and Bioscientific Congregate Diametry so you could buy yourself a fancy car and a house and feed your family when you're older.

And you ESPECIALLY didn't need to cram everything last minute. That's a choice you made when you decided to go to that "make-fun-of-hipsters" party instead of spending a quiet night alone at home with some trance music to help you study.

See where we are right now? We're on a hell of slippery slope, so I hope you brought some skates.

I hate skating. I hate skating in circles, anyway. I'd do cross-country skating if I could, but all I ever seem to find in Toronto are hockey rinks. Did I mention I'm not a big fan of hockey?

---

There. That's a chunk of my rant out of the way. But since I'm a nice human being (oh come on, I am!), I'm not just going to leave you in your hell-hole. I mean, you deserve it a little bit, but I'm not someone who enjoys GREAT SUFFERING.

Here's what Dr. Kaiba recommends: (READ: I AM NOT AN ACCREDITED DOCTOR, BUT YOU'RE STILL ALLOWED TO READ WHAT I WRITE. THIS IS MERELY MY OPINION, WHICH CAN BE TAKEN AS ADVICE).

Drop the coffee. Seriously, no matter how much you think you need it, you don't. If you're used to drinking a lot of coffee, slow down or replace it with green tea.
Keep a normal sleep schedule, as much as possible. You don't need to pull all nighters. REPEAT AFTER ME: YOU DO NOT NEED TO PULL AN ALL NIGHTER.
This relates to #2: stop drinking so much. Alcohol is known to interfere with REM sleep. Yes, I know drinking water helps, but it's better to avoid the ethanol poison altogether.
If you enjoy smoking cannabis, go for it. It's definitely a good relaxant, and it probably helps you sleep better, too. However, if you're not confident in your ability to remember things, it's best to avoid it too. Especially if you're a newer smoker.
This relates to #4. Study sober, write the exam sober. If you really need to smoke that blunt with your hos & bros, try to wait until after you're done your study session. Otherwise (and only do this if absolutely necessary), study high, write your exam high. Why? The brain remembers things best when the environment/context in which it learned the information doesn't change too much. (I learned this when I audited a Psych 101 course at Dalhousie University.)
This one should go without saying: don't ignore human beings because you think they're going to make you fail your course. You're allowed to be alone as much as you want, but it's not nice to ignore your friends for the sake of "writing papers".
If you feel stressed out, feel free to text me, give me a call, send me an e-mail, write me a letter, Skype me etc. I have time that maybe you don't have or just don't see! I promise to do my best to help you out.

Finally, here's an ~~equation~~ (or is it a statement? I skipped way too many math classes, haha) for you Type A's out there:

Love in almost all things.

Alright, this one's for those of you who hate odd numbers: 8. Keep your chin up!

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Strong influence

2011-12-06T01:00:00.001-05:00

I wonder how it is possible for a stranger met online to have such an influence on how I feel.
An exchange of ideas; a mindful flirtation of words all kept within anonymity.
And just as I thought I was going to share and philosophize my world with yet another stranger, I was cut off; like an apple sliced in half, forever rotting into oblivion until its energy refills somewhere else in the cosmos.

Poorly worded metaphors don't bother me; English teachers who stop students from writing what they feel because they don't have the proper style hurt me.

I will get to Oxford one day and I will find her; somewhere in time.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Vested disjunctive

2011-12-05T01:23:00.001-05:00

.

This is how I feel, it's my melancholy shining through.

Why can't people understand music the same way I do?

Am I synesthetic, or am I psychotic?

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

I love the twilight and dusklight in the skies

2011-12-04T01:53:00.001-05:00

What's the difference, you ask?

One has been commercialized heavily; taken to the level where money once again intrudes on the freedom of love.

Twi to me seems like twine; an entanglement of ropes which themselves are entangled - some call it a theory of strings what is a string without a stringer or stringess?

So twilight is the light that entangles all; shrouded in twilight, you live in the darkness (metaphorically or in the physical sense, depending on how you look at it) until you see the light (and you stand up for your rights!).

Dusklight is more gentle. Past friends of mine would understand - there's no need for money when an exchange of energy is involved.

Volunteering is an exchange of energy.

Volunteers rule the world; the money-makers capitalize on it; and the philosophers run it.

I am the philosopher queen, for a king is limited in his moves. I'm a king as well though, because the queens keep me in check.

I am Archangel Gabriel, and I'm so alone.

Please rescue me.

Sincerely,

Gabriel Gervais-Houle, aka

Theophilus Thistle (pseudonym, also a beautiful girl)
TotalBiscuit (pseudonym, also a brit with yellow teeth ;D)
TotalHalibut (pseudonym)
Kikitiki (pseudonym)
Kal *Magicus Nexilis in Aeternum* (my own creativity)
Kool Drummer Dude (my original e-mail)
Deathraven (my undead warlock self)
Grimful (my tauren druid self)
Moonpidgeon (my night elf druid self)
Nexilis (my night elf priest self)
Mnemonix (my blood elf paladin; also my most used gaming pseudonym)
Gabter (original Starcraft username)

P.S. Emma Watson is really pretty.
I love too many girls to name them on here; maybe Hermione can help me get over my fear of them;mayhaps the opposite! I'm not that scary. =p

Here's to some simplicity.

2011-11-26T14:29:00.001-05:00

[mass noun]

1 vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) combined in such a way as to produce beauty of form , harmony, and expression of emotion

From Oxford Dictionaries Online.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Bonjour

2011-11-25T21:21:00.001-05:00

Bon, peut-être que c'est un peu injuste que j'écris tellement en Anglais, mais j'ai bien le droit d'écrire dans une langue qui me convient, non?

C'est vraiment dur d'être une personne authentique quand tes deux parents sont des traducteurs - c'est comme si ils fonctionnent seulement avec des uns et des zéros...

Ou ~~est l'accent~~ est la beauté des choses là-dedans? C'est VRAIMENT plâte vivre avec mes parents, mais quand j'essaye de m'enfuir, je leur cause de la peine.

Ou est ma liberté d'être?
Je me fais interrompre à chaque fois que j'essaye de m'exprimer à MA façon. C'est RIDDIKKULUS (OH, PARDON PÈRE, J'AI MAL EPPPEÉLÉ UN MOT!).

Mais quand même, mon français est le meilleur. Le tiens est peut-être plus "juste", mais ou est MA justice?
De toute façon, mon intellectuel est plus fort que le tiens, maintenant.
Et surtout, je te batterais au badminton. (J'appelle ça le GOODMINTON! :D)

Et voilà les chats qui viennent me déranger...
Merci mère, c'est bien beau avoir trois chats, mais ce n'est PAS À MOI à m'occuper d'eux. C'est pas mon travail. C'est ma SOEUR qui voulait des chats... bien... qu'elle s'en occupe... pas moi!

Et voilà une autre injustesse (oh oui, je sais! On dit INJUSTICE AUSSI). Je m'occupe des chats parce-que je n'ai pas le choix. Ma soeur assume que c'est moi qui va toute faire pour elle - et bien, je ne vais pas te traiter de "gros mots", mais je te trouve cruelle. Moi, au moins, je fait de mon mieux pour semer le bonheur dans la vie, à ma façon invisible.

J'aurait pu devenir un pro gamer beaucoup plus facilement si tu n'avais pas renversé de l'eau sur mon SUPER CLAVIER G15 première édition Logitech. Avec mes macros, et les belles touches bleues reluisantes... tellement séductives...

Mais non.

À la place, je me fais enfermer dans des enfers mentales avec des psychiatres qui foutent rien sauf semer la terreur dans les patients. Merci, merci beaucoup.

Je ne mets pas la faute sur aucune personne, mais... connaissez vous le mot, en anglais, SUPPORT?

Mes fondations sont fortes, mais mes supports sont lâches.

I need a better support network than the one my current family provides.

Someone, please adopt me.

Adoptez-moi, je vous l'autorise, si vous êtes vraiment mes -vrais- amis (les amoureux... ça peut attendre :P).

Signé,
KALEIDOUGHSCOPE.

Édition: Les sti d'accents de tabarnac de calisse sur mon clavier de merde.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Hi

2011-11-25T08:16:00.001-05:00

I'm really happy today!

Sure know why.

:)

Hi Ea.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

My song

2011-11-23T21:43:00.001-05:00

For the longest time, I've had a huge problem with people who claimed ownership to a song, as if the song was destined for them and them only. I perceived it as arrogant and disrespectful to the music and the musicians. Though I don't go clubbing often, I oft hear about the stereotypical white girl with her gang of friends who screeches out "OMG GIRLS THIS IS LIEK TOTALLY OUR SONG!!!!!!" when the DJ puts on a fun tune.

But after many years, I've come to the realization that if associating your being to a song has a certain healing power to the listener, who am I to judge which music belongs to who? Music, in my head, doesn't belong to anyone. The copyright belongs to whoever owns it; and there's nothing wrong with making money off music (especially if it's a musician's only livelihood). Obviously, most of the big record labels are complete money whores and really don't deserve their position on the current pyramid scale of power.

I guess the problem I had - and probably still have - is that a lot of people think that just because a song is "oh my gawd amazin'" that this somehow gives them the right to push it down others peoples throats - without being mindful that maybe the other entity likes another song just as much.

If I may make a dangerous parallel, it's very similar to the religious folk who push their religion down other peoples' throats without care that maybe their religion is only applicable to themselves and not others. There's nothing wrong with opening up the possibility that a song is amazing to someone else, but please stop there, unless you're invited to share.

Also, insulting someone else's music should be illegal. My parents and most of my relatives hate the trance music I listen to, but fuck them.

On that note, I leave you with my song, or, to be more accurate, a song that I feel completely represents my life. I've tried to share songs with a close group of friends, but that didn't work out and in fact resulted in the previous blog post - all of the lyrics I remixed in Gabe (ft. Meto Kaiba) are based off my own reality. There's nothing "made up" in there. The Charm refers to my Katimavik group, if you didn't know. And I've left the facebook group that I've been in for more than a year now because I just couldn't handle how aggressive and judgemental they were of my music and my own being.

This is Solitary Shell by Dream Theater, off the "Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence" album, which is rumoured to be an album all about different types of mental illnesses. In my world, it's an album related to my spectrum theory of existence.

Please enjoy. And to me, the most important thing is for you, the reader/listener, to listen carefully to the lyrics, however enthralling the instrumentals may be.

P.S. Is anyone still interested in my audiologs? I have a great recording program, a shitty microphone, and no idea how to host my voice on my blog. Any ideas? Do leave a comment if you can!

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Gabe (ft. Meto Kaiba) version 1.0

2011-11-21T22:09:00.001-05:00

My hope's gone cold I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning snow clouds up my crypta
And I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be white
But your symbols on my wall
It reminds me that I'm not so bad;
It's not so bad

Dear Charm, I wrote but you still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my address and my home phone at the bottom
I sent plenty of letters back in autumn, you must not have read 'em
There probably was a problem at Facebook headquarters or something
Sometimes I scribble addresses too perfect when I jot 'em
But anyways, fuck it, what's been up man? Got a life yet?
Me - I fell in love, she's such a rainbow but I think she's a brunette
Look, I read about all the people you loved and hated
But I feel so afraid when you refuse to let me feel satiated
I read about all the shit you've been through; it was probably misery
But really, do you need to "Like" to get permission to write shit about me?
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your greatest fan
I even have those videos that we did when we were united; like when we began
I got a box full of our memories, man
I like the shiz we did in the park; that shiz was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this gals, hit me back, just to chat, truly yours, your greatest fan
This is Gabe

My hope's gone cold I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning snow clouds up my crypta
And I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be white
But your symbols on my wall
It reminds me that I'm not so bad;
It's not so bad

To be sung in the style of "Stan" by Eminem (ft. Dido).
To be continued...

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Alcohol & other drugs

2011-11-20T19:07:00.001-05:00

Is there a place for the hopeful non-drinker, who has hurt all mankind, just to save, his own believin'?

Yeah, I remixed a lyric in One Love by Bob Marley to make a very important point.

There are very few things in the world that I'm consciously aware of that sicken me to the point where I use the word "sicken" to describe the feeling - but alcohol is one of them.

I feel I've experimented enough with ethanol to know how it affects me, and what pleasure I can derive from it. If I had to pick a spirit, I guess I'd have to say vodka is my drink of choice.

Most beer has gluten in it, and I avoid that crap as much as possible, but I have nothing against beer connoisseurs.

But you know what really grinds my gears?

When people are all like "oh man, we should totally get smashed together one more time before ____", as if alcohol is essential for human interaction.

It can be useful, but I get the feeling that SO many people rely on it to meet people/get comfortable with friends. It's really, really depressing (pun intended).

In my experience, alcohol almost always does more harm than good. ~~So why is it even legal?~~

As most readers are aware, I smoke weed. Not habitually anymore, but I can easily say I've been psychologically addicted to weed in the past, and it took a lot of work to not crave a high. It's now my current theory that you learn more about coming off drugs (I consider modern weed to be a drug, but the 70s stuff, not so much...) than you do while on them, although you can learn a ton of things while high.

What am I getting at?

Well, I guess personally, I feel like people are WAY too judgmental about my choices in life. I've had plenty of people assume, straight up, that the only reason I land myself in mental hospitals is because I smoke weed. I won't deny that it may be a factor, but how on EARTH can you assume such things? How can you assume that weed is causing psychotic behaviour? Even if you try to look at it from a scientific perspective, the studies that link psychosis with weed intake never go as far as to imply a causal relationship. There's only a statistical correlation, which is almost meaningless as an argument.

And you know what I think?

If weed were completely legal (perhaps regulated similarly to alcohol), I think you'd find that the statistical correlation between psychotic tendencies and weed in the general population would completely disappear.

Always having to watch your back because you make a choice of what you wish to put into your body (remember, MY BODY; MY RULES) is not conducive to good health. In other words, the laws currently in place in Canada are landing people in mental hospitals/jails unnecessarily.

And the "Right Honourable" (rofl) Stephen Harper wants to toughen the laws? What. The. Fuck.

Food for thought.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Ketchup, life

2011-11-20T12:01:00.001-05:00

So I figured today is a good day for all of you to ketchup with my life.

I got accepted to UofT a few weeks ago - I'm starting in January with something called the Academic Bridging Program. I'm going to be a part-time student from January till around mid-June, when my final exam happens. Then, to paraphrase a dear friend, I'm probably going to fuck off to BC for the summer.

Then in September 2012, if all goes well with the transition program, I'll be majoring in Philosophy, still deciding on a minor. I might even decide to do a double-major if I think I can handle the workload.

Right now, I'm employed with Katimavik, doing recruitment at various schools and career fairs for min. wage, but it's a sweet job and I've done it before. It really gives me a sense of doing something positive for the world instead of working at say, Mc.Dic's (making the world a shittier place for just about everyone since 1940!).

Today, I'm hopefully going to go play badminton. I'm not practicing nearly as much as I want to, but I don't have a reliable partner available right now, and that really sucks.

Card of the day:

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Fruity noms

2011-11-19T01:26:00.001-05:00

So after a lot of reflection, I'm rediscovering my childhood.
I think it's a great thing, especially with all the heavy shit I've been dealing with lately.

Today I went to a games hobby centre (where the nerdiest of the nerds congregate) and challenged a couple people to a duel in Yu-Gi-Oh. SO MUCH FUN!

I brought my deck which I hadn't touched in... oh, EIGHT years, and promptly got my ass kicked.

Apparently, 8 years worth of new booster packs, new rules and a new set of forbidden cards is enough to destroy my beautiful "Legendary Ocean" water deck.

The game got SO much more complicated.

If you don't know about the game, it's similar to pokemon trading cards. You're trying to defeat your opponent by bringing their life points down to zero, using cards that inflict "damage". It's so sweet. It's very similar to Magic: The Gathering as well.

In another news, here are some fruity noms for you:

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Moving forward

2011-11-17T18:42:00.001-05:00

So apparently, my blog audience has grown substantially since my last few posts. I'm really happy about this!
And thank you to all those who sent me heartfelt compliments on my writing, I really, really appreciate your support.

However, it seems a few people seem to think they know what's "best" for me. Some of them close friends, others mere acquaintances. To those people, please don't try to tell me what's best for me and my body. You're definitely not helping. I appreciate your concern, and I know you're trying to help, but please read on.

It's true, I don't really trust psychiatrists. I'm not saying they're all evil, but after going what I've been through, I feel I'm in a good position to relate my story from a patient's point of view.

Drugs aren't inherently good for the human body. Especially not pharmaceutical drugs. That's why there are side effects. The body doesn't recognize the foreign substance, and tries to repel it. The human body is smart.

I'm not saying drugs are bad. Some drugs have saved plenty of lives, and that's fine.

HOWEVER.

Trying to treat things like "psychosis" with pills and denying all other forms of therapy as potentially equal or better, in my opinion, is a terrible, terrible mistake.
Psychiatrists everywhere try to control the mentally sick with their fucked up "medicine" that they themselves have no idea of their origin. When I asked my assigned doctor in the hospital what they were injecting in me, the only answer they could really provide was "don't worry, it'll help you".

To that I say, and pardon the crudeness, FUCK YOU. You have NO idea what's good for my body. You have an idea of what's good for the general population, but NOT my body. Especially if I refuse your blood tests. You gave me a fucking panic attack, you didn't help me at all.

MY BODY; MY RULES.

And then, when you really need help, and they try to show you that mental illness is "just like" a physical illness like diabetes or a broken leg, they're using RHETORIC to convince you to take their bloody expensive pills.
In logic terms, we call this a FAULTY analogy.

Here's an example of a discussion about pill-taking I had with a psychiatrist once:

P: Don't you see? There's nothing to be ashamed of by taking a pill to help cure you. It's just like diabetes. If you had diabetes, you wouldn't deny the taking of insulin, would you?

G: I see what you did there. First of all, by definition, diabetes is a physical illness, not a mental one. Someone who is diabetic is deficient in insulin. I am NOT deficient in your drug. My body doesn't need your drug to function. Never has, probably never will. My body is probably deficient in nutrients, somewhere, but your drug doesn't help that. You might say it does, but really, it just cuts off the symptoms, and even then, it doesn't even do it that well. What my body needs is proper nutrition, proper vitamins and minerals, and if need be, I can boost it with supplements. But the human body always strives to be in homeostasis, otherwise we'd all be sick, all the time.

See, but trying to get psychiatrists to see this is like talking to a brick wall. They don't give a fuck about the truth, they just want to keep their jobs and the money associated with it.

Money should not control health. EVER.

I take herbal remedies, and they work. And no, they're not all "homeopathic" (they sure do love to pick on this word, though). I don't need your fucked up animal studies to show me that your pills are better, because they're not. What you're doing to me, the animals, and the plants you've immorally harvested to "cure" me is EVIL.

That is all for today, friends.

Oh, if you're into trance, I've kinda loved this song for a long, long time now.

Try to listen to all of it, if you can.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Grounding food

2011-11-16T15:48:00.001-05:00

So having just been released from the most inhumane place I've ever visited, I was very hungry.
They did feed me quite well, respecting my gluten-free diet, but the food was still... hospital food, what can I say.

However, I came home famished, and decided to make a quick snack:
I don't have a name for it yet, but it's really, really tasty. Lots of spices and Omega-3s, and just enough carbs to keep the brain happy. The protein is ham and Mennonite salami.

The Mental Hospital

2011-11-16T13:21:00.001-05:00

Tuesday November 15th, 2011

It has been one day since I've been imprisoned against my will inside this dysfunctional hospital. I was forced to take an Ativan injection - tied down and needled and all - for some unknown reason. But there is hope, very much hope at the end of this sickly tunnel.

How do I know this?

Well, when I was first brought here, I met an incredibly beautiful girl. Just my type: amazingly coloured hair, bright eyes and a lot of fiery enthusiasm. She's really sparkly, and radiates emotional passion.

Anyway, she and her friend J (who was not a patient at the hospital) were the only two people who seemed sane. We chatted for great lengths on how messed up the "system" is (duh), and how badly we wanted to take it down.

But back to this gorgeous girl... she gave me her FB account info before we parted ways to different wards, and I want to take her dancing. She even said, when she was in the bed lying next to me, "Ughhh, let's just go DANCE!". But as we couldn't because there were too many bastard doctors around. We both wanted to sing. She might still be in the hospital, but in a different ward.

It is now much later during the day, and my sister and mother came to visit me. They didn't really talk about all that much. My mother has worrying issues. My sister was more understanding, really. Just before their visit, I met a psychiatrist, Dr. Parker, who seemed pretty nice. She did ask why I didn't want any pills, but she didn't seem to care what my reasons for refusing them were. Instead, she used a faulty analogy to "convince" me that taking "Olanzapine/Risperidone" would be good for me.

Wednesday, Nov 16th, 2011

The lights are on! No, not the metaphorical lights, the actual lights. I feel I have a clearer understanding of what's going on in this place, and how to make it better (at least for myself...). It is a scary place, however. People seem to cling to other people who seem to have some sort of level-headedness. Already, 2-3 people have been clinging to me, telling me all about their life without really caring about my voice. Soon, however:

MUSIC SHALL SET US FREE.

It already has for me.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Pain/suffering.

2011-11-12T14:26:00.001-05:00

I feel like I have the capacity to think critically but people like K just... completely shatter my ego, sometimes, and there's nothing wrong with someone intentionally bringing down my ego, except that she's causing me MENTAL PAIN by doing what she's doing, even if she's not really conscious of it.

Occupy Toronto: Part 1

2011-11-10T02:19:00.000-05:00

Again, I feel a little tired, but I feel I have enough energy to write this post at this prime hour.

I've been visiting the Occupy Toronto camp, at King and Church recently.

And what a marvelous place it is!

... For the most part.

What I feel is ruining a lot of potential isn't the cops, or the army, or anything like that. I haven't personally witnessed any crackdowns at the times that I've been there. I've only heard of them through common speech.

I feel the real problem is the M.O. of certain people, that is is to say, certain people seem to abuse alcohol and other drugs unnecessarily.
Yes, I'm equivocating alcohol with the word drug. But I can prove my reasoning (even if it seems obvious to me a priori):
Unknown. "Drug." Oxford Dictionaries Online. Oxford University Press. Web. 7 Nov. 2011. .

People seem to think that just because a lot of really awesome people come together to discuss positive change in the world; that somehow this entitles them to enter into a sacred place and ruin it for the rest of us.

It's absolutely unfair.

But there's another absolute unfairness that I'm aware of... and yes, it deals with politicians and their STUPID, STUPID RHETORIC.

LOGIC =/ RHETORIC.
I also believe that Logic is greater than or equal to Rhetoric in almost all cases. Rhetoric has its uses... but to use it for POWER is UNACCEPTABLE, in my eyes.

GLl.

I've seen a few televised debates that happened in Ottawa (i.e. parliament) over the last coupleyears. Granted, these were mostly quick snapshots from communication mediums such as Radio-Canada et la CBC. Unfortunately, I don't have the whole picture available to me.

But I've also watched the Ontario Parliament Network a few times when I was really bored... and wow. What deliberate? misinformation. E.g. OKAY, MR. TIM HUDAK, WE GET IT, THERE ARE BAY STREET BANKERS. Big effing deal. ~~The only reason this sticks around in my head is that, through the use of rhetoric, he's managed to keep this in my head.~~
Well, you've failed to convince me, Mr. Hudak. The only thing you've done is prove to me that you are an idiot.

Anyways, moving on... Mr. Speaker this, Mr. Speaker that blah blah blah...
First of all, why not Missus Speaker instead? But this isn't really about feminism.
It's about equality, fairness, and direct democracy.

To the older politicians, Y U NO GIVE US SPACE, TIME AND REASON?

To the younger politicians, wisdom can be found in consulting elders, but I believe you know this already.
To everyone else, PLEASE support direct democracy! It is my personal belief that the internet can set us free.

Please do leave a comment here, even if it's ~~just~~ a symbol/signature/autograph! It would really, really help to ground me ~~and it might also let your spirits soar!~~

:)

P.S. To the S family: if you're reading this, this might be one of my favourite Blink songs. What's my age again is pretty sweet, though.
http://youtu.be/6WP6KuNHaPU

Kitty City

2011-11-05T23:52:00.000-04:00

So as you know, reader, I don't usually link to other content; I much prefer to create it myself, or at least, remix it somehow.

However, I'm kinda tired today after spending the afternoon checking out Occupy Toronto. What an incredible place! I'm going back tomorrow with my djembe to join the drum circle there, and I'll probably do some other stuff too. If you're in Toronto and you're reading this, I'd be happy to see you there tomorrow at 2:00-ish.

Anyway.

Enjoy this hilarity:

Indifferent sociality

2011-11-04T00:02:00.000-04:00

I open the blue page.
If I see some red over the blue, I click on it, and hope that it's someone trying to contact me.
If it's not directly for me, I hope it's at least related to me, or The Charm.
If it's neither of those, I feel disappointed.

If it's someone new asking for a +1, I gladly check them out and accept or reject them.
If it's someone I already knew but who was somehow taken off my list, I have to decide whether it was a mistake or if it was deliberate. If it's a mistake, I'll probably add them again. If it's deliberate, I wonder what happened.

Once all the red is gone, I check the middle of the page. Everything all looks the same to me after a while. I don't go down the list and click "Like" on stuff I like, because the more I do it, the less it really means.

If I see some of J's newest pictures, I make an effort to look at them, and sometimes comment on them.
If I see pictures of a cute girl I like, or once ~~fell in love with~~, I browse through them for a while until I feel sad about the fact that the potential for me to be with her is approaching zero. I then remind myself that they're just pictures.

If I see someone posting about something to someone else who I don't actually know, I wonder why I'm reading it at all.
If I see someone having a good time in Katimavik somewhere, I feel nostalgic, and then I feel happy about the fact that Katimavik is still going strong.

If I see one of my internet friends doing random adventures, I feel a longing to adventure with them; somewhere mysterious and not in my world. I then remind myself that I'm too far away to make anything awesome happen.

I then drag my eyes over to the right side of the page and see a list of people that I vaguely know but who I'm not actually friends with. I then click on the X repeatedly, skimming over all these people that I'm connected with by the 2nd degree, never bothering to actually add them.

Finally, I switch the main algorithm to Most Recent so that the machine doesn't fuck too much with the friends in my brain.

What's your FB ritual?

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Money must be funny in a rich man's world

2011-11-03T18:21:00.000-04:00

Money is pretty evil.

I've been arguing with my parents recently on the subject of money and how I'm going to pay for my tuition etc.
And my parents are all "you should work work work before you get started full-time, you have the time etc.". Okay, that's fine and all, and I agree with it, but it's not my #1 priority.
Money is not my #1 priority.
Being healthy and having fun in life IS my priority, and I can't very well start a full-time job if I'm doing some travelling.

Now, I see all my friends going into fourth year university, a lot of them will be graduating with a ton of debt, and it's kind of scary. I don't want to be one of those people.

I just finished a one hour training session with Katimavik to do some recruitment here and there, but it's not a full-time job. But at least I'll really enjoy what I'm doing, even though it only pays minimum wage + bus fare.

And then I'm hoping that with all the -networking- I'll be doing, I'll be hooked up with something that pays a little more and that I also enjoy doing. I almost categorically refuse to do a job that I hate. Call me a princess. But luckily I don't mind doing menial work like spreadsheets, call centres etc.

But I sure as hell won't be picking up horse shit on Mont Radar again.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Capital return

2011-10-29T15:53:00.000-04:00

So I'm back from Ottawa, where I had a fun time exploring and living life with K.
We visited the Katimavik house in Ottawa after running out in front of a Katimavan on Rideau Street a few days prior, stopping traffic in the process.
I had gluteny Beaver Tails and they were quite sugary.
I unfortunately forgot my camera at home, so I don't really have any pictures to put up. There were a number of picturesque expeditions, including a photo shoot at Gatineau Park with K's family.

So I'm back in Toronto. Tonight, I'm going to a Night of Dread at Dufferin Grove Park, meeting up with an ancient friend from schooling long ago. Life is pretty sweet! I find I actually have stuff to do, and my to-do list grows every day. And I actually accomplish some of the stuff on this list, too, which is even better.

Other good news: I found my purple pen. I can finally start writing again. And K is coming for a visit soon.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Question mark

2011-10-23T21:31:00.000-04:00

There is a guitar playing next room to mine, and the lyrics of the voice are incomprehensible.
The voice is soft.

There are burrs all over my alpaca Ecuadorian from times spent on the property.
The stars had not shown themselves in many eons in my head, but on the property, they were nice.

Late night fright

2011-10-20T12:49:00.000-04:00

Halloween is just around the corner, but it seems like the fates want to scare the hell out of me early this year.

Having rediscovered my webcam and an old tee-shirt and instructions on how to make a ninja mask, I was of course up late dressed up as a ninja on the video section of Omegle. If you don't know, Omegle is a website I discovered a couple years ago where you're paired with a random Stranger on the internet and you get to chat with them about whatever, completely anonymously.

The problem with Omegle is that it's filled with idiots, as one would expect from people on the internet. The video section is even worse...
Still, I think my ninja outfit is making the world a better place.

So there I was, dressed as a ninja, creating fire out of my hands on Omegle, when the power goes out. It's around 2 am.
After the first second of panic sets in, I relax and happily find my lighter and look around for a candle.
I then head upstairs, and one of the most terrifying sounds I have ever heard at such a late hour blasts in through the window: a chainsaw.

A mothafuckin' CHAINSAW. My mind's racing and I reach for a knife as I anxiously hide behind the door, waiting for the worse. WTF am I going to do with a small steak knife anyway?
I can still hear the chainsaw slashing at something, I'm not sure what. It's not getting any closer though, which gives me time to think a little more about what I'm doing.

I look outside and I see some lights reflected upon the neighbour's house. I muster up my courage, put on a coat and take off my ninja mask and go outside in the pouring rain to see who could possibly be out with a chainsaw at this hour.

And in the timespan of one second, everything is explained: the heavy winds knocked a massive tree branch onto the power lines, cutting out power and giving the city no choice but to cut the branch into pieces to restore power by morning.

Whew.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Free writing: Segment the Third

2011-10-15T22:32:00.000-04:00

Listen listen to the loneliness that is expressed by the fake recommendation that you spied on the other day, Gabriel. I did not discover it, I hardly discover things they are brought to me by the overexposed internet machine. Should I wish to be anything I want, I can be a semblance of my possibility of being simply by writing words that no one needs to read.

Jealousy jealousy does not affect me nearly as it used to but it still hurts and the pain is diminishing as I write. The blow it hits, but my armor absorbs and releases it through mediums that not everyone cares to understand. She, she could be anybody, but why does it have to be _____? I love her, but love is not as charismatic as it could be. If I philosophize too much I start to quantify the love - what if the love "produced" by those two outweighs the possibility of love betwixt the two of us? The certainty starts to grow on me, the music starts to get louder, is that the bridge? I don't like the music terms, I'd much rather make my own, but no one would be able to jam with me.

Jam? Have I ever jammed? I have jammed, but I also dislike the word, it shouldn't be pretentious but to me it is. No, still I cling on to the jealousy. I want to feel the jealousy, I do not want to act on it. I've already forgotten about the music, still she drifts back in my mind. The possibility of a dreamworld where she could be everything I want her to be... no, that's wrong, I did not want to write that. I shall try again. The possibility of a dreamworld where she could be whatever she wishes to be and as a secondary effect she could make me happy haunts me.

The clenching has begun, is it anxiety? Anxiety is an ugly word, almost as ugly as Zyprexa, but I'll take the former billions of light years before the latter, as a choice. The sadness grows, but it is contained by my health.

NO, NO, ENOUGH BIOLOGY. I still love her, I will always love her, only she can define the love for me, and I will not have to think anymore.

I could write on and on and on about what I feel for her. But I am afraid. I am so afraid of losing her because of my overdeveloped indecision.

My sentences grow shorter, my nostalgia grows stronger.

I miss you, _____.
A---y

Blackberry outage

2011-10-12T22:16:00.002-04:00

I don't usually like to comment on current affairs, but am I the only one happy with the fact that the BBM network has been down for a little while?
Granted, I don't own a Blackberry, and I don't pay obscene amounts of money every month to use their service, but seeing the cries of people so desperately attached to their precious Blackberry Messenger make me... happy.
Don't misunderstand me, I'm not happy about the fact that people are stressed out. I'm happy because this is an event that might allow certain people to reflect on their reliance on always being connected. Why do you always need to be up to date the moment something happens to someone else? I can see the use in emergency situations, but I don't believe that always being connected through things like cellphones 24/7 is a good thing.

I think I come from a pretty good angle: I myself can easily admit to being almost addicted to the internet. Not in the present, but most definitely in the past.

---

To sprutz things up in this post today, here's a picture of my supper tonight.
Despite what you might instinctively think, everything on the plate is quite healthy, except for the ketchup.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Adventure travel

2011-10-12T00:07:00.000-04:00

A quick post, for I must get to bed.

Midnight isn't usually a late time for me, but I've stopped going to bed at obscenely unhealthy hours of the night.

And you know what, my fear that this would hamper my writing creativity has not materialized.

Most of my blog posts have been made during the darkness of the night.

I rarely blog during the daytime. I think that's because I've always considered the moon to be a source of inspiration for me.

But that's pretty flawed logic on my part, I can't even see the moon from inside this basement lair.

Vitamin D definitely helps get my creative juices flowing.

Now to the topic of this post:

I'm going on a little travel expedition again! And this time, it will be better planned and more local. I'm staying in Ontario; going north, then southwest.

I leave on the 21st. I won't be away for months, probably no more than a couple weeks.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Hashtag

2011-10-08T11:16:00.000-04:00

What. The. F.

Has anyone else noticed that it's now commonplace for Twitter users in real conversations with real people (i.e. not Twitter "conversations") to randomly blurt out "hashtag __insert noun/verb etc. here__"?

I'll admit, I'm not a Twitter user. Yes, I know how it works. No, I don't plan on being a Twitterer (tweeter?) anytime soon.

I did fine for a while without Facebook, but I'll admit that Facebook is useful for giving some semblance of organization in one's social life.

Twitter has its uses, but I don't want to open up yet another social media portal to get myself lost in. Simple.

So while it is quite true that internet references often find their way into casual conversations when you're with friends (WHAT 9000?!), I'm not sure I'd like my conversations with people degenerating into broken Twitter banter.

To give an example, I was meeting with some friends at a pub last night. I don't remember exactly what we were talking about, but it had something to do with obnoxious people. And surely enough, N yells out "hashtag obnoxious!", which is somewhat ironic. It was somewhat funny.

And somewhat unnerving.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Maketreks

2011-10-03T16:43:00.000-04:00

So there's this friend-of-a-friend of mine who's into homeless activism - that is to say, he believes in equality for the homeless. Let's call him T.

T interviews various homeless people living on the streets of Toronto and uploads videos of these interviews to Youtube. The profit he generates from ad revenues on Youtube goes right back to the homeless people in the form of care packages that make their life on the streets a little easier.

---

During Nuit Blanche this year, T set up a projection with some ill music somewhere in downtown Toronto, and I had a good time dancing. No, you're not about to see another lame video of me punching the air. I just thought that the setting was most exquisite.

Do check out T's interviews, they're quite fascinating! http://www.youtube.com/user/maketreks

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Free writing: Segment the Second

2011-09-29T22:55:00.000-04:00

It's going to be tough with all these full stops everywhere they leave tear drops anywhere. If sanity is overrated why do we insisst. That's true she says, she inssists that I insist on insisting to spell insist proprerly to spell it correctly. If discontinued thoughts keep us from truly knowing one another. You can do it Gabe!

Just write write write, don't even think about why anyone could judge you on what you write. You are free. You are proteced from the darkness by the limits you yourself have imposed upon yourself. Even though you might think that you're not what you seem to be, authenticity is never too far, nor is it ever too near.

Quick quick quick write write write, there is not much time left. Time is relative. The music of the spehers doth not stop thee from being yourself.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

The suspense is killing me

2011-09-22T23:32:00.012-04:00

I personally think it's lame, sloppy, unprofessional etc. if the only reason I'm writing a post is to write a thought I just don't want to forget. To my eyes, it makes my blog entries not feel like a piece of art, even though they clearly should be. Oh well, I'll try not to let it happen too often.

Here's something I thought of today:

I think that the most overused way of making others think you're witty is to say "the suspense is killing me" in a sarcastic tone (it better be...) when waiting for something.

Well, that. Or......
(Insert witty words to end the post here)

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Nostalgic death star

2011-09-21T03:46:00.000-04:00

So I have a few blog drafts that have been lying around for a while, some as old as two years ago. The most recent one is a blog post I wrote about a week ago that's actually quite lengthy. It was another one of those "you know what grinds my gears" kinda posts.
Well, I was gonna finish that post and put it up, but I decided not to, after a good night's sleep. I have to tone down the anger in it.

I can't believe it's already September 2011... 2011! That's insane! I'm 21, and that's so hard to believe. It seems like just yesterday I was entering high school, and meeting new people. I'm actually in a really nostalgic state of mind right now...
I really miss high school, and those younger years. I wish I could go back in time and redo them with more passion, more vigor, instead of the passive let-opportunities-slide kind of mentality I used for most of my time at Vaughan Road Academy.

Also, just very recently, I decided to download the World of Warcraft Cataclysm Expansion 10 day trial, JUST to check it out... see the graphics... explore new content. But just to check it out, I don't plan on subscribing, it's already so much time of my life that's been spent in that game. In some ways it's taken away a lot of time I could have had doing WAY more productive things like writings, learning an instrument, exploring a new hobby, getting good at sports etc.

And I feel REALLY nostalgic. I find myself actually missing this virtual world that I spent weeks if not months of my life playing. It's so easy to get lost in World of Warcraft - the pleasing visuals, the list of never-ending quests to complete, and new loot to acquire and new monsters to defeat. It was such an addictive game, the game that rewards all the time you spend in it by giving you things to collect... I could easily spend my time living life in Azeroth than I would on Earth, just as easily as I could live in my dreams instead of reality, which I've sometimes wished for when the reality of reality hits you like a truck.

I wanna thank you, K, for motivating to write more on here. Your continuing support really helps A LOT when in my head I think "I should write a blog post... naaaaaaah". And for some reason this morning, the sentences are just flowing out of me like they haven't in a while.
Actually, it's been a very long time since I've felt like I wasn't brute forcing myself to write something.
Yeah, it seems like for a while now, I've been forcing myself to write, and taking a very long time to decide on how to word something, or what to include. Sometimes I erase whole paragraphs of stuff I've written just because I don't like the way it's presented...
But right now, right here, I have no problems with writing what I feel or think.
It's like my mind-body connection has been lagging, and suddenly the server stopped lagging and everything's alright again.

So you may detect that this particular blog post lacks in my usual angst somewhat. Worry not, that angst is still there, as fresh and present as ever.
In fact, I'm going to release some of that angst right now...
I have SUCH a hard time finding things to do in life right now that actually interest me. It's really difficult. It seems I've fallen back into my routine of being on the computer for most of my spare time...
And I mean, hours and hours in front of the computer.
I have yoga classes, and drumming lessons, and not much else going on right now. New part time job sometime hopefully, but I have to get on that...
So yeah, I'm finding it really difficult to find and sustain enjoyment out of something in life... a cool hobby, or really cool adventures somewhere. Or meeting someone new and exploring whole new worlds! But there's nothing like that happening. I mean, I still go for plenty of walks, but I very rarely ever meet anyone on my solitary midnight walks, it really depresses me. I wish it was so much easier to make friends.

I mean that. And again, I sink back to my somewhat instinctive reaction to say "I miss Katimavik!" but GOD DAMNIT I do miss it. I really friggen miss it, it pretty much solved ALL of the above problems.
I would do anything to do something just like it again...
I think that seems like something I should really do.

Katimavik = happiness.
I'm not very happy right now.
Do something like Katimavik to feel happy again.

Or do SOMETHING away from the computer. There are so many days where I wish all this effing technology wasn't always everywhere all the time always present. I wish there were people, damnit, people my age I could live with and do cool shit... all the time instead of being sucked up in a vacuum of solo late night hell and depression in the centre of the universe, wasting all my young life time away.

Because I'm afraid of being old.

I'm 21, and the number won't ever go down.

I really, really gotta find life energy.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Twisted fate

2011-09-07T05:57:00.002-04:00

Am I getting up?
Or am I going to bed?

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilia Perspicace Ettore

Monday

2011-08-24T12:42:00.000-04:00

It's 2 am and I can't seem to get to sleep tonight.
I mean, I haven't tried, but it might help if some lights were off and I was in my bed.

Over the weekend I went yet again to a friend's cottage and had a good time. I feel lucky to have so many friends with cottages, it's real nice to get away from the city once in a while. There was some windsurfing done, and playing fetch with a really big dog. There was also some scrabble playing, which I seem to be getting much better at lately. I usually don't do so well.
Or maybe my friends just suck.

I'm hoping in the coming weeks to have some interesting, introspective writings to share with you on here, more of my philosophy, if you will. Maybe fluff it up a bit, make it sound interesting. My mind has some considerable creative potential, I believe. I just need to NOT be lazy and just tap into it. After all, my mind has been with me all my life, I might as well use it to a fuller extent instead of wasting time reading the shitty newspapers.

Sometime, I'll write some of the ambitions I have on here. I can't seem to find them right now. And you might be wondering what I'm doing with my life these days. To be honest, I'm wondering what you're doing with yours. What are YOUR ambitions? Maybe I could steal some and use them as pseudo-ambitions till mine magically fall into my hands.

I miss reading letters from people. Not that I ever did get very many letters, but if I were a famous writer or something, I think one of my favourite things would be reading the mail that I get. Not so much e-mails, more like real letters, even though I guess e-mails are probably more earth-friendly. It's just that handwritten letters have so much more character to them.

That's it for now, good night and have a good Monday.
Also this was written on Monday, but my internet cut out so I just saved it locally then posted it later.

Stuck in my head

2011-08-15T00:31:00.000-04:00

There's this song that plays in my head, and it's been around for a while now, maybe a few months. I don't mind that it doesn't want to leave.

It's called Calendar Girl by Stars.

It's a very emotionally loaded song, in my opinion. The lyrics talk about this girl who's going through life and finding the days difficult. The days and months come and go, and she's eventually glad to just be alive.

It's a really beautiful song.
I remember the first time I heard it, about nine months ago in Halifax. I was up one morning after a lot of drinking and I hadn't slept very well at all. The sun was shining brightly through the window that I had covered with a sheet, and so I decided to take my iPod and headphones and walk to this place called Citadel Hill.
It's a neat place to explore, as it's an old fort with cannons and munitions storage places and little tunnels and things. Also, on top of this hill, you can see much of Halifax and the ocean.

I'd recommend you listen to it sometime, reader.

---

I've decided for now that my favourite band is Dream Theater and I'm debating whether to see them in October at Massey Hall. I'm sure their live shows are really, really good. But to be honest, I'd rather hear them play old songs that I like, instead of hearing the new stuff they're promoting. They have so many amazing albums, like Scenes from a Memory and Seven Degrees of Inner Turbulence that I would love to experience live.

---

I'm 21 today. I wish that during my teenage years, I had had more posters of cool bands and been more of a quintessential teenager, lying in my bed in my room with my arms behind my head listening to some metal songs. Or maybe doing some creative things like writing (my blog counts a little, I guess), having long talks on the phone with a friend, or learning how to throw playing cards at people.

Somehow, I think spending SO much time on the computer has dulled me somehow. Dulled some of my personal potential, and my potential for enjoyment of many activities. It's definitely affected me physically, and very much so mentally. My perception of the world (i.e. my worldview), it seems, is largely based on information I've accumulated from years of being connected online. And it kind of scares me, that my brain has years of brainwashing from a screen.

I kind of want to elaborate on this concept, and my blog is a good place to explore this, but... I've decided I want to talk about it with a friend over the phone sometime. Maybe you, K, or perhaps M. Or someone else sometime, depending on how I feel.

I'm not exactly depressed, but I'm not really motivated about (with?) life.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore

Glub glub and the mouse

2011-08-13T00:27:00.000-04:00

Summer glides along so effortlessly and so quickly, it saddens me how when my birthday comes around, it is the beginning of the end for people who return to their learning domains to get stuff done for another academic year.

I wish I could fill up my HP bar as easily as seeing a healer and getting topped off before heading out to adventure Earth.

I drank some tea a little while ago, it was apple cinnamon flavoured.

I'll blog with some interesting writings in the days to come, I feel a little re-inspired these days. Just a little.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore

Let's liven a planet, 1

2011-05-15T17:10:00.001-04:00

This place is ugly.
We made it so ugly.
And we're making it uglier every day, warping natural resources into "stylish" buildings and streets.
Destroying ecosystems for money.

I wish there was a planet far, far away that would be willing to give a second chance to humans. But not all humans. Only nice humans.
Corrupt, evil humans can't go anywhere near it.
And there wouldn't be too many of us, but enough to have variety and differences.

Living in harmony with nature, with some useful technological advances, like convenient access to water, and renewable energy. But nothing anywhere close to the industrial exploitation that civilizations here have created.

And on this planet, everyone would have a useful role that is fair for each person.
There would be healers and lovers, laughers and singers.
There would be work, dignified work to keep you busy, and there would be no need for job interviews because you'd be recognized for what you are, not for what you can pretend to be.
Work itself wouldn't be boring - you'd learn skills that would benefit you and others for the rest of your life.

Earth, I'm truly sorry.
... To be continued.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore

Fixating on my life; circle of nothing

2011-04-28T23:38:00.000-04:00

I spend way too much time thinking about my existence.

Existence with conscious lack of efforts equals a waste of time.

Time goes by and memories that provided good feelings slowly slip away.

Away to another planet, lifetime, universe with "déjà-vu" is a concept that I believe to be real.

Real events and relationships among humans often make me feel alone and depressed, especially when viewed through media.

Media today has wrecked havoc on my perception of how people are.

Are we destined as a species to live and destroy for comfort and to exploit everything we can?

Can I find a way to help combat the destruction of civilization while staying happy?

Happy life, come back, I know you haven't left me.

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore

Volunteer me away

2011-04-04T23:49:00.000-04:00

I think being cooped up inside during the winter makes me blog more. Don't you think?

It's not that I don't have the time to blog, it's that...well... I get lazy around this time.

Still on the Katimavik theme, I REALLY wish I could redo the program.

I could be a PL (project leader), but somehow, I'd rather be a volunteer and be a group member... again. And feel useful, and feel like I'm doing a difference for PEOPLE. Not for companies and businesses and corporations. PEOPLE.

I feel I'm kinda young to be a PL anyway. And driving a bunch of hooligans around scares me shitless. Even though an above-average amount of people I meet because of Katimavik are above-average mature.

There's a voice inside my head that tells me "to be useful, you don't need to be in Katimavik". Yeah, I know. Sure makes it a lot easier to feel useful when you're surrounded by people with similar goals and life purposes, though.

Superhero night. I've never been one to dress up, but I guess I put a little bit of effort into being long-haired-Fonzie with "luscious red lips", as K put it. Once in a while, I get really red lips. I think in this case, it was something to do with the cold + warm mixing my smackers up. I think I could fulfill the french Fonz. When you look at it, the Fonz' quintessential "É" is best written in french.

We're like the power rangers, really. Katimavikers such as us are, like, super strong, when we're united. Climbing mountains and shiz like that.

I sure do like living in the past, because I'm quite fearful of the future. It doesn't make sense to have so many people live in so close proximity to you and not be able to share life experience. It's so unnatural. And I don't really want to go next door and talk to neighbours. Most of us live in bubbles. Made of bricks and stone.

Where am I going with my life?

Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore

Mountain inspired

2011-03-27T02:20:00.001-04:00

A quick video of my Katimagroup on top of a mountain, sharing a little Katimawisdom with the world.
I didn't think it was a cool idea at the time, I wandered away at the end.

Ha ha, Katimawandering was sweet, it's definitely a recurring topic on my blog, this wandering thing.

---

I saw an amazing movie at Cinéfranco (French-Canadian version of TIFF) today named 2 Frogs in the West. It tells the tale of a 20 year old from Quebec who just packs up and leaves home to go out to BC -with a backpack and barely any funds- just to get away from it all, get away from society's hold on us to make money and build a life with it. With so many anglophones floating around and a far-from-perfect mastery of english, she manages to connect with people with the help of a francophone living in Whistler.
Love and the raw beauty of the west coast made this movie thrilling to watch. And the difficulties of being around people who are in a totally different world were very realistically portrayed.

There's a very good reason I love this movie - minus the language barrier, it's very similar to my experience travelling all the way out east to Nova Scotia. There's even a scene where we see the little closet-crawlspace she sleeps in while staying in Whistler - one very similar to my "harry potter" closet that was my room in Halifax.

It's an independent Quebec movie, and it beats the crap out of any of the big american movies I've seen, it's so canadien. The music in the movie for a whole bunch of scenes was really, really good, I want the DVD and soundtrack, I'd love to support a low-budget film that's so well done. I can't remember the last time there was a DVD I actually wanted.

Et je n'oublie certainment pas que le film avait une très belle comédienne québécoise comme lead, je pense qu'on dit encore un pétard, mais je n'ai jamais vraiment pas l'occasion d'utiliser ces beau mots en Ontario. Waou, ce film m'a donné une sensation de manque pour le Québec. J'en ai marre de parler le français de mes parents à la maison.
Il y a tellement de la culture jeune-francophone qui est englouti par l'anglais et tous les autres langues qui se retrouve, dispersés et amalgamés partout autour de moi.

Au centre de l'univers.

http://www.2frogs.ca/ J'adore ce style d'aventure humaine.
Karma Aspiration Langune Entité Iodinement Dérive Oisellerie Ulysse Guimauve Hurlement Salutaire Citronelle Ophilie Perspicace Ettore

Mossy hissy

2011-03-22T21:21:00.002-04:00

It has often been part of my "photographic philosophy" to tell people that I don't really like taking pictures of them. I prefer landscapes and natural things. People rarely seem to be themselves when viewed in pictures. I have something against the Facebookian mentality of living, and I think this condition is doing a lot of damage in modern society. Indeed, one need only surf through images on someone's profile to gain a superficial understanding of someone's life, even if they never really spend time with them. I say this from my own eyes, and from my own realization that I barely really know anyone I have on my friends list.

I've only owned one digital camera in my life (the one that I still use), and there's something about people and pictures that makes me uncomfortable.

I certainly don't mind being in pictures, though. It's a good way of dealing with the swirl of memories that accumulates as we grow older, but it can be so overwhelming at times. I like to see pictures to stir up memories, and then hope that I get inspired to do something more with them, whether it be in Fotoshop or an adventure outside. Unfortunately, I rarely have the courage to just go out and do things with people.

So I return to nature, or some form of it.

The two pictures above were taken in BC, during the last two months of my Katimavik life. A majestic two months, without a doubt.

There was lots of moss behind J's house, and I felt so happy there. When people were busy being together, I was busy being apart, but not too far, in the wonderful woods behind the house. A treasure trove of nature, nothing less.

The beat down shed, on the other hand, was far elsewhere, atop a mountain. And I was so happy to see how earth had conquered the ski lift. I had to take a picture of it.

---

You'll notice I've drastically slowed down my blogging. It's stupid and hypocritical of me; I just haven't been feeling too happy lately. And barely a few posts ago I was saying how blogging helps deal with problems. I've been horribly reclusive, to the point of despair a couple times in the past few days.

I think the (big) snowfall expected for tomorrow will cheer me up; terrible, I know, but somehow, I smile on the inside when I can just picture so many people complaining about how they thought spring had arrived, only to be proved wrong by a heap of white stuff.

Smile smile. :)

Candid pictures, I regret not. I was 18.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull

Strewn fatalities.

2011-03-13T03:51:00.000-04:00

There's something about being with a group of people that gives a great sense of power. Alone, the human does not thrive. When you're with people, and you're in something together, realms of possibilities open up.

Below, we have a carefully prepared biking accident.

Rigor mortis really bloated me up.

We did this picture for a very interesting Vancouverish project, which was to create a zine to promote sustainable transportation. A zine, from what I remember, is a sort of underground publication, and it's not a very "professional" thing. A bunch of pages photocopied and given out to whoever takes them.

The picture was taken behind our house, in an alleyway with frequent scooters. We then placed the picture in our zine, and distributed it at an event called Critical Mass, where a whole bunch of bikers show up and ride, ride, RIDE!

The great thing about my Katimagroup is that when inspiration went around, there was enough push from a few people in the group to actually go and do things. I thought this photo shoot was a pretty good idea.

Groups are stronger than most individuals; most individuals like to feel included in groups.

In retrospect, Katimavik taught me that inclusion is a very, very powerful thing. Feel the inclusion that you have in your life, and if you can't do that, look into your memories and find it, and grow from there to express it to others in whatever way seems appropriate.

La solitude ne peut pas t'engloutir.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull

From the beginning.

2011-03-06T21:57:00.000-05:00

Circle of life. Me, I try and think outside of that circle. Sure, life is what we are, and in a healthy ecosystem, things go in a circle.

But what about beyond that? Our minds have the capacity to transcend the physicality of life.

... Anyway, I'm thinking in the clouds now, time to dazzle things up:

Shoulders ruin everything. It's almost a perfect circle, but a perfect circle wouldn't leave room for any escapes.

This picture was taken within the first or second week that I started the Katimavik program, in Strathroy, Ont. Somewhat reluctantly, I joined in on this quintessential Katimavik group photo. It was a tough mental thing for me to do, lying down and trusting that my head would be fine surrounded by all these other heads, ha ha.

This was taken in a park, at the very beginning of autumn, but with enough sun to keep things bright.

Strange, how I seem to relish in the sunlight. The moonlight is held much dearer to my heart.

But nights aren't very good for crystal clear pictures such as this.

To me, this picture simply symbolizes trust among friends.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull

Positive, positively charging up.

2011-03-04T23:17:00.001-05:00

So, while I'm definitely not the most social being at the moment (however much I wish I was), my yoga practice at a very heartwarming place on Bloor Street helps me keep up to date with what goes on in Toronto. Well, at least weather wise. =P It's also nice that I get to meet people when I play badminton at various places, and of course, my wandering through the streets of Toronto certainly helps keeps things real... yo.

It's definitely not a good thing to keep up to date with the world solely through social media, the internet, and other modern forms of communication. I know this from my own extensive experience, having been connected to the internet practically daily since I was seven or eight years old, with a few escapes here and there. ((I miss Neopets, that's for sure. I was a millionaire at one point, and I was getting richer every day!))

My biggest "escape" from the mad machine thus far has been my Katimavik experience, which lasted nine months, from September 2008 to June 2009. For most of this program, the internet ((and most of the "outside" world)) meant almost nothing to me. It was merely a tool. It still is a tool, but I feel like the tool has outmaneuvered the user. Generally speaking, of course.

So, for the next little while, I've decided to use my blog as a tool, but with an intended purpose: sharing the love and caring that the Katimavik program instilled in me. Spreading positive energy, if you will.
The idea is simple: I'll be putting up pictures that represent/demonstrate the many amazing memories and adventures that I've done in the Katimavik program, with the hopes that it will bring back that feeling of being alive, of being at a place where I really felt my worth in the world. And the goal is for you, whoever you are reading these words, to go out and also find ways to make your world a better, caring, and perhaps more fun place to live.
With many of my readers being students, and with the end of the schooling year coming to an end soon, I feel it's an appropriate time to start this little side project, something that'll be totally different from my consistent whining and critique. (Okay, maybe that's exaggerating a bit, but it's hard to lose the "young adult" anger that I feel when I notice harsh disparities all around me).

This blog has improved my quality of life, especially at times where I've felt nothing but despair and loneliness, and has served as a refuge away from the real world for many years. But it's also been a place that has allowed me to document my journey through existence, however intricate it may be sometimes.

Before I begin a new chapter in my repository of ideas, I'd like to share a source of inspiration (keep in mind I have many!) with you. My long time friend Kate recently started her own blogging project, and she was actually once a contributor on this very blog, back when I was just starting this project of writing into this box. A very nice box that has always accepted my thoughts, no matter how wild they may sometimes be. Her blog, aptly named Kate Inspired, is definitely a place worth checking out. I'm jealous of how captivating each of her entries are! I really like the way her pictures add so much life to everything she writes about.
And that's what I'm striving to do with this blog now: bring back some life into this soul of mine, even if to you, beloved reader, it may just be something on a computer screen.

But to me, it's part of my soul. Or if you're feeling more magical, it's my horcrux, which also happens to be my very own pensieve.
If I only managed to be more at ease around Hermione or Luna, mayhaps I wouldn't need such a sprawling pensieve...

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull

Starstarer

2011-03-02T01:07:00.002-05:00

My most amazing daydreams are made by one of my most treasured and favourite authors.

I anxiously await to have the proper reading light to finish this book, and I hope I can find the first two of the series somewhere in the house to rediscover the cloud cats, my "daymares".

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull

Little sardines.

2011-02-28T22:45:00.001-05:00

So I have a can of sardines in front of me. I've only eaten sardines once in my life, and I actually really loved the experience. I was sitting in front of my computer just like I am now, and I had a can of sardines. I was thinking "gosh, these sardines are super healthy!". And I felt great after eating these lovely little fishies.

I'm hungry right now, and I'm trying to finish this salad with good stuff in it that was going to go to waste if I didn't eat it like I am now. But I'm afraid that if I finish this big salad, I won't be hungry for sardines, and besides, I should be going to bed soon so I can wake up earlier tomorrow and accomplish a bunch of things that really need to get done. Even though waking up early to do things, in my world, never really increases the likelihood of my checklist getting nearer to completion. If anything, it really just gives me more room to procrastinate.

Anyway, I don't have time to worry about these things, I have to keep pondering over these sardines, or go on a tangent.

I have a really great friend from Katimavik. She often wanted people to play Sardines with her, which is a game that is supposed to be the reverse of hide-and-seek. One person hides and people go their own ways to find said person. When they find them, they hide together.

I think I was evil in that I always was consciously trying to avoid playing that game, because the closeness of being packed together like sardines scared me. Sorry, K! Now I'd love to play that game, I could totally make out with a girl that I found hiding and then blame someone else for the awful kissing. Of course, everything about this plan would backfire.

So until then, I'm just going to get my mouth to make out with my canned sardines.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull

Sad & happy 1

2011-02-27T16:18:00.001-05:00

Sometimes it's nice to be able to simplify things into black and white. Simplified does not necessarily equal "not intricate".

–adjective

having many interrelated parts or facets; entangled or involved: an intricate maze.

Things that make me feel sad

Losing a team game (video or otherwise) because someone didn't care enough about the game and/or gave up because it seemed impossible to win
Having amazing adventurous ideas but no one ever having the time to do them with me
Being afraid to mention said ideas among friends, especially acquaintances
People wanting to hang out with me but end up forgetting to because of constraints (mental, societal etc.)
Hearing and witnessing the cats of the house scream when they're playfighting
Spending the day wandering the city looking for glimpses of love, hope, and happiness in public and not seeing it
People hating on other people because of the way they choose to spend their time
Talking about something that interests me to a group of people and having them get disinterested because I can't articulate what I want to say, or the idea in my head is confusing and I need more time to explain
Not seeing the possibility of having someone call or write to tell me about their problems and stories
Songbird (music player) playing tunes that I'm not feeling at the time that I hear them

Things that make me feel happy

Someone complimenting my wealth of knowledge
Playing a game I'm somewhat good at with friends of my generation
Learning games in a non-time dependent setting
Getting the wanderer's high (similar to the runner's high)
Being able to lock eyes with someone I trust and them being able to sustain the gaze
Coloured duct tape
Being able to sing without worry
Re-discovering my Yu-gi-oh cards
Being around people who don't generalize the effects of marijuana
Being around people who are drinking
Being around people who don't feel the want to drink
Finding connections with people I never knew I had
Discovering someone's philosophy of life in a one-on-one setting
Finding (old) presents friends gave me, especially when the presents are unintentional, but also things that I can tell had some amount of time put into them, without feeling like money came into play significantly
My purple ink pen

There are way better examples than the ones I've listed here; I'm not that boring. I just can't think of anything right now and I just felt like writing random things down. I better post this now before I feel like re-inventing all those point forms.

I am right-hearted.

P.S. If you can relate to ANY of the points I just listed, please love a comment! If you feel you can't relate to ANY of the points I just listed, please leave a comment! :)

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull

A little virtual green.

2011-02-25T00:15:00.000-05:00

I will always love and respect Greenpeace, they make sense to me pretty much always.

The grasp of the virtual.

2011-02-23T16:45:00.000-05:00

Year after year, the virtual world becomes more and more... developed, and complicated, and brilliant new ideas spring up, and more information becomes available to more people.

How will we survive?

I have optimism - the human soul can overcome all these challenges that the brain is faced with, barricades and flows of data, of sensory input. The overload of information that we are faced with, the myriad of mental dysfunctions that the psyche-actresses (I really love this word that I've transmogrified) have to deal with every day.

I think the human essence/the human soul aren't really related to sensory information, there's a distinction there. You can -feel- alive, but is that -feeling- a sense? A sense of being alive? Can you sense your existence in much the same way that you can feel picking up a piece of paper and taking a pen to write something down?

To put things into perspective: Today, after waking up and noticing that AGAIN my beautiful and yet irritating computer had decided not to make the connection to the internet, I spent a couple hours just trying to get a permanent fix so that I never have to wait for my internet connection to reconnect when I reboot/sleep my computer.

And I couldn't connect to the internet, it sucked, I wanted to check my e-mail (and maybe Facebook, I admit), and just be assured that I could contact people if perchance someone finally invited me to go somewhere (out of this place).

So in frustration, I made a wise choice and picked up my bicycle helmet and my "equal-to-my-computer" beautiful bike, and rode east, with very little to no destination in mind. It was a great day to do this, no clouds, and it was always sunny.

The only two things that really bothered me were:
a) Knowing I'd have to (or that I would) deal with the virtual world when I came back and
b) The snow on the side of the road that made it difficult for me to have enough space to navigate with the car-people (very few truck-monsters, luckily)

Otherwise, I have NOTHING but positive things to say about my hour-and-a-half trip through east-of-this-house Toronto.

If you're curious, I made a very rough path on Google Maps of the trip that I made.

View Escape from Internet Failure in a larger map

Anyway. It's ~~kind of~~ really depressing that this blog entry was meant to illustrate how there are ways to escape/ignore/get rid of the grasp that the ever-advancing technological pollution has on our existence.

But this blog isn't solely for me, it's for you out there, whoever you are, and that's why I keep writing and that's why I keep existing.

I'm wearing my purple magician's sweater, so I thought I'd add even more multimedia to this post, and to wrap it up:

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull

P.S. So I finally got a webcam after years and years of wanting one. I have this cognitive dissonant space in my head: On one hand, I want to share my ideas, but on the other, there's so much crap online already.
Oh well, I'll let some database engineer worry about it. :)

An ode to long hair

2011-02-20T18:21:00.000-05:00

I once audited an English class at Dalhousie where the poet-teacher explained what an ode was. I don't really remember the definition, but who needs those anyway? Not on my blog.
---
Long hair, I miss thee
Why must you have been so cruelly cut away not by the greed, but by the need for
Recognition among those who so lovingly wanted thee to be someone shorter indeed

I miss your ends split among thieves, the girls who couldn't resist the urge to electrify
The ones who decrepify my fear of being too close, too near to the touch of another soul
And so why must I wait, so patiently and yet so carelessly, and yet...

You once represented my jealousy that I could perceive with too much clarity
I cut you off by the pressures of others who couldn't resist the urge to taunt me

We could have been together forever
You ruined it now
I hope you sleep and I know you've dreamt it
And when the memories bring back the emotional flood
Remember this:
I clogged that shower in Strathroy.
---
Who knew my hair could have so many characters?

I want nothing more than to be a Katimaviker again, no more, no less.
Set us free, we just want to be home.

An inventory of being right before insanity.

2011-02-18T01:35:00.000-05:00

Unit 1 Lesson 5

Part A)

I am Gabriel.

I am 19 years old; never feel like I’m in the mould.

I live my life as simply as I can, but I can’t stay simple in this complex world.

I like computers; it’s a little too much sometimes, makes me feel like a robot.

I like a variety of foods, but the delicious scent of curry is what makes my mouth water.

My identity is in shambles, maybe that’s because my family is a little lost too.

I hope for better days to come ahead; fitting in with people just as lost as I am.

I try to listen to my own ideas, but too often they become clouded with others’.

I’m scared of losing myself in the big rat race.

As if I could ever find my way out of this maze; this life.

I’ve stopped watching TV, the shows can’t make me believe what I see.

Can’t handwrite too well, all topsy-turvy and mixed with crude capitals.

I don’t believe in God, but I do believe that the universe supports me.

Once I believed in free love, and grew my hair just like the hippies.

Cut my hair off, gave it to charity, made a cancer victim somewhere out there pretty happy.

Sometimes my brain gets ahead of me; can’t quite say out loud what I mean to say.

I’m sickened by the consumerist lifestyle; wish I could escape from this ailing society.

All these celebrities being praised for what they do.

When really I’m my own celebrity, consciously deciding what’s best for me and sometimes the people around me.

I avoid passing quick judgements about others, scared that they’ll do the same to me.

I might live off ramen noodles, but I try and stick to the fruits and veggies.

After all, being healthy is what life is all about.

If you can’t be healthy, you can’t function to your best ability in society.

At least that’s what my mother told me.

I am Gabriel, and this is 2010.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Darwyn Overcast Unlamine Grievous Hawt Spectroom Caraoke Overwhelming Parlamore Everdrawn

I never finished my correspondence english course.

I thought it was stupid.

And it is.

Oh, and the 6th line from the bottom is almost wholly inaccurate for the sake of healthiness. Maybe it explains the title of this blog post.

How about a limited-alcohol-coffee society?

2011-02-16T04:20:00.003-05:00

Edit 2011/02/28: If you want an easier time reading this, Ctrl+A on your computer (or CMD+A for mac users, I believe)
I'm lonely.
Is it my fault?
Partially.
Is it the fed government's fault?
Totally.
I don't really like our current mayor, though. Maybe I should have voted...

I don't like drinking;
I like drinking, but there's too much money involved.
I like getting high.
It's not good for you.
I love getting high.
It's great for you.

I can't find inclusion here.
I know it's there.
It gets me into my shell, this lack of freedom.
Canada is not a free country, at all.
Why can't I just spark up a joint instead of going upstairs and drinking a bottle of beer, like my parents do, like my sister sometime(s) does.

It has gluten.

I have a gluten sensitivity.

I don't have the money to afford all these priced beers, though I'm sure they're fine and dandy.

In the long run, and in the short run, we get sick off alcohol.

Why do we puke?

Why do we get diseases?

---

Right, they all have jobs.
I should go to bed and wake up early next morning to do productive things. Good thing there's lots of coffee upstairs too!

I have a job.

It's called the wake up call.
---

I should probably post this entry on my facebook, so it can be twittered, and then someone will have reddit, but not before someone stumbles upon it.

Really, I'd rather the discussion happened right here, on this blog, but I don't have the time to figure out the best way to make that happen.

~~So how about anyone who's interested by what I write here meets me at the Toronto Reference Library sometime during reading week?~~ How about the Wednesday? Might need some help organizing, send me an e-mail if you want to help out in any way. Should be in my profile. I'll edit this post with more details if I can.

Mon français parlé est excellent.

I would appreciate input by anyone who cares.

Edit 2011/02/17: On second thought, a library probably isn't the best place for this kind of discussion. Also, my apologies to those whose livelihood directly depends on coffee and alcohol, and also to the dealers. The best transferable skills are found in places where no one but yourself can access them.
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull

P.S. I love, you:

Photocred is me, taken at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre. Artist(s) unknown.

Dear valentine

2011-02-14T17:30:00.000-05:00

Dear blog,

What are you if not my valentine for the day? What am I to do, if not to propose to you that you be my valentine?

At the rocks at the Ravine this morning, I tried to find, but especially see something that might give me a meaning for today. It would have been nice to ask one of them to be my valentine, but the reciprocation wouldn't have been there, as they see so many people, teenager loiterers and dog walker extraordinaires; I don't think I could have stood out nearly as much as I think I should at a place like that.

Where am I to go to express my valentine's love on days where the formal worlds that I once used to go to are no longer there, too busy being taken up by new, uncanny visitors, some who, like me, tend to linger in places where they might find a glimmer of connection, a spark of faith in having people to share idea(l)s with.

Maybe commas and me should elope somewhere, they might give me better room to breathe.

Until then, won't someone adopt me and my hidden valentine? I can cook, clean (within limits), and entertain. Oh, and I'm pretty good at a variety of games, especially the video kind, and I like to learn about anything that has potential. Even philosophy. I couldn't be bothered to knit nor go alpine skiing, though.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Darwyn Overcast Unlamine Grievous Hawt Spectroom Caraoke Overwhelming Parlamore Everdrawn

The truths of snow white sorrow

2011-02-12T22:39:00.001-05:00

(((Edit: This is free writing, segment the second, but with a title)))

Dreams and the aspirations of things that float by/
I wish I had more craftily ideas of words to pick from I sometimes want to not go back in time but relive the moments of schooling in the past that I could have possibly excelled @/
had I been more trusting of the world that I find myself breathing in

And if my communicative writing style how does it happen that anticipating of beings in things in themselves continue to find ways to stop to not stop the flow of things; it's like trying to be something that isn't transcripted from my screened mind onto paper

I hate how giberjabberish is perceived as being flawed even by my self conscious perception of what is there to cee

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Darwyn Overcast Unlamine Grievous Hawt Spectroom Caraoke Overwhelming Parlamore Everdrawn

Bubbles and other domains

2011-02-12T00:34:00.000-05:00

I had a thought instilled in me at one point, about people and their bubbles ; aka, their personal space. People, generally speaking, like having their own space that they can call their own. This space could be physical, mental, emotional, all of those words that end in al.

My biggest bubble used to be my computer and the connections that go through it, whether through games, communication, research, but I've come to realize that this bubble is so big, so massive, that I can't really find the edges of it; the ends of it.

And so my bubble in the world that doesn't happen through the computer, that happens in my head and with the outside stimulus is... scary. I can share it sometimes, but there's always a fear that my bubble just isn't real(istic).

So I spend time travelling to other bubbles, hoping that they can accept me, but acceptance is the hardest thing to find in my world.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Darwyn Overcast Unlamine Grievous Hawt Spectroom Caraoke Overwhelming Parlamore Everdrawn

Preparation is sometimes so terrifying.

2011-02-10T03:46:00.000-05:00

Ever notice that when you have things that you really want to do, you sometimes find yourself limiting your choices because you're afraid that things won't work out quite the way you want them to?

Happens to me a lot, and it's sometimes rather frightening. Setting barriers that interfere with goals (I really hate this word, it makes me feel so lost in the worlds that I chance upon).

An adventure in a wide open maze.

2011-02-08T00:57:00.000-05:00

Today was a cold day to travel on, but I did it anyway. The lastminuteness of things really make me feel alive in a way, giving me reasons to do things as they happen instead of pondering all the time what could, what should, what might happen next; or what is. The idea(l)s that were shared between me and J were quite boisterous in their own right, things about the world that seem to others as simple and yet as so complicated as this sentence right here.

One thing that amazes me about malls is the emptiness that you can sort of feel when no one's around, as if everything is a sort of ~~playground~~ waiting to happen. And yet, the play that goes on during the day at this particular place is nothing short of an affront to mother earth, the amount of stuff that is just wasted everyday is really an absurdity, when so much more could be made available to such a populous people.

If people who aren't moulded by their sometimes too-specific worlds were more open to the idea that "younger" visions of things might be more mature for an aging world, we'd probably all be better off.

But hey, what do I know, I'm just someone with no formal credentials and no steady job.

Signed,

Karma etc. etc./Gabalazriel

P.S. If I won the lottery, I would build/find an environment to share the love.

Syncopated drama king.

2011-02-03T20:20:00.000-05:00

It's as if I have no choice, but at the same time, I have all the possibilities available to me.
I made decisions in my head, but it seems like nothing ever comes out of my decisions. They just lie there like empty broken promises waiting to be fulfilled.
It seems like no one gives a damn, because I never get to see the fruits&vegetables of my mental labor. They all just float away to be "taken" by others. I feel like they're shared, but if they're not shared with me, then they're not truly shared.

I have a few theories I have, but even if I share them on here, there's always the fear of the greed of other entities stealing them, so I guess it's better for now if I just list them so that the people who might understand them can take their own interpretations out of them and hopefully do something more effective than I can, because I can't seem to do anything proper by myself.

Spectrum theory.
Others-fulfilling prophecy (to put it simply, the opposite of the self-fulfilling prophecy, in that things are affected to my "sense" of self by others, and not just by me).
Chocolate milk dispenser dispenses happiness and hope, except when people don't believe in the possibility of it existing. I know at least one person who believes in it, though, so I guess that's enough for now. It's the fountain of youth everyone talks about.

Otherwise, I could just tune into the autoinfomercials and by something that was proven clinically to reduce the appearance of battle scars.

Either way, I'm broke, and likely indebted. But in one paradigm, it's just a few dollars.

A few dollars can mean so much, sometimes.

My psychiatrist.

2011-02-01T21:40:00.000-05:00

Funny how words turn out, sometimes.

My true psychiatrist is, as far as I know, a psyche-actress.

She's sooo pretty.

Too bad the nurses keep her away from me...

Uh oh.

2011-02-01T01:48:00.000-05:00

I'm filled with doubts in my head.
I must begin anew, from the pillars that strengthened me in the past.

Where did I all start this madness?
In Etobicoke first, then Mississauga.
I wonder, will UofT accept me there?
I hope so. I don't like being a reject.

Everyone knows the rejects go to the east side.

WEST. DIVISION. CHAMPIONS.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull

Politics.

2011-01-31T14:51:00.000-05:00

Anyone remember Red vs Blue? It was a Machinima (it might still be going, not too sure) in the Halo universe. I had a few friends who were into it, I didn't find it particularly interesting. I was more into my own sort of machinima, making and filming my own videos in WoW (boy were they ever amateur...), and also idolizing other great videos. Maydie's videos were a great inspiration, as was World of Roguecraft. Drakedog was effing awesome.

I almost rolled a rogue when my warlock was level 60, back when warlocks really were at a disadvantage, and itemizing was... just plain horrible. I didn't care too much though, I was mostly in the game not as an escape, but because it was recommended to me. Maybe I played into it a little too much (a few of my friends thought it was "ruining my life"), but I feel like the raiding, grouping, questing and grinding and interface tweaking all gave me skills that put me where I am today.

Sure, I'm unemployed right now, not in school either, but I feel like I'm doing myself some good by doing various creative things here and there, playing sports (I'm a good badminton player). I have a lot of meaning in my life these days, I think, I just don't have much of the practical, applied side of it.

Back to the topic of the post:
Red vs Blue
Bell vs Rogers
Conservatives vs Liberals

Seriously, what the eff. All this country ever does in parliament (and I'm sure the politicians' twitter feeds would agree with this) is argue, argue, and debate. Oh yeah, people want change. Sorry to plug the U.S. here, but is Obama changing anything? Statistics might agree, but hey, where's the love? I don't see it.

There's other political parties in Canada, but really, it's all black and gold to me.

Who really runs this country? Bell is doing great financially last I checked, Rogers insulted me personally (and lots of my friends) when they renamed the beautiful Skydome (where as a child, I was brought to see Nelson Mandela speak, though I don't remember what he said, I'm sure it was legitimately inspiring, though) to the ugly, ugly Rogers Centre. At least they kept the spelling of centre Canadian.

From what I remember though, whoever owned the Skydome was financially troubled and had to sell out. Oh well.

I really think I could do good things here in Canada, but I'd rather pull an Ignatieff and go elsewhere to get the hell out of here. Like I've mentioned before, I've never been out of Canada. I've wanted to, and when I was younger, I've asked my parents to, but now, at 20 years old, it's time I distance myself from them. They don't get me. Duh.

Whoa-oh-oh-oh, I want to be your gamer guyyyyy.

Oh and Davey & Co, might have to double check your sources on Virgin Mobile and Bell. Pretty sure Bell took them over 100%, in Canada anyway. Used to be at 50%. Just google it.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
Lathargic Yamen Plutomium Soliloquy Yoda Catalyst Heathen Erstwhile Déjà vu Elipse Idealic Catastrophic

P.S. Kyle's pretty good at liek filming and stuff. It was great seeing Jeremy and... I forget her name, but she was there too, and getting your autographs at the Fan Expo. Where was Doug though? Running around with a knife?
I still have your autographs in the CD case that I lent out to a few different people. I think it's back at my place though, but I really can't be bothered to find it, it's a total mess. I'm really excited for the Fan Expo this year, four days?! Awesome!

ALRIGHT I'M GONNA GO GET 0WNED BY EXPERTS AT MW2 NOW, PEACE.

Sick and tired.

2011-01-31T03:04:00.000-05:00

I have different "resonations" in my head, I don't know if I can call them memories of people in the past that I've loved, or that I might have liked, or that maybe cared about me. I sometimes feel like I can communicate with these people.

They're not voices, I don't hear voices in my head.

They're also ideas that I have about how to behave in the world that usually help me out. I think the word I'm looking for is "consciousness". I feel like I have a hyper-sensitive consciousness, as in I'm able to feel things that maybe others might not. C'est comme si je suis capable de ressentir des choses à un niveau dont lequel d'autre gens ne sont pas capable. Des fois ça me rend fou, mais je suis capable de me ramener à une normalité qui fait que je ne me fais pas dominer par toutes ces idées. Le yoga, la philosophie, la danse, les jeux vidéos, les sorties avec les amis, les chansons que je chante, les voyages que je fait, all these things help me deal with this strangeness that's in my head.

Psychiatrists, psychologists, experts etc. have all tried to categorize me into certain domains to try and "treat" me, but really it doesn't amount to much in the end.

Seems like no one can really truly understand me, everyone's too effing busy with their lives to be able to care about mine, unless they're instructed to do so, or they have a reason to, which usually, they can't find on their own.

Call me a selfish, attention-seeking-influenced-influencing whore.
I need a lover I have to love with comfort.
Eff you.

Edit 2011/12/10
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull

/University+-College)(

2011-01-28T14:50:00.002-05:00

I have way too many options, but I've narrowed some things down.

I'm not leaving Canada for post-secondary studies... yet.
Not Ryerson.
York sounds friendly and I love commuting. Might grow to hate it, though. Glendon sounds incredible.
UofT(St. George Campus) would be perfect, but my parents will drive me mad.
UBC would be a blast, but Vancouver would lure me too much.
I love Dalhousie.
I don't know enough about King's College.
UNBC seems so far away.
OCAD, I love you, and I need you.
UofA would be... interesting.
I could go up north, but my hair would suffer.
George Brown, I miss you already.
Western's just not for me, too many creepers there apparently, but Deadmau5 played there so he might play again.
UVic, you're so romantic, I'd probably go insane.

WSID?
Should I wait another year, with one Fan Expo to rule them all?
Or should I throw down another few hundred dollars for applications, again.
Or do nothing at all.
GOOD THING I SAVED POLLING THE AUDIENCE, REGIS.

CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR LKmDHAGLHGLq;HELFE HELP ME PICK.
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodine Darwin Overcast Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectre Citron Ophilia Philharmonic Eyeless.

Pants.

2011-01-27T22:37:00.003-05:00

I finally bought a -solid- pair of pants. My other ones were way too fluid, but these ones have a ton of fluidity too, so don't get any ideas.

I wonder if I can go to weird places with them, or will jeans do?

Either way, I look forward to wearing these pants. I don't think the logo is too evident which gives me a sense of totally not conforming, but also not conforming to the conformist ideal of conformity among pants. Wait, is that a misinformed quote from the Brotherhood of Sisterhood Traveller's pants? Is that even a movie(edit: I think it's a book, too, but I'm not googling as much stuff anymore as I like things pur, as they are, sometimes), or has a parody of my just-made-up parody already been parodied?

Ohmmegle with curves (hint, hint).

Maybe I can get a girlfriend; now that my pants aren't all torn up anymore, I swear I'll take care of them like I take care of my Pentel Energel Liquid Gel Ink Pen with a 0.7 mm metal ball tip. Oh, the clipboard and waste paper's just as important to the pen anyway.

I just wish the house's all-crap-in-one HP Printer wasn't up the stairs and I could scan stuff like that alcohol bottle without wondering if someone's secretly spying on my scanning.

But hey, at least I have sweet pants. Mayhapssly, they're the same ones I tried yesterday.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysse Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyesfull
Lathargic Yamen Plutomium Soliloquy Yoda Catalyst Heathen Erstwhile Déjà vu Elipse Idealic Catastrophic

P.S. I hate my new haircut, now that this one dude at the community centre where I play the bad, the good, and the greatminton insulted it. How will I ever learn to deal with hair stylists/cutters? Maybe there's a trainer for that somewhere. Hey, if there are cat psychologists, and dog nutritionists, why not a how-the-hell-does-a-guy-like-me-not-get-confuddled-by-hairstyles? Oh, and to you losers out there, this particular section of this particular post took me about two minutes and somesome seconds to write, in total.

I just invented a joke

2011-01-26T23:08:00.000-05:00

A neuroscientist, an observer, and a philosopher walk into a bar.
The philosopher asks "What is love"?, to which the neuroscientist says "Baby don't hurt me!"
The observer, being naturally observant, yells out "NO MORE!".

Little do they know that there's a copywriter lurking in the corner...

Joke for Kate, Don and Gabe by http://kaleidoughscope.blogspot.com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 Canada License.
Based on a work at kaleidoughscope.blogspot.com.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyefull
Lathargic Yamen Plutomium Soliloquy Yoda Catalyst Heathen Erstwhile Déjà vu Elipse Idealic Catastrophic

Goodminton

2011-01-26T02:13:00.000-05:00

In the game of badminton, there's always one winner, at least, in a good game.

I'd love to show ~~off~~ some of my pictures and videos, and artwork, and dance, and my travelling, and my pain, and etc. on here, but my family doesn't believe in my creativity, and I'm sick of having to find creative ways around dealing with the shiz around me. I also don't want them having the possibility of being able to read what I'm writing anymore, but I don't really know how to tune them out of here and have the rest of the world listen.

Maybe next year I should cave in and ask/tell my parents exactly what I want for christmas instead of letting ~~the~~ them buy me little stuff I rebel against anyway. Maybe I'll finally know what it's like to truly have a ~~regular year.~~

At least the razors my mom bought me when I was, oh, 13, are coming in handy. But I can ride this bike without handlebars, mère.

I'm sick of this environment. I want to get the hell out of Canada, and I'm sick of volunteering my time for everything except myself, I just want to share it with others

Call me spoiled, or call me the spoiler.

I'll leave this post with a quote I came up with, again.
My worst feeling in the world is having creativity and not being able/not having the environment/being scared to share it with... ellipsis

-GaBaLaZrIeL

P.S. Is this love is a pretty good Marley song.

S'empty.

2011-01-25T00:41:00.001-05:00

Dedicated to (D+K)/A, who showed me that it's nice to have fun in life sometimes.
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyefull
Lathargic Yamen Plutomium Soliloquy Yoda Catalyst Heathen Erstwhile Déjà vu Elipse Idealic Catastrophic

P.S. I miss your collaboration, Kate S.

Sweet 160 (158 w/o rough drafts)

2011-01-24T13:25:00.002-05:00

Un de mes premier souvenirs avec ma soeur, c'était quand j'avais environ 7 ans. Cette journée-là, j'étais allé au dentiste, et j'avais été demandé si je grinçait (ou claquait?) des dents pendant que je dormait. Vraiment, j'en ai aucune idée, et je ne pensais pas que je le faisais. Mais comme ma soeur et moi dormions dans la même chambre, peut être qu'elle l'aurait sû.

Je lui ai demandé, et je ne me rappelle plus de sa réponse.

What was more important for me was telling her a prophecy that I had, in this one dream I have.

Not to be a pokemon master and to collect them all, but rather that there was a planet somewhere, somehow, where I could train some Pokémon, have a blast with Digimon, become a true fighter like in DBZ, and be a great duelist in the Yu-Gi-Oh card game. I think there was a fifth dimension that I wanted to share at the time, but I forget what it was now. It probably had some dragons, though.

Never let go of dreams, but you're allowed to push/pull them wherever for a while.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectrum Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally Eyefull
Lathargic Yamen Plutomium Soliloquy Yoda Catalyst Heathen Erstwhile Déjà vu Elipse Idealic Catastrophic

Dark to light, light to tark, dark to lite.

2011-01-23T17:24:00.000-05:00

I hear people speak about darkness.
I hear Nietzche talk about the abyss.
My inner resonators gain and lose control depending on my inner responses to things, and I know of only two ways to modulate them, two things that will always be with me wherever I go, two passionate emotions, and yet, so devoid of meaning sometimes that I wonder if I really am just overreacting, or underreacting, or even reacting at all.
The dark and light expand like an abstractious dance of hope and death that don't seem to want to stop too much. If I wish them away, they stare at me from beyond... just, beyond.

My inner and outer promises keep on accumulating, and I can't seem to find much subtraction anywhere. My subtractions are people that I absolutely adore that avoid me, perhaps subconsciously, but with hidden purpose. Those that I try to keep away only manage to make me feel horrible about myself, so much that I have no choice but to stay put and wait, wait forever, wait for my own truths to shine.

But a star can't shine without at least another light source, otherwise what is shine?

How do I divide by i?

-Kaleidoscope

Brute force.

2011-01-21T20:40:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I'm gonna have to brute force through my Songbird library, but it should be better in the end. Let's hope backup systems are running okay.

Dislike button.

2011-01-20T04:01:00.002-05:00

Here's yer damn "dislike" button solution:

Oh, a solution (it's complicated...) for anyone who's wondering how to get a dislike "button" on Facebook: "Like" it ("it" being whatever you're trying to work with) for a while (keep track of how long it takes, on average, for someone to realize that you've "liked" something), then prepare to go "unlike" it, but before you "unlike" it, put your pointer on it and screenshot. Then E-MAIL, E-MAIL, E-MAIL!

Don't think crackberries can screenshot, but what the hell do I know. I know my iTouch pod can :)

Or h1re a h4ck3r to hac73 f343book HQ if you have teh m0ney.

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectre Citronelle OphElilia Philharmonikally EyeFUL

p.S. OFFTOPICRAIDERS, GO!

Keeps the ______ away.

2011-01-20T03:27:00.000-05:00

One new net surprise a day, ,keeps the madness away.

http://kaleidoughscope.blogspot.com/2008/06/la-voie-de-raison.html

Aramanth, gAbAlAzRiEl, amaranth

P.S. Can't Tarja and the other one get along and sing me a song? :(

Objectif: Islande!

2011-01-18T17:45:00.004-05:00

Destination: Iceland!

Iceland when will I get to you?!

Who knows, I hope it's serendipidous!

In more calming news, I've been coming up with quotes lately. Thoughts that are formulated into quotes, and my quote-pseudonym is called Gabalazriel.

The inherent problem with quotes is that, because they're usually short (the kind of quotes I'm talking about, anyway), there's a likely chance that someone's already come up with something like it already, somewhere, maybe in some other language.

I take the sum of all my knowledge and apply it to a few words that I connect together. Could I be accused of plagiarism for that? I don't think so. Pretty much everyone borrows ideas from everything. I can understand why there's a need for "intellectual honesty" in a commonly accepted reality i.e. an academic setting where there's an exchange happening between different people(s), though, otherwise the people who are set in their way to consciously steal ideas from other people for "profit" get way too much power.

The Medium is the message, but the happy medium is the messenger. -Gabalazriel

Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectre Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally EyeFUL

Conflicts of interests.

2011-01-18T11:46:00.001-05:00

On one hand, Risperidone.
On the other, a smoothie.

Why not take both?

Edit: I added an egg and some POWERade, teeheehee.
Wow this shit tastes bad.
Karma Aspiration Linger Entity Iodinic Daringless Overcast Ulysses Grievous Hawt Spectre Citronelle Ophilia Philharmonikally EyeFUL

A kaleidoughscope of writings

Free speeching: Segment the fourth

Words I despise #1

Somebody that I used to know

The vortex of sadness

Emotional Empathy

Bread

The Loveless "Marriage"

Personal impromptu philosophy

Serious earth business

To be part of the League

The dread of the winter

I don't know where you are

Once upon a time

You know

Let's liven a planet, 2

Wasted

A truly epic rush

A light-hearted fire

Soon to be written

My blog, my rules.

What's a pirate's favourite form of "food"?

It's quest-in' time!

The sadness of words

Abused to death

My real life's tragic

There's a reason

Inteligencia

Err'body calm the eff down

Strong influence

Vested disjunctive

I love the twilight and dusklight in the skies

Here's to some simplicity.

Bonjour

Hi

My song

Gabe (ft. Meto Kaiba) version 1.0

Alcohol & other drugs

Ketchup, life

Fruity noms

Moving forward

Grounding food

The Mental Hospital

Pain/suffering.

Occupy Toronto: Part 1

Kitty City

Indifferent sociality

Money must be funny in a rich man's world

Capital return

Question mark

Late night fright

Free writing: Segment the Third

Blackberry outage

Adventure travel

Hashtag

Maketreks

Free writing: Segment the Second

The suspense is killing me

Nostalgic death star

Twisted fate

Monday

Stuck in my head

Glub glub and the mouse

Let's liven a planet, 1

Fixating on my life; circle of nothing

Volunteer me away

Mountain inspired

Mossy hissy

Strewn fatalities.

From the beginning.

Positive, positively charging up.

Starstarer

Little sardines.

Sad & happy 1

in·tri·cate

A little virtual green.

The grasp of the virtual.

An ode to long hair

An inventory of being right before insanity.

How about a limited-alcohol-coffee society?